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Life: dating, your body and more

Jack’s Answers

1. What period of your life was the happiest? Why?
There are so many smart-assed answers I could give here: The period between my birth and when my parents took me home from the hospital, the hour following the receipt of my first blowjob, the week between the penultimate episode of Seinfeld and the finale. All would be arbitrary bullshit designed to distract from the fact that I don’t have a really good answer for this question. While there have been countless periods of my life that have been absolutely amazing – I’m talking nonstop fun and excitement, with new challenges and lots of gratification – I can’t say that any of them were happier than any other, and I certainly can’t say that any of them were the happiest. Additionally, there were periods of my life that saw some of the most incredible highs, but I can’t say these entire periods were happy because said highs were surrounded by lows. For the sake of having an answer, though, I’m going to go with right now. Because while right now isn’t by any means perfect – witness the shit show going on in this country – I’m alive. I appear to be healthy. My family is as well. There is a roof over my head. In this moment I am happy, and that’s good enough for me.

2. True or False. If you want a successful date, take charge–take the lead. Why?
If “you” refers to me specifically, false. I’ve had successful dates where I let the other party lead. Sometimes I was traveling and wasn’t sure of the area, so I deferred to my date. That said, I generally do take the lead. I like to be proactive; no one enjoys “I don’t know, what do you want to do?” On the other hand, if “you” refers to the collective, as in this question is a general rule for life, again I must say false. What works for one person won’t necessarily work for the next.

3. True or false: Males are aggressive and assertive, and women are nurturing. Explain your answer.
False. This is antiquated gender stereotyping. And while there is a basis for the stereotype, it’s enough of a fallacy as to be completely irrelevant these days. Not only do I believe these stereotypes are almost totally baseless, I believe they actively harm our society. The notion of the aggressive male leads to toxic masculinity, whereas the notion of a woman being incapable of such strength leads to the election of an inept, inadequate, predatory candidate – the aforementioned toxic male – simply because he’s not a woman.

4. Is your body keeping you from a good sex life? How so?
I don’t think so. Don’t get me wrong, my body probably is keeping me from lots of things: A career as a dashing fortysomething actor and model, running a marathon, climbing up more than six stairs. But a good sex life? No way. The sex I’m having these days is pretty astonishing inasmuch as pop culture has taught me that the typical paunchy, schlubby dad doesn’t get laid quite as often or as well as I have the last few years.

5. Smiles. Do you have a sexy smile that is different from your regular smile? Post a pic of your sexy smile or describe it for us?
No indeed. My general-purpose smile is more along the lines of “shy awkward guy seeing sunlight for the first time in a couple days”. If I’ve had a few drinks or am feeling really confident I suppose I could muster up a less awkward smile, but it’s still not going to be a sexy one. If I try to smile in a sexy way I probably look berserk, like the Joker from Batman, or the guy at the bar who you’re afraid might break a beer bottle and wave it around menacingly at any second.

Bonus: May is Masturbation Month. Which of these is your best benefit from masturbating:
a. helps you to relax and/or fall asleep
b. boosts self-esteem
c. combats erectile dysfunction
d. helps you know what feels good so you can tell your sex partner
I’m going to go with (a), because while I don’t usually have trouble falling asleep, an orgasm right before I do tends to ensure a restful night. Also, as a guy who carries a lot of anxiety, I find that masturbation is even better than Xanax. It’s a great way to de-stress, such as when another car cuts you off, though in that case you should probably wait until you get home before you handle your business.

Jill’s Answers

1. What period of your life was the happiest? Why?
I don’t know of any one period of my life that was happier than any other, really. So instead I’ll go with a time of year, every year, when I am particularly happy. That time of year is summer. During summer I get two months of vacation from work. I get to spend time iwth my family. I get more time to myself as well. I usually get to travel, and travel makes me happy as I always love a good adventure. Plus in summertime I get to swim.

2. True or False. If you want a successful date, take charge–take the lead. Why?
False. I usually like it when it’s a surprise. If I am happy with the person I’m with, I will have a good time anywhere we go. I enjoy both simple and fancy dinners. I enjoy walks and picnics, life shows and movies, a cup of coffee at a cafe or a drink at a bar. It truly doesn’t matter as long as I am happy with who I’m with.

3. True or false: Males are aggressive and assertive, and women are nurturing. Explain your answer.
False. That’s not always the case. There are aggressive women and nurturing ones, just as there are nurturing men and aggressive ones. And depending on the situation(s), one person can be both aggressive and nurturing, whether male or female.

4. Is your body keeping you from a good sex life? How so?
I don’t think it is. I’m enjoying my sex life. Although losing some weight may help some positions be more comfortable (or even attainable in the first place), I don’t feel as though I am lacking anything whatsoever.

5. Smiles. Do you have a sexy smile that is different from your regular smile? Post a pic of your sexy smile or describe it for us?
I think I smile the same way when I’m trying to be sexy and when I’m just smiling. I think this is because whether I am receiving good news or about to seduce my lover, I am happy, and my expression reflects that. When I purposely try to smile sexily, I usually laugh because I think I look silly.

Bonus: May is Masturbation Month. Which of these is your best benefit from masturbating:
a. helps you to relax and/or fall asleep
b. boosts self-esteem
c. combats erectile dysfunction
d. helps you know what feels good so you can tell your sex partner
(a) Helps me relax and/or fall asleep. I love a good orgasm right before I drift off.

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