During the Holiday season, Jill and I get into the spirit by watching Christmas movies, as well as the Christmas specials we enjoyed as children. Watching a clunky stop-motion Rankin-Bass classic like “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” on DVD takes both of us back to a more innocent time. However, since this is a sex blog, that’s the last you’ll read of innocent times.
This year, we thought we’d watch some Christmas-related porn. We already had a couple movies, one of which we played at our Porn and Pizza Party two years ago, but given repeated viewings, some of the novelty had worn off. So we went online to see what else was out there, and determine whether any of it was worth seeking out and actually watching.
Some basic research, including a search of www.iafd.com (The Internet Adult Film Database) yielded Will and Ed’s Excellent Boner Christmas, as well as the following:
All I Want For Christmas is Ass
All I Want For Christmas is a Gang Bang
Anal Holiday
Barely Legal Christmas
Big Titty Christmas
Bitch That Stole Christmas, The
Christmas Cums Early
Dirty Santa
Gina’s Very Merry Christmas Orgy
Hercules Cums For Christmas
Here Cums Santa Clause [sic]
Horny Holiday
I Saw Mommy Eating Santa Claus
Miracle on 34D Street
Santa Comes Twice
Santa is Coming All Over Town
Santa is Naughty and Nice
Santa’s Cummin’!
Santa’s Itty Bitty Titties Helpers
Santa’s Sluts
Seymore Butts’ Christmas Orgy
Seymore Butts’ Merry Fucking Christmas
Spanked By Santa
Tits That Saved XXX-mas, The
Very Creamy Christmas, A
Very Very Bad Santa
We found a couple suitable titles online, and watched them one night last week. I’ll spare you the reviews; suffice it to say that the gimmick didn’t exactly improve the films. In our opinion, porn isn’t a genre where anything is gained by the addition of Santa hats to the performers’ heads, candy canes to their orifices, or Christmas trees to the background (as seen below).
Call me a Scrooge, but we’ll gladly watch our copy of Deep Inside Asia Carrera all year round.
-Jack
Yes, but is there Halloween and Thanksgiving porn?
Vincent
This was funny to read. Glad no one came in while I was looking at porn pics lol
Asia Carrera is super hot.
-D650
Maybe you shouldn’t be reading a sex blog while you are at work, silly!
-Jill
I don’t know about Thanksgiving porn, although I’m sure the titles would involve Thanksgiving double entendres, mostly relating to stuffing. “Hot Sausage Stuffing”, “Cum Stuff the Turkey”, “Stuff This”, “Baste My Face”, and of course, “Who Wants a Breast?”
As for Halloween porn, I came very close to doing a late October entry on that very subject. You’d be surprised as to the subgenres of porn that fit the topic.
-Jack
Some of those titles were freaking hysterical! My favorites? Miracle on 34D Street!
And Jack, YOU could be a holiday-porno-movie-titler; some of your Thanksgiving ones were awesome!
Mia Wallace
P.S. Sorry about the deleted comment. I accidentally posted as my “real” self… Gotta maintain SOME mystery!
No problem, Mia. I decided to delete the post completely, though, because when I clicked on the post title (as opposed to clicking on the comments link) it actually still showed your true identity. We can’t have that, can we?
-Jack
I don’t know which were funnier, the real Christmas movie titles or the Thanksgiving ones Jack made up! Jack, you should go to work for Vivid Video!
So which of those movies did we watch at that one Christmas party?
-M&L