As regular posting of TMI Tuesday questions has resumed, we will cease going back into the archives. Sorry about missing last week’s TMI Tuesday, but we were in the hospital having a baby. All’s well, mother and baby are both healthy, yada yada yada. Anyway, here goes:

Jack’s Answers

1. Have you ever broken something in someone’s home unknown to them and never told them? If yes, explain.
I’m pretty sure I’ve never done this. In addition to being a fairly responsible person who’ll fess up if he breaks something, when I do break something it’s typically pretty spectacular and therefore unlikely to go unnoticed.

2. What’s one sexual guilty pleasure that you wouldn’t openly tell your friends about? Why?
Jerking off to pictures of their wives. I trust no explanation is necessary.

3. Take a peek over any celebrity’s shoulder in the bathroom…who are they and what are they reading?
Kirk Cameron, reading gay porn with one hand. (DISCLAIMER: This is meant in jest. I don’t actually believe that Kirk Cameron masturbates to gay porn; I doubt he masturbates to women who aren’t his wife. During production of his movie Fireproof he reportedly refused to kiss the actress playing his wife, and instead had his actual wife stand in for the actress. Hey, I’m all for good old fashioned values, but someone who wears his moral righteousness like a badge of honor probably should be far the fuck away from Hollywood. Anyway, no, I don’t honestly believe that Kirk Cameron is into gay porn, but he is a fundamentalist Christian who, like a modern-day William Jennings Bryan, steadfastly refuses to consider the Theory of “Evilution”. Therefore I consider it my duty to poke fun at him.)

4. Roses are red, violets are blue…[finish this line with your own rhyme]
I’m a schizophrenic, and so am I. (From Bill Murray’s 1991 film What About Bob)

5. Do you believe in ghosts or other supernatural activity? Why or why not?
Honestly, I don’t. I’m a very rational person and I believe that if science can’t explain it, then it doesn’t exist. However, I know far too many people who claim to have experienced supernatural phenomena such as ghosts and other technically unexplainable goings-on that I cannot discount them.

Bonus (optional): How many times have you thought about sex in the last 24 hours? What triggered it? Who did it involve? Provide as much details as you like.
Just once. But that single thought lasted the entire twenty-four hours.

Jill’s Answers

1. Have you ever broken something in someone’s home unknown to them and never told them? If yes, explain.
Never.

2. What’s one sexual guilty pleasure that you wouldn’t openly tell your friends about? Why?
Probably masturbating to porn. I’m not sure why this is a guilty pleasure, exactly, but I’m sure my more prim-and-proper friends would be surprised if not outright shocked by the specific nature of the porn I like to masturbate to. Then again, who can predict what anyone, male or female, is turned on by? For all I know they like the exact same stuff.

3. Take a peek over any celebrity’s shoulder in the bathroom…who are they and what are they reading?
I have no idea. I’m not even sure what this means. Am I actually inside the bathroom stall with the celebrity?

4. Roses are red, violets are blue…[finish this line with your own rhyme]
“You are amazing, and I am too!” I sometimes say this to Jack.

5. Do you believe in ghosts or other supernatural activity? Why or why not?
Yes, I believe in spirits, and like to think that angels (maybe our loved ones who have gone before us) are watching over us. It gives me comfort at times when I really need it.

Bonus (optional): How many times have you thought about sex in the last 24 hours? What triggered it? Who did it involve? Provide as much details as you like.
Probably about ten. Seeing Jack on Skype when we were apart triggered one sex thought, while others were spontaneous. These thoughts happened to involve Jack, and a couple of female friends who I am really close to. Yesterday, one of these female friends told me about a guy she hooked up with over the weekend, and it really turned me on. The other female friend visited us in the hospital before I gave birth to our baby, and said, in front of Jack, that she’d never seen my vagina before. For some reason both Jack and I found that kind of hot, even though she didn’t seem to mean it in that way. Among the sexual thoughts I’ve had in the last 24 hours are a fantasy of stripping for an audience, and having sex with Jack while people watch, either online or in person.