Jack’s Answers
1. You encounter a good looking lost and frantic tourist looking for the airport. You:
A) Shrug your shoulders, feigning ignorance.
B) Find the shortest route on your smartphone and get him/her a cab.
C) Direct him/her to the nearest bus stop.
D) Get your car, pick up his/her luggage and speed to the airport.
I’d probably go with (A), especially if I had an idea of the tourist’s native language so that I could fake a few sentences in a language the tourist is unlikely to speak or understand. But just so I don’t sound like a total asshole, I’ll say (B). That’s the least amount of effort I can make and not feel guilty about it later. Were the tourist newly-arrived at the airport and looking for her hotel, I would probably drive her there, since there’s a chance that she’ll be so grateful that she’ll invite me in for sex. But if she’s frantically looking for the airport she’s obviously trying to catch a flight, rendering my chances of nookie pitifully slim.
2. You’re taking a vacation alone. Your destination:
A) Beach resort — I just want to relax and de-stress.
B) A group tour — I don’t want to worry about the details.
C) Wherever the dart lands on the map.
D) Every country with a hostel — my backpack is my home.
Again, I’ll go with (A). While the thought of throwing a dart at a map and traveling there is exciting, I am far too dependent on flush toilets to leave such a thing to chance. And while there was a time when I frequented hostels as much for the chance of casual hookups as for the relatively low-cost (and minimal frills), I’d love to think those days are behind me. And while I’ve been on my share of group tours – and have nothing against them in theory – at the moment the most appealing option of the four is most certainly a relaxing resort vacation.
3. Blackout! You can’t watch TV, so you light some candles and:
A) Dig up some batteries and listen to the radio.
B) Invite the neighbors, light a fire and sing camping songs all night.
C) Find a friend and play games that don’t require electricity. . . Like chess.
D) Drive to the next town — oh sweet Wi-Fi, I’ve found you!
This time the ideal course of action is (C). Of course, I’m not much of a chess player so the friend would be Jill, and the games would all be sex-related. I don’t think we have a battery-operated radio in the house, and an old-fashioned hootenany isn’t exactly my scene. And while I like Wi-Fi as much as the next person, I don’t know that I value it enough to venture out in a blackout in the hopes of finding a hot spot. With my luck as soon as I leave the house the power would be back on. Hell, with my luck as soon as I leave the house a mob of looters would turn my car over.
4. The man/woman of your dreams has finally proposed. The relationship is perfect, they are everything you’ve ever dreamed of and ever wanted. They are also a multi-millionaire and want you to sign a prenuptial agreement. Which would you do?
A) Sign it
B) Just not get married
The side of my personality with integrity says I wouldn’t marry this person. The cynical side is already planning a major shopping spree.
5. If you were going to marry an inanimate object, what would you marry?
Note: A woman has married the Eiffel Tower and another has married the golden gate bridge. Read about it HERE
Being a Northern California resident, I would probably try to steal the Golden Gate Bridge away from the bitch who married it. (If not I would just engage in an illicit affair with it behind its spouse’s back.) I’m looking forward to some bloviating right-wing blowhard using my human/bridge marriage as political fodder (“You see? You see what happens when gays are allowed to marry? Next you have people marrying bridges!”)
Bonus: You’ve just inherited a manufacturing plant that specializes in plastics. What are you going to make?
The majority of our output would be some sort of widely-used household product (sorry, I’ve got nothin’), which would then finance the production of safe-to-use (i.e. phthalate-free) sex toys.
Jill’s Answers
1. You encounter a good looking lost and frantic tourist looking for the airport. You:
A) Shrug your shoulders, feigning ignorance.
B) Find the shortest route on your smartphone and get him/her a cab.
C) Direct him/her to the nearest bus stop.
D) Get your car, pick up his/her luggage and speed to the airport.
If he’s cute, I would go with (D). But instead of speeding to the airport, I would take the scenic route, and if he missed his flight I’d suggest he spend the night with me. A lay-over, if you will.
2. You’re taking a vacation alone. Your destination:
A) Beach resort — I just want to relax and de-stress.
B) A group tour — I don’t want to worry about the details.
C) Wherever the dart lands on the map.
D) Every country with a hostel — my backpack is my home.
It’s definitely going to be (A). It won’t be (B), because I don’t want to hang out with old people on my vacation. That’s not sexy at all. It won’t be (C) because I have bad aim. And it won’t be (D) because the last time Jack and I stayed in a hostel a team of rugby hooligans on our floor made so much noise that we couldn’t even hear ourselves have sex.
3. Blackout! You can’t watch TV, so you light some candles and:
A) Dig up some batteries and listen to the radio.
B) Invite the neighbors, light a fire and sing camping songs all night.
C) Find a friend and play games that don’t require electricity. . . Like chess.
D) Drive to the next town — oh sweet Wi-Fi, I’ve found you!
I am tempted to say (B) and go on at length about how much I love singing songs by a fire, mainly because I know that Jack would instantly question our marriage. In reality, though, I would probably say (C). I’d rather not drive in a blackout, and of the remaining choices, (C) is the least weird.
4. The man/woman of your dreams has finally proposed. The relationship is perfect, they are everything you’ve ever dreamed of and ever wanted. They are also a multi-millionaire and want you to sign a prenuptial agreement. Which would you do?
A) Sign it
B) Just not get married
I’d probably sign it. I wasn’t getting married with the intention of leaving, or of bilking someone out of his money. If every aspect of the relationship is as good as described in the question, I would probably sign it.
5. If you were going to marry an inanimate object, what would you marry?
Note: A woman has married the Eiffel Tower and another has married the golden gate bridge. Read about it HERE
I would marry San Francisco’s famed Coit Tower. It kind of looks like a penis!
Bonus: You’ve just inherited a manufacturing plant that specializes in plastics. What are you going to make?
Well, the first thing I thought of was dildos. So I’ll go with that!
How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to TMI Tuesday from your website!
Great answers as always. Jack – love you answer for #4. Jill – a “lay-over” very clever!!! 🙂
Great answers. Jack, dear god…*love* the word hootenany. I think I will try to find an excuse to say it at some point today. My wife laughs (and rolls her eyes pretty fiercely) because I like to use goofy, antiquated words like that whenever i can.
Fun answers from you both!
Happy Tuesday! 🙂
I enjoyed reading both of your answers. Hahaha y’all are hilarious. I can already tell I am going to love following your blog.
Wow, the Coit Tower is a bit phallic.
Made me think of that movie called Attack of the 50 Foot Woman. That tower would have gotten her interest.
Loved all your answers. You two are funny 🙂
New movie: Attack of the 50 Foot Dildo
We’d probably give that one a rent. 🙂
Thanks for all the comments, everyone. We’re glad you’re enjoying our stuff!
Jack
1. – Don’t be an asshole. Help me find the airport. I promise you won’t regret it. hehehe.
Jill
1. A lay-over. Hilarious!
2. Damn those hooligans.
5. Ah, yes! The ill named Coit Tower.
Well, if the good looking lost and frantic tourist was you, Lola, I’d certainly drive you there. It’s the least I could do as presumably you would have made it worth my while beforehand. Still, I wouldn’t object to some fun in the car on the way. 😉
-Jack