I noticed today that my Twitter feed contained multiple references to a “scary” woman in an ad for online dating service Ashley Madison. For those unfamiliar, Ashley Madison is the internet’s premiere dating website designed for people who are already married or in relationships. Unlike sites such as Adult FriendFinder, which are often visited by couples, the purpose of Ashley Madison is facilitating illicit affairs. Hey, whatever. I don’t judge people for the (legal) things they do to get off anymore than I do corporations for their right to make a buck off of people’s insecurity and discontentment. After seeing repeated mention of said scary model, I decided to click the link and see what was so frightening. Like most rational human beings, I expected to see someone who was, well, scary. A wide-eyed, batshit crazy shrew, for instance.

Having not seen the ad in question, I was surprised and dismayed to learn that Ashley Madison defines “scary” much differently than I do. I’m not one to be blindly P.C. or to look out for the delicate sensibilities of any fringe group, especially one to which I don’t belong. But this is fucked up. I understand that society has an arbitrary and unrealistic standard of beauty and that most facets of society serve to maintain the status quo while at the same time benefitting from said maintenance. It’s a “you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours” situation, and while I don’t like it, I understand it. However, I refuse on principle to patronize a company that expresses its prejudices in so blatant a fashion. That’s why, in the unlikely event that I find myself so dissatisfied by my marriage and my sex life that I decide to have an affair, I’ll just bang one of my female friends rather than joining Ashley Madison.

What did the model herself have to say about the fact that her body type is apparently considered scary? I’ll let her tell you.

My name is Jacqueline and I am the model seen on the Ashley Madison ad that was recently published in the New York Metro newspaper.

I am the owner and model of the BBW website www.juicyjackie.com. It is tailored to the tastes of those that love big women, their curves, rolls and all the plush softness that comes with being fat.

Years ago, before my modeling career began in earnest, a photographer friend of mine arranged an informal photo session. I was under the impression at the time that people purchasing these photos from the photographer would be doing so for their own personal use. I had no idea that the photographer would endeavor to sell the photos to corporations and/or stock photo companies, who would then go on, repeatedly, to use them in rude and mocking ways.

I am mortified that my image and likeness would be used as advertisement for two things I am so vehemently against: namely cheating and, to an even greater extent, body shaming.

I find the very idea that there exists a business based solely around the facilitation of infidelity appalling. The fact that they are now suggesting that a person’s partner not fitting their ideal body size/shape, entitles that person to ‘shop around’ is disgusting.

There is an enormous problem in this world in regards to female body shaming, and not solely in regard to fat women, but all women. A size 2 woman who sees this ad sees the message: “If I don’t stay small, he will cheat”. A size 12 woman might see this ad and think “if I don’t lose 30lbs, he will cheat”. A size 32 woman could see this ad, and feel “I will never find love”. It’s horrific. Not all women are necessarily insecure, but it’s no secret that body insecurity is endemic, regardless of size. This kind of message is extremely damaging to self worth. Eating disorders may have lost their place in the media spotlight, but continue to effect people of all ages, especially teens. This sort of behavior can easily be triggered from the careless cruelty of advertisements like the one in question.

As has been widely reported, teens are committing suicide in shocking numbers all over the world as direct result of this sort of shaming ridicule. Be it directed at race, size, sexual orientation or anything, bullying is a vicious force in this world. Contributing to this widespread and creeping depression by suggesting, blatantly and without pretense, that fat people are patently undeserving of love and loyalty is repulsive. It is incumbent upon advertisers, and society at large, to act responsibly before foisting something like this onto the world.

It’s bad enough that a business exists that encourages and profits from cheaters, but, worse still, that they have the gall to blame a woman’s body on the act, rather than the man who is incapable of commitment and loyalty. It exists in the same school of thought in which a rapist blames a woman’s outfit for his crime.

I am a size 32. I am beautiful. I think women of all sizes are beautiful. Beauty is not and has never been one-size-fits-all. I do not appreciate my image being used, without notice or permission, to tell women I have never met otherwise.

Update: After Jacqueline’s message went live, Jezebel received this response from Ashley Madison founder and CEO Noel Biderman:

The best thing that could’ve happened to this woman is that we used her in our ad. Despite what she may want you to think, she is reaping the press for her own pornography website. She took these pictures and signed the release knowing that they were not just for ‘personal use.’ However, if she can get great publicity from this, all the power to her.

-Jack