Cheers to all of us thieves!

Jack’s Answers

23. Do you ever walk around the house naked? Yes.  I hate the constriction of clothing.  I walk around the house naked quite a bit, especially when the weather is warm.  

24. If you were an animal what would you be? Why? I’d be a bonobo.  Bonobos are a species of great ape that exhibit various sexual traits that I find appealing (in humans; I’m not attracted to primates) and that I wish my own species could adopt without hang-ups.

25. Hair color you like on someone you’re dating? Though I no longer date, my favorite hair color was whichever hair color they happened to have.  In other words, I never  liked a specific hair color enough for it to matter.  I never thought, “I would like this person better if she was a  redhead.”

26. If suffering an injury, would you rather be left blind or deaf? Neither; I’d rather be left with a broken arm that healed in record time and displayed no long-term effects.  However, if I had to choose between the two I suppose I would prefer to be deaf, as while I would miss hearing my wife – or any woman, really – enjoying a very intense sexual climax, I would remember what it was like to have heard it prior to my hearing loss.  The thought of never again seeing my wife’s beautiful face or naked body, however, is devastating.  On the other hand, were I to lose my sense of sight, I suppose it would enhance my other senses including my sense of touch, making sex with my wife – or any woman – a profound tactile experience.   Still, I think I’d like to be able to see.  That seems most important.

27. Do you have any special talents? I’m a decent cook, a good writer, and an excellent dad.  With all the polite stuff out of the way, I am also the best lover you’ve never had.  (Or, conceivably, ever had.  I don’t know who’s reading this.)

28. What do you do as soon as you walk in the house? I don’t have a set walking-in routine.  It depends on a number of factors.  What time of day is it?  Where have I been, and how long have I been out?  Did I drive somewhere, or go for a walk or a run?  Was the baby with me?  Or Jill?  Do I have perishables to put away?  There’s no tidy, succinct answer to this one.

29. Do you like horror or comedy? In real life I definitely prefer comedy over horror.  The idea of real-life horrors such as corruption, war, disease, famine,  crime, madness and the apocalypse are things I prefer not to experience.  (Actually the apocalypse could be cool, especially  if it leads me to an awesome Road Warrior-style existence in which I roam a bombed-out desert wasteland protecting the common  people from deranged marauders.)  But if I had to pick one genre of film, while I enjoy a good comedy I’d most certainly choose horror.

30. Are you missing anyone? Just the standard grandmothers and other relations who’ve passed on.  I don’t really miss anyone who is alive, but who is no longer present in my life.  I am in contact with all of the people I want to be in contact with.

31. Where do you want to live when you are old? As long as I’m not living in some shady old folks’ home, I’ll be happy.

32. Who is the person you can count on the most? Jill and my parents are the most trustworthy and reliable people I know, after myself of course.

33. If you could date any celebrity past or present, who would it be? I would like to carbon-date Dick Clark.  The guy is ancient.

34. What did you dream last night? I don’t know.  I usually remember my dreams, or at least brief flashes thereof, but I can’t recall anything.

35. What is your favorite sport to watch? Football.  I appreciate the fact that football takes place on Sunday, as I’m not a church-goer by any means, and a good end-of-the-weekend ritual is just what I need to get me ready for another week.

36. Are you named after anyone? My father, Jack Senior, also known as “Big Jack”.

37. What is your favorite alcoholic drink? Whisky, neat.  I also drink quite a bit of quality beer.  In other words, no Bud, Coors, Miller Light, etc.

38. Non alcoholic drink? I drink a lot of water, actually.  That’s definitely the beverage I imbibe the most these days.

39. Have you ever been in love? Yes.  I’m in love now.  Prior to Jill there were a few other women I loved.  I’m not the sort of person who has to disown his past relationships simply because they don’t exist anymore, and I’m lucky to be married to a woman who doesn’t ask this of me.

40. Do you sing in the shower? No.  As detailed in a recent TMI Tuesday, I instead have meaningful discussions with one of my alternate personalities in the shower.  Or if that wasn’t entirely true, I might be inclined to reveal that, as a writer, I occasionally practice dialogue in the shower as it’s the one place I where I can talk to myself out loud without feeling scrutinized.

41. Have you ever been arrested? Um…maybe?

42. What is your favorite Holiday? I’ll go with Christmas.  Generally speaking the holiday season finds me so full of happiness (not that I’m not normally so) as I anticipate spending time with friends and family, giving wonderful gifts to those I love, and the smell of wonderful things that Jill has baked.

43. Would you ever get plastic surgery? No need, really.  I’m perfect – or at least content – just the way I am.

44. Have you ever caught a fish? No, I never have.  I used to fish a lot when I was a kid, and my Dad, my uncles, my cousins and I would visit some local lake and spend the day with our poles in the water.  (Yes, I meant for that to sound dirty.  I’m not sure why.)  Despite many attempts, I never managed to successfully pull one out of the water.

Jill’s Answers

23. Do you ever walk around the house naked? Yes, all the time.  In fact, when I get home from work it’s usually time for the clothes to come off.  When I’m cleaning  house, I usuall strip down because I can’t reach and bend comfortably with my clothes on, and what’s more, I would hate to  get bleach on my clothes.  Also when I’m naked around the house I have a better chance of getting fucked.

24. If you were an animal what would you be? Why? I think I would be some kind of cat, ideally one that prowls around and pounces on its prey.  Maybe a jaguar, because they  are very sleek, sexy-looking animals.  Either that or a spider monkey, because they’re cute.

25. Hair color you like on someone you’re dating? I like brown or black hair.  Nothing against guys with lighter hair colors.  I’ve found myself deeply attracted to guys with pretty much all hair  colors.  But I am most attracted to the Italian/Spanish dark hair and dark eyes look.

26. If suffering an injury, would you rather be left blind or deaf? I would rather be deaf.  I can’t imagine living my life without being able to see the people I love, especially my wonderful  husband and my adorable baby.  Plus it might be nice to have a break from the crying and whining (from both).

27. Do you have any special talents? I am an excellent cook and baker.  I am pretty crafty and have designed and made all of my daughter’s Halloween costumes, as  well as a variety of very personal handmade gifts for friends.  Also I can roll and curl my tongue.  As you can imagine, this  is a pretty impressive party trick, and is partially but not entirely the reason why my absolute best talent is oral sex.  I’m really good at oral sex.

28. What do you do as soon as you walk in the house? Take off my shoes, set down my purse and car keys, use the bathroom if necessary, and kiss the two loves of my life.

29. Do you like horror or comedy? I like horror, but if I watch it before bed, I need to chase it with a little comedy, or anything light-hearted, or else I’m  not going to be able to sleep.  I prefer scary horror over gory horror.  I’m not always okay with the intensity of it.  As  for comedy, I like smart comedy.  I can’t stand stupid humor.

30. Are you missing anyone? My grandmother.  I miss her every day.

31. Where do you want to live when you are old? I want to live near my grandchildren when I am old.  I hope they settle in Italy or Ireland!

32. Who is the person you can count on the most? Jack, more than anyone, has proven himself reliable to me.  But I have so many relatives and friends who have also been there  when I need them.  I am very fortunate in this respect.

33. If you could date any celebrity past or present, who would it be? Michael J. Fox.  I’ve always had a crush on him.  I would prefer to date him in his Family Ties/Back to the Future days, and  not so much now in his Parkinson’s days.  That probably sounds like an awful thing to say and I already regret how it makes  me sound.

34. What did you dream last night? I don’t remember any dreams I had last night.  The night before, though, I dreamt that my super-conservative best friend and  I were at a swing party.  She ate my pussy, and I returned the favor.  It was really hot.

35. What is your favorite sport to watch? Football.  

36. Are you named after anyone? My first name came from my aunt, and my middle name came from my great grandmother.

37. What is your favorite alcoholic drink? Either Guinness or Chambord with 7-up.

38. Non alcoholic drink? Water or Diet 7-Up.

39. Have you ever been in love? Yes.  I’m in love with my husband and my daughter.  I wish I could list all of my past loves, but there really haven’t been  any.  I’ve dated a lot of people who I cared about, but I don’t believe that I was in love with any of them.  Then I met  Jack, and he showed me what love really was.

40. Do you sing in the shower? Yes!  I sing in the shower regularly.  My favorite selection is The Carpenters’ “Top of the World” which always starts my day  off right.  I also usually enjoy some self-love in the shower, and that has just as much (if not more) to do with my good  mood as the song.

41. Have you ever been arrested? No.  I’ve watched too many movies and am too afraid of jail, so I try to walk the straight and narrow path.

42. What is your favorite Holiday? I’d say my birthday, but I guess that’s not an actual holiday – whatever! – so I will go with Christmas.  For me Christmas  has always been a time to gather with family and friends.  I am off of work for a couple weeks, and I love the beautiful  sights and delicious smells that I associate with the holiday.

43. Would you ever get plastic surgery? I’m not crazy about the idea of elective surgery or of altering my body, but there are times when I wish I had bigger breasts, and a rounder, fuller ass.

44. Have you ever caught a fish? Yes.  When we used to go camping in summer, I would almost always catch a fish or two.  Nothing big or noteworthy, though.   They were always little bottom-feeding fish.  I always threw them back.