Cheers to all of us thieves!

Jack’s Answers

26) Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

Yes.  I am content with who I am.  I am happy with the state of my life, and the choices I’ve made which have led me here.

27) What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

I hate the sound of Christmas music between December 26th – okay, I’ll be generous and say New Year’s Day – and anytime before the Thanksgiving dinner dishes are in the sink.  I do not want to hear Jingle Bells while I am picking up discounted Halloween candy on November 1st.  Give me some time to enjoy November before you bombard me with green and red.  A sound I love is Jill climaxing.  I’m sure Jill will say that she loves the sound of our daughter’s voice, and hey, why not?  She has a cute voice and the sort of enthusiasm about talking that you’d expect from a child of her age.  But I hear it literally every single day, and while I hope to continue to do so on a daily basis at least until she goes off to college, I could stand to hear more of the deep, orgasmic moans that I so enjoy hearing from my wife.  To me, that sound is a foolproof indicator that all of my efforts have had the intended effect.

28) What’s your biggest “what if”?

What if I’d never met Jill?  I generally don’t dwell in the past or run through hypothetical what if type scenarios that I have no chance of or interest in revisiting, but I acknowledge meeting the woman who would become my wife as something of a turning point for me, and I suppose if I had to reflect on such a scenario it would be that one.

29) Do you believe in ghosts? 

My instinct is to say no.  I believe that for something to exist there has to be a scientific basis, and there isn’t any science that explains a manifestation of the human soul after death.  Or, for that matter, the human soul at all.  (Sorry, gotta be consistent here.)  However, I am nothing if not open-minded, and I know many intelligent, rational people who claim to have encountered a ghost to write the idea off completely.

30) How about aliens?

I answered this one in a previous Sunday Stealing installment.  There is probably intelligent life elsewhere in the universe.  However, can you imagine if they’re anything like we are?  “First contact” will involve them massacring us en masse, then razing our cities in order to mine our natural resources.  Any survivors would be placed in intergalactic zoos and circuses and, as currently missing-in-action blogger Batteries Not Included suggested at the time, getting herded into labs to be dissected and experimented on.

31) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

I decided to have a burrito for dinner tonight.  That was, without a doubt, the smartest move I’ve made in the entire thirty-five-year chess game.

32) What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

The children’s play area at a local shopping mall.  We let our daughter play there once, and swore it would never happen again.  Despite clearly-posted rules that children be supervised, most of the kids there have been left unattended while their parents shop, and for survival purposes they band together in a fashion not unlike prison gangs.  Letting your child play here – whether supervised or not – is the modern-day equivalent of throwing said child to the lions during the height of the Roman Empire.

33) Can insanity bring on more creativity? 

It would certainly appear that way.  However, I can’t say for certain whether the greatest artists throughout history were truly insane, or if they were such visionaries that they were viewed that way by their contemporaries.

34) Most attractive actor of your opposite gender?

I can’t necessarily say that she’s the most attractive, but I’ve always had a thing for Anne Hathaway, at least since The Princess Diaries.  I never even saw the movie – I’ve seen, what?  Two of her films?  Three at the most – but I liked the movie poster.  I found her tiara/headphones/sunglasses-wearing visage very cute, and her bright red lips put the climax in many a blowjob fantasy when I was twenty-five.  For the sake of full disclosure, though, I really had to concentrate in order to block out Julie Andrews’ crone-like countenance on the same poster.

35) To you, what is the meaning of life?

A really funny Monty Python film in which Terry Jones eats excessively, projectile-vomits, and then explodes.

36) Define “Art”.

I don’t know what it is, but I know what I like.

37) Do you believe in luck?

In my opinion there’s no such thing as luck.  That is to say, I don’t think that a person’s fortunes, whether good or bad, can be attributed to the seemingly arbitrary machinations that we often refer to as luck.  I think that in most cases people make their own luck, or at the very least external factors affect their lives in positive or negative ways.  If you want to call that luck, then I concede that there is such a thing.  But to say that someone lost his job because of bad luck when in reality he got fired for teabagging a drunken co-worker at the company Christmas party is responsibility-dodging of the worst variety.

38) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

It depends on the relationship.  Are we talking about a romantic relationship?  A platonic friendship?  A working relationship?  I could talk at length about what is necessary for each type of relationship, but instead I will say that regardless of type, a successful relationship requires trust, respect and communication.

39) What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

There are too many to list.  However, I am going to list a handful in the hopes that, if you listen to them, they will have the same effect on you as they do on me.  

Jack Johnson – Upside Down

Michael Franti and Spearhead – Say Hey (I Love You)

Vince Guaraldi – Peanuts Theme

Louis Armstrong – What a Wonderful World

Monty Python – Always Look on the Bright Side of Life

SpongeBob SquarePants – Best Day Ever

I tried to find a YouTube link for Donovan’s “I Love My Shirt”, but couldn’t find a studio recording, just a performance on The Smothers Brothers.  Nonetheless, seek it out.  It’s a catchy, fun song about clothing and the way it makes its wearer feel.

40) Where were you yesterday?

I was here.  I suppose a better question is “What did you do yesterday?”  Had I been asked that question, I would have given a much more interesting answer.  But I was not asked that question.  Sorry.

41) What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

I’m not sure of this one.  Although I’ve had some operations and a few dire illnesses, I’ve never broken a bone, or been injured in a memorable way.  I did sprain my neck once in high school – yes, everyone asked if I did it jerking off – and that’s the only injury that comes to mind, so I’ll go with that.

42) Do you have any obsessions right now?

I’d say that I am obsessed with the thought of meeting many of the wonderful people we’ve come to know through our blog and through Twitter, but in general I find that “obsessed” is not the sort of word that makes people give you their home address.

43) What’s up?

A directional designation that is the opposite of “down”.  An animated film by Pixar.  A 1976 sex comedy directed by Russ Meyer.  A term to describe a baseball player who is at bat.  Up is overrated.  No one ever asks what’s down.  But I will:  What’s down?  The feathers of a duck frequently used in pillows and other bedding.  A 1996 release by the band 311.  A county in Northern Ireland.  A genetic syndrome characterized by the presence of a 21st chromosome, and the physician who first identified it.

44) Ever had a rumor spread about you?

Yes, many times.  A current rumor going around is that I can make anyone fall in love with me.  It happens to be true, but what the rumor doesn’t address is that I don’t make people fall in love with me recklessly, as having legions of women hopelessly head-over-heels in love with you when you can’t possibly reciprocate is inconvenient.

45) Do you believe in real magic?

As in, do I believe that Harry Potter- (or that matter, Harry Blackstone-) style magic is real?  No.  Believe me, I wish it was.  Nothing would make me happier than being able to Apparate (despite the physical hardship of such a method of travel, as described in Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince) as with this ability I might never get stuck in traffic ever again.

46) Do you ever hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

I try not to, and I’m usually successful.  Life is too short for grudges, and there’s really no point in holding them anyway.  Grudges are often privately-held, and as such the person you are holding it against is probably unaware.  That said, I can admit to letting the wrongs others have inflicted or attempted to inflict on me and mine influence my treatment of them.

47) What’s your favorite (non-pet) animal?

The bonobo.  As a species, they really seem to have their shit together.  Humanity can stand to learn much about social issues from this noble primate.

48) What is your secret weapon to get people to like you?

My personality and sense of humor.

49) Where is your best friend?

At the moment she’s in the baby’s room, probably sitting in a rocking chair trying to get the little hellraiser to go to sleep.

50) What do you think is Satan’s last name?

Cheney.

Jill’s Answers

26) Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

Yes I am.  I feel like I’m a wonderful mother, and a generous, open-minded wife.  I am a fabulous teacher, a loving daughter and sister, and a good person all around.  Jack says I need to add “hot mama” to the list as well.

27) What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

I hate the sound of teeth grinding or gnashing together.  It makes my skin crawl and it makes me cringe.  A sound I love would be my daughter saying “Hewwo Mommy”, or “I love you Mommy.”  

28) What’s your biggest “what if”?

What if I’d gone into accounting instead of teaching?  My whole life would have changed.  Many of my close friends are people I’ve met through work, and I value the relationships I’ve made and the lessons I’ve learned as a teacher.  I don’t know that I would have met Jack had my path been different, and without Jack I wouldn’t have had my beautiful daughter, or the wonderful life I’ve lived since falling in love with him.

29) Do you believe in ghosts? 

Yes.

30) How about aliens?

Not as much as ghosts, but it’s a big universe and I’m not egotistical enough to think that we are the only intelligent life in existence.

31) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

Marrying Jack was the single best decision I have ever made.  Without him, I wouldn’t have the life that I have, and I am very grateful for every wonderful thing he has brought with him.

32) What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

Probably some nasty port-a-potty somewhere.  

33) Can insanity bring on more creativity? 

I can’t speak for anyone else, but when I am near-insane with fatigue, I get very creative.  As a teacher, I find myself frequently tired to the point of insanity, and also frequently in need of creativity.  It works out well.

34) Most attractive actor of your opposite gender?

As I said last week, I really like Mark Ruffalo.  I am attracted to his looks, especially his dark, intense eyes.  Plus he was really hot in In the Cut.

35) To you, what is the meaning of life?

Simply being the best person that I can be, and treating others the way I would like to be treated.

36) Define “Art”.

Art can come in many forms.  To me, art is something that I find beautiful or interesting and which makes me smile.  It must be created by human beings, and not found in nature.  

37) Do you believe in luck?

Yes.  I feel very lucky sometimes for the life that I have.  I don’t feel that I worked hard, necessarily, to achieve this life.  Sometimes it seems that good things simply fall into my lap, and I consider myself fortunate.

38) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

Mutual trust, good communication, and love.

39) What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

“Top of the World” by the Carpenters.  This is something else you’d know if you read previous Sunday Stealing entries.

40) Where were you yesterday?

I was at work.

41) What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

In college my closet door came off the track and as I was lifting it to put it back I dropped it on my toe.  I ended up with a hairline fracture.

42) Do you have any obsessions right now?

Twitter.  Yet another question already answered in an old Sunday Stealing!  This meme should be called Sunday Recycling.

43) What’s up?

Jack’s cock.

44) Ever had a rumor spread about you?

None that I am aware of.  Want to start one about me?

45) Do you believe in real magic?

Probably not.  I think that magic is usually sleight-of-hand, manipulation of the audience, and other trickery.  However, I do like the idea of magic, and am frequently excited when watching a magic act.

46) Do you ever hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

No.  It doesn’t affect them.  They usually don’t even know about the grudge.  It only affects me, and if someone has done me wrong I generally prefer not to give them any further control over me.

47) What’s your favorite (non-pet) animal?

Monkeys!  They’re cute to look at, like little babies!  Plus they swing from trees!  I wish my baby could do that!

48) What is your secret weapon to get people to like you?

My smile.  Probably my eyes as well.  

49) Where is your best friend?

Sitting next to me on the couch, busily typing away on his laptop!

50) What do you think is Satan’s last name?

Smith.  I like alliteration!