****MATURE CONTENT: This post is for adults only. Visit another Tuesday when things aren’t so sexy, if you are uncomfortable with sexuality.****
[Obviously the above copy is from the TMI Tuesday blog, and not ours. This whole blog is for adults only. If you are uncomfortable with sexuality, you probably aren’t reading this.]
All about the wedding tackle, twig & berries, pole, fire hose, skin flute, dipstick, meat thermometer or what we all know as the penis.
Jack’s Answers
1. What’s more important – length or width? Why?
Having never been on the receiving end, I will apply my answer to vaginas rather than penii. In my opinion length or width, while important, vary from person to person. Ultimately what matters is that it be able to accomodate what I’m trying to fit inside, whether it’s my cock, my fist, a twelve-inch latex dildo, or a brick of heroin that I need to smuggle through customs.
2. Ever encountered one that was too big for you to handle?
I’m not in the habit of handling (or even encountering) penii, other than my own. And while mine is sufficient to get the job done, it’s certainly not the sort of thing for which I require a spotter.
3. Best place to put a penis?
My favorite place to put my penis is inside of a vagina (specifically Jill’s, though I’m not the sort to knock the vaginas of others). I also really enjoy putting my penis into a mouth, while an ass and a hand are very cozy places for it as well.
4. If you had a penis for a day, what would you do with it?
As this week’s TMI Tuesday seems to be aimed mainly at women, I took this question to mean that I only had my penis for a single day. Were that the case, I would miss it for the rest of my life.
Penis Envy: Largest penis in the animal kingdom is 11 feet (blue whale)
Moby and Carl’s romance was frowned upon by both of their families.
5. You’re a penis, which love canal (that’s a vagina) would you most like to visit:
a. short and shallow
b. fall into the gap, gliding smoothly along the slick walls
c. tight suction lip-lock
d. none, I prefer the back door thank you
Option “A” probably wouldn’t be the best match for me, and I’m not sure what Option “B” means, exactly. Based on the specific wording it sounds like I’m trying to navigate a sewer tunnel in the dark and I tripped. So I’ll go with Option “C”.
Bonus: What is the perfect name for your penis or a penis you use often?
I’ve never named my penis. I’ve always found the idea of naming sex parts a bit unnecessary, much like using flavored body lotion or lube. I don’t need anything nonsexual to distract me from what’s happening; if I’m eating pussy I don’t want it to taste like strawberries. If someone’s worshipping my cock, there’s no reason to call it lovable furry old Grover. An old girlfriend once came up with a silly name for my penis which has fortunately been lost to time. Of course, if I was forced to refer to my penis by some sort of amusing name, I’d go with Chewbacca. Like the famous Wookiee, my penis is intimidating, hairy, and has been known to rip people’s arms out of their sockets when angry.
The above isn’t even one of the top five geekiest things I’ve written here.
World Penis Size Map: Where would you like to visit? click
Based on the information at the link, I’ll go with Thailand, where I would be considered a god.
Jill’s Answers
1. What’s more important – length or width? Why?
I’d love to answer both, because I do enjoy length and width. I’ve been with guys who were wide, as well as guys who were long, and I’ve been with guys who were both. Of course, neither length nor width matter if he doesn’t know how to use what he’s got. If I absolutely had to choose one or the other, I would go with width, because to me there’s nothing like that feeling of being filled so completely.
2. Ever encountered one that was too big for you to handle?
I’ve never encountered one that was too big for me to handle, but I have encountered a guy who decided to stick it in my ass without warning or lube. So it wasn’t an issue of size, it was an issue of user error.
3. Best place to put a penis?
That’s a tough one, because I don’t have a penis, and I can’t answer this from the perspective of the owner. As the recipient, though, I would probably say in my vagina, although I love having a penis in my mouth and my ass as well.
4. If you had a penis for a day, what would you do with it?
If I only had it for one day, I would go crazy trying to stick it in as many orifices as possible. That might sound crazy, but I’ve only got it for the day, and I want to experience as many pussies, mouths and asses as I could. Also, I would like to see what it’s like to pee standing up. [Editor’s note: While reading the last part of her answer to me, Jill stood up, and mimed firing a crotch-level machine gun, complete with sound effects.]
Penis Envy: Largest penis in the animal kingdom is 11 feet (blue whale)
In the animal kingdom gym locker room, elephants won’t get undressed if there are blue whales present.
5. You’re a penis, which love canal (that’s a vagina) would you most like to visit: a. short and shallow b. fall into the gap, gliding smoothly along the slick walls c. tight suction lip-lock d. none, I prefer the back door thank you Tight suction lip-lock sounds really good. I don’t know if I would like “short and shallow”, because if I was a penis I’d probably be on the large side and I would want to be able to get all the way in. I’m not really sure what “fall into the gap…” means, maybe because I don’t have a penis and I’ve never done that before, so that’s out. And while I would probably try the back door, I prefer pussy so that would be my first priority if I was a penis. So I would go with the suction cup, or whatever the hell it was.
Bonus: What is the perfect name for your penis or a penis you use often? For some reason The Love Machine keeps coming up. That sounds very seventies.
World Penis Size Map: Where would you like to visit? click
Well, definitely not Thailand. Nothing against the Thai people, but if I’m traveling for sexual purposes I would rather go somewhere on the larger side. I’d probably go to Italy or Greece, because Mediterranean men turn me on.
How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!
#2 this would be a better question if it asked to small to handle
#3 Yes, those three are exceptional but don’t forget your hands.
#4 even if you had it for 50 years, you would still try to stick it in as many orifices as possible….. trust me on that one, its a blessing and a curse.
#5 Nothing is better than a BJ, see how many men its brought down.
Loved the answers…always a pleasure reading your posts. Jack humorous as always… “brick of heroin”..that had me laughing out loud at work. And Jill’s “Love Machine,” I agree a 70’s porn name, I can hear the cheesy 70’s porn music now…lol 😀
Jack you always make me laugh, but I nearly rolled off the couch with the caption that accompanied your whale photo! 🙂 Jill, great answers. I’m sorry you had the experience you describe in #2 – when sex of any kind is not consensual, the brutality of it can be quite traumatic.
You two are hilarious!! The whale penis picture has mad my eyes feel really dirty.
I do not think I could ever refer to a penis as Chewbacca straight faced. And seriously is penii the true plural?? Geesh ya learn something new everyday!
Seeing the animals in the post, I had forgotten this until now, we were at the zoo last month with the baby, and it was mating day. We saw the lion mount the lioness, but the giraffe was interesting. It was mating as well, and it unrolled everything it had. Wow, made me feel inadequate for sure.
Jack, everyone of your answers had me laughing out loud. Must remember not to read these with kids around. They ask questions.
I like the visual of Jill with the machine gun gestures. I totally get the standing up thing. I wish I could do it. I think I picked suction as well, because I didn’t get the falling in the gap thing until reading a couple other responses.
I always love your answers and its great reading this from both a male and female perspective.
I had quite a laugh at your captions!
LOVE LOVE LOVE it!! haha, the penis song *two thumbs up*
good morning J&J
@Jack:
1. “…or a brick of heroin that I need to smuggle through customs.” Absolutely hilarious!
2. giggle… or a crane?
3. I like to give handjobs…I know that was random. Just filling out my resume. 🙂
4. The photo is just WRONG! Love the caption
5. Navigating a sewer tunnel in the dark…buwhahahaha!
Bonus: It may not be in the top five because you’ve written some pretty geeky (funny as hell) stuff. I seriously laughed out loud.
World Penis Size: heeheehee…I guess you need your ego stroked 😉 …
Happy TMI Tuesday,
-H
I invite you to stop by my TMI Tuesday:
kinkygent.blogspot.com
Jack:
Heroin – I almost peed! And any Chewbacca reference is a winner!
Jill:
#2 – ASSHOLE (the guy, not where he stuck it.)
#4 – Absolutely – use it to see what it’s all about!!
#1 Sounds like with is in (pun intended)
#2 this would be a better question if it asked to small to handle
#3 Yes, those three are exceptional but don’t forget your hands.
#4 even if you had it for 50 years, you would still try to stick it in as many orifices as possible….. trust me on that one, its a blessing and a curse.
#5 Nothing is better than a BJ, see how many men its brought down.
Loved the answers…always a pleasure reading your posts. Jack humorous as always… “brick of heroin”..that had me laughing out loud at work. And Jill’s “Love Machine,” I agree a 70’s porn name, I can hear the cheesy 70’s porn music now…lol
😀
The caption on the elephant picture is hilarious! Well done!
@Jill:
The penis song was fun.
1. That’s what I said. But then I read Sex with Rose and she reminded me that I do like it deep.
2. That would be a dead guy.
3. Hmm. I thought this was an easy question. There have been lots of funny answers. I said, “between my tit.”
4. You and Tempting Sweets are just gonna run around poking everything!…LOL
The caption to the elephant is very funny.
-H
Jack you always make me laugh, but I nearly rolled off the couch with the caption that accompanied your whale photo! 🙂 Jill, great answers. I’m sorry you had the experience you describe in #2 – when sex of any kind is not consensual, the brutality of it can be quite traumatic.
Jack:
2- I like your fave places to place your penis.
4- Good thing you don’t have to miss your penis for the rest of your life, huh?
Wow! I’ve never seen an elephant or blue whale penis before. Thanks for the photos!
Bonus: I like the name Chewbacca (Chewy), actually.
Jill:
1- I agree that neither length nor width matter if a guy doesn’t know how to use his penis.
2- Yikes! “User error” is correct.
4- You and I have the same idea of what to do if we had a penis for a day. 🙂
Bonus: I like the name ‘Love Machine’.
Mediterranean men turn me on, too.
Happy TMI Tuesday!
You two are hilarious!! The whale penis picture has mad my eyes feel really dirty.
I do not think I could ever refer to a penis as Chewbacca straight faced. And seriously is penii the true plural?? Geesh ya learn something new everyday!
Jill- many orfaces yes yes! 🙂
Died laughing over the pics…
great answers as always, both of you 😀
~Kazi xxx
That elephant caption is awesome.
Good answers, I like the Chewbacca bit.
Seeing the animals in the post, I had forgotten this until now, we were at the zoo last month with the baby, and it was mating day. We saw the lion mount the lioness, but the giraffe was interesting. It was mating as well, and it unrolled everything it had. Wow, made me feel inadequate for sure.
I love that we all answered tight suction lip lock. Great minds, right? And Jill… no lube? Good grief! Ouch.
Love both your answers. And I especially like the captions underneath the photographs. Made me giggle.
Jill – the dry stab at the arse thing is just mean isn’t it!
Great answers, as ever a pleasure to read x
Jack, everyone of your answers had me laughing out loud. Must remember not to read these with kids around. They ask questions.
I like the visual of Jill with the machine gun gestures. I totally get the standing up thing. I wish I could do it.
I think I picked suction as well, because I didn’t get the falling in the gap thing until reading a couple other responses.
Belated TMI to you.