This week’s TMI Tuesday questions focus on sexual desire.
Jack’s Answers
1. Answer the question: What makes you hot?
Itchy sweaters.
Especially when worn by these guys. Seriously hot.
Okay, all kidding aside, lots of things make me hot. Flirting. Intelligence and sense of humor. Older women. Younger women. Women the same age as me. The feel of skin-on-skin contact. Eye contact. A breathy whisper. Seeing someone naked for the first time, or for that matter the anticipation that precedes seeing someone naked for the first time. Certain fabrics against my body. The smell of freshly-showered skin and hair. Dancing. Reading erotica, these days in the form of sex blogs more than anything. Making a sexy new acquaintance. Watching a woman masturbate. Listening to a woman climax. Women who are not afraid of their own sexuality. The list could go on potentially forever. I’m also going to deviate from the stated question and answer who in addition to what. My wife makes me hot. Her physicality, her open-mindedness, her willingness to do literally anything to please – all of these things start a serious brush fire in my underpants.
2. What is it that you want, when you look at porn?
a. To feel happy
b. To learn
c. To relax, relieve tension
d. To orgasm
What, there’s no option “e”, a coherent plot, award-worthy acting, and impressive production values? I kid. When I look at porn, I am generally seeking “d”, to orgasm. While porn in and of itself does not make me feel unhappy, I can’t say that I’ve ever watched it for the direct purpose of improving my mood. Perhaps my mood is lightened through masturbation, but it’s the orgasm that is my primary motivation. I’ve never watched porn to learn sexual technique, or for that matter alternate means of paying for pizza delivery; but I recognize that many people do. And while I may pursue orgasm in order to relax or relieve tension, generally speaking when there’s porn on the television, the computer, or the phone, it’s because I want to have a quick orgasm.
3. You’ve been asked to be a part of a porn movie production. Which job will you do? Why did you select that?
a. The star of the porn film–Doug Hardwicke or Fachina Istite
b. The director–staging the scenes and directing the actors, lighting, camera shots, etc.
c. The fluffer–you’re in charge of keeping the actors “excited” about their work
d. The camera person getting all the tight, up in there, close shots
I’m going to go outside the provided list of answers and say “e”, writer. The best porn films depend on a taut, coherently-written script. Without it, a potential “Behind the Green Door” is no better than Dirty Debutantes #256. Either that or “f”, key grip. Yeah, I know you’re saying, “Could this guy be anymore full of shit? Hey Jack, stick with one of the four multiple choice answers.” But the fact is that without a key grip – incidentally the crew member in charge of not only lighting but also camera placement – even the best camera operator is essentially a bored middle-aged Dad recording his kid’s band recital on his cell phone. And as anyone who’s watched porn can attest, the right amount of lighting is essential.
Har-de-fucking-har, smart ass.
4. Right this very moment you are horny and are looking for a casual hookup for sex. Under which, of the following headings, would you place your ad?
(w=woman, m=man, t=transexual/transvestite)
w4m, m4w, m4m, w4w, t4m, m4t, w4t, t4w, t4mw, mw4t, mw4mw, mw4w, mw4m, w4mw, m4mw, w4ww, m4mm, ww4m mm4w m4ww, w4mm
Since Jill would presumably be accompanying me, I’d go with mw4w or mw4mw. Backup choices if she was uninterested include m4w, m4ww, or m4mw.
My preferred scenario, m4wwww, was not represented in the question.
5. From now on, ’til the end of time you will be able to experience sexual pleasure via a single method. From the list below, choose that method. Why did you make that choice?
a. Vaginal penetration
b. Anal penetration
c. Masturbation with your fingers/hand
d. Masturbation with a single favorite sex toy. What is the toy?
e. Being masturbated (e.g. fingered, hand-job) by the fingers/hands of another person
f. Body Touching from another–full body massage, caressing, kneading, licking, sucking, biting, etc but no insertion of anything in any orifices.
g. Oral sex
Tough question. I’m tempted to go with “c”, masturbation with my own hand, as I would hate to spend the rest of my life relying on someone else for my pleasure. But if I chose “c” I would be absolutely unable to experience pleasure with someone else, and that’s not a particularly appealing possibility either. My first instinct was to go with either “a”, vaginal penetration, or “g”, oral sex. I love both pretty much equally, and I could think of far worse fates than spending the rest of my life having orgasms from just one or the other. So I am going to flip a coin. Heads it’s vaginal, tails it’s oral. Oral wins. Sucks, because I really wanted “a”. Oh well; too late.
Bonus: What’s the sexiest thing you did this past weekend? Got any pics or a vid? ;p
In weeks past, I would have simply referred you to our Sunday Scoreboard feature and told you to take your pick. However, we’ve recently suspended Sunday Scoreboard, which means I have to choose something. I’ll go with sending filthy texts to Jill while she and the baby were at church on Sunday morning, knowing that she’d find them all the second she left and get incredibly turned on. In fact, she blew off breakfast with her family so that she could rush right home.
Jill’s Answers
1. Answer the question: What makes you hot?
Kisses on the back of my neck make me hot. Being held in strong arms makes me hot. A wink makes me hot. Flirting makes me hot. Long, slow kisses make me hot. Watching porn and reading erotica make me hot. Exhibitionism and voyeurism make me hot, especially when they happen simultaneously. Sex with multiple partners makes me hot. Phone sex makes me hot. Being touched, often even when it’s not sexual, makes me hot. Certain articles of clothing makes me hot, including thongs, stockings, fuck-me heels and boots, whether they’re worn by me, or by someone else.
Just try and tell me this doesn’t turn you on. I dare you.
2. What is it that you want, when you look at porn?
a. To feel happy
b. To learn
c. To relax, relieve tension
d. To orgasm
When I look at porn, it means I need a cheap, easy visual so I can get off as quickly as possible. Therefore, the answer is “d”, orgasm. I’m not watching porn so I can admire the performances. I’m usually in a rush and I just want to have an orgasm. If I have a lot of time with myself, I’m probably reading sexy blogs or using my own fantasies to get off.
3. You’ve been asked to be a part of a porn movie production. Which job will you do? Why did you select that?
a. The star of the porn film–Doug Hardwicke or Fachina Istite
b. The director–staging the scenes and directing the actors, lighting, camera shots, etc.
c. The fluffer–you’re in charge of keeping the actors “excited” about their work
d. The camera person getting all the tight, up in there, close shots
I think being the star would be the most fun. I am a natural exhibitionist, and I enjoy having sex in front of an audience. Maybe not an audience of millions, but it still sounds much more enjoyable than any of the other options. However, I do give good head, and therefore I might make a good fluffer. Then again, a fluffer is supposed to keep the performer hard, right? Not make him cum so hard that he’s out of commission for the rest of the day. So maybe I wouldn’t be a good fluffer.
The word “fluffer” makes me crave a fluffernutter. Don’t judge me.
4. Right this very moment you are horny and are looking for a casual hookup for sex. Under which, of the following headings, would you place your ad?
(w=woman, m=man, t=transexual/transvestite)
w4m, m4w, m4m, w4w, t4m, m4t, w4t, t4w, t4mw, mw4t, mw4mw, mw4w, mw4m, w4mw, m4mw, w4ww, m4mm, ww4m mm4w m4ww, w4mm
I’d go with mw4mw, or mw4w. These are things Jack and enjoy. I would also consider mw4m, or if Jack wasn’t game I might go with w4mm. Two guys at once is a long-running fantasy of mine.
I have got to stop letting Jack pick out pictures for my TMI Tuesday answers.
5. From now on, ’til the end of time you will be able to experience sexual pleasure via a single method. From the list below, choose that method. Why did you make that choice?
a. Vaginal penetration
b. Anal penetration
c. Masturbation with your fingers/hand
d. Masturbation with a single favorite sex toy. What is the toy?
e. Being masturbated (e.g. fingered, hand-job) by the fingers/hands of another person
f. Body Touching from another–full body massage, caressing, kneading, licking, sucking, biting, etc but no insertion of anything in any orifices.
g. Oral sex
I would have to go with vaginal, because it’s the most intimate, and I love the closeness. The plus side of masturbation with my own fingers/hand is that I can enjoy it anytime, without worrying about whether I have a partner nearby. For this reason, it makes more sense to go with masturbation, but if I did I would be devastated to lose the pleasure I enjoy when I’m with Jack.
Bonus: What’s the sexiest thing you did this past weekend? Got any pics or a vid? ;p
The sexiest thing I did this weekend was audio-recording myself having an orgasm. We’ve done this before but for the first time we shared the clip with a couple friends. While I tend to be very vocal and free with my moans, groans, and screams, and while I know that Jack enjoys hearing them, I’ve never been confident enough to let anyone else listen after the fact. It was really hot to know that it turned them on.
I tend to be pretty loud.
How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!
As always, I’ve enjoyed reading your answers. I can really relate to Jill this week, when it comes to the questions about why you watch porn and what sexual act you would choose! Happy TMIT, you two.
x
Ohh phone sex and writing erotica I forgot to list those on my lists. I used to love having calls with our friends, they said I have the voice to get anyone off.. I love ya’ll visuals you add they crack me up. Jill while I love the closeness of penetration the thought of not having the other stuff to get me there drove me batty. I like it all way too much.
i love your weekly hilarity! there are so many rumors about Bert and Ernie, but they’re really just two cool dudes, two salt-of-the-earth guys…who fight with each other a lot.
signed,
m4wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
As usual I love your answers and the pics are fabulous. 🙂
I love kisses on the back of my neck too… yep. A lot.
I would love to give an in depth commentary on your answers but I am afraid that it would be a post on its own. I had a much needed laugh as I read your answers. You never disappoint me each Tuesday.
If I had to choose between Mario and Luigi, I’d go with Luigi. He has a more springy jump and I’d assume that translates into better sex. Plus Mario already has a girlfriend.
That being said – I love the images and captions on this post. And the post itself. Very good.
Yes, that orgasm was very sexy :).
jack and jill: i like reading what makes you hot.
oh jill! i wanna hear! 😀
Great answers.
We do like a loud screamer.
How can you both manage being so funny and sexy at the same time. I’m reading this while getting my hair done and laughing out loud at the pictures. Of course, I’m also getting a little hot myself thinking about the mww, wmm scenarios.
As usual, your accompanying pics made me crack up and your answers just completed my end-of-day hsyteria. The men with butterfly nets are coming for me now…. 😉
~Kazi xxx
Well, porn could certainly use better writers, that is for sure!
I like your mwww. I went with mwmwmwmwmwmwmwmwmwmwmwmwmwmwmwmwmw, but that will certainly do.
Aren’t audio clips the best?!
@Jack:
1. I checked, in agreement, many things on your list…including your wife.
2. Ahh, but you gave me an idea. Maybe I could pay for my Asian food delivery with porn.
3. You just like the way “key grip” sounds.
4. You’re a greedy man.
5. “Sucks…” buwhahahaha!
Bonus: Now that’s sexy…texts that got her so hot she rushed home to you. Niiice.
-H
@Jill:
1. I’m hot after reading what makes you hot.
Love the graphic…teeheehee
2. Fluffernutter sounds dirty.
4. ROFL at the graphic. Your perfect w4mm
Bonus: Omg…how do I get on THAT list.
Have a great week sexy,
-H
I definitely thought Iron Man was going to be involved in an answer somewhere. I have got to stop skimming before I read.
I am working on perfecting phone sex. My partner is already pretty damn good at it, but I hate to admit that it is one of the things I am not good at. Maybe we’ll find out if practice really does make perfect.
Great answers, but letting a coin flip decide sexual pleasure for the rest of your life? Too risky my friend. Nice sending dirty texts as well with church, there is something very naughty about that.