[As a blogger, this is a topic that has been on my mind for quite some time. Back in December, Lady Grinning Soul wrote a brilliant post listing five reasons why blog-readers should always comment on the posts they read. In January, Hubman also expressed his thoughts on the subject of commenting. Rather than reiterate their points, I thought I would simply give our thoughts on the subject as a whole.]
I just posted a comment on a blog that we follow. It’s not the most exciting blog out there, but the person who runs it seems pretty nice. According to the widget on the sidebar of her blog, she has thirty-two followers. Her last several posts have received an average of one and a half comments. Three of her last several posts have just a single comment, from Jill and I. (One of those three posts also has a comment from her in reply to our own.) I don’t know if she’s ever commented on, or for that matter even seen, our blog.
The blog in question has existed since early 2010, with an average per-month of six posts. Her first few months saw not a single comment or interaction of any kind. A particularly active month for her in 2011 – a month featuring eight posts – yielded an all-time high of thirty comments. Of these, fifteen were her own replies, and four were comments that for whatever reason had been double-posted. As you may have guessed, the remaining eleven comments were not submitted by eleven different people, but rather three.
Why might a two-year-old blog have so few regular visitors? Let me rephrase that: Why might a two-year-old blog have so few regular visitors who leave comments? Clearly there is no correlation between the number of page views and the number of interactions with visitors. I can only speak for our blog, but while you’re virtually guaranteed to have a significantly larger number of views than comments, sometimes the discrepancy is enormous. Our most-viewed post has well over two-thousand views, but only one comment.
A fellow blogger once advised us not to comment on blogs that don’t already have any. Her rationale was that a blogger who doesn’t have any comments probably doesn’t leave any, and likely is not interested in the community aspect of blogging. Therefore, she suggested, our efforts would be better spent on a blogger who is likely to visit our blog and leave a comment in return. She was probably right, but when we see a blog so barren, so bereft of interaction, especially a blog that is updated regularly, our first thought is, “This person could probably use some feedback.” We comment because we have something to say, but often we are also trying to open up a dialogue and/or make a connection with the other blogger. Commenting is a form of social advertising, if you will. It is a means of getting the word out about our blog, and many of the online friendships we hold most dear are the ones that began with a comment that was returned in kind.
Generally speaking, it seems that bloggers who don’t have many – or any – comments on their posts are those who don’t make other bloggers aware of their blog by commenting in the first place. I know that this was once true of us; in the early days of this blog we had no idea how to foster awareness of it, or for that matter how to find similar blogs to read and comment on. We would have appreciated it if a more seasoned blogger happened upon us and decided to share his or her thoughts. You might think, then, that a less-read blogger would be grateful, even flattered, that we took the time from our busy blogging and masturbation schedules to leave some feedback, but this is often not the case. Many bloggers will never venture out into the greater blogosphere, just to see what else is out there.
Why is this? The most likely reason that someone might adopt an isolationist blogging strategy is because they were never in it for the interaction in the first place. Many bloggers see their blogs less as a social network and more as a means of expressing things that they cannot otherwise. For these individuals, blogging may be a means of venting about a selfish or neglectful spouse, a stressful job, or a dysfunctional home life. It doesn’t matter that no one comments or even reads it; in fact, this may be preferable as the less attention the blog receives, the less likely someone is to discern the blogger’s identity. All that matters is that the blogger has a means of stating his or her feelings in a private and safe environment. In such a situation the blogger does not need, nor might he or she even want, the interaction.
Before I go any further, I need to state unequivocally that we appreciate your feedback, and we enjoy receiving comments. It’s not our main reason for blogging, however. In fact, we’ve always been wary about placing too much importance on the comments that we receive, or at least on the quantity of comments that we receive; we imagine that it would be difficult to ever be satisfied with blogging under such circumstances.
Case in point: With twenty-five comments, our HNT post from December 15, 2011, was briefly our most-commented-on post. Emboldened by the tremendous popularity of this post, we fully expected the following week’s HNT to receive even more. We were somewhat disappointed when it fell short of its predecessor by eight comments. We hadn’t even considered the fact that, as it was mere days before Christmas, our fellow bloggers were on vacation, busy with travel and holiday preparation, away from their computers, or otherwise experiencing a break from the routine.
I’d say we blog about fifty to seventy-five percent for our own sense of satisfaction at having a forum in which we can talk about sex, and twenty-five to fifty percent for the social interaction and the feedback. It was probably six to nine months before we began receiving comments from people who were not “real life” friends of ours. We are used to posting things to our blog that get absolutely no feedback. It happened on occasion in the early years of this blog, and it still does on occasion. Therefore we’ve always blogged primarily for ourselves, with the hope but not necessarily the expectation of feedback.
As we have always been free of hang-ups, we are unable to understand the seemingly arbitrary gag order placed by society on something as natural and positive as sex. Think about it: we are allowed to discuss in so-called polite company virtually every single aspect of life that we as human beings enjoy. Even politics and religion are fair game. Attempt to engage in a thoughtful discussion about sex, however, and see how quickly you are branded some kind of pervert. Given the difficulty or impossibility of discussing sexual matters with much of our social circle, we highly value the outlet that blogging provides. For us, that outlet is the primary impetus behind this blog. The social interaction that we enjoy, and the friendships that we’ve made, began as unexpected fringe benefits, albeit ones that mean more and more to us every day.
It is not my intent to downplay how important feedback is to us. Every comment we receive tells us that someone liked something that we posted, or perhaps that they didn’t, but still took the time to interact with us. Even a piece of negative feedback means something to us knowing that the person who left it went to the trouble to do so. We affected them. But we must also acknowledge that even if we received very few comments – or no comments at all – we’d likely continue to blog. It would be a much different experience, and it’s conceivable that we wouldn’t have the same level of satisfaction that we do now, having enjoyed the vocal following that we currently do. But at the very least our primary motivation would still be there.
As I suggested above, one of the most rudimentary lessons that blogging has taught us is that you’ve got a better chance of flying by flapping your arms than you do of having an equal page-views-to-comments ratio. In fact, forget equal. On most of our posts the ratio is at least ten to one, though frequently the gap is even wider. Lurkers – those who read without commenting – are a fact of the blogging life. They are the foundation of the typical blog’s readership, so omnipresent that the blogosphere sets aside a day in their honor.
The vast majority of blog readers are not going to volunteer their opinions. The reasons for this are numerous, including but not limited to reluctance to commit one’s thoughts to the internet (our friend Lisa once confessed that she has “a hard time communicating my thoughts effectively and am certain whatever comment I leave is going to be idiotic”), unwillingness to reiterate a point already made by one or more commenters, or the perception that one’s comment is somehow unwanted. In some cases, a blogger might just have little or nothing to say about a particular post. He or she may not fully understand it, and therefore might not wish to sound foolish by leaving a comment that misses the point. He or she may find that the post doesn’t exactly apply, and that to leave a comment may seem disingenuous.
We frequently promote this blog on Twitter, and I imagine that relatively few of the people who follow a tweet back to one of our posts are bloggers themselves. Most are likely unfamiliar with the aforementioned importance of blogging as social interaction. Therefore, the concept of blogger equiquette is probably lost on them.
What is blogger etiquette, you may ask? As I understand it, the term refers at least partially to the expectation that a comment on one person’s blog will be repaid in kind. In other words, if you post a comment on our blog, civility dictates that we post a comment on yours. And while we do our best to live up to this, we do so primarily out of a desire to further our acquaintance with anyone who has visited and commented on our blog, more than out of a sense of obligation or quid pro quo. We understand that most bloggers don’t observe the concept of blogger etiquette, so we don’t expect it; and furthermore we recognize that there have been times when we’ve inadvertently neglected to repay a comment left by another blogger, and we prefer not to think that our lapse constituted an unforgivable offense.
First glimpsed (by me, at least) on Hubman’s aforementioned post, the term “blogger etiquette” attempts to depict the blogging community as one of courtesy and good manners, and furthers the expectation that bloggers are refined, considerate, and affable at all times. And while this is certainly true of most of the bloggers with whom we’ve interacted, there are undoubtedly those who blog because they are so antisocial that they wouldn’t think to hold a door open for someone they know and care about, much less leave courtesy feedback on the blog of a stranger.
To an extent, blogger etiquette exists. But its continued survival is dependent upon the bloggers who observe it. While there are many bloggers who are dilligent participants, sworn to uphold this hypothetical “comment for comment” standard, there are countless others who don’t or can’t. Many bloggers read posts on their phones or other mobile devices, and because they prefer to wait to comment until they have access to a standard keyboard, they sometimes forget altogether. This has happened to me more than I would like. Some bloggers, on the other hand, have such an extensive reading list that they can’t possibly comment on – or even read – every post that shows up on their blogrolls. This is something that should never be taken personally.
As I stated earlier, we appreciate all of the feedback we get. In fact, though I must reiterate the point that we do not blog primarily for feedback, we would love it if even more people commented on posts that they enjoy than do already. Without comments, we have no way of knowing what people think of the things we share. For all we know, the majority of a typical post’s page views are the result of links clicked by accident. We assume that this is not the case; clearly people are reading our stuff. The comments we do get are largely positive; clearly people are enjoying what they read.
Actually, I’m not necessarily even talking about commenting on our blog. We would love it if more people commented on blogs in general. Doesn’t matter whose blog it is. Doesn’t matter what kind of blog. Doesn’t matter if there are no comments or if there are twenty. Doesn’t even matter, really, if you like what you read. If you read a blog today, I urge you in the strongest possible terms to leave some feedback.
Nothing can compel you to comment on this blog or any other. I’m not the sort to claim that if you read blogs but do not comment on them you’re stealing. Comments are not currency, and this is not a public television pledge drive. If you enjoy a post, if it makes you think, or moves you in some way, let the author know. Then, if you read another blog, repeat the process. You have nothing to lose by commenting; I can all but promise you that no blogger is going to judge any comment you leave; likely he or she will be far too busy appreciating that you went to the trouble. Your small effort may make a world of difference.
-Jack
I am a comment whore myself, love getting them always reply to comments on my blog… I try to comment on all blogs I read but I don’t leave as many comments as I like.
Personally turn the word verification off and have blog owner approve comments is much more friendly and would increase comments.
I do love your blog
Thanks for writing this. I am fairly new to the blog world and often wondered about “blogger etiquette” and those sorts of things.
I have always made an effort to comment on people’s blogs that I enjoy. Like you, I feel feedback is good and just seeing a comment will likely tell the author that they are actually writing for someone and that their writing was appreciated.
Like you said, people blog for different reasons and maybe could care less about comments. That’s probably true, but I comment anyway just for that feedback that someone is indeed out there reading their stuff.
I’m with you on this. I try to comment on all the blogs that I follow, though I sometimes have to do it in big bunches, but I value the feedback and most people are blogging for feedback. Bloggers etiquette is important, but also doing what feels right is good as well. I’ll admit to some frustration at times with comments, one of the best posts I’ve felt I made received no comments but this was some time ago. I always appreciate the fact that you and Jill make a comment and I try and make sure I do the same thing.
Well, after all the time and troble you took to write about feedback comments, allow me to be the first to congratulate you on a really interesting post.
We all like receiving comments, don’t we? Sometimes it feels like there’s a support network out there, or just a bunch a friends sayhing something encouraging to each other.
I like my feedback comments, but I don’t get upset if none are forthcoming.
Love to you both xxxxxx
BRAVO!
Well written, well stated, well though out post. That last paragraph stated it perfectly!
I’m so glad you chose to post about this. I do my best to comment on blogs I read and to respond to comments on my posts as well. Since my switch to the new blog, it’s been challenging to acquire both new and old readers, so I do appreciate your comments and thoughts on our posts.
This is a really great in-depth post on a subject that has so many facets.
I wholeheartedly agree with “H” with regard to the word verification business please turn them off and moderate if you feel you need to (it is what I do). If you have ever tried to word verify on a phone you will understand!!!
Great post from superb bloggers!!
~Mia~ xx
Goodness yes! I get a lot of feedback via twitter for my blog, but that never shows up in comments… and sometimes comments are nice to refer back to to see what’s going on, who liked what, who said what, etc. I LOVE getting comments on my posts. It certainly is more work to give out comments rather than do a quick read. And yes, I have a ton more page views than I ever get in comments. WHO ARE THESE MYSTERY PEOPLE???
Great post!!
When I comment on blogs… like yours, I always look through the list of people who have commented, find something that looks interesting… and visit that blog.
That being said, my writing is down… Spring Semesters just kick my ass for some reason… I do read but I don’t always comment.
When I do run across one who has little or no traffic, I do try to comment.
Comments mean a lot…
Thanks for posting this!
~shoes~
Hi there! Thank you for the quote and for linking to me. 🙂
I try my very hardest to always respond to comments people leave on my blog, but I don’t feel an obligation to leave a comment on their blog at all. I used to, but a few years ago I visited the blog of a new follower and was absolutely horrified with the content. I appreciated their feedback and the fact that they took time to read and comment, but I just couldn’t stomach reading their blog.
These days, between two jobs and taking care of my grandmother who is in the process of radiation therapy (breast cancer) and my mentally ill mother, I just don’t have the time to read blogs. I wish I did — I miss you two as well as many other blogs very much. I also feel terribly rude and I just know that people think I’m an anti-social, ungrateful cunt, which bothers me of course because I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, but I can’t spend too much time concerning myself with the blogosphere or I would make myself nuts! Going through this and not being able to read and comment is probably why I don’t get upset over the lack of comments on my own blog.
I think some people are genuinely self-centered, but the vast majority are just like me — simply busy and/or feel a little self-conscious about their comments.
Good manners are very important to me; I always hold the door open, say please and thank you, say “bless you” when someone sneezes, never show up empty handed to dinner parties, and always send “thank you” cards. I’m just terribly shy on the internet.
You two are wonderful — I’m happy we met. xox
I am guilty of not commenting. Typically, if what I want to say has already been said I don’t bother to comment.
Sometimes I just don’t have anything nice to say, so I don’t say anything at all.
I am also guilty of not responding to comments. I never made the correlation between not responding and poor etiquette.
These are things I will take into consideration. Thank you for this post. I found it enlightening.
Food for thought, this post.
I tend to only comment when I have something to add, or if I have a thought I’d like to share.
There are a lot of blogs out there that deal with topics I simply can’t relate to. I could comment something like ‘I like your grammar’, but that seems a bit pointless.
Then there are the blogs I’d love to leave comments on, but their ‘comment as’ options don’t work for me. Somehow I can only seem to comment using ‘name/url’, and some blogs don’t provide that as an option. Which is a shame.
I don’t get a whole lot of comments, but I do get a lot of emails from people who read it, seem to like it, and comment on my page as a whole instead of one post. I love those emails just as much as comments =)
Whilst I’m fairly new to your blog – although I’ve followed you both on Twitter for a little while and been appreciative of any comments you’ve left on Sinful Sunday posts of my own – this post is incredibly well written and will lead me to definitely tuning in to more of your blogs here.
Some thoughts you are expressing completely tune in with my own mind. I also partly enjoy reading comments on another blog just to see the collection of responses that people get, who I agree with and alternative views on things. The whole ‘dialogue’ aspect that opens up in comments sometimes is simply the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow for me!!
LP x
I am a comment whore lol. If I like you I will stalk you like no body’s business. I have my starred bloggers at the top of my reader so I know when they make a new post *fyi ya’ll are there*. I have also learned that I can comment on 1000 blogs and if I get 20 back it is a miracle and that is combining both my naughty blog and my vanilla, good girl blog. I get so frustrated when I see people who have tons of followers and they don’t even come by to say hey I stopped by today. There are a few bloggers that behavior is understandable like Pioneer woman or Scary Mommy. But they have a full plate and you can usually catch them on Twitter or elsewhere as well. I have several friendships that began because someone found my blog and interacted with me. Hell I even like rude comments, those people allow me to pull out my halo’s fire up the webcam and fire vlog.. don’t ask but know if someone were to attack ya’ll I would be forced to do it. I can cuss ya and you not even know I just did it. Having just relocated my main blog to WP I have seen a huge decline in my comments. Hopefully it will pick up soon.
I always appreciate comments and I do make the effort to comment back on my blog before I go and visit their blogs.
I learned that lesson way back in late ’08/early ’09 and I never forgot. Sadly, most of that etiquette was not passed on.
As you’ve experienced, there’s no way to predict what posts will elicit multiple comments, or perhaps none.
Serafina and I once had a blog about medicinal cannabis, it grew to over 10,000 hits per week, but never elicited any comments. I guess the company a blog owner keeps is critical . . .
Well written post. I do agree that feedback and comments are important, but as I’ve said before, I don’l always comment. And lately, I almost never do. Its not that I didn’t like the post or that I don’t have anything to say, but mostly, I don’t have time. Sure it only take a minute to type up a quick comment, but that’s one less minute that I won’t be having sex. (just kidding)
As a very new blogger, I have no idea what proper blogging etiquette is and in fact I was going to ask a few of you fellow bloggers to enlighten me. This is a very helpful and well thought out post, thank you! I am a polite person, so it came natural to thank those who comment on my blog. I had NO idea it was etiquette to comment back, but thankfully so far we have naturally liked and wanted to comment on those who talk with us.
Also, I noticed quickly that comments (on both my blog and others) were a natural way to find others. I am surprised to find a community atmosphere here. I had the misconception (from reading a blog of someone I knew that was a very negative person) that blogging was only the place where you vent it out and that was it. I am learning a lot, that there are so many more sides to it all…and loving it.
For us, we also do not write “for” comments, but it is truly SO nice to hear from others and interact.
Interesting post. I probably fall more often into the ‘lurker’ category than the ‘good commenter’ category. My reasons, if I don’t have anything inciteful to say I don’t tend to say anything. I usually only comment on posts that resonate with me on some level.
I fell into blogging by accident and started my page mainly as a recepticle for my fictional writing. The rest just came by itself. I am frustrated that I don’t have the time, to craft the beautiful blogs you see around the place and to spend hours searching out other great blogs to read, comment on and link to.
Having said that I recognise that this kind of writing is the kind of thing a lot of people enjoy in private. I have had feedback telling me that my stories provide great erotic stimulation when you are home by yourself and horny. Obviously this is not the kid of comment that would be left on the page!
I love comment as much as the next person but I am not driven by it. I would not for example really change what I write just because I got more comments on a particular topic. I hope that the people who visit my page are not all bloggers. I hope that I am reaching the people who like to read but for whatever reason don’t or can’t write something for themselves.
It is hard to keep writing with little feedback but I have had enough feedback now to know that there are people who visit my page regularly without leaving a trace. I just work on the assumption as long as the page views, twitter followers etc keep increasing that there must be people out there who like what I do and that is enough for me.
I’m a reader, not a blogger, but I agree that readers should comment if only to say “thanks” for the info and/or entertainment. I just don’t get why people are shy about it–what’s to be embarrassed about?
It takes a lot of thought, time and energy to do what you bloggers do, not to mention all the sex you HAVE to have in order to have something to write about. 😉
So…thank you….and keep up the good work!
Excellent post and rather than reiterate what you have already written, I’ll just add a few points.
I’m always torn on how long to comment on someone’s blog without mutual feedback before I eventually drop them. I mean, if I am making an effort to consistently comment, why can’t they, especially if they are constantly blogging, tweeting, etc.? Mia and I try to comment on as many posts as we can and probably hit 80-90% of every post that comes across our blogroll. I know it SHOULDN’T feel like an obligation, but after a while, I feel there has to be some kind of reciprocation.
Ahhh, leave it to you two to stir up such a hornets nest! Awesome post, and there’s little to add but to throw in my heartfelt thanks for posting.
I was gonna comment on this post since I’ve got a weird relationship with comments, but a) I wasn’t patient enough to read the whole thing so I don’t feel qualified to comment on it, and b) comment moderation, uh oh.
It’s impossible not to comment on this brilliant post! I have greatly appreciated the blogger etiquette that you have modeled. It provided me with encouragement when I was just starting and since I’m still pretty new, the ongoing comments help keep me going. I have found that reading comments on other blogs is a great way to find other bloggers to follow. I am one of those people who have been hampered somewhat by doing most of my reading/commenting on my iphone so I do understand the constraints of that. Thanks for a great post!
Thank you for this post. It very nicely summed up a lot of the issues I’m having right now.
I’m pretty new to the blogging world as well and I guess I’m a lurker (which makes me feel like such a creep now!). I’ve been reading blogs for longer than I’ve been writing them so sometimes I forget that I can comment on things and actually interact with you guys. Even when I do remember that I can comment, I get scared for some of the exact same reasons you mentioned.
It’s always good to know I’m not the only one and it makes me feel a lot better about leaving comments. So thanks! ^_^
-Rogue
I also wrote a blog post earlier this year on commenting and have been making the effort to comment (even on my phone as I doing now!) I love comments and feel its all about the connection! Thank you both for always commenting on my blog, it’s much appreciated!
Phoenix
X
Now that was a well thought out essay on blogging and commenting! Intriguing too.
I started out blogging in the secret hope that no one would ever find or read the posts! It was purely for the cathartic experience of writing my most secret thoughts down. But I found it titillating that someone might accidentally stumble across the blog and read it.
Then people started leaving comments! and shared some thoughts. Wow, what a buzz
Which led me to read other blogs, interact with like minded folk and suddenly I found I was drawn in to the blogging community and actually wanted people to read my posts.
And, of course, this led to the Memes – artfully designed to score hits. lol
I eventually became a bit of a slave to my blog. And a big shift from ‘not wanting anyone to see it’ to thirsting for attention began to feel a little unhealthy.
My blog remains ‘unlisted’ to search engines and so I guess I am still a secretive soul and I have stepped back a bit from it. Only posting if I feel a need and urge.
It is good to stop and think about all this occasionally isn’t it!
I love comments, and I respond to every single one. I enjoy interacting with readers a lot. Commenters have become friends in some cases!
I am not the best commenter in the world. I try to comment on at least 1-2 posts a week of the blogs I read regularly (that post near-daily), but sometimes I get behind. Also, others have sort of mentioned some commenting issues, and mine is that I can’t comment on WordPress blogs from my phone. Bah.
Jack you do make me actually LOL even when you are being utterly serious! *titters again thinking of your blogging and masturbation schedule :D*
I completely agree and know I have in the past been guilty of this terrible crime. *hangs head in shame*
However since my recent twitter departure I have found that I can maintain friendships and gain exposure for my blog without the regular twitter feed, which I relied upon previously.
As shown in my recent stats and comments I have had 38 comments since opening my blog in March from 18 different bloogers.
This not only let’s me stay connected to you sexy lot but also let’s me know I have some really loyal friends who have followed me and are happy to take time to let me know they care, and enjoy my stuff! Bonus!!
Love you long time,
Blows #girlkisses for Jill
Lily
Xxx
Thanks for a wonderful post on blogger etiquette. It definitely is appreciated by me as a fairly new blogger. I try as much as possible to comment but at times, I don’t have much to say or the time to. I however read and appreciate just about each and every post from the bloggers I’m following. It just occurred to me that I encourage my readers to leave a comment when I myself don’t on some of the blogs I read. Hmmmmmm….
This is an interesting post, and, I see, one that has generated quite a few comments!
I actually try to comment on pretty much any post I read provided I have something to say about it. About 95% of the time, the author of whatever blog I commented on does not come back and comment on mine.
Have you two found any tools to keep track of the blogs you want to continually comment on? I’m thinking of setting up Google reader or something like that… I’m finding there are enough interesting blogs out there that I need some sort of way to keep track.
I just found yours, but I’ve seen your names on other blogs I follow (incidentally, in the comment fields). I’ll come back to read more, for sure! cheers. 🙂
Very well put!
I try to always leave a comment as a calling card of “i was here”…I even just leave “lurking or a smiley” if I am at a lack of words.
I think bloggers and pocasters are “attention whores” WE want the reaction, comments and the knowledge that someone is out there reading or listening.
I read somewhere that a person should leave a comment on EVERY blog they read. Because it does bring people back to your blog..just if our of curiosity to see who commented. I found this to be true…ppl are naturally curious.
This is a great post and I am gonna share it on my blog..hope you don’t mind 🙂
I enjoy commenting. . when I have something thoughtful to say. . or if I can even encourage someone.
Some days I just have nothing. . I am MT!
We always looks forward to comments and we have noticed who does and thank you most humbly for it. Thank-you for setting a positive example.
If folks are not yet aware. . for every link exchange we all do the better rating each of us gets from the search engines.
Well, I’ll be damned, I think I finally figured out how to comment while mobile. 😉
Thank you for sharing this. I had never heard of blogger etiquette before, it’s a good concept and one I will try to act on.
For me, the key thing about comments is feedback – knowing that what I am sharing in my blog matters to the people who read it, or where I can make changes to make it more relevant.