As the ancient elevator growled to life, she knelt down and sucked his cock.  As they passed the second floor, a small audience watched them rise.  Before they’d ascended out of view, she leaned against the wall and he took her from behind.

At the third floor, a woman in lingerie eyed them lasciviously.  The fourth floor was deserted.  At the fifth a decrepit man in tattered clothing watched and masturbated.

“I’ll be getting off here,” he said as they came to the seventh floor.  He climaxed noisily, his body tensing.  His cock dripped as he pulled out.

The door opened.  He exited, replaced by a naked man stroking himself eagerly.  She licked her lips.

“Going down?” (117/117)

Behind the Scenes

Once again, this week’s Flash Fiction Friday prompt was issued by Ram the Sunlover.  We’ve been out of town since last Friday, with an unreliable-at-best internet connection.  When I checked Ram’s blog on Tuesday no new challenge had yet been posted, and I assumed I had the week off.  On Thursday afternoon I checked again, and found the prompt photo.  I knew I had to work fast.

In addition to the prompt photo and the 117-word limit, participants were required to use the word “decrepit”.  Knowing that I could most definitely spin a story around the photo, I began to work quickly.  I had a story idea that would have fit the prompt perfectly, but which I could not possibly make fit within the word limit.  Believe me, I tried.  (This idea is detailed in the “Deleted Scenes” section, below.)

For that reason, this Flash Fiction Friday assignment was quite difficult, moreso than the average difficult Flash Fiction Friday story.  Eventually I had to step away for awhile, during which time I came up with a new, similar story idea that I was confident I could tell in 117 words or less.

Deleted Scenes

The original idea that I attempted to write involved a couple of thrill-seekers sneaking into an derelict sanitarium to have sex.  The opening paragraph included mention of “broken windows and crumbling brick, the structure itself surrounded by overgrown weeds and tiny bits of glass.”  With this leisurely pacing, it’s no wonder that I had to abandon the idea.  In this story, the individual pictured in the foreground would have been an unexpected interloper, providing the story with, for lack of a better term, a “jump scare” of the sort used in horror films.  The title of the story would have been “Convalescent Home”, in reference to the lovers’ mistaken belief that the institution was that, and not a sanitarium.

When it became apparent that I couldn’t hope to compress my previous story idea into 117 words or less, I tried coming up with a modified version of the above featuring little or no buildup and catching the two characters mid-coitus.  When the individual standing outside the elevator made his appearance the man would have run, leaving the woman alone to face an uncertain fate.  The title of this story would have been “Abandoned”, in reference not only to the sanitarium but also to the state of the woman at story’s end.

When writing the final story, I inadvertently omitted the word “decrepit”.  I didn’t have room to add it anywhere, so I changed the fifth floor’s group of men “masturbating and hooting excitedly” to a single decrepit man.  In addition, the two individuals switched from doggy style to standing with the woman’s legs around the man’s back.  I couldn’t make this change of position fit.

Rejected titles for this story include “Love in an Elevator”, and “Up and Down”.

Soundtrack

I’d suggest Aerosmith’s “Love in an Elevator”, but that’s just too easy.  Therefore, I’ll go with “Going Up, Going Down” by Pan Spherics, or “Somebody’s Watching Me” by Rockwell.  For a more urban sound, how about “Elevator” by Flo Rida and Timbaland?