It’s no secret that I love to suck Jack’s cock! Being so up close and personal with it can be a very intimate thing. I love hearing his breathing change in response. I love feeling him tense up as his arousal builds. And I love tasting him when he explodes for me. If fucking didn’t feel as good as it does, I might be content to make Jack cum exclusively by mouth forever. And it’s not just Jack. Were the opportunity to present itself I would be interested in finding out whether another guy was as susceptible to my mouth magic as my husband is.
So obviously I am good at giving oral sex. The question is, am I any good at receiving it? It has honestly never occurred to me to ask such a question. But I recently came across an article on SexIs, the online magazine of adult retailer EdenFantasys that talks about womens’ reluctance to enjoy, or even to engage in, cunnilingus. As someone who has always enjoyed it, I find it distressing to consider that a multitude of psychological barriers and social issues might prevent women from getting as much pleasure out of it than they could otherwise.
The first such barrier cited by the article is concern over taste and smell. The author suggests washing daily, which actually sounds like common sense to me. The deeper issue is the stigma that surrounds human sexuality, at least in the United States. Women’s health is almost totally disregarded. We are not taught hygiene in public schools, or if we are the knowledge is insufficient. Meanwhile parents may be embarrassed, ill-prepared, or simply unable to bring up such a subject with their daughters at home. This inability is, again, due to the stigma surrounding sex.
Another barrier is lack of comfort with one’s physical appearance, specifically one’s vulva. While I can’t speak for the rest of the world, in the United States young women are taught to strive for an unrealistic, often unattainable physical ideal. Those who deviate from this ideal are marginalized, shunned, and even insulted for not living up to the standard. With such unfair emphasis placed on physical beauty, is it any wonder that young women suffer from nearly-crippling self-consciousness? The author of this article advises women to “see the beauty” of their vulvae, and presumably the rest of their bodies as well. This is excellent advice.
Another block mentioned in the article is the fact that some women don’t feel entitled to the attention that comes from oral sex. I personally can’t fathom this. The attention feels great! Saying that you aren’t entitled to oral sex is like saying that you aren’t entitled to ice cream. Everyone deserves some delicious ice cream once in awhile, and I think everyone deserves oral sex too. The author points out that many of the women who claim a lack of entitlement do not hesitate to give their partners oral sex, and ensuring that they receive pleasure from it. Though I am largely unfamiliar with the D/s dynamic, this attitude sounds very submissive to me.
That brings me to the next point made in the article. Submissive women may abstain from receiving cunnilingus if they feel it to be a dominant act that runs counter to their inclinations. While it’s true that for some, receiving oral sex is a dominant act and giving oral sex is a submissive act, this is not always the case. As the author mentions, there are ways of tailoring cunnilingus so that the recipient is in a submissive position. I do enjoy the submissive aspect of sucking cock. But sometimes when I go down on Jack, even when I am on my knees and he’s got a handful of my hair, it can be extremely empowering, even dominant, to know that I am the one who’s turning him on so much. As the author states, “Being a sub does not mean you have to forfeit your sexual pleasure for your partner.”
For those who simply can’t relax enough to enjoy oral sex, I would recommend using a sex toy while your lover is actively attempting to pleasure you. Speaking as someone who doesn’t usually have trouble enjoying oral sex, I find that sometimes using my favorite rabbit vibrator on my clit while Jack licks my pussy, or perhaps penetrating myself with said vibrator while Jack licks my clit really does the trick.
Though I love cunnilingus now, there was a time when I didn’t enjoy it as much, or at least as consistently. One of my ex-boyfriends always put too much pressure on my clit, to the point that it became painful. Needless to say, this failed to get me off. After awhile, I tried to discuss it with him, and he got offended, basically insinuating that the problem was with me. Even after I (wisely) broke up with him, I remained a bit apprehensive about receiving oral sex.
Jack changed all of that. By his own account, he was very experienced in giving head when we met, and certainly quite good at it. Unlike some guys, his concern when eating my pussy is not getting it over and done with so he can fuck me without feeling guilty that I didn’t have an orgasm. No, Jack’s concern is my pleasure, and making sure that I am completely sexually satisfied. Even from the first time, Jack proved himself skilled at listening for subtle cues and reading my body. I’ve always felt like I could tell him, if necessary, what I needed him to do in order to make me climax: “Softer, please.” “Slower.” “Longer licks.”
I suspect that Jack is not as uncommon as he sounds. I believe that most guys truly love going down on a woman the way he does, and what they may lack in skill they make up for in enthusiasm (or perhaps vice versa). The first step is to understand how beautiful and how sexual you are. The second step is to convince yourself that you’re worthy of pleasure, and that it can fit into your sexual repertoire regardless of how you identify. The third step is to ask for it, or better yet, go get it! Embrace cunnilingus! It’s a lot of fun, and it allows your lover to give you pleasure in a far more precise fashion than fucking.
This post was sponsored by EdenFantasys.
I remember the first time I went down on a girl. I knew what part to focus on, and where to find it from other manual successes. But I had no idea what to expect or how it was going to go.
But the reaction I got from her was much better than when I used my hands and there was no turning back – I loved it.
The pleasure she receives is such a turn on.
I’ve never had a woman who turned down cunnilingus. I think most women now are good with the way they look and feel and expect an enthusiastic licking from their lovers. And most men enjoy giving it to them!
I will turn down getting head in a heartbeat. Do I enjoy it? On occasion, yes, but for the most part it’s not my thing. I think I have a pretty pussy and I enjoy my taste, so that’s not my issue. I just can’t stand how it feels sometimes. It’s very hard to explain.
I do agree that most men love oral, because I hate when men are so disappointed by that with me when I admit it’s not my favorite, but it’s really just how I am. My husband and boyfriend are actually pretty good at it, but I don’t think they recognize how sensitive the area gets when their mustache/goatee comes in contact with it over and over again. For me, it can get quite raw and uncomfortable. However, this is a general issue and one that has nothing to do with my overall disinterest in oral.
I wish I were different and derived as much pleasure from it as the average woman seems too, but I guess I will have to just stick to fucking.
Great post!
My current partner prefers to have my cock in her pussy than my tongue on her clit or anywhere near there. Not that I have a huge cock, but guess she’s one who does not like it, or maybe i’m just doing it wrong….;(
It is sad that women feel they can’t enjoy oral…I fucking love it! Can’t get enough of it.
Great post…very interesting.
I was raised by a mother who had major issues discussing sex. Oral sex was never discussed because she did not believe in it, Period. Her saying was ‘if God had meant for that to be in our mouths he would have equipped it with a spoon” My response and my hubby’s response was to stick out our tongues and curl them followed by, luckily we came with built in utensils. that being said I still have issues with both. While I love giving I often feel like I am not good enough, when receiving I have issues relaxing and enjoying many times. Give me a muscle relaxer and that issue disappears lol. That also may result in me cumming so hard I blow the back of your head off. I think much of my issue stems from abuse in my youth and I have triggers that can still send me scrambling mentally. I am doing my best to work on that though.
I’ve got to agree with Cougar on this one – I love it too! Both giving and getting oral are huge for me. I hope your thoughtful post encourages more people to at least think about the reasons they may or may not enjoy it.
I love the points you make in this article. You are so right that perhaps for some women it may be hard to enjoy. I know for me my desire for it was ruined by a partner who told me I was gross tasting.
Having a partner who loves to give it makes all the difference, but it was up to me to open up and be open to that chance again.