Thank you to Erotic Adventures in Brisneyland for the theme of this week’s TMI Tuesday.
Jack’s Answers
1. Have you ever had a friendship with a someone where you secretly (or not so secretly) desired them?
Of course. I desire most of the women I know personally. Exceptions include my close relatives, though not necessarily Jill’s. Essentially, if you’re female and I know you personally, chances are that I’ve pictured you naked, fantasized about you, and gotten off to said fantasies. It’s just the way I am, and I make no apologies.
2. Are you prone to jealousy, suspicion or insecurity when your partner spends time with an attractive close friend without you? Why?
Not really. I was definitely prone to these things when I was younger, though it depended on the nature of the relationship I was in at the time. Generally speaking, when I did find myself feeling insecure or jealous it was less a sign that I was flawed as a person, and more a sign that the relationship wasn’t the right one for me. While I wasn’t always willing to bolt at the first sign of game-playing, I knew that it was the smart thing to do. Today, I feel very little jealousy of any kind, and I suppose that it’s a sign that I’ve matured, and more importantly that I’ve found in Jill the perfect person to be with. I am not the sort to feel jealousy, because I understand that Jill’s interactions with other men, generally limited to flirting, dirty talk, and sexy IM conversations, only go to show that I made an excellent choice in marrying her. Given the security of our relationship, I view jealousy as a somewhat unreasonable emotion. There is literally no cause for me to be jealous that I can fathom. Granted, I might feel a bit more jealous if Jill were exploring an emotional connection with another man than I would if the connection was merely sexual in nature.
3. Has a previously platonic friendship ever bloomed into a sexual relationship?
Yes. While I am notoriously inept when it comes to picking up subtle sexual cues from platonic friends, I can think of two incidents off the top of my head wherein I had sex with a woman with whom I was friends first. The first was Christine, a woman I worked for years ago, and whom I considered a friend. The second was Lori, who I knew in college, stayed in touch with, and hooked up with once years later. In fact, she was my most recent one-night stand, if you can call it that.
4. Have you ever remained close friends with an ex-lover?
While I am still in sporadic contact with both Christine and Lori, I don’t consider them close friends. However, when I was in my early twenties I dated a young woman for a few years, on and off. We loved each other and the sex was great. Eventually, however, we broke up for good, and though we continued to care about each other, it was clear that we couldn’t be together. We remained very close friends, almost to the level of confidantes, and in fact she attended Jill’s and my wedding some years later. However, I eventually proved myself a bad friend, and without malice aforethought I inadvertently burned that bridge. She and I haven’t spoken in almost five years, and I suspect that we never will again. The breach was entirely my fault, and I don’t fault her for running from me.
Bonus: Have you ever developed feelings for a “friend with benefits”? How did it develop, unfold, resolve?
I don’t believe that I have. Well, maybe I developed feelings of not wanting the arrangement to end, but I’m pretty sure I was always able to keep sex and love separate.
Jill’s Answers
1. Have you ever had a friendship with a someone where you secretly (or not so secretly) desired them?
In college, I had a really good friend I would often hang out with. We would talk about everything. He listened to my relationship issues and I listened to his. We would study together late at night, and occasionally fall asleep in the same bed. He and I never actually hooked up, but we talked about leaving our present relationships and date. The fact that we were both afraid that doing so would ruin our friendship prevented it from actually happening. Eventually I ended up moving, and eventually he and I lost touch. I wonder what he’s doing these days. I hope he’s living a happy life.
2. Are you prone to jealousy, suspicion or insecurity when your partner spends time with an attractive close friend without you? Why?
I am usually very secure in my relationship with Jack. Though I have experienced insecurity with other men I’ve dated or slept with, my husband does all he can to make me feel beautiful, sexy, and above all loved and desired unconditionally. But Jack has many female friends with whom he is very close, and despite the fact that I trust my husband implicitly, there are times when I do find myself feeling a bit insecure, or even jealous. I don’t know why I feel it sometimes, because I know that if these friends sought to undermine our relationship they wouldn’t be his friends for long. These feelings are rare, though. More often I am jealous that I am at work instead of getting to join Jack and whichever of his friends he’s hanging out with (usually M).
3. Has a previously platonic friendship ever bloomed into a sexual relationship?
I met a guy through my boyfriend, and considered him my friend as well. During a party at his house, he and I enjoyed a hot makeout session which quickly evolved into a friends-with-benefits relationship that lasted a year or two, long after my then-boyfriend was forgotten.
4. Have you ever remained close friends with an ex-lover?
No. In most of my past relationships, the guys ended up being jerks. They definitely proved themselves the type of men with whom a post-relationship friendship would be impossible.
Bonus: Have you ever developed feelings for a “friend with benefits”? How did it develop, unfold, resolve?
During the friends-with-benefits relationship I mentioned in #3, I started to have feelings for the guy. But it didn’t take me long to realize that he wasn’t good for me in any way except sexually.
How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!
I don’t think one can help but get reflective with questions like these. You two have a great relationship and it shows in how you can bring up previous and current relationship without worrying that the other is going to flinch or lose sight of the fact that you love each other 🙂
Happy TMI!
~Kazi xxx
Interesting answers this week. I was intrigued by your answers to the jealousy question. In our experience jealousy is based on fear and as such the best way to deal with it is to address the fear. Telling it to go away because it is irrational rarely works.
Jill I totally get the answer to 3. Find myself there sometimes. Mainly because of my size and nearly every woman he has had the hots for has been much smaller and prettier than me. But then I also realize I can do things she can’t do.. cause I have made sure that I can. More often I don’t trust the woman more than him.
loved all the answers, but THIS was the show stealer Jack, “It’s just the way I am, and I make no apologies.” BRAVO mate, if only we could all find this inner peace and strength!
Enjoyed reading your answers. It’s always interesting to see what other people had done, too.
Great answers this week. That is really interesting that an ex attended your wedding. I doubt S would have allowed that even though I was still friends with a few. Great job!
I really liked the answers this week, y’all!
Jill-I think minor feelings of insecurity are just a small part of being a woman. I know that sounds stereotypical, but I believe it to be true. We are so overly judged and picked apart, in general, that sometimes it can be hard not to listen to the “little voice”. I hope that makes sense because it certainly applies to me when I am feeling insecure. 🙂
Btw, I just wanna say you guys rock! 🙂
I do love that you do your blog together which shows such a wonderful level of commitment, trust and understanding.
Honest answers from both of you, as usual. My ex-husband attended my second wedding. He came over at Christmas and spent the day when our son was still small and I looked after his children from his second marriage too from time to time. Interesting I wasn’t invited to his second wedding!
Happy TMIx
unusually serious answers from you this week, Jack. Always interesting to read both of you. Thanks for playing.