It’s true that penetrative vaginal and anal sex are activities that are thusfar limited to the two of us.  Unlike most other sexual practices including oral sex, on which we’ve never really placed any conscious boundaries, in the nearly nine years that we’ve been together vaginal and anal sex are things we’ve not done with anyone else.  Why not?  Well, for starters Jill has trouble getting her head around the thought of sharing something that is, to her, so personal and intimate.  She acknowledges that it’s likely an arbitrary distinction, but for right now she finds it easier to justify partial non-monogamy if something remains sacred, so to speak.

However, something of which you are probably unaware is the fact that she has considered removing said boundary.  We’ve discussed it extensively, weighed the pros and the cons, and come to the understanding that, given the right set of circumstances, it could eventually happen.  Being ethical swingers (to the extent that we actually are swingers), we always have condoms on hand when we play with another person.  This is due in part to the fact that our third may prefer that I wear one when she is giving me oral sex, but it’s also due to the fact that Jill may become so turned on by the situation that she needs to watch me fuck the other person.  It happens to be something she fantasizes about frequently, and I appreciate the fact that my wife possesses sufficient foresight to recognize this possibility and take precautions just in case.

As for our other boundaries, the only physical limitation that comes to mind is kissing.  Wait!  Before you jump to conclusion that kissing is somehow off-limits, let me clarify:  As we are relative newbies, we’re still kind of figuring out what’s acceptable and what’s not acceptable.  I’m more than capable of sport-fucking, and would never rule out performing any activity with a secondary partner.  This is because I understand that there’s a world of difference between something that is done with a partner I truly love and care about, i.e. Jill; and a partner who is totally hot but with whom I don’t necessarily have an emotional bond.  So I don’t feel the need to keep anything sacred.  In the beginning, however, it was very important to Jill that kissing be kept between us.  Our third didn’t realize this – we had barely discussed it between the two of us, let alone with others – and during our first threesome we both made out with her quite extensively.  The difference is that while Jill wasn’t okay with me kissing her, I was absolutely elated by the sight of the two of them tongue-wrestling.  While it really didn’t lead to any hurt feelings or even awkwardness, it did demonstrate the importance of outlining what is okay and what is not okay, and ensuring that all parties are aware.

Needless to say, the prohibition on kissing went out the window pretty quickly.  Jill understands the importance of a sexy makeout session with a new partner.  She knows that it’s something that turns me on so greatly that words can’t accurately describe the effect it has on me.  Today, kissing is no longer verboten, but Jill is sometimes worried about the focus shifting away from her and I if an extracurricular makeout session goes on too long.  She has been known to give me a signal that she’d like me to stop briefly – “just move down to her tits for a few seconds” – and then resume.  Given the security of our relationship she admits that her worries are irrational, and acknowledges that as we gain more experience with other partners these feelings are likely to dissipate completely.

The real boundary, however, is emotion.  We’re not poly, and we don’t seek a poly relationship.  We have all the love we need and want.  We are only after sex without strings, and if a close friendship materializes as a result we certainly wouldn’t object.  The one thing that both Jill and I agree should only be shared between the two of us is an emotional connection.  Read Jill’s thoughts on the subject here.