Hook-ups: A cultural revolution
Hookups – brief uncommitted sexual encounters between individuals who are not romantic partners or dating each other.
“Hookups have emerged from more general social shifts taking place during the last century. Hookups began to become more frequent in the 1920s, with the upsurge of automobiles and novel entertainment, such as movie theaters. Instead of courting at home under a parent’s watchful eye, young adults left the home and were able to explore their sexuality more freely.
By the 1960s, young adults became even more sexually liberated, with the rise of feminism, widespread availability of birth control and growth of sex-integrated college party events. Today, sexual behavior outside of traditional committed romantic pair-bonds has become increasingly typical and socially acceptable (Bogle, 2007, 2008).” —
Source
Jack’s Answers
1. When was your last hook-up?
For the purposes of this post and my answers, I need to ask whether we are talking about one-night stands, or ongoing hookups (i.e. what is commonly known as a fuckbuddy or friends with benefits situation). Or are we talking about both? I feel like my answers are going to grow increasingly wordy as I try to answer the question in both ways. My last spontaneous hookup was…you know, it was more years ago than I can really recall at the moment. I’ve never had a problem with casual sex, really (though I find sex much more exciting when it’s with someone I’ve known to some extent beforehand, if only because it’s almost a sure thing that I’ve spent some time wondering what she looks like without her clothes, or what she sounds like when she comes). That being said, all of my extracurricular dalliances since meeting Jill have occurred with some manner of planning or at least forethought. Depending on how one might define the term, the last such hookup I’ve experienced was either a threesome Jill and I had, or a solo hookup, both of which occurred in December.
2. Briefly describe the hook-up?
The threesome was with the manager of a major chain copying, printing and shipping store. We were having a photo enlarged, and while waiting for it we struck up a conversation with her. When it was clear that the three of us were hitting it off well, she said that we should all go out for coffee or drinks. At the time we weren’t sure if she was saying it in jest, or perhaps to be polite, so rather than laughing it off I told her that sounded great. She quickly wrote down her number, and we ended up calling two nights later. We met at a bar, and after one round she asked if we wanted to go hang out at her place. Bear in mind that we really had no idea whether she was interested in us sexually – though she was very expressive with her body language, we didn’t make any assumptions. However, once we were at her place she became very flirty, especially with Jill. Things progressed naturally from there. As for the solo hookup, it was with a trainer at the gym where Jill and I work out. She and I had sex a couple times in summer, and I was pleasantly surprised when she texted me shortly before Christmas.
3. How did you feel physically and emotionally after your last hook-up?
Good and good. Triumphant. Not clingy or weird.
Kind of like this.
4. Are you still acquainted with the person from your hook-up?
I’ve got their numbers in my phone, but I’m not in regular contact with either one. However, it’s not like I’ve forgotten their names or anything.
5. How often do you engage in hook-ups?
Not very often. When the opportunity arises and Jill is okay with me pursuing it, I guess. And that’s probably sufficient.
6. What do you like most about engaging in hook-ups?
I like sex with multiple people (whether all at once, or one at a time). I don’t like having to limit myself to one single partner, even if my primary partner reaps more of the benefits of my existence than any of the others. To me, the thought of being locked into a single sexual relationship for the remainder of my life sounds like hell on earth, and I say that with the knowledge that my wife is the best sexual partner I’ve ever had. If I absolutely had to be monogamous – and I did, for awhile – I would manage. But I’m glad that, at least for now, I don’t have to. Having said that, I appreciate the variety that hookups provide. I’m not just talking about sex, though that is mostly what I’m talking about. I just like spending time with different women who have different interests, different backgrounds, different lives, different looks, different bodies, etc.
Sometimes you just get the chocolate, and sometimes you get the Golden Ticket as well.
Bonus: Are you married and having hook-ups?
Yes and yes.
Jill’s Answers
1. When was your last hook-up?
I don’t know if it counts because there was no penetration, but the last time I fooled around with someone was about a year ago. Before that, though, was shortly before Jack and I met, so more than ten years ago now.
2. Briefly describe the hook-up?
I attended a going-away party at a bar for a friend I’ve known going back to junior high school. There were about fifteen of us there, mostly women but a few guys as well, and many eyes were fixed on my breasts as I’d chosen a low-cut top that showed off my cleavage. I flirted openly with most of the guys and some of the women, the ones I knew were unattached at least. We drank and danced, and more than a couple people who happened to be at the bar but weren’t part of our group came over to drink with us. As the night wore on, the group thinned out to about ten, and then five or six. More comfortable with a smaller crowd, I kind of cut loose at this point. I turned up the flirting with the two brothers who remained, and though I was interested in both of them I focused mainly on one over the other. Thanks to alcohol, flirting, and dirty dancing, by the time the last five of us (the brothers, a female friend, the female friend who was moving away and myself) reconvened at the home of one of the ladies a block away from the bar, I was relaxed and very, very horny. Impulsively and without much thought for what everyone else present might think, I kissed one of the brothers on my friend’s couch, then offered him a tour of the house in the hopes of continuing our fun away from prying eyes. We made a stop in the hall bathroom and we made out. He felt me up, and I touched his cock through his pants. He was as hard as I was wet, and after a few minutes I gently moved his hand down my body. He got the message, hiked up my skirt, and began to caress me through my panties. We probably would have taken things further right there had one of the ladies not walked in. At that point we rejoined the party, but we left before much longer, and walked up to the bar where our cars were still parked. He asked if I wanted to come back to his place. I told him, perhaps wisely, that I shouldn’t. But I still gave him head in his truck.
3. How did you feel physically and emotionally after your last hook-up?
I felt exhilarated, both physically and emotionally. It was a huge thrill, at least partially because I love giving pleasure, so making somebody come under the circumstances that I did, and just knowing that I turned him on that much, was very exciting. Another reason for the thrill is that it is still so taboo to me. While Jack and I have renegotiated our boundaries several times over the past few years, it’s still not something that comes as naturally to me as it does to him. While I enjoyed hooking up when I was single, part of my brain still wants to believe that I shouldn’t be doing it now that I am married. However, I also felt conflicted. On the one hand, I really wanted him to fuck me. On the other hand, I didn’t know then, and maybe I still don’t know, whether I was ready for that or whether I could have handled it if I had. So more than anything I was left tremendously excited, and when I got home I wanted sex, naturally.
4. Are you still acquainted with the person from your hook-up?
Yes. We’re friends on Facebook. Once in awhile he messages me, though as of yet he hasn’t asked for another go.
At least he’s not sending me game requests.
5. How often do you engage in hook-ups?
Not very often. Most of what I do with other people still involves Jack in some way.
6. What do you like most about engaging in hook-ups?
That’s hard to answer, because again, part of me is conflicted over it. However, I do love sex, and I enjoy having sex with multiple partners. Even though the majority of my recent experience in this regard has been in the context of threesomes, usually with women, I am becoming a lot more at-ease with regard to having sex without Jack present (at least in theory, if not necessarily in practice), because if I overcame my sex-with-multiple-partners at once hangup, I can probably overcome my solo-sex-outside-of-my-marriage hangup. I guess what I’m trying to say is that what I like most about a hookup is definitely being with someone new.
Plus the electricity isn’t bad.
Bonus: Are you married and having hook-ups?
Kind of.
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Prompted by seeing Jack’s tweet, I’d just like to chime in to say that I loved reading your answers to this. (And your sinful Sunday pics, etc). As a person new to non-manogamy, I’m very interested in how successful couples interact in this world. You guys seem to have a good balance and your openness with us and each other (illustrated here) is really fantastic. I liked reading Jill’s answers and like how she described pushing her boundaries. Also, her description of the scenario in the bar with the brothers and then the blow job in the truck was really hot. 🙂
As always, sexy answers! Jill, I loved your hook up story. That is so damn hot. 😀