Welcome to another week, welcome to another TMI Tuesday.

Jack’s Answers

1. Tell us about something that recently happened with you that is truly “too much information”.
I’m not going to tell you about the shape and density of my turds or anything; my TMI tends to be more sexual in nature. This isn’t particularly recent, but some months back I was masturbating and when I ejaculated I noticed that it was discolored. It appeared to be brown or red, though I didn’t study it too closely as I’ve been masturbating for twenty-five years or more and one ejaculation tends to be the same as the last one. Still, I was disturbed by the sight and more than a little worried that it might be testicular cancer or something. I went online and did a search, and found that it’s common for men in my age group to experience bloody ejaculation as a result of overexertion while working out. I’d been spending more time than usual on a stationary bike, and I’d heard that doing so could cause reproductive issues, so I immediately switched up my regimen and there have been no problems since. At my subsequent physical my doctor confirmed that my balls were healthy, though I was disappointed that she didn’t taste them just to be sure.

2. Share with us a tale of “too much information” that someone shared with you (and you wished they hadn’t).
Honestly, it’s hard to think of anything. Generally speaking, most of my friends and relatives realize that I’m not the guy who wants to hear about where their latest bowel movement ranked on the Bristol Stool Scale, nor do I want to know about the relative itchiness of their asshole, the color and viscosity of their urine, or whether their doctor is willing to prescribe an extra-strength topical cream for hemorrhoids. I have an aunt who probably sees no issue with telling me the most godawful (though fortunately non-sexual) things about her health, but I think I have successfully repressed memories of anything she might have told me. The best thing I can come up with is how I happened upon a friend’s Facebook posting about the deplorable condition in which she found the ladies room of her local Starbucks. All I could think of was, why? What sort of thrill or feeling of superiority might a human being get from sharing such a nightmare on social media? Understand that it was merely text, no photos, and she didn’t even go into much depth. Still, I didn’t get it. This is why I rarely visit Facebook.

3. Do you or your significant other use the toilet while the other is in the bathroom doing something else? Do you mind?
We don’t do that, but we have the luxury of living in a house with multiple bathrooms. I imagine that if we only had a single bathroom, I’d have to bite the bullet and just deal with it. Fortunately it isn’t an issue; this is something that kind of squicks me. And not because I find going to the bathroom gross, necessarily, but because I find it deeply personal and private. It may be different for Jill, however, as she’s one of many children in a huge family, and I imagine given the size of the family versus the size of the house in which she grew up, privacy was probably an afterthought sometimes.

4. Will you make a bowel movement when your significant other is in the bathroom?
I won’t even do it if I’m alone and the door doesn’t lock, unless my privacy is absolutely guaranteed, i.e. I’m home alone and expect to be for the duration, or there is an armed guard posted outside with orders to shoot to kill. Obviously I’m not using a public restroom without a locking stall door, either. Hell, I’m wary about using one unless there’s a hook right at the edge of the door where I can hang my coat to block the little sliver of visibility when people pass by. What can I say? I have issues. This is about as vulnerable as I ever let myself get. Once I was on a road trip with Jill’s family and we’d all stopped for breakfast in the middle of nowhere. I headed to the men’s room, but when I saw that the stalls had these little truncated half-doors that essentially left at most a foot and a half to the imagination of anyone else who happened to be in the men’s room, I decided I’d rather take my chances with whatever the next stop, be it for gas, snacks, coffee, or a quick walk around a rest area, might bring.

5. Toilet paper, yes or no?
For the love of God, I hope this question isn’t asking whether or not I use toilet paper. I’m almost afraid to find out whether anyone answers no. Please tell me nobody answered no to this one. I mean, I’m not reading this question wrong, am I? Is it asking if we prefer toilet paper as opposed to, say, baby wipes or something? It’s not just, like, do you wipe your ass or don’t you, is it? Because that’s almost too repulsive to contemplate.

Bonus: What did you do this weekend? Did you have fun?
Visited family. Barbecued. Ate well, and drank a few beers. Went swimming. Enjoyed the sunshine. Had sex with Jill over and over. I had fun.

Jill’s Answers

1. Tell us about something that recently happened with you that is truly “too much information”.
My period showed up early, and it wasn’t pretty. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not the sort of woman to be ashamed of menstruating, and if I was Jack has made it very clear that I shouldn’t as he has never had any problem fucking me while I’m on my period. Still, I am really squeamish about receiving oral sex when I’m on my period. But like I said, it wasn’t pretty given how heavy my flow was. Luckily I was home at the time. It could have been a lot worse. I could have been swimming, or horseback riding, or God forbid jumping on a trampoline. How’s that? Is that TMI enough for you?

2. Share with us a tale of “too much information” that someone shared with you (and you wished they hadn’t).
A friend was sick recently, and felt the need to share with me all of the gory details about every one of her symptoms. I’d elaborate, if only to unburden myself, but trust me, you really don’t want that. It was unpleasant, but not really out of character for this particular friend.

3. Do you or your significant other use the toilet while the other is in the bathroom doing something else? Do you mind?
No, we don’t do that. It really wouldn’t bother me if it wasn’t a bowel movement, but that’s just not something that we do. Of course, the toilet in our master bathroom is separate from our sink, so if I need to use the bathroom while Jack is shaving, or if Jack needs to use the bathroom while I’m curling my hair, it’s as simple as just closing the door. But I think we’re more likely to simply use separate bathrooms.

4. Will you make a bowel movement when your significant other is in the bathroom?
No. I like my privacy.

5. Toilet paper, yes or no?
Yes, I use toilet paper. Doesn’t everyone? I guess there are probably some people who have to improvise, but I prefer toilet paper to leaves or newspapers. Occasionally I’ll use personal wipes, but I find that toilet paper works just fine most of the time.

Bonus: What did you do this weekend? Did you have fun?
We spent this weekend with Jack’s family. We ate great food, went swimming frequently, and had lots of sex while my in-laws were looking after our daughter. On Sunday I spent a fun day at the park with my daughter, as well as my sister and her kids. It was so much fun. There was a little meltdown at the end courtesy of my daughter who never wants to leave her grandparents’ house, but she eventually calmed down and we made it home safely.

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!