Hello there! TMI Tuesday here.

Bad Times

Jack’s Answers

1. Have you ever had bad sex? Why do you think it was bad?
I probably have, but I don’t know that I really classified it as such at the time. Back then, sex was bad if, at the height of passion, a jealous husband or boyfriend burst into the room and kicked the living shit out of me. Sex wasn’t bad if, for example, it took forever to get my partner off, or if she accidentally nicked my frenulum with her teeth. Generally speaking, I was just glad to have an orgasm with another person present and actively, willingly, participating. If I’ve ever had bad sex, it may have been the kind of sex where the physical pleasure was actually quite plentiful, but some other factor made it “bad”. That is, it involved someone with whom I probably shouldn’t have been having sex, i.e. an ex-girlfriend who thought sex meant getting back together, a person who may have been attached elsewhere, etc.

2. Have you ever given bad sex? Why did that happen?
I hope not. Honestly, I don’t think so. Who am I kidding? I probably did when I was younger and thought I knew everything about how a woman’s body works. Although by the time I was thirteen I had read a hell of a lot about human sexuality, so maybe I’m mistaken. Maybe I was as much a sexual dynamo when I lost my virginity at sixteen as I am today.

3. What instantly puts you in a bad mood?
Not much. These days my mood is generally pretty good, and while I’m intelligent enough to realize this won’t last forever, I’m enjoying it while I can. Very little gets me down. However, if you’d like me to tell you about things that disappoint or annoy me on a regular basis, i.e. the sort of thing that makes me roll my eyes and/or wish for the annihilation of all mankind, I can do that. They are: Bigotry, our instant-gratification/entitlement culture, untangling cords, the way my daughter tries to park herself in my shadow from the moment I pick her up from school until she goes to bed (though that one is pretty endearing), female friends who mistakenly believe that just because I’m married I don’t want to have sex with them, the stupid pre-recorded bullshit “entertainment” that plays before a movie at the Cinemark Theater chain, YouTube ads you can’t skip, willful ignorance, Chris Hardwick, 90% of contemporary pop culture, and the media’s determination to keep the American people scared, angry, and divided.

4. Have you been hurt during a sexual activity? What was the activity? How were you hurt or injured?
No, but a recent partner did text me a couple days later to tell me, and I quote, “Just fyi, my pussy is sore. Don’t remember the last time it’s been sore after sex. And for that, I thank you.” Technically not an injury, but without that anecdote I’ve got nothing.

5. During sex, what instantly turns you off?
Spouting conservative talking points.

6. Bad sex–is there really such a thing?
Yes. Of course there is. Just ask any of the women who’ve been victimized and then blamed for their own victimization. Ahem. Sorry to bring the room down all of a sudden.

Bonus: Biting during sex–
a. do you like it?
b. do you do it?
I don’t require it, but I’m certainly not opposed to it. It can be very sexy, and in fact, it’s something Jill and I do semi-regularly. But it’s usually part of foreplay or making out. It’s not really something we do for its own sake.

Jill’s Answers

1. Have you ever had bad sex? Why do you think it was bad?
Yes, I have. The person I had it with was a horrible lover. He was much more aggressive than I was capable of handing at the time, and he was very inconsiderate as well. Nothing turns me off quicker than a selfish lover.

2. Have you ever given bad sex? Why did that happen?
I don’t think I have. Or at least I hope not. I always give any partner my absolute best effort, even when I’m tired. Which is often.

3. What instantly puts you in a bad mood?
When someone doesn’t show me basic respect and courtesy, or is selfish, that always puts me in a bad mood.

4. Have you been hurt during a sexual activity? What was the activity? How were you hurt or injured?
Yes, I have. If you’re a longtime reader of this blog, you’ve probably already heard this story, but once, many years ago, a guy I was having sex with tried for anal sex without any warning or lube. Obviously that the last time I let him touch me.

5. During sex, what instantly turns you off?
You may be detecting a theme by now, but selfishness or lack of concern for my pleasure is an immediate mood-killer. Believe me, I love to give pleasure. I absolutely love it. Few things excite me as much as making somebody come, or even just knowing that whatever I happen to be doing to them is exciting them physically. But I like some reciprocity, and if my partner can’t be bothered to make me feel good, I’m not going to expend much effort for them.

6. Bad sex–is there really such a thing?
Hello. Have you been reading my answers, or no?

Bonus: Biting during sex–
a. do you like it?
b. do you do it?
Yes to both! Generally speaking, I like biting and being bitten gently. I’m not into teeth marks.

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