If you missed part one of this three-part series, read it here.
If you missed part two of this three-part series, read it here.

Mansplaining. Fake fangirling. “You’d look nicer if you smiled.” Catcalling. Negging. Gaslighting. Gender bias. The wage gap. The glass ceiling. The casting couch. Unsolicited dick pics. Slut-shaming. Revenge porn. Rape threats. Domestic violence. Sexual assault.

I planned on following the previous paragraph with something to the effect of “In what bizarro world are these things even remotely acceptable?” But they are acceptable because we are collectively willing to accept them. We are willing – perhaps even eager – to sell out women in order to maintain the status quo. That society works hard to normalize such offenses tells me all I need to know about how we value – or more accurately, don’t value – women. Admitting to sexual assault over a live mic not only doesn’t immediately lead to arrest and prosecution, it doesn’t even disqualify you from being President. On a smaller scale, if you sexually assault someone there’s a good chance a fellow misogynist with a gavel will see that you’re acquitted because you’ve got your whole life ahead of you.

That Roy Moore almost won the 2017 special election in Alabama, and the fact that we were all shocked when he didn’t, is abhorrent to me and it should be abhorrent to you as well. In a perfect world he’d be in prison, but I’d have settled for him being defeated by a landslide. What does it say about us that we don’t demand more of our politicians, if not the average person we pass on the street?

Is it that we see ourselves in such imperfect leaders – sorry, “leaders” – and that we take comfort in the idea of being governed by someone who doesn’t lord their moral superiority over us in much the same way I prefer Spider-Man to Superman because Peter Parker got bullied in high school while Superman is literally bulletproof? I’m sure there are some who would claim that this is the case, but what self-righteous, Bible-beating, fundamentalist-ass-kissing politician didn’t expect their constituents to do as they say, not as they do?

More likely these politicians justify our own worst instincts. A sizable portion of the American public loves it when a bloviating dickhead like Donald Trump* disrespects women because it gives them license to openly behave in the same fashion. I almost can’t blame Trump; sure, he’s cancer given semi-human form, broiled in a tanning booth, and stuffed into a tacky suit, but without an army of racist, misogynist acolytes he’d be powerless. In a perfect world he would have been driven from the stage in a hail of rotten tomatoes and other garbage when he announced his candidacy.

*Trump is the most prominent example of a politician** disrespecting women, but there are countless others throughout the history of this country, from the Jefferson-Hemmings controversy to John F. Kennedy’s womanizing to Gary Hart and “Monkey Business” to the Clarence Thomas hearings to Bob Packwood’s resignation from the U.S. Senate over allegations of sexual harrassment and assault to Newt Gingrich’s endless monsoon of hypocrisy to Bill Clinton and Monicagate to Anthony Weiner’s multiple sexting scandals to literally every single member of the GOP who has failed to remove an unrepentant sex offender from the Oval Office.

**Politician my ass. Trump is a glorified carnival barker and snake oil salesman who was installed via Russian malfeasance. The only thing he’s capable of leading is a business venture into bankruptcy.

I digress. How can we fix this? Well, I’m not sure it can be fixed. Or maybe it can, but I don’t think it’s likely. Because that would take effort that the entire male collective is probably not willing to make. And while I am not one to victim-blame, I can’t help but point a finger at all the women who bristle at the “feminist” label, who hesitate to believe other women and who parrot that “What were you wearing?” bullshit, who badmouth other women arbitrarily, and who are so desperate for male approval that they are willing to potentially harm every woman including themselves.

Anyway, the first thing we need to do is eradicate male entitlement, particularly cishet white male entitlement. As someone who was raised to believe the universe was going to hand me everything I wanted, I know the damage this does, not only to the people we might hurt but to ourselves. And when I say I was raised that way, I don’t necessarily mean by my parents; the damage was done largely by the entitled males around me, and the media as well.

Think about it: How many times have you seen a movie or television series where a physically-average-at-best male character is romantically linked to a woman who’s out of his league? Take Kevin James, for example; on screen he’s been paired up with Leah Remini, Erinn Hayes, and Maria Bello. I’m not trying to body-shame Kevin James, or any such actor, but beyond the fact that it’s disappointing to see a schlub held to a lower standard than his female counterpart it also sends the message that men are entitled to beautiful women without putting in much effort themselves.

Beyond that, we can raise our sons not to be shitty kids who grow up into shitty adults. That includes enforcing rules and levying consequences for bad behavior, teaching empathy and respect for consent, and never uttering the phrase “boys will be boys”, because the behavior that usually precedes such a statement should not be tolerated. And while I agree that we must raise our daughters not to accept abuse from men, and to fight when it’s necessary to do so – largely because many of the parents raising those men are doing a poor job – I posit that it shouldn’t be their burden to bear. That said, if you are raising a son in a responsible manner, you have my everlasting gratitude.

Better sex education would help, too. If we teach kids, or at least teenagers, what sex really is rather than presenting it in the context of reproduction – because I know that when I got my first sex ed lesson in the eighth grade I was disappointed that the only thing that was discussed was genetics – it would help to remove the stigma and the shame that surrounds sex, especially for women. Taking away the shame might lessen the tendency to victim-blame, as well as the hesitation to report sexual assault. Which could in theory reduce the number of such assaults overall. Or at least, one can hope.

(I realize that the aforementioned societal shame is part of the reason why comprehensive sex education doesn’t exist, at least in the United States; and much of this shame is the work of organized religion. So how about we revoke the tax-exempt status of any religious institution that contributes to it? And just to drive home the point, have their tax dollars go toward funding Planned Parenthood.)

When rape does occur, give the perpetrators hard time, and get judges who aren’t on board with this the fuck off the bench. Hell, charge them with obstruction of justice and lock them up too. It should go without saying that we need to stop giving attention to attention-seeking assholes who seek prominence through their misogyny. Don’t even share memes that talk about how stupid they are, because they thrive on that. And definitely don’t vote for these miscreant fucks when they emerge from their rat-holes to run for office.

If you don’t feel capable of enacting systemic reform, just do your part as an individual. Guys: Recognize that women don’t owe us anything. Don’t slide into a woman’s DMs if you don’t know her or have any reason to believe that she wants to hear from you. Assume that she doesn’t want to see your dick; the number of people who do want to see it is infinitesimal, and the odds of her being one of them is even smaller. In all things, obtain consent or back off.

And women: Stick together, because consistent solidarity is the one thing that I believe will fix this. Guys have that stupid “bros before hos” adage, so may I suggest “sisters before misters”? (Actually scratch that; it’s so obvious I’m sure someone else coined it years ago.) And I know it’s the responsibility of men to be decent people and not the responsibility of women to constantly be vigilant, but do be vigilant, and don’t take any shit.

Stop trivializing the issues that concern women, whether it’s the availability of birth control, societal double standards, or sexual assault. Stop laughing at rape jokes – and more to the point, understand why they aren’t funny – even when the person telling them is our best friend. In fact, stop holding your male friends and relatives to such a low standard. By giving a misogynist the comfort of your love and friendship, you give him no reason to ever alter his behavior. But by taking a step away, and letting him know why, you force him to reflect and perhaps clearly see the harm he’s causing.

We must strive to do better than we’re already doing. Listen to the survivors of sexual assault and harassment. Believe them. Understand that women by and large do not fabricate such accusations for the purposes of money or fame, especially when the abuse that is subsequently heaped upon them negates any such reward. Show women respect, and call out anyone who doesn’t. It’s not easy, I know; most of my guy friends are long gone. But it’s necessary.

I’m going to close with a verse from one of my favorite hip-hop songs, “Keep Ya Head Up”. To a musical genre rife with sexism, Tupac Shakur’s 1993 tribute to women was a refreshing counterpoint. And although Shakur would be charged with sexual assault later that year, I cannot refrain from using the lyrics of this feminist anthem – a label he might well have rejected – to further my point.

And since we all came from a woman
Got our name from a woman
And our game from a woman
I wonder why we take from our women
Why we rape our women
Do we hate our women?
I think it’s time to kill for our women
Time to heal our women
Be real to our women
And if we don’t we’ll have a race of babies
That’ll hate the ladies
That make the babies
And since a man can’t make one
He has no right to tell a woman when and where to create one