Happy TMI Tuesday. Let’s play Hoo Doo (Who Do?). Answer the following questions and elaborate as you wish. Your answers can be real and truthful, fun and flirty, or crazy and whacky.
Who or Who(m) do you want to:
Jack’s Answers
1. Play naked twister with?
There are many women with whom I’d enjoy a randy game of naked Twister. In fact, there are far too many to list. Because of this, and because I am paranoid about upsetting one of my many sexy online friends by omitting her name from said list, I’m going to cop out and say that if you’ve got boobs and I’ve ever flirted with you (or in some cases, even if I haven’t), I would play naked Twister with you. While you had your right foot on blue and your left hand on green, and I had my left foot on yellow and my cock on red, I would be tumescent from anticipation of the sex that would follow.
2. Love?
Strange question. I want to love my wife and my daughter, as well as certain of my relatives and close friends. Accordingly, I do love them. After all, it’s not as though loving someone is something one usually aspires to; if someone wishes to love another person, he or she frequently just does it.
3. Excites you beyond belief?
As written, this question reads, “Who or Who(m) do you want to excites you beyond belief?” I presume that this question should have read “Who or Who(m) excites you beyond belief?” so I will answer it as though that was how it was written. The person who excites me beyond belief is Jill, because she is the most exciting woman I’ve ever met. I can’t even wrap my head around how much she turns me on, and that’s pretty much the definition of “beyond belief.”
4. Enjoy ass play with?
I guess it depends on what is meant specifically by the term “ass play”. Are we talking about rimming? Fingering? Fisting? Full-on anal sex? For the purposes of answering this question I’m going to rule out pegging, as it’s not really my preferred form of ass play (sorry, ladies). Regardless of the specific variety of ass play, I’m going to go with Rick Santorum. I’m not into guys, especially hate-filled right-wing lunatics who consider homosexuality akin to bestiality and child sexual abuse. And I really don’t want the entire world, especially Jill’s parents, to have to hear or read all the sordid details of a same-sex extra-marital dalliance in which I’ve been involved. But it would be so worth it to play a role in shaming the former senator from Pennsylvania in front of his supporters, and hopefully killing any future political aspirations he may have. In fact, when I was done with Santorum, I’d move on to Romney, Gingrich and Perry, just in case.
5. Shower with?
I’ve got a female friend I’ve known since childhood. Don’t misunderstand; just because she’s been a friend for decades, that doesn’t mean I can’t or don’t have sexual feelings for her. In our twenties, we used to be gym buddies, and would work out together once or twice a week. When the workout was over, she went into the women’s locker room, and I went into the men’s locker room. I wouldn’t have minded going into the same locker room, taking a steamy shower with her, making out under the hot spray, and ideally fingering her clit until she came, biting down on my shoulder to stifle her cries. (Incidentally, the answer to #1 applies here: If you’ve got boobs and I’ve ever flirted with you [or in some cases, even if I haven’t], I would like to shower with you.)
6. Undress?
Jill’s friend P, who we hot tubbed with on New Year’s Eve. Of Jill’s three closest friends, she is the one who I haven’t seen naked, or been in some sort of near-sexual situation with. She’s attractive, has a beautiful body, and hopefully once she was naked she would return the favor, and then gaze lovingly at my cock, compliment its girth, and make it touch the back of her throat.
7. Rim?
Didn’t question #4 already pertain to the ass? I’m not engaging in ass play without rimming beforehand. It’s just common courtesy.
8. Elope with?
No one, thanks. I’m happily married, and while there is no shortage of people I would like to kiss, make out with, get naked with, shower with, take a bath with, get oral sex from, give oral sex to, fist, fuck, cum in, and cum on, I’m certain I will not be eloping with any of them.
Bonus: Who do you want to wake up in the arms of? Why?
I’m going with Jill. Yeah, I know, I already wake up in her arms. But I want to forever. I trust that “Why?” is not a question that requires answering.
Jill’s Answers
1. Play naked twister with?
The more the merrier! Twister is the kind of game that’s more fun with a crowd, so it stands to reason that it’s even more fun when the crowd is naked. There’s something about a sexy tangle of naked bodies, whether they’re on a bed or a Twister mat, that gets me hot.
2. Love?
I love Jack, our daughter, and our family and friends.
3. Excites you beyond belief?
Jack excites me beyond belief. Lots of men and women turn me on, but I’ve never been turned on by anyone to the extent that I am by Jack. He can turn me on with a touch, a smile, or even just a look. All it takes is a wink and not only am I soaking wet, but my heart swells with love, desire, and contentment.
4. Enjoy ass play with?
Anyone who knows what he or she is doing would be fine with me. That means asking for permission, and when it’s granted, using lube and going at a pace that I find comfortable.
5. Shower with?
I’d love to take a shower with our Twitter friend and former blogger 13messages, because he sometimes takes sexy pictures of himself in the shower, and it always looks very inviting. Plus I bet he’d have no trouble getting those hard-to-reach spots on my lower back.
6. Undress?
My old college roommate’s husband would be fun to undress, especially if it leads to sex. Even if it doesn’t, I would love to see him naked because according to his wife he has a beautiful, thick cock. I’ve actually come very close to seeing it. How hot would it be if I finally got to see it after stripping off all his clothes?
7. Rim?
I’ve never rimmed anybody before. I’m not saying that I wouldn’t, just that I can’t think of anyone whose asshole I might like to lick. I’ve looked at lots of men and thought, “I would probably suck his cock.” I’ve never looked at a man or woman and thought, “I’d probably rim this person.”
8. Elope with?
I’m already married. I’m not eloping with anybody. When we were planning our wedding, though, it did occur to Jack and I that it would have been quicker, easier, and cheaper to just elope. Then again, it wouldn’t have been as much fun.
Bonus: Who do you want to wake up in the arms of? Why?
I love waking up in Jack’s arms. I get a euphoric feeling when I feel his embrace and realize that he is holding me protectively, his warm body against mine. But once in awhile I would love to wake up in the arms of a beautiful woman. Bonus points if Jack is there too. I’ve experienced this once, and I want to do it again, as soon as possible.
How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!
This picture was inspired by Moving Day, a picture we posted at The Other HNT in September 2010.
-Jill
Today we ripped off a blogger named Tense Teacher of the blog Tense for a Reason. (Yes we know that we’ve ripped her off not so long ago as well. It’s pretty amazing since she stopped posting in 2007. But that’s where we live as a thief). Also, it’s long so we’ll do it in parts. She does not say where she got it from. But, it was probably stolen there as well. So, of course, that will be as far as we go. Tracing back our theft’s thieves might take some time. Take the time to comment on other player’s posts. It’s a great way to make new friends! Link back to us at Sunday Stealing!
Cheers to all of us thieves!
Jack’s Answers
21. Did you go to your high school prom?
No. Junior year I had surgery and was out for a pretty dramatic length of time, so much so that several people wrote “I thought you died” in my yearbook. Senior year I opted to go to Hawaii instead. But I did
attend homecoming.
22. Perfect time to wake up?
When I’m finished sleeping.
23. Perfect time to go to bed?
Unlike the previous question, this one deserves a more straightforward answer. I am a night person, and have been one all my life. I think the reason I stay up so late is because I need to feel like I’ve accomplished something before I can rest. Some nights that may be completing another chapter in my ongoing writing project. Other nights it may be seeing a movie I’ve had for awhile but haven’t gotten around to watching, cleaning up or organizing something, or some manner of household project. Lately, it’s frequently this blog that keeps me up late.
24. Do you use your queen right away in chess?
I play chess seldom enough that I can get away with saying that I don’t play chess. In fact, I play chess seldom enough that have no idea at which point in the game I use my queen, or for that matter why a player might use his or her queen so early.
25. Ever been in a car accident?
Just a few minor fender benders. Nothing too disastrous. When I was a kid, my mom’s car was hit one morning by a driver pulling out of his or her driveway as we were passing. In my early twenties I backed into another car in a parking lot. Stuff like that.
26. Closer to mom or dad…or neither?
We answered this one in a recent post entitled “Tag! You’re It.” The answer I gave then, which still applies a week and a half later, is:
My mom, who stayed home to raise me when I was a child. As I now stay home to raise my own daughter, I hope that she and I will have a similarly close relationship.
27. What age is this exciting life over for you?
Upon reading this question on Saturday afternoon, I immediately tweeted that I didn’t understand the wording. A discussion with various Twitter friends yielded two possible explanations: (a) At what age will you die?, and (b) When will the exciting part of your life be over? I’ll answer both. (a) How the hell should I know?, and (b) I don’t think my life will ever cease to be exciting. In fact, although I had more than my share of excitement in my younger days, I think as I’ve gotten older the excitement has persisted, and perhaps even grown more profound.
28. What decade during the 20th century would you have chosen to be a teenager?
I’ll say the 1970s, because Dazed and Confused made it look awesome. On the other hand, if the question had not specified the century, I would have said the 2000s or the 2010s, as I imagine that the ability to instantaneously send and/or receive naked pictures via smartphone would have completely recolored my entire high school experience.
29. Favorite shoes you have EVER owned?
My black and white high-top Chuck Taylors. I’ve owned a few pairs over the years, but my current pair is definitely my favorite.
30. Do you have an article of clothing you have had since you were in high school?
Yes, a couple caps and neckties. I’m sure that I no longer fit into the vast majority of the clothing that I wore in high school, although there’s probably an ancient shirt or two still hanging in a closet at my mom’s house.
31. Were you in track and field?
No. I didn’t do much in high school beyond show up, (occasionally) attend class, eat lunch and go home.
32. Were you ever in a school talent show?
I want to say that I was in a talent show in elementary school, though I have no idea what talent I might have demonstrated, or in fact whether this actually occurred. In my early childhood I was more likely to come up with some sort of extravagant stage show that I would perform at home for my parents. God, I was a dork.
33. Have you ever written in a library book?
No. I look upon writing in a book – at least one not designed to be written in – the way some look upon desecrating the bible or the American flag. I’m sure there was a period in my childhood wherein I might have scribbled in a book or two – my daughter certainly expresses her artistic side in this fashion, much to Jill’s and my dismay – but generally speaking I knew that books were for reading, not for writing in, and I most certainly wouldn’t have defaced in this manner a book that didn’t belong to me.
34. Allergic to?
Bullshit and whining. Please don’t attempt to subject me to either of these things.
35. Favorite fruit?
Tough choice. I think I’ll go with the benevolent peach. I’m not sure why; it’s probably not even in my top five. But a peach really sounds good right now.
Jill’s Answers
21. Did you go to your high school prom?
Yes. I went with a group of friends. We had a great time, and we all ended up crashing at a friend’s house afterwards.
22. Perfect time to wake up?
Ten o’clock. I usually go to bed well after midnight, and waking up at ten o’clock would give me at least eight hours of sleep. Which I never get.
23. Perfect time to go to bed?
I would say eleven o’clock. I would love to be able to get to bed before midnight, but that almost never happens because I have a baby who doesn’t like to sleep, and when I finally manage to get her down, that’s my only opportunity to do things that need to be done around the house, including sex.
24. Do you use your queen right away in chess?
No. I don’t want anyone to take my queen, so I protect her in order to use her longer.
25. Ever been in a car accident?
Yes. I’ve been rear ended a few times (go ahead, make jokes), and once while in stop and go traffic I bumped the car ahead of me.
26. Closer to mom or dad…or neither?
I’m closer to my mom, especially since I’ve become a mom myself. Now I find myself asking my mother for advice much more often than I ever did before.
27. What age is this exciting life over for you?
I have no idea what this question means, exactly. It almost seems like this question was written in a foreign language and then translated poorly to English. Jack suggests that the question might be asking when the excitement of life will end for me. I don’t think it ever will end. I plan on finding excitement in life forever, and where there isn’t any, I will make my own excitement.
28. What decade during the 20th century would you have chosen to be a teenager?
I would have chosen the 1950s. It seems like a fun time. Haven’t you seen Happy Days? People spent their afternoons hanging out at the soda shop and dancing. Sign me up.
29. Favorite shoes you have EVER owned?
Probably my flip flops. They are totally comfortable, supportive, and easy to slip on and off. Despite the fact that I own a lot of really cute and sexy shoes, I really hate wearing anything on my feet.
30. Do you have an article of clothing you have had since you were in high school?
Yes, my high school uniform. The only reason I still own it is because all of my friends signed it on the last day of school. It’s been in storage for years.
31. Were you in track and field?
No. I played softball instead.
32. Were you ever in a school talent show?
No. Although I was, and still am, very talented, I was way too shy back then.
33. Have you ever written in a library book?
No I haven’t, although I have written in college textbooks that I owned.
34. Allergic to?
Nothing, as far as I know.
35. Favorite fruit?
I love so many that it’s hard to decide on one single fruit, but I’ll say watermelon. It’s sweet, juicy, and refreshing. Watermelon always reminds me of summer.
Jack says that the longest distance he’s ever traveled is the two feet from my pussy to my face.
It’s not that far a distance, actually, but it seems like miles when he’s a second away from cumming and he’s trying to reach my mouth. About sixty-five percent of the time when we’re having sex, I take Jack in my mouth as he cums. It’s really exciting for both of us, I love the way he tastes, and since he enjoys being stimulated through his orgasm, I usually manage to keep him hard so that, time permitting, we can have another round.
Twenty-five of the remaining thirty-five percent of the time, Jack cums on me. If we’re doing doggy-style, he usually cums on my ass or down my back. If we’re doing missionary, he cums on my stomach or my breasts. I like the way it feels, and when it’s on my breasts I find it fun to play with. Plus I can usually coax him into the shower with me.
The remaining ten percent of the time, Jack cums inside me. Hearing him groan with release and feeling him collapse against me as he fills me up is the pinnacle of closeness and pleasure, and although I am on birth control we are definitely not ready for baby #2. Thus ever since our daughter was born, having Jack cum inside me has become a sort of “special occasion” treat. I loved the year between when we started trying to conceive and when our daughter was born, because he pumped a lot of cum into me.
One thing we don’t do all that often, though, are facials. It’s not that I find them degrading, personally. (As much as I enjoy it when he cums on my breasts or my ass, I don’t think I could get away with claiming degradation when he cums on my face anyway.) We don’t do facials much because neither one of us really sees the point of them. Sure, a lot of guys find it hot to see the face of their lover drenched in cum, but if Jack is that close to my mouth, I’m probably just going to have him cum in my mouth.
I once dated a guy who liked giving facials because he felt that a woman letting him cum on her face was the ideal declaration of acceptance. While this is certainly sweeter than it would be if he got off on demeaning women, I never understood how a facial could express acceptance better than swallowing. I came across this article on Jezebel, entitled, “He Wants to Jizz on Your Face, but Not Why You Think”.
“Facials are degrading — and that’s why they’re so hot.” So says America’s leading sex columnist Dan Savage about the act of ejaculating semen on to someone’s face. But the appeal of the facial can’t be summed up with that single term. Rather, this act that’s become the standard coda in porn is about much more than the longing to dominate or humiliate a sex partner. Understanding what makes it such a ubiquitous trope in adult movies (and in people’s private sexual lives) means understanding a particularly male longing for acceptance.
Anti-pornography activists like Gail Dines and Robert Jensen agree with at least Savage’s first three words; in recent works, both have cited the growing popularity of the “facial” as proof of the misogyny of mainstream pornography. On the other end of the ideological spectrum, sex-positive feminist Clarisse Thorn wrote for Jezebel in May that “facials feel really degrading to me.” Despite their divergent politics, Savage, Dines, Jensen and Thorn all use the same word – “degrading” – for facials, providing a strikingly rare example of consensus in contemporary sex writing.
The facial has a relatively recent history. In an interview, sex educator Charlie Glickman told me that early stag movies never showed ejaculation; if men ejaculated at all, they did so inside women’s bodies. (It’s remarkable that the porn that still features ejaculation in the vagina is now a relatively small niche known as “creampie.”) That changed in the 1970s, when porn movies became longer, scripted features with bigger budgets. Since there would be more than one sex romp in the film, external ejaculation was the mark that a specific scene had ended. Porn historian Linda Williams compares this to the way that songs were spaced out in Hollywood musicals, with kitschy dialogue in between the showcase numbers that were the centerpieces of the films. But in the ‘70s and ‘80s, most of these ejaculations were onto backs, butts, or breasts — hardly ever onto faces.
Glickman suggests that the AIDS crisis and the concern with safer sex was what made the facial popular. “Cum on me, not in me” was a popular sex educator slogan as far back as the late 1980s. Ejaculating on a woman’s stomach, however, usually meant that the camera wouldn’t let the audience see the actress’ expression. But if the male actor came on her face, the viewer could see two things at once: evidence of male pleasure (symbolized by the ejaculation) and the equally important sign that a woman’s reaction to that pleasure mattered. With sex now so dangerous — and HIV particularly likely to be spread through semen — facials were relatively “safe.” But in the era of AIDS, they were also compelling visual evidence that a woman wasn’t threatened by a man’s semen. In that sense facials were, almost from the start, more about women’s acceptance of men’s bodies than about women’s degradation.
The sheer amount of porn featuring facial cumshots is so vast that it’s impossible to imagine an exhaustive analysis of all of it. But two things seem clear. First, as Megan Andelloux (founder and director of Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health) noted in an interview with me, questions from college students about facials have risen dramatically in recent years. This isn’t something people are just watching porn stars do; it’s something a lot of young men (and some young women) want to try themselves. Second, as Glickman — a former adult film reviewer —pointed out, a lot more straight porn features women happily accepting facials than reacting with disgust and evident humiliation. That acceptance may be feigned, but it suggests that the primary turn-on about facials for men isn’t the desire to degrade women. (Glickman further suggested that the fact that facials are also so common in gay male pornography – where the sexual politics are radically different – argues against the assumption that coming on someone’s face is rooted in men’s misogyny.)
A few years ago, in a humanities course on the body, my class was discussing one of the most famous selections from the now-iconic Vagina Monologues, “Because He Liked to Look at It”. The monologue tells the story of a woman who thought her vagina was “incredibly ugly” until she meets a man named Bob, who loves to stare at —and taste — her vulva with delight and wonder. Bob’s embrace of her body is the key to her self-acceptance. During our discussion of the monologue, a male student noted bravely that he thought many men felt the same way about their penises. Perhaps, he suggested, the intense appeal of facials in porn (and real life) was about men’s desire for that same experience of being validated as desirable, as good, as “not dirty.” For a young man raised with the sense that his body – and especially his penis – is “disgusting”, a woman’s willingness to accept a facial is an intensely powerful source of affirmation.
In my conversations with Glickman and Andelloux, I shared this anecdote. Both agreed that rather than seeing the facial as rooted in the impulse to denigrate, it might indeed be better to view it as longing for approval. Andelloux pointed out that in her experience, many women (often with good reason) have a difficult time believing that degradation isn’t at the root of straight men’s fascination with facials. In any case, humiliation and affirmation aren’t incompatible reactions to the same act; a feeling of indignity when your partner ejaculates on your face isn’t contingent on his intending to demean you. No one should be obligated to endure humiliation for the sake of someone else’s longing for validation.
At the same time (as perhaps with anal sex), many people struggle to believe that receiving a facial is something a woman could enjoy. Andelloux told me a story about a seminar she ran recently on a college campus during which a young woman shared that she experienced her first orgasm when her boyfriend came on her face. “Nothing else that was said that day shocked the audience so much. I could tell a lot of people didn’t believe her. But I did.” Andelloux remarked that some other women reacted with hostility, “as if by admitting a liking for facials, she was committing an act of violence against other women.” In the era of porn wars, perhaps not even anal sex is as politicized as the question of where the ejaculate lands.
That classroom discussion about facials and the Vagina Monologues had an unforgettable finish. A female student turned to the guy who’d brought up the topic of semen and validation and asked him, “So you’re saying that when a man comes on a woman’s face, it’s not about making her dirty — it’s about making him feel clean?” The young man blushed, the class tittered. “Yes,” he said, “that’s it. And that’s what makes it so hot.”
Hugo Schwyzer is a professor of gender studies and history at Pasadena City College and a nationally-known speaker on sex, relationships, and masculinity. You can see more of his work at his eponymous site.
As for Jack, he looks sexy in anything, from jeans and a T-shirt to running shorts and a tank top. Because he dresses casually around the house, I really take notice when he cleans up. Anytime he’s wearing slacks and a dress shirt, especially if we’re at a wedding or some other formal event, I spend the whole night imagining tearing off his clothes and jumping him. It really turns me on.
If you want to ask us anything, drop us a line on Formspring, or use the handy Formspring widget on the right-hand side of our blog. We like sexy questions!
We thought of a few different interpretations for this particular theme involving Band-Aids, a jump rope, fresh produce, and a thermometer. (Sorry, it was an oral thermometer.) In the end, this one did the best job conveying the theme while still being naughty.
Head over to The Naughty Hangout and see who else participated this week!
-Jill
