Our friend SassyCat tagged us for participation in this meme.

Here are the rules:
1. Post these rules.
2. You must post 11 random things yourself.
3. Answer the ques­tions the tag­ger set for you in their post.
4. Cre­ate 11 new ques­tions for the peo­ple you tag to answer.
5. Go to their blog and tell them that you’ve tagged them.
6. No stuff in the tag­ging sec­tion about ‘you are tagged if you are read­ing this.’ Blah blah blah, you legitmately have to tag 11 peeps!

We’re not creating new questions, nor are we tagging anyone.  We don’t tag.  But to make up for our rebelliousness, we’re both participating, as you’d expect based on previous question-and-answer memes.

Random Things about Jack

1. I don’t like eggs.  It’s the only thing that comes to mind when someone asks me to name a food I dislike.
2. I’m a T-shirt and jeans kind of guy, although I look good in anything.
3. I have no tattoos.  Nothing against them; I’m attracted to women who have them, just as I am attracted to women who do not.  But I can think of absolutely nothing that I like enough to put on my body forever.  Yes, that includes my wife’s name.
4. I’m self-employed.
5. There are two television sets in our house.  Three years ago, there were six.
6. I once bungee jumped, when I was about sixteen and didn’t give a fuck.
7. I’ve never dated a woman named Monica, but every person with whom I’ve been in a long-term relationship with has had a friend by this name.
8. I get asked for relationship advice on the average of once every two weeks.
9. In my twenties, I went sixteen months with an open warrant out for my arrest.  I had no knowledge of it.
10. When eating Chinese food in a group setting, I have been known to use chopsticks primarily to make my fork-using dining companions feel inferior.
11. I’m a geek.

Questions from SassyCat – Jack’s Answers

1. What is your idea of a truly romantic eveing?
Getting dressed to the nines, dropping the baby off with a sitter, having dinner and wine by candlelight at a restaurant, then returning home for sex.  The sex is followed by a shower, at which point we pick up the baby, who hopefully sleeps for a few more hours so we can have more sex.

2. What are your top 5 goals for 2012?
In no particular order:  Lose a few pounds.  Have some form of group sex or at the very least another threesome.  Have more sex in general.  Potty-train my daughter.  Catch up on my sleep.

3. What’s the one life experience you want a “do over?”
None, really.  I’m convinced that changing anything – even the things I wish I had done differently – would have led me down a different path that would find me living a different life today.

4. IF you had to sleep with someone you despise in exchange for ONE thing, what would be the ONE thing?
All-encompassing power over all physical matter in the entire universe.

5. IF you could only have sex once more in your life, when would you do it, with whom and where?
I’d have sex with my wife.  The where doesn’t matter, provided it was someplace comfortable and conducive to sexual arousal.  As for the when, I’m not sure.  I would probably want to have sex as close to the end as possible, provided that I was physically able.  In other words, I would rather anticipate the sex for a long time and then have it, rather than have it right away and spend the rest of my life wishing I could have it again.

6. What’s the biggest misconception people have about you?
I can’t imagine what misconceptions people might have about me.  I’m speaking primarily about personal friends and family members, to whom I try to be an open book.  If there are misconceptions amongst my social circle, they’re whispered because I haven’t heard them.  If I had, I’d probably try to dispel them.

7. You are given a racehorse, what would you name it?
Ken Clean-Air Systems.

8. Chose a color that best describes you?
I’m not sure, really.  I’d say black, because I tend to wear black, but I don’t want to be thought of as some kind of mopey goth or someone who’s always in a bad mood.  I’d say blue, as it is my favorite color, but that just makes me sound like I’m sad.  I’d say white, because oh boy, am I ever white.  But that doesn’t sound right either.  Green?  No, that makes me sound envious.  Red makes me sound mad.  Yellow?  Cowardly.  Colors have too many connotations.

9. What do you see happening in December 2012?
I assume I’ll celebrate Christmas and New Year’s Eve, much as I did in December 2011.  If you’re asking whether I think the world will end, I do not, though I am eager to see how the simple-minded among us adjust, first to the misconception about the world ending, and then to the realization that it has not.

10. Who are you closer to … mom or dad?
My mom, who stayed home to raise me when I was a child.  As I now stay home to raise my own daughter, I hope that she and I will have a similarly close relationship.

11. Are you gonna tag 11 of your online friends?
No.  I’m not the tagging sort.  I figure if someone wants to post this, they will.  They can even use these questions, as I’m not adding new ones.

Random Things about Jill

1. I don’t like the taste of red and blue M&Ms.  Probably because of the dye used, I find that they taste different than all the others.
2. I’m afraid of heights.  I don’t like being on ladders or cliffs.
3. My favorite animal is the spider monkey.  They’re cute, and I’ve always wanted to own one.
4. I attended three different colleges before I got my Bachelor’s Degree.
5. I was once abandoned in another country (no, not by Jack), and had to find my own way home.
6. I’ve never worn cowboy boots, and I probably never will.
7. During my second year teaching, my class had a chinchilla as a pet.
8. When I was a little girl, I used to wish upon a star for a huge box of Barbies.  Then when I got home I would excitedly check my closet and be disappointed.  But I kept on wishing.
9. Tinkerbell is my favorite Disney character, but Beauty and the Beast is my favorite Disney movie.
10. I love potatoes.  I can’t think of a single preparation that I don’t enjoy.
11. I prefer odd numbers to even numbers.

Questions from SassyCat – Jill’s Answers

1. What is your idea of a truly romantic eveing?
Getting dressed up and going out to a nice dinner, followed by a walk on the beach.  After that, sex and me falling asleep in Jack’s arms are essential.

2. What are your top 5 goals for 2012?
Spend more time with my family, exercise more, get more sleep, continue to expand my sexual horizons, and try one new recipe a week.

3. What’s the one life experience you want a “do over?”
Nothing.  The regrets that I have aren’t such that I would want to change them.  They have made me the person that I am today.

4. IF you had to sleep with someone you despise in exchange for ONE thing, what would be the ONE thing?
I don’t know.  I guess if having sex with this person could save the life of someone I love, I would do it.  Does that make sense?

5. IF you could only have sex once more in your life, when would you do it, with whom and where?
It would be with Jack, obviously.  As for when, I would want it to be the last thing that I did, because I think having a really great orgasm is the way I would like to leave this life.  As for where, I think I would like my last time to be someplace exotic, like a tropical beach.

6. What’s the biggest misconception people have about you?
I’m going to guess that the biggest misconception most people have about me is that I’m sexually vanilla.  Because I am a teacher, I often dress conservatively, and I don’t usually talk sex with people, except for a handful of trusted friends.  I have to think that the last thing people would ever guess about me is that I have a sex blog, for instance.

7. You are given a racehorse, what would you name it?
Clementine.  It’s the first thing that came to mind.

8. Chose a color that best describes you?
Yellow.  Like me, it’s bright and cheery.

9. What do you see happening in December 2012?
I’ll celebrate Christmas with my family and friends.  I hope to watch my daughter open her Christmas presents.  I’d love to take a trip to Disneyland!

10. Who are you closer to … mom or dad?
Probably my mom.  Since having a baby, she and I are much closer.  I come to her for advice and support.

11. Are you gonna tag 11 of your online friends?
Nope.

If you decide to play along, let us know.  We’d love to read your answers!

With the apparent demise of Half-Nekkid Thursday, we thought we would switch days and begin posting photos on Mondays instead.  We don’t have a regular meme that we post on Mondays, and we thought that this would spice up the start of the work week.

Coming up with a title was a challenge.  We wanted something alliterative, but nothing really had the proper ring to it.  Marvelous Mondays?  Mischievous Mondays?  Mundane Mondays?  No, certainly not that last one!  Until we come up with something better (and really, what could be worse?) we’re calling this Mondays in Search of an Adjective.

Today we ripped off a blogger named Becky and her blog Am I Half Dead or Am I Doing Fine. She doesn’t say where she stole it. But, it was probably stolen there as well. So, of course, that will be as far as we go. Tracing back our theft’s thieves might take some time. Take the time to comment on other player’s posts. It’s a great way to make new friends! Link back to us at Sunday Stealing!

Cheers to all of us thieves!

Jack’s Answers

1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before?
Visited a sex club.  Got naked on a clothing-optional beach.  Threw a birthday party for my child.  Joined Twitter and didn’t hate it.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? 
Probably not.  Truth be told, I don’t even remember what my resolutions were, or whether I actually made any.  I’m not sure that I will make any this year, but if I do they’ll probably be quickly forgotten.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? 
My sister-in-law had a baby girl last week.

4. Did anyone close to you die? 
No.  I hope the trend continues through 2012.

5. What countries did you visit? 
Canada is the only foreign country in which I set foot in 2011.

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011? 
I’m going to sound like a greedy asshole, but I’m going with more sex.  I could probably have it daily and still want more.

7. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? 
On August 13th, we had a threesome.  Those don’t happen very often, and when they do I’m unlikely to forget the date.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? 
I’m going to go with blogging.  Since returning to it in August, we really threw ourselves into it in a way that we never actually did in its early days.  Since August 18, 2011, we posted 118 entries.  By comparison, between September 18, 2008 and August 17, 2011, we only posted 124.

9. What was your biggest failure?
I’d love to be able to sit for hours and try and think of a huge personal failure of mine from 2011, but I’m going to cut my losses after five minutes and say that either I had no big failures, or else I just can’t think of one.  In that case, it’s my memory that failed.  Either way, consider this one answered.

10. What was the best thing you bought? 
A new car.

11. Whose behavior merited celebration? 
Certainly not my kid, who has demonstrated a fierce independent streak, as well as attitude to spare.  Then again, these things probably are meritorious.  She’s my kid for sure.

12. Whose behavior made you appalled and disgusted? 
Rick Perry.  Look, if you don’t want to read about politics please feel free to skip this answer.  But the guy is a total embarrassment.  Between his reprehensible social views and his tendency to make the most spectacular factual errors at the G.O.P. debates and blame them on external factors like the debate process itself, he is a clown.

13. What song will always remind you of 2011? 
The Dora the Explorer theme song.  My daughter is nuts for this chick and her insipid cartoon show.  You know what?  My resolution for 2012 is to jam foreign objects into my ears whenever the Dora the Explorer theme song plays.

14. What do you wish you’d done more of? 
I wish I’d have set aside a little more time for non-blog writing.  For the fourth straight year I participated in NaNoWriMo this past November, and I wrote fewer words than I ever have before.  This was to be expected considering that our November blog activity includes thirty-one entries – more than one per day – most of which i wrote, and all of which I edited and posted.

15. What do you wish you’d done less of? 
I almost want to say that I wish I’d blogged less.  I don’t wish that, of course; I’m very proud of our output this year, especially considering that our 118 entries were posted over the course of just under four and a half months.  We’re very prolific!  We’re almost too prolific.

16. Did you fall in love in 2011? 
No.  I was already in love.

17. What was your favorite new TV program? 
I don’t really watch much television.  The shows I do watch have been on the air for years, or in the case of Beavis and Butt-Head, which I loved (don’t judge me!), have returned after a fourteen-year hiatus.  So I’ve got nothing for this one.

18. What was the best book you read? 
Sex at Dawn.  Technically I didn’t read it; we listened to the audio book during a road trip last summer.

19. What one thing would have made your year measurably more satisfying? 
I wish we had been blogging and tweeting at the beginning of the year.  The amount of gratification that I have gotten from these two aspects of my life has been considerable, and that’s just since summer.

20. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
Whatever I can snatch from an unattended dryer at the laundromat becomes my “look”.

21. What kept you sane? 
Sane?  Well, if you say I am.  The things that kept me sane included my wife and child (technically people, not things), sex, masturbation, unhealthy food, and alcohol.  Blogging and tweeting were also helpful, though these things only came about during the second half of the year.

22. Who did you miss? 
No one.  I’m a remarkably accurate shot.

23. Who was the best new person you met? 
I didn’t actually meet them physically, but I’ll go with the many new online friends that I know through blogging and Twitter.  It’s an honor to interact with you, and I am glad to call you all friends.

24. Tell us a valuable lesson you learned in 2011? 
Sometimes you have to remove negative influences from your life, even if they are long-standing acquaintances or family members.  Without cutting the negativity from your life, you risk running out of room for the truly positive and worthy.

25. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. 
“…there’s reason to believe maybe this year will be better than the last,” from A Long December, by The Counting Crows.  The song is sung from the perspective of a man who has had a challenging year and hopes for better after the new year.  Although this past month has been anything but long, the lyric is particularly resonant for me.  Our 2011 was challenging, but it’s been extremely rewarding, and unlike the year spoken of in the song, my 2011 will be a tough act to follow.

Jill’s Answers

1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before?
We went to a sex club, and we got naked on a beach.  In fact, a picture of me sunning myself there was our final official HNT.  If you haven’t seen it already, you should do so right now, since I froze my butt off.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? 
No, I didn’t.  I resolved to exercise four days a week, every single week, and I didn’t.  It was a lot easier in the spring and summer than it was in the fall and winter, although I did manage to exercise at least twice most weeks.  This year I hope to spend more time with my family and less time working.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? 
My sister had a baby girl.

4. Did anyone close to you die? 
A friend of my family committed suicide.  It was a profound shock because his family and mine are very close.  Both of our families are also very similar.  Tight-knit, raised Catholic, lots of siblings.  Given these similarities, it occurred to me that it could easily have been one of my brothers or sisters

5. What countries did you visit? 
Just Canada.

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011? 
Definitely more sleep!  And more money is always nice.  I’d love to have a little more financial breathing room.

7. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? 
On February 22, our daughter walked for the first time.  On July 16, we left for a cruise, and it was one of the best trips we’ve ever taken.  And while my birthday is always memorable, this year Jack threw the greatest surprise party in honor of my 40th.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? 
I was given tenure at my current school district this past August.  I had tenure at a previous school district where I taught, but after switching school districts you have to start all over again.

9. What was your biggest failure?
I don’t really feel like I’ve failed at anything this year.  Maybe I failed in keeping my New Year’s resolution, but that’s the only thing that comes to mind.

10. What was the best thing you bought? 
My fuck me boots.  And a new car.

11. Whose behavior merited celebration? 
My daughter.  In 2011, she started walking, began speaking full sentences, and reached so many other milestones.  We are very proud of her.

12. Whose behavior made you appalled and disgusted? 
Everyone involved in the Penn State sex abuse scandal and coverup.  Fuck anyone who hurts a child, or allows one to be hurt in so deplorable a fashion.

13. What song will always remind you of 2011? 
Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.  It’s the first song our daughter learned, and she sings it all the time.  We are hoping we can teach her a new song for 2012.

14. What do you wish you’d done more of? 
Sleep.  I almost said sex, but we had a ton of it.  In fact, I sacrificed a hell of a lot of sleep to maintain our sex life.  So I’ll go with sleep.  For the rest of my life, I think I will be relatively sleep-deprived.

15. What do you wish you’d done less of? 
I tend to bring home a lot of my work, so in addition to physically being at my job for eight hours, I find that I end up working ten or twelve hour days.  So I’ll say that I wish I worked less last year.

16. Did you fall in love in 2011? 
No, I’ve been in love with the people I love before since 2011.

17. What was your favorite new TV program? 
Well, it isn’t a new show, exactly, but Jack and I loved MTV’s relaunch of Beavis and Butt-Head.

18. What was the best book you read? 
Sex at Dawn was the most enlightening book I have ever read.  It really challenged my preconceived notions about sexuality and monogamy.

19. What one thing would have made your year measurably more satisfying? 
Sleep.  Sorry for repeating my answer from #6 and #14, but it’s true.  The only thing lacking in my life is sleep.  Everything else is excellent.

20. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
I don’t even know how to answer this one.  I’m a teacher, but I try not to wear “teacher clothes”.  I tend to wear jeans or skirts with blouses and cleavage-revealing tops.

21. What kept you sane? 
More than anyone or anything, Jack kept me sane.  To use a cliché, he is my rock.

22. Who did you miss? 
My grandmother.  I always miss her.

23. Who was the best new person you met? 
I can’t pick just one, but I consider myself very lucky to have met (online only so far) the wonderful people who we have gotten to know through Twitter and our blog.

24. Tell us a valuable lesson you learned in 2011? 
My daughter has shown me how to truly enjoy life.  She finds wonder and excitement in almost everything she encounters.

25. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. 
“They showed you a statue, told you to pray/They built you a temple and locked you away/But they never told you the price that you pay”, from Only the Good Die Young by Billy Joel.  This song sums up the conflict I have between my Catholic upbringing and my own feelings about my sexuality and sexual agency.  Although I still believe in some of the tenets of Catholicism I find it easier lately to compartmentalize much of what I’ve been taught that is contrary to my current feelings.

Formspring Friday always makes us feel like David Letterman, reading viewer mail on his show.  Actually, does Letterman still do viewer mail?  It’s been years since we watched The Late Show regularly, although we used to be pretty regular viewers.

How important is foreplay for both Jack and Jill? What is your favourite type of foreplay? How long does foreplay typically last for you two?

Jack’s Answer:

I love all forms of sexual expression, foreplay included.  Foreplay is exciting, although despite its name it doesn’t always lead to penetrative sex for Jill and I.  It doesn’t even lead to orgasm, necessarily, although we never resist when it does.  We consider foreplay more than simply a means to an end, and there have certainly been times when foreplay is less the means than it is the end itself.  To me, foreplay is excitement and anticipation.  It is a way to demonstrate our love, our passion, and our attraction to one another in a physical and frequently emotional fashion.  Because of all of these factors – and in spite of the fact that I never need it in order to get in the mood for sex – foreplay is important to me.

I don’t know that I have a favorite type of foreplay.  I like them all, and in my opinion anything that fosters closeness between Jill and I and leads to greater arousal or intimacy is pretty wonderful.  But if I had to pick one type I would probably go with oral sex over, say, caressing and making out.  Although I do love caressing and making out, there are very few intimate acts that I find as enjoyable as I find giving and receiving oral sex.

As for how long foreplay typically lasts, there is no easy way to answer this.  Every instance is potentially different.  Generally speaking, I like it when Jill has a couple orgasms before I even come close to being inside her.  As she is capable of multiples, she sometimes has several.  Therefore ideally foreplay takes as long as it must in order to achieve this, unless for some reason we are in a hurry, in which case foreplay may not last nearly as long.  But if we’ve got time, we spend as long or possibly even longer on foreplay as we will on having penetrative sex.  And if I happen to have an orgasm from oral sex during foreplay – not a common occurrence, but it does happen – that’s fine too, because I enjoy a very brief refractory period (or sometimes no refractory period at all) between orgasm and subsequent arousal.

Jill’s Answer:

Foreplay is very important to me.  I love the closeness and the playfulness that comes with it.  During foreplay, we aren’t always focused on a goal such as orgasm (although we sometimes are).  As a result, we can focus on pleasure and fun.  For me, foreplay can be as simple as a look, a touch, or a sexy whisper.  I love the heat I feel when Jack’s hand brushes my own.  I love when he rubs my back, or caresses my scalp.  Sometimes our foreplay is more raw and sexual.  Jack’s lips on my neck, breasts, and stomach make wonderful foreplay, as does his mouth on my thighs or my pussy.  My favorite type of foreplay is oral sex.

Sometimes foreplay can take the form of a sexy email or text message.  In this case, foreplay can last all day while I’m at work.  Jack loves to send me tantalizing messages knowing that I have no means of release, and hours to go before I see him.  In such an instance we know that once I get home from work, all bets are off and the baby had better be taking a nap.  Sometimes I call Jack when I’m on the way home from work, and he talks dirty until I get there.  Then when I arrive, I’m ready to strip and fuck as soon as I walk in the door.  With any luck the baby is sound asleep, or if I’m really lucky Jack has gotten a babysitter and we have a couple hours to ourselves.

As parents, we aren’t guaranteed uninterrupted periods of time for sex.  Sometimes all we have time for is a quickie in the bedroom while our daughter watches half an hour of television elsewhere in the house.  In this case, we might have to skip foreplay altogether.  Some mornings, we wake up before the baby is up and we both want to get off, so we might only engage in foreplay, such as making out followed by oral sex.  Most of the time we both manage to have an orgasm before the baby wakes up, or gets bored with whatever we’ve put in front of her to keep her occupied.

If you want to ask us anything, drop us a line on Formspring.  (You can do so anonymously if you prefer.)  We like sexy questions!

Although we hoped that the fact that it was Christmas Eve might keep people away from the beach, the number of cars in the parking lot when we arrived made it clear that there was little chance that the beach was empty.  We should have expected as much, as the sky was clear, and the sunshine plentiful.

As we parked, we hoped that the likely crowds of people on the beach meant that we wouldn’t be the only ones without clothing, since a portion of the beach is not clothing-optional, and we were worried about being naked in an area in which clothing is required.  Hopeful that the boundary would be clearly marked by naked flesh, we got our towels out of the trunk of our car, and hiked down the sandy path to the beach.

We walked on the sand where we found fishermen, surfers, families with children, and couples running with their dogs.  No one was naked.  Why would they be?  The winds were strong, and we could tell that the water was frigid without even getting close to it.  As we walked to the end of the beach closest to the Golden Gate Bridge, where we knew clothing was not required, we considered the possibility that we wouldn’t be able to pull this off.

At the end of the beach was a group of surfers in wetsuits.  Not far away, a lone man in an army coat walked near the surf.  I stopped Jack.

“Here,” I said.  He turned, and looked to me for clarification.  “Here.  Let’s just put the towels down here.”  Jack looked behind him.  The closest group was a young couple playing with their dog about a hundred yards away.  On the opposite side, the man in the army coat was about to pass us, while the surfers stood obliviously at the edge of the water.

Jack was already unrolling our towels on the sand as Army Coat Guy passed us and kept walking up the beach.  “You’re sure about this,” he said.  It wasn’t a question, but it wasn’t exactly a statement, either.  “It’s kind of cold.”  I could tell that he wasn’t trying to back out. Instead, he was giving me the opportunity to change my mind gracefully and without losing face in his eyes.

I had no intention of changing my mind.

This entry marks the final installment of Half-Nekkid Thursday, or HNT.  The meme has existed for more than five and a half years, long before Jack and I began blogging.  Depending on the general consensus within the sex blogosphere, we may or may not continue it in some form, or we may move on to a different meme such as Wanton Wednesday or Sinful Sunday.

As it currently stands, we have submitted a total of 87 weeks worth of pictures to OHNT: Twelve in 2009, fifty-two in 2010, and twenty-three in 2011.  We’ve also posted eighteen HNT posts here at our own blog, all since August 2011.  Among the many locations in which our HNT pictures were taken are seven different residences, three of which we lived in at the time.  (We tend to move frequently.)

Additionally, we documented my pregnancy and new parenthood at OHNT.  A photo of me breastfeeding our newborn daughter received a record (for us, anyway) fourteen comments in April 2010.  HNT has enabled me to feel more comfortable with my body.  Had Jack asked me five years ago to potentially share myself with the entire world, I would never have agreed to it.  But the last few years I have enjoyed it, and in fact I’ve found myself looking forward to each week.  I am going to miss it.

We would like to thank Osbasso for giving all of us a safe place to post anonymously.  We have enjoyed submitting our pictures to him for inclusion in OHNT, even though it’s usually pretty easy to tell which picture is ours each week.  If you have enjoyed the regular cornucopia of sexiness that is HNT, please head over to his blog and thank him.  While you’re there, see who else participated in the final week of the meme.

You should also check out OHNT, where you can usually find an alternate shot of me.  But this week, rather than submitting an alternate, we decided to use the same picture for both blogs.  I hope that you find it as suitable a final HNT as we do.

-Jill

We are staying with Jack’s parents for a few days.  While Jack has business in the area, the main reason we’re visiting is to have a huge belated Christmas feast with Jack’s parents and exchange gifts.

We got into town on Tuesday night.  When we got to Jack’s parents’ house we left the baby with them, and decided to have a child-free outing.  As we drove away, we realized that we should have waited until we had dropped off the baby before we went to dinner.  Maybe next time.

The first place we went was Suzie’s, a local adult shop that was our favorite place to browse and shop for toys when we lived here.  When we were childless and visiting adults-only establishments was more convenient, we would stop by Suzie’s on a random evening and spend an hour browsing toys, looking at porn and people-watching.

Because we are now parents, we can’t often indulge our naughty sides with a trip to an adult store.  That’s why when Jack and I find ourselves alone with a few minutes to kill we like to visit one, even if only to get in the mood to have sex later.  As it turns out, I forgot to pack a vibrator on this trip.  That shouldn’t be a problem, as Jack never leaves me unsatisfied, but I really enjoy getting off in the shower every morning, and with my waterproof toy still sitting on the sink at our house, I’d waste far more water than I would like to.

I was excited as I browsed the sex toys.  This was the first time I had been in an adult store since I wrote
Open Box.  In the car, I briefly imagined that I would walk into the store and see the saleslady from my story.  Even though she wasn’t there, I was still enjoying looking.  I wanted something waterproof, preferably something small that I could use in the shower during our trip and keep in my purse when we got home.

As always, the selection was almost overwhelming.  As we browsed, an employee approached to ask if we needed any help.  We dismissed her, and continued looking, though she appeared again when she saw me holding a small but impressive-looking vibrator that cost $14.95.

“Are you looking for stimulation, penetration, or both?” she asked.

“Stimulation”, I responded, and gestured to Jack.  “I’ve got him for penetration.”  Technically I had Jack for stimulation as well, but I liked my quick, witty response.

“Then you definitely want to get this one,” she said, proffering a fifty-dollar Water Dancer not unlike the one in my bottom drawer.  When you’ve got a dozen or more sex toys at home and you just need something fun for the next couple days, it is very important to resist the high-pressure sales pitch.  I didn’t care about the seven speeds.  I didn’t care that it was whisper-quiet.  She offered to put batteries in both toys so I could compare the sensation, and even though she wasn’t quite as cute as the saleslady in my story, I imagined her taking me into the break room and having her way with me.

But instead of doing that I followed her to the counter where she let me hold both toys.  I was surprised that she didn’t seem to know that the best place to test out a vibrator, other than on your clit, is on the tip of your nose.  (It’s true!  The tip of your nose is much more sensitive than your hands.)  Yes, the fifty-dollar Water Dancer was much more versatile than the fifteen-dollar toy.  Yes, it was a lot quieter.  But I wasn’t dropping fifty dollars for a backup vibrator.  I went with the cheaper one.

As we drove home, I was feeling very hot.  Jack and I toyed with the idea of pulling over and having sex in the car.  We usually manage to have plenty of sex when we’re staying with Jack’s parents, but I wanted it right away.  If we went back to their house we’d have to chat with his parents for at least half an hour, and that’s only if the baby was already asleep.  If she was still awake, which she probably was, it would be even longer.

Finally I couldn’t ignore my arousal any longer, and I made Jack pull over.  He parked the car on a dark street not far from his parents’ house, and I hopped into the back seat.  I was soaking wet.  My jeans and panties came down, only making it to my ankles before I found myself spreadeagle with my new toy buzzing against my excited clit.

It didn’t take very long before my orgasm was ripping through my body.  I came hard and fast, imagining my sexy saleslady pleasuring me atop a cheap formica table, and when I was finished I pulled up my pants, zipped up, and rejoined Jack in the front seat.

-Jill

[Editorial Note:  As of this writing, we have not finished exchanging gifts.  On Christmas Day, we exchanged gifts with Jill’s parents, and with Jack’s extended family.  We each opened a couple gifts given by the other, but the majority of our gifts between each other will be opened on Wednesday when we have a belated Christmas dinner at Jack’s parents’ house.  Therefore, for the purposes of answering the following questions we will use gifts that we have received in the past.]

For this week’s TMI Tuesday why don’t you tell us:

Jack’s Answers

1. What was your favorite gift that you received (gift giving holidays Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa or heck even if you had a birthday in the month of December that can count)?
I honestly don’t have one.  I love receiving gifts as much as I love giving them, but few of the items I’ve received really stand out years later.  I doubt I could remember today what I got for Christmas, say, seven years ago.  And of the ones that do stand out, no single gift is any more awesome than another.  (Yes, I realize that this was supposed to be about gifts received this year only.  I take full responsibility for my sub-par answer.)

2. What was the most practical gift that you received?
Cash, without a doubt.  I probably sound really jaded and grown-up.  I wish I had something more fun and meaningful to mention, like the first cookbook I ever received, or a first-aid kit that was then used to save the life of a stranger who turned out to be a genie and granted me three wishes which I used to land the perfect wife, bring about a new age of world peace, and cure all disease.  Sadly this is not the case.  I’ve asked for and received a lot of fun and frivolous things during my thirty-five Christmases on this earth, and none of them are as practical as money.

3. What was the silliest, most fun, crazy or impractical gift that you received?
Silliest?  I’ll say the Jesus Christ action figure I received from a friend.  It’s still in its package.  The most fun gift was probably the Nintendo system that I got when I was twelve.  I played the shit out of that thing.  I don’t think I’ve ever received a video game console for a Christmas present since, so that’s the one I’m going with.  The craziest one?  Definitely the two year subscription to Mental Patient Monthly that just ran out.  I was hoping for a renewal.  The most impractical gift?  Probably the desk calendars my mom is fond of giving me.  I hate to sound ungrateful, but my cell phone includes a pretty awesome calendar that takes up no additional space.

4. If you had a special holiday meal, what was your favorite food?
My favorite part of any holiday meal is mashed potatoes.  Light, buttery and delicious, I could eat mashed potatoes for every meal.

Bonus:  Share the recipe of your favorite food from the holiday meal.
8 medium russet potatoes, peeled
1/4 cup milk
1/4 cup butter
Salt to taste

Boil potatoes until soft, approximately 15-20 minutes; drain
Process potatoes using a potato ricer
Add milk, butter and salt and stir until smooth

Bonus, bonus:  Whatcha doin’ for New Year’s Eve?
Beats me, but I hope it involves sex.

Jill’s Answers

1. What was your favorite gift that you received (gift giving holidays Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa or heck even if you had a birthday in the month of December that can count)?
Probably the Eroscillator that Jack got me for Christmas in 2006.  We were living apart at the time, and it kept me sane.  It has given me many enjoyable evenings, many wonderful orgasms, and a fun time whether I’m home alone or having sex with Jack.

2. What was the most practical gift that you received?
Although the Eroscillator makes a good answer to this question too, I should probably pick something else.  So I will go with the couch covers that Jack got me for our sofa and armchair this year.  It sounds like a shitty gift, but I really, really wanted them.  Our couch and sofa are probably a decade old, and as we have a messy baby, they’re aging even faster than they should.

3. What was the silliest, most fun, crazy or impractical gift that you received?
The silliest gift is probably the framed clay sculpture of my face that my students made me.  The most fun was probably the – oh wait, I can’t say the Eroscillator.  So I’ll go with the Liberator Throe that Jack got me along with the Eroscillator.  I would have used it for my most practical gift in answer to question #2, but the couch covers are seriously practical, and the Throe is a lot of fun.  The craziest gift?  That would have to be – you know what?  The framed clay sculpture is the craziest gift I’ve ever received.  Seriously, it looks absolutely nothing like me.  The silliest gift, then, is the can of silly string I got as a gag gift when I was a teenager.  And the most impractical gift is probably The Complete Calvin and Hobbes hardcover box set from about five Christmases ago.  I’m a big fan of Calvin and Hobbes, but I don’t think I’ve ever opened and read it.

4. If you had a special holiday meal, what was your favorite food?
I love homemade Italian biscotti.  They really remind me of the holidays.

Bonus:  Share the recipe of your favorite food from the holiday meal.
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 cup sugar
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/8 teaspoon salt
3 large eggs
2 tablespoons Amaretto (OR 2 tbs rum with 1 tsp. almond extract)
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 teaspoon anise extract (optional)
1 cup whole almond , toasted and chopped a few times, not too fine

Preheat oven to 300°F.
Line 2 baking sheets with parchment.
Combine dry ingredients and set aside.
Whisk the eggs, amaretto (or almond extract/rum), vanilla and anise extracts in mixer until well-blended.
Add the dry ingredients and mix until combined.
Scrape the dough out onto a parchment lined sheet pan.
Flour your hands and shape into a long flat loaf about 10 inches long and 5 inches wide.
Bake until firm and dry, about 50 minutes.
Remove from the oven and cool 10 minute.
Use serrated knife and slice into 1/2-inch wide slices.
Lay the slices cut side down on the baking sheet and bake another 20 minutes.
Turn the slices over and bake 20 minutes more, or until the cookies are a light golden brown.
Cool the biscotti on a rack; cool completely before storing.

Bonus, bonus:  Whatcha doin’ for New Year’s Eve?
We have no plans at the moment.  We’ll probably stay home, and watch the ball drop on TV, likely while playing with Jack’s balls.

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Jack at Thirty-Five

Cowgirl on the bed,
Then doggy.  I cum on Jill
Glad the baby slept