MAINTENANCE

[Editor’s Note:  Just me again this week.  Jill will return when her work schedule slows down a bit.]

1. When was the last time you changed your windshield wipers? Should they be changed now?
Ages ago. We’ve had about a tablespoon of rain over the last year. A couple months back when we had our first rainy day in ages, I tried turning my wipers on and they said, “Dude, we’re retired. You don’t get rain anymore.” We went back and forth like this for several minutes until I managed to convince the wipers it was raining and they resumed their task. Rest assured that I know when wipers need changing and there’s still a ways to go.

2. When was the last time you got a haircut or your hair ends trimmed?
My last haircut was about a month ago. It grows fast and I hate being shaggy, so I tend to get a haircut every two to two and a half months. I’ve never had my hair ends trimmed. I can admit to not knowing what hair ends are. I’m pretty sure I’ve never had them trimmed.

3. When was the last time you changed the HVAC filter in your home? Check it now.
Months ago. We don’t use our HVAC very often, or I’d change it regularly. Also, don’t give me orders.

4. Is your car due for an oil change? When was the last time you had this done?
Probably. Ages.

5. Check your fun gauge–When is the last time you did something truly fun with a loved one?
Jill and I went to a party on Saturday night. I didn’t get laid, but I didn’t get into a fight either. And if you get that reference without having to Google it, you’re officially cool. Anyway, it was a fun party, there was plenty of food and drink, and I got to hang out with some friends I haven’t seen in awhile. I need to do things like this more often; my fun gauge is hovering near the midpoint lately.

6. When is the last time you tried something new sexually? What was it? Did you like it enough to repeat it?
It’s been a hell of a long time, actually. So long, in fact, that I don’t really remember what it was that I tried. Wow, I probably sound bitter and I assure you I’m not. Our sex life has grown perhaps a bit routine, though I honestly don’t see that as a negative. I’m not a shark; I don’t need to keep moving, keep trying something new, in order to get off. If I did, it would only be a matter of time before I had to resort to the kind of fetishes that, while certainly not distasteful to me personally, are far too elaborate for this overworked husband and father to trot out every time he wants an orgasm. Thus I don’t mind that Jill and I enjoy a handful of regular positions plus a few once-in-awhile variations, as well as the usual sexual bells and whistles in which any suburban couple might regularly engage. This is our sexual style, and while I wouldn’t mind mixing it up a bit more than we do, I hardly require it enough to complain when it doesn’t happen.

Bonus: How do you nourish the connection between you and your loved ones? (parents, kids, significant other, best friend)
With Jill, I give her the most intense orgasms she’ll ever have. I also serve as a confidant and a loyal and dedicated life-partner. With my daughter, I am a stern but loving parent who provides guidance while encouraging her to excel in all things. My parents? Not sure. Our relationship is complicated. I guess I do my best to be a good son while not in any way endeavoring to live up to any expectations they may have of me. In fact, I try to stymie these expectations. I’m nearly forty years old, after all. And with my best friend I buy the occasional round provided he does the same.

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Jill’s hair is so distinctive that, upon meeting us for the first time, blogging friends who had never seen our faces recognized us based upon it.

See who else is being sinful at Molly’s Daily Kiss!

TMI Tuesday is here…

Love Work Money

[Editor’s Note:  Jill’s work schedule is busier than usual right now, so it’s just me this week.]

1. When did you last sing a love song? What song? Did you sing it to someone?
I can’t remember the last time I sang a love song. I often sing along with whatever music I’m playing in the car, and although there are probably a few love songs on my playlist, I can’t say for certain; it’s not the sort of thing to which I usually listen. Although not a love song, the last song I remember singing to another person was The Rare Ould Time”, specifically Flogging Molly’s cover. When my daughter was still a baby I would sometimes sing it to her as I changed her diaper, primarily to keep her focused on me so she wouldn’t try to scramble away. I’m sure the whole spectacle was quite adorable.

2. How do you want to spend a special day with your lover?
Naked.

3. What is the ideal number of calls/texts a couple should exchange in a day? Why did you say that?
It depends on the couple. Personally, I don’t believe in “should”; any societally-imposed ideal is basically asking to be smashed. My feeling is that the ideal number is whatever number is enough to convey whatever the couple mutually agrees needs to be conveyed. If both individuals require fifty to sixty “I love you” text exchanges over the course of a day, then that’s the ideal. If one individual requires fifty to sixty and the other is happier with, say, three, it may cause problems.

4. With regards to work, what do you enjoy doing (again, and again)?
I love writing. Given time, space, and quiet – three things that are admittedly in short supply these days – I could spend nearly every waking moment writing something. And if I could get paid for it, even better.

5. Are you on track with your work career? Are you where you wanted to be with education, training, position?
When I was younger I planned on being a filmmaker. I’ve got several completed screenplays under my belt, and a few more perpetually in progress. The plan was that I’d seek financing and make them independently, far from Hollywood. Eventually I realized filmmaking wasn’t my scene, and while I continued to write for myself I tried other things. Eventually, after years of working for someone else, I tried self-employement and that’s where I am now. So I’m inclined to say I am in fact on track, though whether I’m where I always planned to be is open for interpretation. I may not be doing the kind of work I planned, but I am doing something fulfilling and I find myself happy with it.

6. What do you want to avoid in your job/career?
Boredom.

7. Money–do you have enough?
Of course not. I mean, we don’t have as much money as we would like, but we probably have as much money as we need in order to live in conditions we can fool ourselves into believing equal comfort.

8. On Valentine’s day do you normally buy your loved one a romantic gift or a practical, usable gift?
I usually buy Jill a romantic gift as opposed to a practical one, specifically a dozen roses. Jill isn’t particularly concerned with Valentine’s Day; we realize it’s a commercial holiday designed to sell greeting cards and prix-fixe meals at already expensive restaurants. Still, she isn’t so jaded that she doesn’t appreciate romance, so I try to make such grandiose gestures throughout the year. However, on Valentine’s Day we both acknowledge that the big plus of having roses delivered to her job is that it makes her co-workers jealous.

9. Are you being paid fairly?
Money. Delicious, hot meals. Delicious, hot sex. The unconditional love of my wife and child. Occasional threesomes and other instances of non-monogamy. Considering what I actually do around here, I’m probably overpaid.

10. What’s the most money you’ve ever given away?
We don’t donate much to charity; typically such donations are made in way of old clothing and unwanted goods. When we do give money, we are more likely to give several smaller amounts over a period of time rather than one large amount. However, some years back, when money wasn’t quite so tight for us, we went to visit Jill’s sister and her husband in another state. The last time we were there, we all went to an expensive restaurant where we enjoyed one of the most memorable dinners I’ve ever had. This time, knowing they were struggling financially, we planned to treat them to dinner at the same place. This is my favorite kind of gesture: One in which I get to eat like a pig and drink like a fish. However, once Jill saw just how much they were struggling, she decided to just give them the few hundred dollars we would have spent on dinner. Now that they’ve gotten back on their feet they haven’t offered to repay us or even take us out to a comparable dinner, but I don’t dwell on that or anything.

Bonus: What’s the biggest personal change you’ve ever made?
Becoming a father. I could point out the number of extreme alterations made to my life as a direct result of the birth of my daughter, including but not limited to changes to our living situation and the way my business was run. However, the addition of this a person to our lives affected the Jack and Jill dynamic in ways more profound than I could have imagined.

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

I think she’s waiting for me.

See who else is being sinful at Molly’s Daily Kiss!

I usually need to get off once a day to remain semi-functional. Ideally I would get off several times a day but this is usually an unrealistic goal, especially as there are multiple things vying for my attention beyond orgasm. Still, I’m a stay-at-home parent with an at least theoretic abundance of free time. Thus I masturbate once a day, or more if I can. It’s a great way to pass the time, relieve stress, and get in touch with myself (no pun intended).

Sometimes I manage to set aside a large portion of the day for this purpose. I’m talking more than a couple hours. I get naked and lie down on my bed. I peruse adult blogs, Tumblr, and Twitter. It’s leisurely, and very fulfilling. Sometimes I let myself come a few times rather than just being content with one.

Other days I have so much going on that I don’t even get around to masturbating until shortly before my alone time comes to its end. In such instances I’m much more goal-oriented and often rushed, and on these occasions I have to watch porn.

I say “I have to watch porn” like it’s a bad thing. But the fact is that I sometimes – usually? – prefer to be mentally stimulated rather than visually stimulated. Or even mentally stimulated in addition to visually stimulated. Don’t get me wrong, I’m as visually oriented as the next person, but I often require more than just porn in order to have a really gratifying orgasm. Sometimes I want to be teased and tantalized with words or sounds. I want a slow build, preferably coming to the edge of climax several times before giving in. This is an option when you’ve set aside a large chunk of time, but when you’ve got forty minutes to be out the door and you aren’t even sure where your car keys are, you need to go for what’s the easiest. The path of least resistance if you will.

That said, when I do watch porn, I am usually inclined away from the big-budget studio variety. At the risk of stereotype, I don’t usually go for the typical synthetic lab-created performer. You know the kind I mean: Enormous breasts, impossibly long legs, pouty lips, high cheekbones and perfectly-coiffed hair. And on the men, broad chests, washboard abs, and the sort of penile length and girth that would make an elephant feel inadequate. Nothing against these folks; I’m sure such specimens exist in the wild, but what does it say about their authenticity that the only place I can recall seeing them is in porn?

If I must watch porn – there I go again, sounding like it’s a chore. Sorry. When I do watch porn, I prefer something a bit less polished. I don’t want perfect studio lighting and other earmarks of professional quality. I want a stationary camera, ideally somebody’s phone, and the sense that the performers left their bedroom light on. I don’t want some arbitrary ideal of beauty, either. I want people who are, for lack of a better word, real. Yes, I know that professional porn stars are real human beings with actual hopes and dreams. But as I stated, I can’t relate to them and as a result I don’t really want to see them fuck all that desperately. The woman who rang me up at the grocery store? I’d like to see what kind of vibrator she uses. The guy who delivered my package from Amazon? I’d be curious to see what kind of person he fucks. That shy mom at my daughter’s school? I wonder what she sounds like when she comes, and her facial expression when the waves of pleasure overtake her. That average, kind of doughy couple who live down the hall from us? Show me their sex tape.

This afternoon, however, I am streaming a scene of the professional variety, if only because there’s nothing in the amateur category that interests me. In the scene, a young starlet I’ve never seen before kneels between two vaguely familiar-looking men, stroking one while she sucks the other and then switching. The pleasure on her face is unmistakable, and this excites me. Nothing kills my arousal quicker than the idea that the young woman at the center of the gangbang doesn’t actually want to be there.

The men maneuver her onto a sofa, one entering her from behind as the other takes her mouth. I stroke faster as I hear her muffled moans, knowing how turned on she is. Her noises remind me of our last threesome with another man; Jill sounds more or less the same as this young woman does when she’s getting fucked with a cock in her mouth.

The men switch places; she rides the one she had earlier been sucking while the one who’d fucked her from behind now stands over her. As she swallows his length I continue to stroke with a warm hand, feeling myself growing ever closer. After a few moments Vaguely Familiar-Looking Porn Star #2 withdraws his cock from her mouth and moves around to take her ass. As he slides inside the camera cuts to her reaction to the sudden fullness. She braces herself instinctively, but she’s still smiling.

Double penetration with an actual third (as opposed to a toy) is one of our as-yet unrealized sexual goals; it’s one of those things we’ve discussed, and we would likely try with a suitable person. In fact, a close friend of ours has expressed an interest in conversation with Jill, but he’s married and we’re pretty sure his wife wouldn’t go for it.

Without even realizing I’m doing it, I slip into a fantasy. Jill is straddling my hips, sliding up and down on my cock. Her breasts bounce in my hands, her moans of pleasure filling our ears. Her wetness soaks me. At the same time our friend stands behind her; he and I ensconce her protectively between our bodies. He holds her hips in a firm, authoritative grip, his fingers digging into her soft flesh. Jill’s own hands reach backward to hold open her cheeks for him as he throbs within her. He and I can feel each other inside of her, though we’ll never speak of it.

As my wife comes, he and I can feel her hungry holes tightening around us. She writhes in ecstasy, her body pushing us toward our own respective orgasms. Our friend leans forward, pulling Jill’s head back by her hair. As they share a lusty kiss my excitement reaches its peak. By the time she leans down to kiss me, I’m coming inside her. The sound of our friend reaching his own climax echoes through the room and then fade, replaced by a satisfied sigh from the woman in the middle.

All at once I find myself back in the bedroom. I need to be out the door in ten minutes! I don’t even know where my keys are! Gotta go.

Get real, over-share. . .Time for another TMI Tuesday!

Analyze Your Sex-Life

Since we completely forgot to work on this on Monday (and since several of the questions ask about us as a couple) we’ll answer this week’s questions together unless explicitly stated otherwise.

1. What are your sexual strengths and weaknesses?
Jack: One of my strengths is almost certainly my stamina, as well as my lack of a refractory period. The only thing that might stop me from literally going all night is hunger and need for sleep, but rest assured my cock will cooperate. As for a weakness, I think my tendency to prioritize giving pleasure over receiving it, while not necessarily a bad thing, has occasionally left me less satisfied than I would have liked. (Though I didn’t complain at the time.)
Jill: I’m really good at oral sex. Not just blowjobs, either. I’m told I’m great at eating pussy as well. I tend to be very tactile and love to touch and kiss. Hopefully the combination of all of these qualities makes me a great lover. As for sexual weaknesses, I have self-esteem issues relating to body image. This unfortunately makes me nervous when it comes to bringing new people into the bedroom.

2. As a couple, what are your sexual strengths and weaknesses?
As a couple, I think we are always in sync sexually. Our sex drives are comparable, and after more than a decade we both know the other in every conceivable way.

3. How do you make intimacy a priority in a relationship?
By seizing the opportunity whenever it presents itself. Sometime this requires getting a babysitter in the evening and, rather than going to dinner or the movies, spending what little time we have reconnecting. Of course, it’s not unusual for babysitters to insist on watching our daughter at our house rather than theirs, and since our house is small that sometimes proves a problem. Other times Jill has taken a day off of work just so we can make the most of the several hours in which our daughter is at school. However, seizing the opportunity usually involves having sex right before bed, which means we are often limited to quickies – which to be fair are about an hour. This may seem like a case of not properly prioritizing, but sometimes it’s either quickies or nothing.

4. How has your sex life changed in the last five years?
As it turns out, our daughter is nearly six. Five years ago she was less than a year old, and far lower-maintenance than she is now. At the time we were having a lot more sex than we are now simply because we could. She slept a lot, and when she was awake we could in theory put her in a playpen with a bunch of toys and know she’d stay occupied until we were finished. While we have on occasion had sex in our bedroom while she was reading or playing in hers, or watching TV in the living room, the threat of discovery is still a very real one; while she has been told to always knock if a door is closed, there’s no guarantee that she will. Thus it can be difficult to maintain the same carefree feeling sex has always brought with it.

5. Has blogging helped your sex life? How?
Blogging has helped our sex life by exposing us to a variety of sexual activities, fetishes, and desires with which we would otherwise be far less familiar. Additionally it’s provided us with a support system and thus normalized various behaviors, including non-monogamy and polyamory.

Bonus: Has loneliness or emotional hunger ever caused you to “fall in love”?
Jack: Being a stay-at-home parent I do find myself drawn to a variety of relationships both online and off as a means of getting through the typical day. I don’t have nearly enough interaction with adults, so I’ll take it wherever I can get it. That said, I don’t think that this has caused me to “fall in love”; if I do so it’s not out of any emotional disconnect with my wife or anything.
Jill: Yes. When I was younger I fell in what I thought was love (or was content to pretend was love) out of unfulfilled emotional needs. I sometimes stayed in those relationships far too long because, while I was pretty sure it wasn’t actual love, I was getting something out of it.

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Taken in the mirror above the guest bed at a relative’s house where we were staying, this is the first photo of ourseves we ever shared, albeit anonymously.  It was taken just over six years ago; Jill was roughly eight months pregnant.

See who else is being sinful at Molly’s Daily Kiss!

 

Hello. Welcome to TMI Tuesday. Play nice…and dirty 😉

LOVE, LUST & SEX

Jack’s Answers

1. Why do you fall in love?
Because it’s in my nature to feel love for someone with whom I have something in common, i.e. intellect, appreciation of similar pop culture, politics, etc. And physical/sexual attraction doesn’t hurt either.

2. What makes you fall in lust?
Because it’s in my nature to feel lust for someone to whom I am physically/sexually attracted. And intellect, appreciation of similar pop culture, politics, etc. doesn’t hurt either.

3. If you are in a monogamous sexual relationship and your significant other has sex outside of your relationship, will you forgive them?
I probably would forgive, but that doesn’t necessarily mean I would want to continue the relationship. I guess it would just depend on the nature of the relationship and what’s at stake. I’d like to think that if the relationship was fulfilling on all other levels, and perhaps if we had children, I’d forgive the other party and stick around. Still, broken trust is a hard thing to get over.

4. What do you idolize?
Nothing, really.  I love my wife and child.  I have a deep appreciation for the films of Quentin Tarantino. I crave delicious food and top shelf alcohol.  But that’s not the same thing, is it?  A cursory Google search sees “idolize” defined as “admire, revere, or love greatly or excessively”.  So maybe I idolize these things, but to me that seems excessive.  Religious people might warn against having false idols, but I don’t really buy into any of that.  So I’m going to go with nothing.

5. Where are your erogenous zones?
Definitely my brain. If that doesn’t count I’ll say shoulders and chest, specifically my nipples. Do nipples count as an erogenous zone? I feel like they might be overtly sexual in and of themselves, and at that point I might as well say my cock.  But if you want areas of my body that isn’t my cock, I’ll say my shoulders and chest.

Bonus: What is the strangest or most unique thing you’ve tied someone up with or been tied up with? Why were you tied up?
I once sent a friend on a wild goose chase looking for an extremely hard-to-find houseware while his wife, some other friends, and I decorated his house for a surprise party in his honor. I know it’s not literally tying somebody up, but the guy was figuratively tied up for hours so I say it counts.

Jill’s Answers

1. Why do you fall in love?
I fall in love because when I’m with the person my heart warms and I get butterflies in my stomach when he’s near. When I look at him I know I would lay down my life for them. I would do literally anything he wanted.

2. What makes you fall in lust?
An attraction so intense that I tingle when we touch. I ache to kiss the person, and I want to be close so we can kiss, touch, and devour each other.

3. If you are in a monogamous sexual relationship and your significant other has sex outside of your relationship, will you forgive them?
I’m not sure. My trust in the person would be broken and it would be very hard to get it back. I might forgive, but it would be harder to forget, and even harder to trust the person again.

4. What do you idolize?
I’m not sure that I actually idolize anything in the traditional sense of the word. However, I place a very high premium on honesty and trust. These are literally the most important things in a relationship.

5. Where are your erogenous zones?
My neck, thighs, and breasts. I love having them touched and kissed. Jack also points out that my scalp is very sensitive as well, and reminds me that I have climaxed while having my hair washed at the salon.

Bonus: What is the strangest or most unique thing you’ve tied someone up with or been tied up with? Why were you tied up?
The most unusual thing I’ve been tied up with is probably the belt from my bathrobe. I know this is hardly an unusual thing with which to be restrained, but it’s not like I get tied up every time I have sex. (Most of the time when I’m restrained it’s with handcuffs.) And I was tied up so I could be kissed, fingered, and fucked without the use of my arms. It was fun.

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

When I came into our bedroom last Saturday to take pictures for our window-themed Sinful Sunday, I came upon Jill lying on the bed looking outside.  So I took a picture.

See who else is being sinful at Molly’s Daily Kiss!

 

A side benefit of coming out as polyamorous to the majority of my social circle is the ability to love publicly without any fear or even reservation. As I’ve mentioned before, I think I’ve always been poly. That is to say that I’ve always been capable of loving multiple people. I didn’t practice it then, however, and I’m not really practicing it now. But I could.

In response to me coming out on Facebook, our friend S commented, “Love you guys”, i.e. including Jill. And while I know she loves Jill, I wonder if she added the word “guys” for the sake of public perception. Just “I love you” might seem too personal to Facebook at large, might imply more than it necessarily should. Even in light of my revelation, “I love you” coming from a woman other than my wife could be improper, shocking, revolutionary even. People aren’t ready for that.

In an instant-messenger conversation later, S told me “Yay for being able to say I love you…without worrying about outing you.”  I understood her sentiment.  She might be perceived a certain way, especially by my friends who don’t know her, were she to express love to a married man.  But even if I wasn’t poly, what’s wrong with love?  Specifically, what’s wrong with loving someone (or being loved by someone) who isn’t my spouse?  I know that’s a potentially controversial thing to say, and that lots of people would take issue with it.  But I’m also intelligent enough to know that for most people love equals sex, or at the very least romance, i.e. deep emotional attachment.  When you’re married, that’s dangerous.

We have no problem loving our family members. We tell our parents, our grandparents, our children, and our siblings that we love them. There’s no stigma, no risk inherent in doing this, even when we are in a committed relationship. That’s because the expression of these emotions – and the emotions themselves – are no threat to our relationship with our significant other. We may love our parents, but we aren’t in love with them. We may love our siblings, but for virtually all of us there is no chance the relationship will turn sexual.

The same thing goes for platonic love between two friends of the same sex. I could, for example, tell my best male friend I love him without my wife freaking out and worrying that I’m going to leave her. I probably won’t tell him, though, because social conditioning has ensured that it would be an awkward exchange. Actually, that’s not true. As close male friends go, we’re pretty unconventional and I doubt there would be any weirdness as a result. But I still won’t tell him because he’s single and I don’t want to lead him on.

Okay, here’s a better example: Women can tell their best female friends that they love them without it being an issue or a threat. I think that’s because, at least in the case of heterosexual women, the person they’re speaking to is not a member of the gender to which they’re primarily attracted. Thus it’s no threat to their marriage or their relationship. Plus their boyfriends and husbands are all probably hoping that a warm hug and an “I love you” between girlfriends turns into a hot makeout session with some fingering at the very least.

But a woman telling a man she loves him? There’s got to be more to it than just simple words born of mutual friendship, right? Especially if it’s a married woman telling a married man, such as S and myself. That would be scandalous, hence the addition of the word “guys”.

And it struck me as I read her comment: There’s no threat there. Jill doesn’t feel threatened; she probably loves S as much as I do. So if she’s not upset over it, why should anyone have a problem with it? Actually, scratch that. I know better than to ask why anyone would take issue with something that doesn’t affect their lives in any way; that’s what people do. Busybodies stick their noses where it doesn’t belong. It’s the national pastime.

Why are we as a society so afraid of love? I understand that loving more than one person can potentially damage the status quo. I know it goes against the norm, and that’s presumably the problem. But why is it a problem? What does it say about our society that hate is more acceptable than love? We’d sooner lash out at someone simply for being different than we are than we would consider sharing positive emotions. I’m not even talking about physical affection. I’m talking about just not being an asshole to our fellow human beings and daring to call that practice “love”.

Maybe most of us are just not wired that way. Maybe most of us are so scared of being hurt, of being rejected, that we allow ourselves to feel love begrudgingly, if we allow ourselves to feel it at all. And when we find one person who can actually live with our baseball cap collection, or for that matter our beer bottle cap collection, we figure this is as lucky as we will ever get and we’d better not risk fucking it up by daring to look for more happiness elsewhere. In fact, let’s hate everything that is not that one person. Maybe it’ll make our love for him or her shine brighter by comparison.

If it’s acceptable for a man to drunkenly tell his male gym buddy he loves him while whacked out of his skull on peyote and tequila during a backyard barbecue, even if that man spends the next week shamefully pretending it didn’t happen, and if that guy’s wife doesn’t fear for his heterosexuality or his marriage vows, if she doesn’t immediately file for divorce in light of this hideous betrayal, there should be no issue with similar sentiment when it’s shared between a man and a woman who have no commitment beyond, say, years of friendship.

Whether or not I have the capacity within myself to love S in a romantic light (and I do), and whether or not I want to fuck her for days on any and every surface in a motel room until we’re both lying in a sweaty heap on the floor (and I do), my telling her I love her or being told the same by her (or any woman for whom I feel a profound respect) is no threat. On the contrary, I have every reason to believe that it, or any such expression of love has the ability to improve my marriage, my interactions with my child and others, my general productivity, and my own happiness.

In the current sociopolitical climate, with much of America if not the entire world so reflexively distrustful of one another, so insistent that anyone who believes or lives or loves differently shouldn’t enjoy the same respect that they themselves have been taking for granted their entire lives, I can’t possibly see an abundance of love as a bad thing. Perhaps it is the unbridled hatred and xenophobia, the disrespect, and the willingness to be an unabashed, unrepentant asshole aided and abetted by the anonymity of the internet – the same anonymity, I’ll grant you, which allows me to write and publish these words without repercussion – that has solidified my commitment to be myself at any cost. That unpleasantness – nay, that toxicity – motivates me to live and love as is right for me, and if I dare to truly dream, perhaps my doing so gives someone else the support and courage to do the same.