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Ten Reasons to Have More Sex

jackandjillcpl10 Comments
Posted in analysis article reasons to have sex written by Jack

While visiting my parents, I stopped at a drugstore.  The free publication rack at the front of the store near the exit featured a local magazine called Family Health & Wellness.  This is the sort of publication that covers health topics such as choosing the right optometrist, coping with menopause, and the importance of eating dinner together as  a family.  People read the well-meaning advice, feel better about themselves, and patronize the magazine’s sponsors.  The status quo is maintained.

The headline “10 Reasons to Have More Sex” caught my eye.  And why wouldn’t it?  It was placed conspicuously on the cover, in glaring yellow type.  People are repressed, especially in the overwhelmingly conservative locale where my parents live.  Said people will pick up a free magazine that has the word “sex” on the cover.  Though I didn’t expect to read anything particularly salacious, or for that matter anything I didn’t already know, I nonetheless took a copy.  I could admit to being skeptical before I read the article, or for that matter before I even opened the magazine.  What sort of cutting-edge sexual advice could I possibly glean from a free magazine I got in one of the most conservative parts of California?

The first thought that ran through my head upon seeing the headline was, Why do people need to be given reasons to have more sex?  I can think of numerous reasons why more sex is a good thing, though the physical enjoyment I take from sex itself will always trump any others.  Fucking for cash?  Hey, that’s great.  I’d love to try that.  Fucking to save the world, or to end war or global famine?  Talk about noble, selfless reasons!  Fucking to spite someone else?  Hate to admit it, but I’ve done that.  More than these or any other conceivable reasons, though, I love sex because it’s fun.  Even were that the only reason to fuck, it would be enough.

The article opened on a two-page spread showing a middle-aged couple about to get busy:  Bland, white-collar husband runs his hand through the hair of his bourgeois forty-something wife as she tugs on his loosened necktie.  Their faces are close, though not close enough to kiss.  Nothing against the two models who presumably met the day they posed for this photo, but it features all the romance and eroticism you’d expect from a Viagra commercial.  The caption in the corner of the photo promises “10 Mind-Blowing Reasons to Make More Love.”  They are obviously talking about sex in the context of a stable, committed relationship.  That’s understandable; a publication that focuses on health and wellness (family health and wellness, for that matter) is probably not the place to seek advice on late-night bar hookups.

The introduction makes evident the tone of the article:

It’s been a long day and you’re wiped out.  Your boss was breathing down your neck all day, the kids have a science project due tomorrow, the dinner dishes are piled in the sink, and you just want a minute to relax.  The obligations of everyday life are wearing you down, and nothing sounds better than an hour on the sofa with your favorite television program.  But the feel of your significant other’s hands caressing the back of your neck [suggests] he or she has other, more intimate, activities in mind.  Before you mutter an unenthused, “Not tonight, honey,” we have 10 reasons you should turn off the TV and turn down the lights for a little “somethin’, somethin’.”

This, in and of itself, is the crux of the problem.  People don’t prioritize sex.  They’re too tired or stressed out.  They’re stretched too thin.  Television is the higher priority for much of society.  Heaven forbid we miss American Idol because we’re engaging in recreational, non-procreative sex.  Yes, we all have DVRs and can watch it anytime we like, but if we don’t watch it tonight someone on Facebook might spoil who was eliminated, and that would ruin the whole season.

I’m not going to bother listing the ten reasons to have more sex according to the article.  Suffice it to say that the reasons involve things like exercise (“it’s like a workout…in bed”), boosting one’s self-esteem, and general health concerns.  Some of the advice is fairly common-sense:  Reason #4 is that during sex endorphins are released, which create euphoric feelings, making it a natural anti-depressant.  Reason #7 is that sex is an investment in one’s relationship, and that by having sex a couple reconnects physically, and strengthens their bond.  Reason #9 is that regular sex can lead to greater or more visible affection between partners, demonstrating to the kids that romantic love is healthy.

Not all the advice was necessarily correct.  One of the reasons listed is that frequent sexual intercourse reduces the risk of heart disease.  While this is technically accurate, the article states that it’s not solely sexual activity but rather any increased physical activity that curtails such ailments.  Additionally, the article cites studies that claim that regular orgasms (two or more per week) lead to increased prostate health.  The article then acknowledges that the studies’ findings are actually inconclusive but recommends more frequent orgasms just in case.

Look, I’m not one to complain about non-harmful sex advice.  Whatever reasons people want to use to justify frequent sex, I’m all for it.  The way I see it, if more people were not only having regular sex but actually enjoying it and not feeling guilty about it, the world would be a better place.  People in general would be happier, there would be less war – or none at all! – road rage would be a thing of the past, and you’d have far fewer overcompensating dickheads making public policy that affects the lives of the disenfranchised.

The biggest problem I have with the article, though, is that “It feels great!” is the tenth and final reason.  It’s not the first reason.  It’s not even the ninth reason.  It’s the last one!  The article treats it like an afterthought, stating incidentally that “sex is a normal part of being a healthy person, both emotionally and physically.”  And while this is undoubtedly true, that should have boosted it a lot higher than #10.

Why does “It feels great!” have to come last, after all the bullshit cajoling of the previous nine reasons?  Everyone reading the article is aware that sex feels good.  In fact, it’s probably the first thing that most people think when they hear the word “sex”, if their minds aren’t clouded by a lifetime of societally-imposed shame and guilt.  Trust me, no thirteen-year-old in the midst of puberty wants to have sex so that he or she can enjoy a life free of atherosclerosis and hypertension.

Do we really have to tell people to fuck their spouses so they won’t die of cardiovascular illness at age fifty?  Are we really telling people to fuck their spouses so they will be confident enough to excel at work and be promoted?  Sure, these are semi-valid reasons to have sex.  But I’ve got to think that if this manner of persuasion needs to be employed, the recipient isn’t really into it in the first place.

I’m all for positive representation of non-procreative sex in the media, especially in the religious-conservative community where I found the magazine.  But while articles like these are promising, we have clearly not moved past all of our hangups.  Why can’t we simply acknowledge that sex is fun and that it feels great?  Why must we placate the masses by rationalizing that sex is about anything other than physical and emotional pleasure?  Why must we first tell them that it’ll fix what’s wrong with their marriage, get them into shape, and facilitate good health before lowering the boom?

Ultimately my disappointment is not in the article, its author, or the publication itself.  My disappointment is, as always, in the society that has made tiptoeing around the issue of sexual pleasure somehow necessary.

-Jack

Sex and Sneezing

jackandjillcpl4 Comments
Posted in article written by Jill

Here’s a news story that I found very strange and surprising.

Here’s Looking Atchoo: Sneeze and Sex Could Be Linked

PARIS (AFP) – Women who suspect a man of having sex on the brain should listen out for a sneeze, as a pair of British doctors say that sneezing may be a sign of arousal.

In an unusual paper published on Friday in the prestigious Journal of the Royal Society of Medicine, Mahmood Bhutta and Harold Maxwell cite the case of an unnamed middle-aged patient who suffered uncontrollable fits of sneezing whenever he thought of sex.

Intrigued, the pair unearthed further evidence — although less robust — among anonymous Internet chat rooms, where 17 people of both sexes reported sneezing immediately upon thinking of sex and three others who said they sneezed after orgasm.

Bhutta, a specialist in ear, nose and throat medicine at the John Radcliffe Hospital in Oxford, said the phenomenon could be more widespread than thought and might even be inherited.

“It certainly seems odd, but I think this reflex demonstrates evolutionary relics in the wiring of a part of the nervous system called the autonomic nervous system,” Bhutta said.

“This is the part beyond our control, and which controls things like our heart rate and the amount of light let in by our pupils. Sometimes the signals in this system get crossed, and I think this may be why some people sneeze when they think about sex.”

Bhutta said there were only one or two references to the sex-and-sneezing link in published medical literature.

The most recent was a letter to the Journal of the American Medical Association in 1972 involving a 69-year-old men who complained of severe sneezing following orgasm.

But embarrassment or social inhibition may have prevented the topic from being aired, suggests Bhutta, who says further research could shed light.

“Uncontrollable fits of sneezing” may be a sign of arousal, but it’s also a sign that he’s got a cold, and may be contagious. Approach at your own risk, ladies!

All kidding aside, I have never experienced anything like this before. Has anyone ever noticed a connection between sex and sneezing, or is this another case of the medical community making foolish claims with regard to sex?

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20081219/od_afp/healthsexsneezingoffbeat_081219135030

-Jill

Bettie Page (1923-2008)

jackandjillcpl2 Comments
Posted in article picture tribute written by Jack

I wanted to post a quick tribute to legendary 1950s pinup model Bettie Page, who passed away on Thursday at age 85. Bettie was an early Playboy Playmate (January 1955, to be exact), and a well-known fetish model, known for an extensive body of work that included spanking, bondage, and domination-themed photography and film. Even if you haven’t heard the name, you’ve undoubtedly seen one of her famous pinups or are familiar with her as a pop cultural icon. And if you’ve somehow missed out on Bettie Page on that level, I’m certain you are familiar with one of the celebrities, artists or photographers who were inspired by her.

After a career which saw her pose for an estimated 20,000 photos, Bettie Page fell out of the spotlight in 1958. Her reclusive nature in the years since then was the subject of fan speculation, and she developed a strong cult following. The look of Batman villainess Poison Ivy was inspired in part by Page, and she was the unwitting basis for the love interest in Dave Stevens’ comic series The Rocketeer (and to a lesser extent its 1991 film adaptation). Her image graced the covers of comic books and fanzines. Her original photo shoots were reprinted.

Then, in the early 1990s, Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous featured a telephone interview with Page wherein she confessed ignorance over her resurgence in popularity. Living in poverty and squalor in Los Angeles, Page realized that she stood to make a lot of money from the various individuals profiting from her likeness. She hired an agency and began receiving residual payments, ensuring financial stability in her waning years.

In 1996, author James L. Swanson published an authorized biography entitled “Bettie Page: The Life of a Pinup Legend.” Page did a single television interview to promote the book, but refused to allow her face to be shown. The following year, author Richard Foster published “The Real Bettie Page: The Truth About the Queen of Pinups”, a tell-all that revealed many shocking details about Page’s disappearance from the limelight. The definitive dramatization of Bettie Page’s 1950s heyday can be found in 2005’s The Notorious Bettie Page, starring Gretchen Moll in the title role.

A recent article at mtv.com nicely sums up her influence:

Katy Perry’s rocker bangs and throwback skimpy jumpers. Madonna’s “Sex” book and fascination with bondage gear. Rihanna’s obsession with all things leather, lace and second-skin binding. Uma Thurman in “Pulp Fiction.” The Suicide Girls’ Web site. The Pussycat Dolls. The entire career of Marilyn Manson’s ex-wife Dita Von Teese. Without Bettie Page, it’s likely none of these women would look the way they do.

http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1601231/20081212/story.jhtml

-Jack

Stop the Presses! Fat Women are Having Sex!

jackandjillcpl4 Comments
Posted in article written by Jill

I came across this article today, and found it thought-provoking.

Fat Women More Likely to Have Had Sex

November 3, 2008

Fat women are more likely to have had sexual intercourse than thin ones, research has found.

In a study of 7,000 women 92 per cent of those who were overweight had slept with a man.

The figure was only 87 per cent among those of a “normal” size.

The research, carried out by the University of Hawaii School of Medicine, contradicts previous results which suggested that larger women had a lower libido, while thinner ones were more likely to be sexually active.

It was based on the sexual histories of American women aged 15 to 44. A Body Mass Index (BMI) of 25 was chosen as the cut-off point between being normal and overweight.

Factors such as age, race, location, number of partners and frequency of sex were all taken into account.

However, size was the only criterion that affected the likelihood of a woman having slept with a man.

Dr Bliss Kaneshiro, who led the research, published in the journal Obstetrics & Gynaecology, said: “These results were unexpected and we don’t really know why this is the case.

“Our analysis demonstrated that overweight women do not differ significantly in some of the measures of sexual behaviour compared to women of normal weight.

“This study indicates that all women deserve diligence in counselling on unintended pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases, regardless of their weight.”

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/northamerica/3371172/Fat-women-more-likely-to-have-had-sex.html

Here’s another take on the same research:

Weight Does Not Affect Sexual Activity

By Rick Nauert, Ph.D.
Senior News Editor
Reviewed by John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on October 31, 2008

New research suggests a woman’s weight does not seem to affect sexual behavior. In fact, overweight women are more likely to report having sex with men than women considered to be of “normal weight.”

The study, published in the September issue of Obstetrics & Gynecology, is based on data from the 2002 National Survey of Family Growth that looked at sexual behavior of more than 7,000 women.

Some studies have suggested that obese and overweight women have a higher risk of unintended pregnancy than do normal weight women, according to Dr. Bliss Kaneshiro, an assistant professor at the University Of Hawaii School Of Medicine.

Although multiple factors, including contraceptive use and its efficacy, may increase the risk of unintended pregnancy among these women, sexual behavior and the frequency of intercourse could also be a factor.

Kaneshiro’s objective was to study the impact of body mass index on sexual behavior. It is important to understand this relationship because preexisting physician biases can affect how heavy women are counseled about pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases prevention.

Kaneshiro studied the relationship between body mass index and sexual behavior, including sexual orientation, age at first intercourse, number of partners, and frequency of intercourse.

“Our analysis demonstrated that obese and overweight women do not differ significantly in some of the objective measures of sexual behavior compared to women of normal weight,” said Kaneshiro.

“This study indicates that all women deserve diligence in counseling on unintended pregnancy and STD prevention, regardless of body mass index.”

The study seems to contradict widely held stereotypes that overweight and obese women are not as sexually active as other women. If anything, the researchers concluded the opposite seems to be true.

“I was glad to see that the stereotype that you have to be slender to have sex is just that, a stereotype,” said Oregon State University professor Marie Harvey.

Kaneshiro said the data showed that overweight women were more likely to report having sexual intercourse with a man, even when she controlled for age, race and type of residence.

Ninety-two percent of overweight women reported having a history of sexual intercourse with a man, as opposed to 87 percent of women with a normal body mass index.

“These results were unexpected and we don’t really know why this is the case,” Kaneshiro said.

Harvey said the important part to take away from the study is that physicians and others who work in women’s medical health should never make assumptions about sexual behavior based on outward appearances.

“Some medical practitioners may not do appropriate follow-up with women who are overweight, they might assume they aren’t having sex unless they are told otherwise,” Harvey said.

http://psychcentral.com/news/2008/10/31/weight-does-not-affect-sexual-activity/3241.html

My first reaction to the “news” that overweight women are actually able to arouse men to the point of (gasp!) having sex with them was actually surprise over the fact that, prior to this groundbreaking research, the scientific community as a whole believed that women who are not of a “normal” size (I’ll get to my feelings on “normal” in a minute) are, for lack of a better word, unfuckable.

It’s no secret that I would like to lose weight. I’m sure that the vast majority of women in this country (and probably a lot of men) would also like to. We are bombarded by images of what the ideal body looks like, an ideal that for most of us is completely unattainable, so it’s no wonder that many of us, myself included, suffer from body image issues. In fact, I suspect that the shocking revelation that fat women are indeed having sex is due to the fact that the vast majority of my gender is considered fat.

In spite of the body mass index, I find the concept of “normal” as it relates to body image meaningless. Assigning the “normal” label to swimsuit models and celebrities is unfair and irresponsible. Considering that human beings do not overwhelmingly possess the same body type, weight, size and shape, “normal” might best be applied to people who have two arms, two legs, and a head, all connected to a torso.

The first article mentions the earlier belief “that larger women had a lower libido, while thinner ones were more likely to be sexually active.” While I can imagine the short-sighted among us buying into such a ridiculous stereotype, I can’t imagine what sort of academic institution might come to such a conclusion. For the record, it’s not true, and as a woman with an almost constant libido, I’m very glad to be living proof.

The last paragraph of the first article states, “This study indicates that all women deserve diligence in counselling [sic] on unintended pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases, regardless of their weight.” Wow, really? It’s like, “Let’s not bother giving the fatty birth control. No way is she getting laid.”

Many women suffer from self-esteem issues due to their weight, and unfortunately these misconceptions don’t help the situation. Any woman has the potential to be sexual. A woman who is twenty pounds heavier than what is considered “ideal” is just as likely to be sexually active or, if the findings of the University of Hawaii Medical School are correct, even more likely. In fact, it’s possible that she might be better in bed than a thinner woman. I’m not saying it’s necessarily a fact (I would hate to generalize), but certainly possible, even likely. I’d like to think it’s true in my case.

-Jill

Dear Abby, and a Request

jackandjillcpl8 Comments
Posted in article written by Jill

Wow! We haven’t posted in almost a week. Sorry about that. Hopefully the next couple entries will make up for our laziness.

We came across this letter to Dear Abby in our local paper a couple weeks ago. It’s relevant to the subject matter of our blog, and worth the couple minutes it will take you to read. In fact, when I read the letter, I was reminded of Mia Wallace’s concerns about morning breath when having spontaneous sex in the middle of the night.

COUPLE CAN’T SEE SOLUTION TO VEXING VISION PROBLEM

DEAR ABBY: I’m a single 59-year-old man who is dating an attractive 40-year-old woman. I wear glasses, and she wears contact lenses, which she takes out before we go to bed at night. Of course, I remove my glasses.

The problem is, when we become intimate, we can barely see each other — even with the lights on. We want to know what each other looks like when we’re making love. Any suggestions? — EYES WIDE OPEN IN ROGERS, ARK.

DEAR EYES WIDE OPEN: I am not a vision expert, and this is something you should discuss with your eye-care professional. However, because you are both blind as bats without corrective lenses, perhaps it’s time you considered the Braille method.

When I first read this letter, as well as Dear Abby’s reply, I was surprised, and a little confused. Jack and I are in our thirties, and I will be the first to admit that sometimes when we are having particularly enthusiastic sex, the kind that leaves us covered in sweat, with our heartbeats much faster than normal, it can be tempting to just pass out as soon as we’re finished. Perhaps when we reach our late fifties, the act of love will be so exerting for us that we can’t perform simple functions like taking off our glasses or taking out our contact lenses between orgasm and sleep. But until I know for sure whether this is true, I can’t help but wonder why these two insist on removing their corrective lenses before they go at it.

Also, we’ve got a request to ask of our readers. We are trying to increase readership of this blog, and due to the subject matter we are completely clueless about how to do that. Obviously we aren’t going to send out a mass e-mail informing all of our friends, co-workers and family that we’ve got a blog in which we discuss every aspect of our sex life. There aren’t too many people we know personally who would be interested in reading this blog, and who we would be comfortable sharing it with. Also, we aren’t very keen on the idea of advertising our blog on some random message board. We’d like to have at least some control over who reads it.

The request is simple: If you have any suggestions of how we might go about getting more readers to our blog, we’d love to hear your thoughts. (Especially if you happened to have a sex blog at some point in the past, hint hint.) Also, if you know anyone who might like to read about the exploits of a very open-minded and sexually adventurous thirtysomething couple, preferably someone mature who doesn’t giggle every time he or she reads the word “cock” or “pussy”, feel free to tell them about the blog.

-Jill