The main theme at The Naughty Hangout this week is “Books”. The picture we’re sharing features me reading The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy.  Jack brought the book to my attention, and although we aren’t polyamorous and do not have an open relationship, the principles espoused by the authors are ones that I find very appealing.  I wish I had known of this book when I was single.  The alternate themes this week are “Journey” and “Weathered”.  My reading of The Ethical Slut continues the journey that began when I read Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá’s Sex at Dawn and Tristan Taormino’s Opening Up.

Be sure to mouse over the image to see how we handled “Weathered”!

-Jill

See who else is being naughty this week!

When I heard her name, I immediately thought of Archie Comics.  You ever read Archie Comics?  Big Ethel was this lanky, Ichabod Crane-like character, boyish and plain, who was always trying to get Jughead to go out with her.  Now that I think of it, she looked an awful lot like Jughead.  So when I heard that her name was Ethel, the first thing I did was try to think of a way to back out gracefully.  She was probably a very nice person, but her name didn’t exactly conjure up visions of beauty in my mind.  I imagined a long, cartoonish nose, buck teeth, and social awkwardness so profound it was comical.

As my mind wandered, I considered that she might instead bear a striking resemblance to Ethel Mertz, the landlady of Lucy and Ricky Ricardo played by Vivian Vance on the 1950s sitcom I Love Lucy.  I wasn’t sure which option sounded less appealing; while Ethel Mertz was probably better-looking than Big Ethel, her advanced age was a turn-off.  Sure I’d jerked off to her (and Lucy) one time but that was purely out of desperation.  The middle-American WASP hausfrau type just wasn’t for me, and Vance’s TV husband William Frawley wasn’t wrong when he described her as “a sack of doorknobs”.

I decided not to cancel.  The only women named Ethel were hideous crones, of that much I was certain.  But I had to follow through, if only to sate my morbid curiosity.  I practiced a raspy cough, and I figured that if it was really bad, like so bad I couldn’t stand to be seen with her, I’d use it as an excuse to wrap things up early.  As I pulled up to her apartment, I chuckled to think that the only way I was going to make it through this date was by having a few drinks of ethyl alcohol.  I’m such a wit.

When she opened the door, I was stunned, and I silently congratulated myself on making the right decision.  I’d never seen such an attractive woman.  Long blonde curls encircled her pretty face, dazzling blue eyes sitting above high, well-defined cheekbones.  Her smile was warm and welcoming, her lips full but not pouty.  And though I tried not to be obvious about it, my eyes were drawn to a very prominent pair of breasts that I hoped to have the opportunity to fondle and suck.

Though I make no excuses for my shallowness, I felt like a bit of an asshole for prejudging her.  I decided not to mention that I considered calling off our date due to my misgivings over her first name.  As the night went on I felt foolish for drawing a conclusion from something so superficial.  And that night, when she was riding me hard on her living room sofa, I promised myself that I would never do it again.

In 2010 we posted fifty-two consecutive weeks of pictures at OHNT.  We’re posting them on our blog, one per week.  They can be found here, along with background information and all the comments they received.

Jack’s Answers

1. What is the longest relationship you have been in?
My current relationship is the longest one I’ve ever been in.  We’ve been at it for more than eight years which is the longest I’ve ever attempted – and now that I think of it, longer than I ever intended – to be, for all intents and purposes, a one-woman man.  It’s not something that comes easy – even with someone as perfect for me as Jill physical monogamy is at best very difficult – but we love each other, the sex is better than any I’ve ever had, and she laughs at my jokes.  I think I’ll be sticking around.

2. What is the shortest relationship you have been in?
A couple hours.

3. How often do you have sex? How often do you want sex?
Not counting masturbation, I’d say that I have sex anywhere from twice to five times a week.  Given the fact that we live in a very small house and have a small child who doesn’t like to nap, even twice a week is pretty often, though I generally want it as often as I can get it.  Daily would be great, though given our current living situation there’s no way daily sex would be feasible.  However, since we have reason to believe that many of our friends have seen their sex lives come to a halt when they became parents, I think we’re doing pretty damn good.

4. How long does sex usually last?
There’s no standard answer to this question.  We generally manage at least an hour, though it’s not unusual for sex to last up to two or three hours depending on a number of factors including whether our daughter is in the house or being babysat elsewhere, whether she is napping, time of day, etc.  Three hours of sex is a far cry from the all-night fuck-binges we used to enjoy when we were dating and newly married, but as I stated earlier, seeing as we are parents and frequently sleep-deprived, we’re pretty fortunate to be able to swing that.

5. Have you ever had an experience where someone couldn’t perform, finished too quickly or couldn’t keep up with you? Tell us about it?
I can’t really say that I have.  I’m guessing that when you have sex with women, “performance issues” refer to lack of arousal, and that’s never really been a problem.  Can’t say that I’ve ever experienced a quick finish with a partner either; generally speaking if they climax relatively soon I’ll give them a few more.  And I can’t say that I’ve ever had a partner who had trouble keeping up with me, though over the course of a twenty-year sexual history I have had partners who have vastly different sex drives than my own.  In some cases they were higher, and in some cases they were lower, usually owing to a lesser interest in sex than I had.  But I don’t think there was ever a time when I worried that I was going to end up in an ambulance with an oxygen mask over my face.

6. If you could only have one “type” of sexual encounter for the rest of your life, would you prefer
a) short and sweet
b) wham bam thank you ma’am
c) here for the long haul
d) slow and tender
This may be the hardest question I’ve ever been asked.  I think what I enjoy so much about sex, even sex with the same partner for nearly a decade, is the variety.  I love the fact that when I’m feeling tender and romantic Jill and I can have sex in the missionary position, face to face, exchanging hot, sweet kisses the whole time.  I love the fact that when I’m feeling particularly dominant I can fuck her from behind without mercy, pushing her face into the mattress while simultaneously yanking her long brown locks.  And when I want to induge her own dominant side she can ride me.  That’s a big part of what makes sex so much fun.  So yeah, this is a really difficult question for me to answer, and in fact I’m not going to answer it.  I’m going to answer a different question, but I’m not going to tell you what the question is.  The answer, however, is: 2 Tablespoons grapeseed oil, and 1 teaspoon apple cider vinegar.

Bonus: Would you consider ending an otherwise healthy and loving relationship if the sex wasn’t what you wanted?
Yes, I would.  I’ve never done this, as I have been pretty fortunate with regard to my long-term sex partners.  But if the sexual aspect of an otherwise fulfilling relationship left me so unsatisfied that I couldn’t bear the thought of remaining in that relationship, I would most certainly end it and hope that my next relationship would be better.  I’ve long insisted that we as a society need to drop our sexual hang-ups and begin a dialogue, or at the very least stop pretending that sex isn’t as important to us as we all know it is.  Were we all more able to be honest, to simply come out and say to a potential partner, even during a first date, that sex is a vital part of any romantic relationship, and that we were in fact thinking about sex the whole time you were talking about college and how your parents pushed you to go to law school, the world would be a much more harmonious place.

Halloween is almost upon us!  Here’s Jill looking sexy in her vampire bat costume.

See who else is being sinful at Molly’s Daily Kiss!

It’s funny you should ask.  We have in fact answered at least one of our own Formspring questions (“Which do you believe is worse:  Physical infidelity, or emotional fidelity?“).  If a topic intrigues us as much as this one did, we see no reason not to get a blog post out of it.  However, looking at most of the Formspring questions we’ve asked others, it seems like a lot of our answers are already fairly common knowledge, or in some cases so simple that we’d be hard-pressed to get an entire post out of them.  One question, however, really stands out.  It’s something about which we’ve talked about blogging for quite some time, and given the opportunity we’ll gladly do so now.  Here goes.

Apologies for the lack of a mouse-over image this week.  My idea for the secondary theme “How I See Myself” (Jill standing in front of a mirror) didn’t work out thanks largely to my own lack of photographic talent.

-Jack

See who else is being naughty this week!