“Cannons”, posted May 6, 2010
In 2010, we posted fifty-two consecutive weeks of pictures at OHNT. We’re posting them on our blog, one per week. They can be found here, along with background information and all the comments they received.
TMI Tuesday: April 3, 2012 – Sex on Fire
This week’s TMI Tuesday questions focus on sexual desire.
Jack’s Answers
1. Answer the question: What makes you hot?
Itchy sweaters.
Especially when worn by these guys. Seriously hot.
Okay, all kidding aside, lots of things make me hot. Flirting. Intelligence and sense of humor. Older women. Younger women. Women the same age as me. The feel of skin-on-skin contact. Eye contact. A breathy whisper. Seeing someone naked for the first time, or for that matter the anticipation that precedes seeing someone naked for the first time. Certain fabrics against my body. The smell of freshly-showered skin and hair. Dancing. Reading erotica, these days in the form of sex blogs more than anything. Making a sexy new acquaintance. Watching a woman masturbate. Listening to a woman climax. Women who are not afraid of their own sexuality. The list could go on potentially forever. I’m also going to deviate from the stated question and answer who in addition to what. My wife makes me hot. Her physicality, her open-mindedness, her willingness to do literally anything to please – all of these things start a serious brush fire in my underpants.
2. What is it that you want, when you look at porn?
a. To feel happy
b. To learn
c. To relax, relieve tension
d. To orgasm
What, there’s no option “e”, a coherent plot, award-worthy acting, and impressive production values? I kid. When I look at porn, I am generally seeking “d”, to orgasm. While porn in and of itself does not make me feel unhappy, I can’t say that I’ve ever watched it for the direct purpose of improving my mood. Perhaps my mood is lightened through masturbation, but it’s the orgasm that is my primary motivation. I’ve never watched porn to learn sexual technique, or for that matter alternate means of paying for pizza delivery; but I recognize that many people do. And while I may pursue orgasm in order to relax or relieve tension, generally speaking when there’s porn on the television, the computer, or the phone, it’s because I want to have a quick orgasm.
3. You’ve been asked to be a part of a porn movie production. Which job will you do? Why did you select that?
a. The star of the porn film–Doug Hardwicke or Fachina Istite
b. The director–staging the scenes and directing the actors, lighting, camera shots, etc.
c. The fluffer–you’re in charge of keeping the actors “excited” about their work
d. The camera person getting all the tight, up in there, close shots
I’m going to go outside the provided list of answers and say “e”, writer. The best porn films depend on a taut, coherently-written script. Without it, a potential “Behind the Green Door” is no better than Dirty Debutantes #256. Either that or “f”, key grip. Yeah, I know you’re saying, “Could this guy be anymore full of shit? Hey Jack, stick with one of the four multiple choice answers.” But the fact is that without a key grip – incidentally the crew member in charge of not only lighting but also camera placement – even the best camera operator is essentially a bored middle-aged Dad recording his kid’s band recital on his cell phone. And as anyone who’s watched porn can attest, the right amount of lighting is essential.
Har-de-fucking-har, smart ass.
4. Right this very moment you are horny and are looking for a casual hookup for sex. Under which, of the following headings, would you place your ad?
(w=woman, m=man, t=transexual/transvestite)
w4m, m4w, m4m, w4w, t4m, m4t, w4t, t4w, t4mw, mw4t, mw4mw, mw4w, mw4m, w4mw, m4mw, w4ww, m4mm, ww4m mm4w m4ww, w4mm
Since Jill would presumably be accompanying me, I’d go with mw4w or mw4mw. Backup choices if she was uninterested include m4w, m4ww, or m4mw.
My preferred scenario, m4wwww, was not represented in the question.
5. From now on, ’til the end of time you will be able to experience sexual pleasure via a single method. From the list below, choose that method. Why did you make that choice?
a. Vaginal penetration
b. Anal penetration
c. Masturbation with your fingers/hand
d. Masturbation with a single favorite sex toy. What is the toy?
e. Being masturbated (e.g. fingered, hand-job) by the fingers/hands of another person
f. Body Touching from another–full body massage, caressing, kneading, licking, sucking, biting, etc but no insertion of anything in any orifices.
g. Oral sex
Tough question. I’m tempted to go with “c”, masturbation with my own hand, as I would hate to spend the rest of my life relying on someone else for my pleasure. But if I chose “c” I would be absolutely unable to experience pleasure with someone else, and that’s not a particularly appealing possibility either. My first instinct was to go with either “a”, vaginal penetration, or “g”, oral sex. I love both pretty much equally, and I could think of far worse fates than spending the rest of my life having orgasms from just one or the other. So I am going to flip a coin. Heads it’s vaginal, tails it’s oral. Oral wins. Sucks, because I really wanted “a”. Oh well; too late.
Bonus: What’s the sexiest thing you did this past weekend? Got any pics or a vid? ;p
In weeks past, I would have simply referred you to our Sunday Scoreboard feature and told you to take your pick. However, we’ve recently suspended Sunday Scoreboard, which means I have to choose something. I’ll go with sending filthy texts to Jill while she and the baby were at church on Sunday morning, knowing that she’d find them all the second she left and get incredibly turned on. In fact, she blew off breakfast with her family so that she could rush right home.
Jill’s Answers
1. Answer the question: What makes you hot?
Kisses on the back of my neck make me hot. Being held in strong arms makes me hot. A wink makes me hot. Flirting makes me hot. Long, slow kisses make me hot. Watching porn and reading erotica make me hot. Exhibitionism and voyeurism make me hot, especially when they happen simultaneously. Sex with multiple partners makes me hot. Phone sex makes me hot. Being touched, often even when it’s not sexual, makes me hot. Certain articles of clothing makes me hot, including thongs, stockings, fuck-me heels and boots, whether they’re worn by me, or by someone else.
Just try and tell me this doesn’t turn you on. I dare you.
2. What is it that you want, when you look at porn?
a. To feel happy
b. To learn
c. To relax, relieve tension
d. To orgasm
When I look at porn, it means I need a cheap, easy visual so I can get off as quickly as possible. Therefore, the answer is “d”, orgasm. I’m not watching porn so I can admire the performances. I’m usually in a rush and I just want to have an orgasm. If I have a lot of time with myself, I’m probably reading sexy blogs or using my own fantasies to get off.
3. You’ve been asked to be a part of a porn movie production. Which job will you do? Why did you select that?
a. The star of the porn film–Doug Hardwicke or Fachina Istite
b. The director–staging the scenes and directing the actors, lighting, camera shots, etc.
c. The fluffer–you’re in charge of keeping the actors “excited” about their work
d. The camera person getting all the tight, up in there, close shots
I think being the star would be the most fun. I am a natural exhibitionist, and I enjoy having sex in front of an audience. Maybe not an audience of millions, but it still sounds much more enjoyable than any of the other options. However, I do give good head, and therefore I might make a good fluffer. Then again, a fluffer is supposed to keep the performer hard, right? Not make him cum so hard that he’s out of commission for the rest of the day. So maybe I wouldn’t be a good fluffer.
The word “fluffer” makes me crave a fluffernutter. Don’t judge me.
4. Right this very moment you are horny and are looking for a casual hookup for sex. Under which, of the following headings, would you place your ad?
(w=woman, m=man, t=transexual/transvestite)
w4m, m4w, m4m, w4w, t4m, m4t, w4t, t4w, t4mw, mw4t, mw4mw, mw4w, mw4m, w4mw, m4mw, w4ww, m4mm, ww4m mm4w m4ww, w4mm
I’d go with mw4mw, or mw4w. These are things Jack and enjoy. I would also consider mw4m, or if Jack wasn’t game I might go with w4mm. Two guys at once is a long-running fantasy of mine.
I have got to stop letting Jack pick out pictures for my TMI Tuesday answers.
5. From now on, ’til the end of time you will be able to experience sexual pleasure via a single method. From the list below, choose that method. Why did you make that choice?
a. Vaginal penetration
b. Anal penetration
c. Masturbation with your fingers/hand
d. Masturbation with a single favorite sex toy. What is the toy?
e. Being masturbated (e.g. fingered, hand-job) by the fingers/hands of another person
f. Body Touching from another–full body massage, caressing, kneading, licking, sucking, biting, etc but no insertion of anything in any orifices.
g. Oral sex
I would have to go with vaginal, because it’s the most intimate, and I love the closeness. The plus side of masturbation with my own fingers/hand is that I can enjoy it anytime, without worrying about whether I have a partner nearby. For this reason, it makes more sense to go with masturbation, but if I did I would be devastated to lose the pleasure I enjoy when I’m with Jack.
Bonus: What’s the sexiest thing you did this past weekend? Got any pics or a vid? ;p
The sexiest thing I did this weekend was audio-recording myself having an orgasm. We’ve done this before but for the first time we shared the clip with a couple friends. While I tend to be very vocal and free with my moans, groans, and screams, and while I know that Jack enjoys hearing them, I’ve never been confident enough to let anyone else listen after the fact. It was really hot to know that it turned them on.
I tend to be pretty loud.
How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!
Hey! We Won an Award!
Our friend Jilly Boyd nominated us for a TMI Blog Award. If you’re unfamiliar with Jilly, click the link attached to her name and remedy the situation posthaste. Incredibly prolific and mature beyond her twenty-one years, Jilly is a published author and one of the few bloggers who manage to make us look lazy by comparison. Some of our interactions can be read on our respective blogs, including Watch Us Watch You, in which Jilly reflects on being the voyeur to our exhibitionists; Lush, a Fantasy, her as-yet unrealized story of a first meeting between the three of us; and To Jilly Boyd on the Occasion of Your Twenty-First, which is our take on the same hypothetical event.
The TMI Blog Award is described thusly:
The TMI Blog Award honors those blogs that discuss everything in detail and do it well. These bloggers aren’t afraid to discuss their most awkward, embarrassing and intimate experiences with honesty, humor and little to no filter.
This seems to describe us well. From body image issues, to the frustrations that accompany parenthood, to trying to navigate our increasingly repressive society, we do our best to demonstrate that being sex-positive isn’t all amyl nitrite poppers, dildos and group sex.
As the recipients of this award, we will be adhering to the following rules:
Thank the person who presented you with the award.
Link back to the blogger who presented the award to you.
Share an awkward, embarrassing and intimate story in 250 words or less.
Copy and paste the blog award on your blog.
Present the TMI Blog Award to 5 – 10 deserving blogs.
Let them know they have been chosen by leaving a comment at their blog.
Thanks, Jilly!
Now for our awkward, embarrassing, and intimate stories. Yes, that’s right, stories. We’ve each written one.
Jack’s Story
We are both equal parts exhibitionist and voyeur. In October we attended a sex club for the first time. Though we were excited about trying something new, we hadn’t made any clear-cut plans to indulge our exhibitionist nature; we suspected that attending such a club would be exciting, and the sort of thing we could forever say that we did. However, despite the relative shortage of women, we were pretty turned on to be in such a sexually-charged environment. We quickly went into one of the rooms and started to play. We weren’t performing, exactly. We were just having fun, in much the same fashion as we would at home. Pretty soon, though, we had attracted a large crowd, almost entirely male. And before long, most of these guys were in the room with us, and way too close for a couple of first-timers. What we didn’t realize until one of the men told us is that the rooms have chains that can be pulled across the doorway to signal that audience participation is not requested. Well, we know for next time, I guess.
Jill’s Story
Years ago, while house-sitting for Jack’s aunt and uncle, we spent an afternoon lounging in their private backyard. We were feeling a bit amorous, and soon I found myself straddling Jack on a lounge chair, my sundress pulled up to my hips as we made out. Eager to taste him, I gave him head beneath the warm sunshine. Eventually we went inside and we ordered a pizza. While we waited for our dinner to be delivered, we got in bed. We kissed and touched each other, and soon Jack was fingering my pussy and sucking my clit, leading me to what I knew would be a very intense orgasm. I came hard, vocally, knowing that there was no one around to hear me. My moans were loud and intense, almost to the point of being screams. I thought I might pass out. Less than a minute after I stopped moaning uncontrollably, the pizza delivery person rang the doorbell.
In coming up with our own list of nominees for this very prestigious honor, we did our best to ensure that the bloggers we selected had not, to the best of our knowledge, already been selected. This means that Jilly’s other nominees were off-limits to us, as well as the five bloggers chosen by Vincent and Mia, and Hubby of 2 Sexual Minds, the only other nominees we know who have participated as of yet.
Our nominees for this very prestigious honor are:
Dru at Sexxcited. Dru is a relatively new blogger who shares her experiences, fantasies, and desires in an exciting yet honest and relatable style. Also, Dru cites us in part as her inspiration for starting her blog, and few things we’ve been told are more flattering than that.
Katie Archer at The Adventures of Curious Kate. Talk about truth in advertising! This blog is described as an account of “the adventures Katie has when NO one is looking!” Yes, we’re talking about sex here. Katie has a tremendous sexual appetite, and her posts are sometimes as funny as they are erotic.
Rebel at Rebel’s Notes. Rebel blogs about her experiences with her husband and Dom, Master T. Although we acknowledge that we are kinkier than some, reading about Rebel’s experiences, in particular her “D/s Journey” reminds us of just how vanilla we are.
Rachel Rey at My Undercover Metamorphosis. Rachel blogs about life as a single mother exploring her kinky side. She may write about her experiences in online dating one day, and her enjoyment of fisting the next. She is well-rounded, intelligent, introspective, and very sexy.
Tonya at T is for TMI. Though her blog has been around since 2010, until this year Tonya had only published a handful of posts. We’re glad, too, because she’s proven herself one of our favorites. To be succinct, she’s real.
Note that when we are “tagged” in a blog post, we rarely tag others. As this was an award, we thought it only fair to list five nominees. However, we won’t feel slighted if anyone on our list chooses not to participate.
Also, we thought this post would be as good as any in which to issue an apology to Hedone, who nominated us for a Versatile Blogger Award back in October.
We never followed up, not because we didn’t appreciate the award, or the honor of being nominated by such a distinguished and respected blogger, but because we honestly didn’t get it. Yes, we were nominated, but were we supposed to wait to see if we won? We had just returned to blogging following an extended hiatus, prior to which we did little if any real interacting with other bloggers. This sort of thing was pretty new to us.
The rules that govern the Versatile Blogger Award are:
1. Thank the blogger(s) who nominated you and link to his/her site.
2. Nominate 15 blogs that excite and delight you, and tell them.
3. Tell 7 things about yourself.
First things first, thanks, Hedone! As almost six months have passed, we’re going to skip rule #2 and hope that we aren’t forced to forfeit our Versatile Blogger Award as a result. We will, however, tell seven things about ourselves. That’s seven each. Hopefully that’ll buy us some leeway for skipping #2.
Jack’s Sexy Facts
1. My “number”, i.e. the number of sexual partners I’ve had, is lost to time. (I could probably figure it out within about five people.) I imagine it’s around forty.
2. I’ve dated or slept with women from at least six different religions, or at least seven if Atheism counts.
3. When I was single, I came close to having a threesome with a co-worker and his wife. My own obliviousness derailed the situation before it could occur.
4. I lost my virginity when I was sixteen.
5. Asia Carrera is my favorite porn star.
6. My first taste of true exhibitionism came when I got my first handjob at a midnight showing of The Rocky Horror Picture Show.
7. Barring any innocent childhood self-exploration, I was eleven years old the first time I masturbated.
Jill’s Sexy Facts
1. I love having my hair played with, pulled, brushed, and shampooed. It’s a very sensual experience for me. In fact, I once had an orgasm while having my hair washed by my hairdresser.
2. My nipples are very sensitive. I’ve never had an orgasm from nipple stimulation alone, but I’d like to.
3. When I was younger, I fully intended to save my virginity until I was married. Needless to say, that dream was short-lived.
4. Doggy style is my favorite position.
5. Time permitting, I try to masturbate in the shower every morning before work.
6. I love being watched.
7. I squirt, and have been known to leave a huge wet spot.
Congratulations to all nominees! The afterparty is in our bedroom.
[Edit: Following our initial nomination, subsequent TMI Blog Award nominations have come from A Husband of Two Sexual Minds, Dru, Gemma, KaziGrrl, Mistress Mia, and Nastassja + Neo. Sincerest thanks to all of you.]
Mmmm Monday
As part of our culinary adventures this weekend, we found ourselves serving ice cream sundaes to our dinner guests. Is there anyone out there who doesn’t like chocolate sauce on an ice cream sundae?
With love,
-Jill
Sinful Sunday: Butterscotch
We love homemade butterscotch.
All you need is brown sugar, heavy cream, and butter.
Sometimes it get a little messy.
Fortunately, Jack loves the taste of brown sugar.
Dismantling the Scoreboard
After two months, we have decided to suspend our weekly Sunday Scoreboard feature. It wasn’t an easy decision to make, as we greatly enjoyed recapping our weekly sexcapades as we wrote each post on Sunday mornings. We enjoyed choosing images to complement the text. We enjoyed the feedback we received, not only on the blog, but on Twitter as well.
In the end, there were far too many reasons not to continue with it. The first reason is simply that a lot of effort goes into it each week. Beyond writing the actual text, each Scoreboard included pictures, and some included embedded tweets. Formatting everything in just the right fashion was frequently a challenge. As the weekend also sees us working on Sinful Sunday, adding such a comprehensive, labor-intensive post seriously impedes our ability to actually relax and enjoy our weekend.
Make no mistake, we have no problem with hard work, especially where this blog is concerned. But we want our sex life to be fun and rewarding. And while writing our Sunday Scoreboard didn’t exactly reduce the fun of our sex life, to some extent it did change the way we have sex. Initially, we liked the idea of being, for lack of a better word, accountable to our audience for the sex we did have. We thought that having a regular recap feature might motivate us to have more sex, or better sex, or more imaginative sex. If readers were waiting to see what kind of adventures we had during any given week, that might help keep us from getting complacent.
Instead, however, we found ourselves taking notes during sex, or more often immediately following sex. We found ourselves asking, “How would this fit into the Scoreboard?” Jack would occasionally ask me, “What are you going to say about that on Sunday?” Once we were finished having sex, I found myself jotting random thoughts into the notepad app on my phone. If we finished up in the shower I might be distracted as I tried not to forget my feelings about a really intense orgasm until I could write them down.
On her blog this week, Liza Bennet answered a Formspring question about the effect of blogging on her sex life. While the blog is a part of her sex life, she stated that she and her husband do not have sex for the sake of the blog. This sentiment resonated with Jack and I. We have always been wary of losing our sexual spontaneity, and while thusfar we haven’t, we wonder if that would have been a long-term effect of a feature like Sunday Scoreboard.
We are also afraid of seeming boastful. While all of the feedback we’ve received on Sunday Scoreboard has been good, we realize that by discussing at length our sometimes abundant sex life we run the risk of coming across as arrogant jerks. There is at times a fine line between pride and pretension, and we are not trying to be haughty. That’s a turn-off for us, and we imagine it’s a turn-off for others as well.
The last eight weeks of Sunday Scoreboard were a lot of fun for us, despite the hard work. But closing it now, after two months, allows us to call it an “experiment” and walk away from it as though we completed a stated task, rather than be quitters. The truth is that after the first couple weeks, we had doubts as to how long we would be able to sustain Sunday Scoreboard anyway.
On the plus side, this will allow us to write more spontaneous posts about our sex life. Last week’s Sunday Scoreboard began with one of the most frustrating sexual episodes we’ve ever experienced, but ended with monogamous group sex. Rather than lumping them into a sex diary, it would have been much more fulfilling for us, and presumably for you as well, to make these very unsual experiences the subjects of their own posts. We regret not doing that.
If we enjoy a particularly rousing mid-afternoon sixty-nine, or a blowjob on our balcony in the pouring rain (something we’ll be doing just as soon as this post is published), we can write about it right away rather than waiting until Sunday. If we ever leave the baby with a babysitter and spend a weekend remembering what sex was like before parenthood, we can write about that as well, rather than burying it.
If you enjoyed Sunday Scoreboard, we’re sorry to give this feature the axe. But ultimately, this will improve our blog.
-Jill
Formspring Friday: The Impossible Choice, Part 2
If you were given airline tickets to anywhere in the world to meet just one fellow blogger, who would it be?
You, of course.
If you want to ask us anything, drop us a line on Formspring, or use the handy Formspring widget on the right-hand side of our blog. We like sexy questions!
Formspring Friday: Personal Relations
Without naming names, obviously, describe three people you know in REAL life you would be okay having sex with.
This was one of the most difficult-to-answer Formspring questions we’ve yet been asked. We have many personal acquaintances with whom we would be okay having sex under the right circumstances. It was difficult narrowing our lists down to just three, though for the sake of adding value to her answer, Jill named three men and three women. Rather than assigning the following individuals fake names, or identifying them by initial, we have decided to identify them by a number and a brief description.
Jack’s Answers
1. Female, age thirty-four. This is “M”, our former third. I’ve known her for twenty years or so, and she’s always been a good friend. And while I technically have had sex with her (oral counts!), I’d love to have vaginal intercourse with her. (Or anal – I’m not picky.) The fact that she’s in a relationship and it’s going well seems to indicate that I won’t get my wish anytime soon. On the other hand, she told me soon after her relationship began that her boyfriend told her he was open to the idea of an MFM threesome. While I would be down for this, it hasn’t come up again in the last several months.
2. Female, age thirty-six. Another friend I’ve known for around twenty years. This person is the wife of Jill’s #3. How we’ve never had sex in all of our years of friendship is a mystery to me; I’ll blame it in part on the fact that she was usually in a relationship when I was single, and vice versa. We came close one night, though my interest in sustaining the bad relationship I was in at the time – a relationship that ended not long after, much to my frustration – meant that we both parted company unsatisfied. Since then, we’ve had same-room sex together, we’ve webcammed, and we’ve had phone sex. I should’ve just fucked her that night.
3. Female, age thirty-one. The sister of one of my ex-girlfriends, and the wife of Jill’s #2. I’ve been attracted to this person for a long time, even when I was dating her sister more than a decade ago. She’s beautiful, fun, and fairly open about her sex life, though as Jill mentioned in this week’s Wanton Wednesday, she made it at least until her late twenties without ever using sex toys of any kind. (Not that this makes her less attractive.) She is the sort of person with whom we can watch porn in a relaxed, though fairly sexually-charged, atmosphere, or trade erotic stories.
Jill’s Answers
1. Male, age forty. Husband of my college roommate, who is my person #4. I’ve been attracted to him since we met in college. He’s a nice guy, he’s a lot of fun to have around, and he’s sexy. When my roommate and I would talk about our relationships, she had much more exciting stories than I ever did. To hear her tell it, he was always pretty adventurous in bed, and while I’ve not yet had the pleasure, the four of us once had same-room sex in a hotel. Although the lights were off, it sure sounded great.
2. Male, age thirty. Husband of Jack’s #3. I’ve known him almost as long as I’ve known Jack. He’s a reliable friend, handsome, and very comfortable talking about sex. In fact, we’ve had many instant messenger conversations that wasted very little time in small talk before moving to more sexual topics. He’s flirtatious, though not nearly as overt about it as Jack. He’s also seen me masturbate, and by all accounts he enjoyed it.
3. Male, age forty-four. Husband of Jack’s #2. A sometime commenter on this very blog, he has expressed attraction to me, and hinted that he wanted to watch us have sex, and possibly have a threesome with us. While he was separated from his wife a few years ago, he got to watch, but made no attempt or request to join in. It was actually kind of disappointing, though Jack and I are both certain that he was just trying hard to be respectful.
4. Female, age forty. My college roommate and the wife of my #1. Another former commenter, this person is in many ways the ideal of free-spirited sexuality that I aspire to. She is physically beautiful and open-minded, and her sexual adventurousness helped to bring me out of my shell when I was younger. Without her, I would never have masturbated with a piece of fresh produce.
5. Female, age forty. My best friend since high school, and someone I consider family as much as any of my siblings. We are very close, but despite the fact that we have seen each other naked, I am sure she’s the person on my list least likely to be interested in sex with me. She is much more sexually conservative than any of the other five, the person least likely to discuss sexual matters (although we have on occasion), and although I hate to admit it, the person most likely to judge Jack and I for some of our sexual wants and needs. Still, I think she’s sexy, and I’d do her in a heartbeat if she was interested.
6. Female, age forty. My oldest friend. We’ve known each other since age five. Like my #5, I consider her a sister, as our closeness transcends mere friendship. The best way that I can describe her is as the middle ground between #4’s bohemian nonconformity and #5’s conservatism. She is someone I’ve always been able to party with, or tell secrets to without fear of judgment. In the past, I’ve referred to this person as “P”. You can read more about our friendship here.
If you want to ask us anything, drop us a line on Formspring, or use the handy Formspring widget on the right-hand side of our blog. We like sexy questions!
The Naughty Hangout: Acute Angle
This week, the main theme at The Naughty Hangout is “Geometry”. Even though I was never very good at this subject in school, I do know that my knowledge of geometry is something that I apply regularly in my daily life. Whether you’re laying carpet or painting a wall, geometry helps determine the area that is to be covered. Whether you’re trying to sink a basketball from the half-court line or setting up the perfect kick shot in billiards, knowledge of geometry will ensure your success.
Here my legs form an acute angle. When Jack gets between them, the angle becomes obtuse.
-Jill
The Performance of a Lifetime
Last summer, while we were staying with out-of-town friends, the subject of sex toys came up.
Actually, that’s not totally true. The subject had come up during our previous visit. That time, we’d all gone into an adult shop and browsed. Our friends picked up a Violet Blue-edited erotica anthology, while Jack bought me a slender white vibrator called the Hummingbird. That night, we retired to our friends’ guest room and I tried it out while Jack watched and masturbated.
The next morning, our friends asked us about our toys. Despite having been together for more than a decade and having a very satisfying sex life (by their own account), they had never used sex toys of any kind, and in fact had never seen a vibrator in use outside of a porn film. As we are pretty candid when it comes to talking about sex in front of a willing audience, we discussed at length exactly what benefits a vibrator might bring to their sex life.
Despite their initial misgivings, by the end of our discussion they seemed open-minded about the idea of buying a toy and using it during sex. We didn’t have any vested interest in whether or not they decided to do this. We understand that what works for one couple or one individual will not work for all. But they had asked, and we told them.
In the year and a half between that visit and the next one, the husband would occasionally I.M. me on Facebook. Sometimes we’d chat about work, or the weather, or life in general. Most of the time, though, we’d chat about sex in the filthiest terms imaginable. The conversations turned me on, and to this day I’m not entirely certain whether his wife knew we were having them.
He’d occasionally bring up the vibrator discussion in much the same way that a young child brings up a toy he or she wants for Christmas, with coy hints and roundabout mentions. One day he just came out and said it: “You should’ve given us a demonstration.” I can be forward, but I’m not usually that forward. It’s one thing to talk about vibrators when prompted to do so by trusted friends, but it’s something else entirely to suggest using one in front of people who have shown themselves to be unsure of them.
That brings us to last summer. Shorly before our visit, he turned up on I.M. and over the course of a relatively PG conversation asked if I was going to be bringing a vibrator with me. I told him I was going to bring a couple, partially to see what he would say, and partially because it was true. “You should definitely give us a demonstration”, he said. I played along, but didn’t think he was serious. Jack disagreed.
I spent the next couple weeks thinking about it as nothing more than a fantasy. The thought of showing off in front of a small, intimate group was really sexy, but it also made me nervous. I was excited to think that something might happen, but at the same time I took comfort in the much greater likelihood that it wasn’t going to. I certainly wasn’t expecting it.
The trip had been pretty sedate and unsexy compared to the previous one. There were no trips to adult shops, and no lazy afternoons spent watching porn. These are the adjustments one must make when a child is present. In a way, I didn’t mind. The difference in tone set my mind at ease, and eased some of my nervousness.
One night after the baby went to sleep, Jack and I sat around the island in our friends’ kitchen, talking about our plans for the next day. Without warning, the wife asked if I had brought a vibrator with me. I was surprised by the question, coming right out of the blue as it did, and although I hesitated, Jack said yes before I could. She asked if she could see it, and said that I didn’t have to bring it out in front of her husband if I didn’t want to. I told her I didn’t mind, and brought out my Rabbit, and my Eroscillator.
They were both curious, and asked the kinds of questions that people in their thirties who watch porn should probably already know the answers to. After assuring her that they were clean, I let the wife touch them. She liked the softer texture of the Rabbit more than the harder plastic feel of the Eroscillator. I glanced over at the husband as he watched her touch the Rabbit, and the look of lust in his eyes was so intense that it made me wet. Then he looked at me, we locked eyes, and I looked away.
We sat there in awkward silence for a moment, my vibrators sitting atop the island countertop, and then he asked if they could see them in action. She admonished him right away, and started to apologize in such a way that I immediately understood that she wanted a demonstration as much as he did, without wanting to seem like she did.
“That’s all right,” I said, cutting off her apology. Jack had already said yes, so I added an enthusiastic “Of course,” then turned to her and said, “If it’s okay with you.” Nobody protested. As we walked out into the living room, my heart was pounding with anticipation. I was nervous. But at the same time I felt so relieved. It was something I wanted to do, and our friends were not only okay with it, they had actually asked!
I took off my pants and my panties and left them on the floor in front of the couch. I was trying to seem a lot more confident than I felt. They’d never seen me naked before. All I could think of was, What if they don’t like my body? What if they aren’t turned on? What if this hurts the friendship?
It also occurred to me that I was about to sit down on someone else’s couch completely bare-assed. I felt like I should have a towel or something. Though I don’t always have a say in whether or not I squirt, I wasn’t planning to. But it just seemed like bad manners to me. Silently I hoped that our friends were so turned on that they wouldn’t mind.
I sat down, my legs spread and my feet up on either side of me. Jack took a seat next to me, and our friends sat on the floor in front of the couch. I looked down at them, both obviously excited but doing their best not to show it. I could tell from their poker faces that they were trying to make me feel at ease while doing their best to deny their arousal, like college students in their first human sexuality class meeting.
Actually, the husband was tightly gripping through his jeans what I assume was a throbbing erection. His wife was doing a much better job pretending that my demonstration was just for research or something. I wished she could have been more demonstrative of her arousal, but it didn’t turn me off. I turned on my Rabbit and placed it against my opening, feeling the tiny ears bat against my lips.
Total pleasure washed over me and I moaned softly. The room was otherwise silent. Slowly I parted my pussy and slipped the toy inside of me. Our friends gasped. I inserted the Rabbit all the way in, the ears buzzing my clit vigorously. They shifted to get a better look, but I didn’t notice. I was too busy wishing Jack would pull up my shirt and start sucking my tits. He didn’t. I guess he was just enjoying the show.
I felt like a girl in a peep both putting on a show for a horny crowd. Although having so many eyes on me was a turn-on, I was trying to consciously avoid putting on a show. I didn’t want to be theatrical, I really just wanted to get myself off the way I do when I’m alone or when it’s just Jack and I.
That’s when I felt Jack’s hand on my thighs. He knows how much that turns me on when I’m masturbating. I sighed softly, sensuously, and our friends both giggled, undoubtedly knowing how good it felt. As Jack’s fingers danced along my soft, aroused flesh, I knew I was getting close. I climbed along a steep plateau for several minutes, enjoying every second as I held the Rabbit inside me, alternately imagining that it was Jack’s cock, and then our friend’s.
My orgasm snuck up on me, but I gave into it shamelessly. My soft, demure moans became a scream of release, and as I fucked myself with the vibrator I raised my ass up off the couch, reflexively thrusting my pussy forward. I found myself holding that position, trembling, repeating “Yes” over and over again. In that moment, I wasn’t sitting on the couch. I wasn’t showing off for our friends. Everything I was doing, I was doing entirely for myself. Nothing else mattered.
When I opened my eyes I saw my audience looking up at me. Both looked a lot less clinical and disinterested than they did before the show started. In fact, the husband’s erection was very prominent within his jeans. Now that was hot.
Our friends immediately excused themselves to their bedroom, and although we didn’t hear anything, there’s no way that they weren’t rushing off to have sex. Jack and I did the same thing.
-Jill
