TMI Tuesday: February 14, 2012 – Happy Valentine’s Day

It’s the Half-naked-winged-man-in-his-undies-carrying-a-bow-and-arrow day.

After Thirtysomething was canceled, Timothy Busfield fell on hard times.
Whether you celebrate Valentine’s Day or think it’s a consumer-oriented, manipulative and shallow interpretation of romance, just have yourself some fun by answering these TMI Tuesday questions.
Jack’s Answers
1. Cupid is the god of desire, affection, and erotic love. As the myth goes, a person who is shot by Cupid’s arrow is filled with uncontrollable desire. On your behalf, who would you like Cupid to shoot?
Obviously I need no help from Cupid, but for the sake of this question I’ll play along.  I would like Cupid to shoot a particular girl from high school who wouldn’t give me the time of day.  I’d love to say that I’d spurn her advances as she did mine, but who am I kidding?  I’d fuck the fuck out of her.
2. Earlier in the evening you had dinner at the Fook Yue Chinese Restaurant. You are feeling quite amorous. You open a fortune cookie in the bedroom. Three fortunes appear:
1- “Your patience will be rewarded.”  What would you like that reward to be?
2- “Try something new.”  What is the something new you want to try?
3- ” ’tis better to give than receive.”  What would you like to give?
1. Another threesome.  I’ve been six months worth of patient.
2. I can’t think of too many things that I want to expereince that I haven’t yet.  I’d probably lean toward some sort of BDSM play, or perhaps a threesome with another guy, ideally the husband of Jill’s college roommate, after whom she’s lusted for years.
3. My favorite thing to give is an orgasm.  Whether orally, manually, or via penetrative sex, few things are as fulfilling as making somebody cum.
3. If you were to write a special Valentine message (e.g., card, letter, etc.) what is that message?
To Jill:  You are everything I’ve ever wanted and needed in my life.
4. Are you doing something special for Valentine’s day or is it just another day?
Valentine’s Day has always been just another day to me.  Before I met Jill, when I happened to be in a relationship on Valentine’s Day I had no problem playing along, even when I was just going through the motions.  I would gladly make dinner reservations, knowing that the meal would cost more than it did the night before.  I would buy roses, get dressed to the nines, and pull out all the stops to show a good time to the person I was with and, usually, have some sex.  But the truth is that if I love someone, I don’t want to wait until Valentine’s Day to make some ostentatious grand gesture of romance.  
5. You must give chocolate to your secret Valentine for Valentine’s Day. The chocolate is in the shape of your what?
It’s got to be in the shape of my first dog, a small Yorkshire Terrier.  It was the cutest thing in the world, and I just know that my secret Valentine (okay, Jill – I don’t have a secret Valentine) would love opening up a delicately-wrapped package containing a chocolate effigy of little Sparky.  Oh wait – I never owned a Yorkshire Terrier.  So maybe it can be in the shape of my cock.  Not the size, though.  That would require a lot of chocolate.
Bonus:
You can make your own valentine heart candy. What is your message? (Go to this link. Create your candy. Post the generated Valentine candy on your blog).
Jill’s Answers
1. Cupid is the god of desire, affection, and erotic love. As the myth goes, a person who is shot by Cupid’s arrow is filled with uncontrollable desire. On your behalf, who would you like Cupid to shoot?
I would say Jack, but Cupid already shot him.  Maybe my movie star crush Mark Ruffalo?  Or one of the many bloggers and Twitter friends to whom I am attracted?
2. Earlier in the evening you had dinner at the Fook Yue Chinese Restaurant. You are feeling quite amorous. You open a fortune cookie in the bedroom. Three fortunes appear:
1- “Your patience will be rewarded.”  What would you like that reward to be?
2- “Try something new.”  What is the something new you want to try?
3- ” ’tis better to give than receive.”  What would you like to give?
1.  I would like my reward to be a day that’s all about me from start to finish:  Sleeping in, full body massage, great food and drink, oral sex, fisting, and fucking.
2.  For “something new” I would pick moderate bondage (something a little more intense than handcuffs and spanking), soft swap including oral, and an MFM, which would be really hot.
3.  I would like to give head.  Bonus points if I get some in return.
3. If you were to write a special Valentine message (e.g., card, letter, etc.) what is that message?
I would write the following message to Jack:  “I love you more every day.  I can’t imagine a life without you.  You are an amazing husband, best friend, and lover!  I wake up every single morning excited to spend the rest of my life with you!”
4. Are you doing something special for Valentine’s day or is it just another day?
We’ll probably make a nice dinner or order in.  It’s hard to go out with the baby and a lack of reliable babysitters.  Plus the crowds are ridiculous, and the prices are over the top just because it’s Valentine’s Day.  Hopefully we’ll eat, put the baby down early, and enjoy each other.
5. You must give chocolate to your secret Valentine for Valentine’s Day. The chocolate is in the shape of your what?
Obviously my pussy.  Jack loves to eat me, and I love to be eaten.
Bonus:
You can make your own valentine heart candy. What is your message? (Go to this link. Create your candy. Post the generated Valentine candy on your blog).
How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!
Happy Valentine’s Day!

Sunday Scoreboard: Week 2

If you’re looking for our Sinful Sunday, it can be found here.

We didn’t expect to top Week 1, and just for the purposes of full disclosure we most certainly did not.  So if you’re hoping to read that we had sex while skydiving or something, maybe we’ll be able to report that next week.  Still, Week 2 was a lot of fun, and we hope you enjoy reading about it as much as we enjoyed making it happen.
Sunday, February 5
Today was Super Bowl Sunday, and we made a very public bet (on Twitter) that if the Patriots won, Jack got to fuck me, but if the Giants won, Jack got to fuck me.  These are the kinds of bets we like.  When the Giants won the game, that was our cue to retreat to our bedroom, where Jack fisted me atop our Liberator Throe.  When Jack fists me he makes almost constant contact with my G-spot, which leads to the most intense orgasms.  I came so many times that I lost count, which is why we’ve decided to forego the ongoing orgasm tally we shared last week.  The way I have orgasms, it would be impossible to keep a running total.  Fisting is also incredibly intimate.  I find that my connection to Jack is somehow more emotional when we are this close, even moreso in some ways than when we are having intercourse.  Beyond the intense feelings that come from being fisted and having my G-spot stimulated, I am sometimes overwhelmed by feelings of love.
I’d been eager to taste Jack’s orgasm all day, so once I’d started to come down from my high, we had sex in the missionary position.  We like missionary a lot more than one might expect.  Sometimes we really need the face-to-face intimacy and the ability to kiss that missionary provides.  This particular instance was no different, as after the fisting it was nice to be able to sustain that close feeling I had enjoyed.  While he fucked me, Jack fingered my clit.  It didn’t take me very long to cum again, and when I did my vaginal contractions triggered his own orgasm.  Between moans of pleasure I summoned him up to my mouth, and swallowed deeply as we climaxed together.
Monday, February 6
We didn’t have sex today.  Well, let me clarify:  We didn’t have sex together.  I had two orgasms, though, both by myself.  I started out by masturbating in the shower.  The showerhead was too forceful, especially considering how tender my pussy was from the night before.  So I used a waterproof toy and had a very satisfying orgasm.  Monday night was pretty hectic, between our daughter having a touch of illness and a handful of non-sexy things that had to be dealt with, and Jack stayed up working while I had another solo orgasm right before bed.
Tuesday, February 7
Even though my pussy was no longer tender, I got off with my toy again, rather than the showerhead.  It took me longer to climax, and I ran late for work, but I had a great day at least in part because of my orgasm.  I even had a nice little fantasy about a fellow blogger I flirted with the day before.  Sometimes the showerhead gets me off so quickly that I just don’t have the time to fantasize.  After I left, Jack got the baby up, dressed, and fed, and left her watching a little TV while he got off looking at sexy blogs and #tittytuesday pictures on Twitter.  He came again later that afternoon while the baby napped as well.  I know that it’s uncommon for Jack to masturbate more than once in a single day, and I’m always glad when he finds the time.  I’m gladder still when he texts me to tell me what he’s doing, or better yet, sends me a picture.
After the baby had gone to sleep, we started fooling around on the couch in the living room.  One of our daughter’s weird electronic toys kept making noise, so we moved into the bedroom where there are far fewer distractions.  Jack fingered my pussy while going down on me, and I came several times (one huge one, and then a few aftershocks).  I was totally relaxed and satisfied, so it was Jack’s turn.  I bent over the bed and he fucked me from behind, and then we climbed up on the bed to continue with doggy style.  I wanted Jack to cum on me, so we transitioned into missionary, and when he came he hopped up to his feet, stood over me, and stroked himself to completion.  Needless to say, a shower followed.
Later that night while I slept, Jack lay beside me and got himself off one more time.  I’m a pretty sound sleeper, especially when I’m exhausted, as I was on Tuesday.  In fact, the only reason I know he did this is that I found a picture of him doing it in my incoming texts when I woke on Wednesday morning.
Wednesday, February 8
I was off work today, so my morning was much more leisurely than it usually is, despite the fact that the baby was up really early.  I didn’t get off in the shower.  Instead, Jack and I had sex out on our balcony while the baby played and read books in her room.  We had almost ninety minutes to ourselves, so we started with Jack fingering me and then fucking me up against the balcony wall.  (It’s more of a deck, I guess.  There isn’t a railing or anything.  I’m honestly not sure what to call it.)  After I came I gave Jack head, but stopped before he came and he fucked me.  When he came he pulled out and I stroked his cock up against my tits.  So hot!
That afternoon the baby took a four-hour nap.  We enjoyed a nice, long repeat of the morning.  We didn’t do anything out of the ordinary (by our standards, anyway).  No fisting, no anal, no bondage, no camming.  We simply had sex, both of us mentioning at least once or twice how wonderful it is to have a child who cooperates when her Mommy and Daddy want to have sex.  It reminded us of last July when, despite a busy travel schedule, we managed to have sex at least once a day, sometimes twice, when the baby slept.  In the end, Jack left me covered in sweat and dripping with cum.  To top it off, we managed a much-needed nap as well.
Thursday, February 9
I started my day with another shower orgasm, this one with the showerhead.  Jack had two orgasms, both during the baby’s nap.  We were occupied with non-sexual things during the evening, and it wasn’t until around one AM that we actually had sex.  It was more or less a quickie, but we both came.  I had three orgasms from a combination of fingering, oral, and my Erosicillator.  Jack fucked me doggy style, and came in my mouth.  
Friday, February 10
We both got off in the shower this morning, albeit an hour or so apart.  Although we were heading out of town to visit Jack’s aunt and uncle, we managed a quickie as soon as I got home from work.  Unfortunately, the baby woke shortly after I walked in, and we put her in her playpen with some toys and books within reach, and cartoons on the television.  I’d given Jack a suggestion of what I wanted to do (“I’m going to get off while sucking your cock, then you’re going to explode down my throat”), and he didn’t object.  I used my Eroscillator, and I came shortly before Jack did.  When we were finished we took a shower, and I noticed that I’d left a pretty big hickey on Jack’s neck.  We ended up leaving about an hour and fifteen minutes later than we initially planned, but neither of us was complaining.
At Jack’s aunt and uncle’s house, we slept in the guest room.  Typical of Jack, he packed our Liberator Throe and a couple of my toys just for an overnight visit.  Once the baby had fallen asleep on the bed, we decided to have sex on the guest room floor, atop the Throe.  Jack gave me head for about forty minutes.  I’m not sure why it took me so long to cum, as I was really turned on.  But the buildup was intense and when I finally got off I thought I was going to explode.  Then Jack fucked me missionary, really rough, and when he came I took him in my mouth, swallowed, and licked and sucked him clean.  Since he was still hard he fucked me again.  When he came the second time, I took him in my mouth again and repeated the process.  After his third orgasm I got the feeling that he was tired, and as his cock slowly went limp we went to sleep.
Saturday, February 11
There was a family function today, so Jack’s parents came down to his aunt and uncle’s house as well.  We all spent the day together.  The only sex that occurred was a quickie that Jack and I attempted to have in the guest room late Saturday afternoon while his parents, aunt, and uncle looked after the baby.  Then Jack’s mom knocked on the guest room door and said they were leaving.  That totally threw off our rhythm.  We left soon after, and after stopping for dinner and a long car ride home, we were both way too tired for anything beyond cuddling and making out.  I think we fell asleep mid-makeout.
Don’t despair, though!  We have it on good authority that Week 3 starts with a bang.

Sinful Sunday: Underneath the Covers

We never have sex under the covers.  Actually, I’m not sure if that’s true.  We’ve probably had sex under the covers, but it happens so seldom that we can probably say “never” and be guilty only of a slight exaggeration.  Actually, we’ve never really understood the practice of burying oneself under bedsheets and blankets in order to have sex.  It seems far too constrictive, it completely hampers our ability to see each other, and if it’s cold, chances are we’re generating enough body heat to forego the covers anyway.

This is not Jill in her ghost costume from last Halloween, but rather our interpretation of this week’s Sinful Sunday theme, “Underneath”.  Actually, our interpretation lies – where else? – underneath the image below.  Click and see!

(Click)

Sinful Sunday

This is a competition entry.

The Mystery of The Inexplicably Popular Post, Solved at Last

In late October, I came across a survey on a blog called Sergio Leone and the Infield Fly Rule.  Appropriate for the time of year, the survey concerned horror films, and as I am a fan of this particular cinematic genre I thought it worth completing and posting to the blog despite the fact that said survey had nothing to do with sex.  As I pointed out at the time, it wasn’t like every single thing we’ve ever posted concerned sex anyway.
I spent a few days working on the survey, thinking about and carefully wording each of my answers.  Hey, I take my fandom seriously.  I wouldn’t go so far as to say that my attention shifted away from sex, but I was determined to put at least as much thought into the thirty questions as I do the typical TMI Tuesday post.  Once I’d answered all the questions, formatting the post was quite labor-intensive, featuring movie posters and embedded YouTube trailers.  It was the first post I wrote in the new Blogger interface, as the old interface made uploading and properly placing image files a bit problematic.  
As I published the post, I knew that it was unlikely to get much in the way of comments, or even page views; after all, people come to our blog to read sexy stories and see pictures of naked people (mostly Jill).  They don’t visit in the hopes of learning my opinion of The Human Centipede.  In fact, my opening comments include the following:

If you don’t happen to fancy horror as a cinematic genre, I won’t take it personal if you decide to skip this entry. If you do – or if you’re willing to go along for the ride – you might get an idea as to what, beyond sexy naked women, makes me tick.

With that, I released into the ether a whimsical but introspective series of my thoughts on all things horror and Sci-Fi, from Boris Karloff to Wes Craven.  I’m happy with how the post turned out, and occasionally re-read it for the purposes of marveling at my own writing.  (What? I can’t be the only blogger who does this.)  Rather than posting my answers in the comment section at Sergio Leone and the Infield Fly Rule, as requested by the survey’s author, I instead posted a link to our own blog.  I did this in part to generate a little traffic, but more than that I knew that my answers would never fit into a single comment (Blogger limits comments to 4,096 characters), and I had no desire to break my answers up into several.
It was probably December when I noticed that the post in question – which as of this writing still has but a single comment from an apparent one-time visitor – had more views than the average post.  At the time, only a handful of posts, some of which were years old, had gotten more than a hundred views.  The survey had crossed that threshold in, I’m guessing, just a few weeks.  By the end of December, it surpassed our erotic story To Yummy on Her Birthday, which was until then our most-viewed post.  
As the survey crossed 500 page views, and then 600, it occurred to me that something was amiss.  How could this non-sexual post soar past erotic stories, TMI Tuesdays and HNTs to become the most-viewed item we’ve ever blogged?  The only thing that made any sense whatsoever was that visitors were being directed to our blog en masse by some online horror authority.  Perhaps a contributor to some prominent horror film discussion website had stumbled upon our post and extolled the awesomeness of it to the internet horror fan community at large.  That would certainly explain the sudden spike in page views.
Unfortunately the stats feature on Blogger seemed to say otherwise.  While we don’t have Google Analytics set up on our blog, the stats feature lists traffic sources that lead visitors to one’s blog.  In other words, if someone follows a link from a particular domain to our blog, said domain will be included in the traffic sources.  There didn’t seem to be anything unusual about these sources; listed were the usual sites, from Google to Twitter’s proprietary t.co domain to other blogs.  Had a significant amount of this traffic come from some manner of horror website, certainly the listed traffic sources would be skewed to reflect this fact.
Out of ideas, I returned to the original post at Sergio Leone and the Infield Fly Rule.  I read the comments in the hopes that a clue could be found, that perhaps some fellow commenter, or even the blog’s author, had touted the excellence of my answers and had not only insisted that everyone view them immediately, but also swore to publish the link on every blog and internet forum he or she possibly could.
Turns out this was not the case; there were no references to my brilliant post anywhere in the comments.  It seemed I was back to square one, literally out of ideas and more intrigued than ever as to how this post was nearing a thousand views.  It currently stands at more than eleven-hundred, ironic considering the decidedly unsexy nature of the subject matter.
It was while looking at our search keywords – another Blogger stats feature enabling a blog owner to find out what terms, when plugged into a search engine, have driven visitors to his or her blog – that I finally discovered what led to this particular post’s apparent explosion in popularity.

Sorry about the crap picture.  Just know that there’s a lot of Jennifer Connelly ass-to-ass in our search terms

According to the stats feature, six of the top ten search terms for our blog over the past month have in some way involved Jennifer Connelly and the 2001 Darren Aronofsky film Requiem For a Dream.  If you’ve seen the film, you know that it features a scene in which Connelly and another woman share a double ended dildo.

Question #22 of the survey asked for a film that is “technically outside the horror genre” but which one “might still feel comfortable describing as a horror film”.  I chose Requiem For a Dream, and described it thusly:

The film deals with addiction, obsession and insanity, and features some of the most unsettling subject matter and downright horrific imagery I’ve ever seen in a non-horror film.  The prospect of watching Jennifer Connelly – Cliff Secord’s Jenny! – go ass-to-ass with another comely heroin addict may sound alluring, but the film is grueling and leaves the viewer in need of detox afterwards.  

I even included a picture of the scene in question.
I’m the first to admit that I don’t have a clue how search engines work.  Were someone to search for something as relatively vague as “requiem for a dream jennifer connelly” (an actual search term as seen in the picture, above), I’m guessing he or she would find pages upon pages of more relevant search results including but not limited to the film’s IMDb and Wikipedia listings, as well as a host of porn sites trying to lure desperate and gullible pervs with the promise of non-existent deleted scenes in which Connelly and her shorter-haired playmate are DPed by hung black studs before taking facials from all the spectators. 
In fact, when I type this exact term into Yahoo!, I get 7,800,000 results.  Our blog doesn’t turn up in the first three pages of results, and I know that if I was horny and for whatever reason looking to get off to the scene in question, I would have found multiple YouTube links in the first page alone.  Actually, if I was horny and looking to get off to the scene in question, I probably wouldn’t.  I would instead go to some random streaming porn site, type “double ended dildo” into the search box, and undoubtedly have a better time watching a longer scene that is likely better-lit and intended to titillate.
It seems that as one mystery is solved, another arises:  How do people searching for “requiem for a dream jennifer connelly” find our blog?  Hell, another current search term of ours is “penis”, and I know damn well that a search for this common word would return a zillion sites that aren’t our blog.  I guess it’s best to just let that one go.
Before I go, however, in the interest of testing a hypothesis, I’m going to list a few potential search keywords:  Jennifer Connelly, Requiem for a Dream, double ended dildo, ass to ass, sex, Scarlet Johansson lesbian scene, fisting, cumshot, facial, Anne Hathaway and Jessica Biel sixty-nine, Sarah Palin bukkake whore.  There!  That should do it.
I’ll check back in a couple weeks and see if we have a new most-viewed post.
-Jack
P.S. The original post can be found here.

Formspring Friday: No Fucking Way

Is there anything that you won’t do sexually? Other than kids and animals…at least I’m hoping that’s part of your answer! But I’m looking for something that’s more mainstream that you won’t do. And why?

First off, we would like to state emphatically that neither of us is interested in kids or animals, even on a fantasy level.  Both are unable to consent to sex, and it is for this reason that, even if we didn’t find the thought of fucking either a child or an animal absolutely repellent, we would still abstain from doing so.

Beyond these two activities, there are only a few things within the sexual realm that we have absolutely ruled out doing.  Since none of these things are illegal or otherwise involve absence of consent, we don’t judge anyone who enjoys these things in the slightest.  They’re just not for us.

None of these things are particularly mainstream, however.  We actually can’t think of much in the way of so-called mainstream sex that we would absolutely never try, or at the very least consider.  Fisting?  Of course.  Group sex?  Absolutely.  Anal?  Definitely.  Exhibitionism/Voyeurism?  Two of our absolute favorite things ever.

The first two things that immediately came to mind when we read the question are watersports and coprophilia.  As parents, we would seem awfully hypocritical if we made a face everytime we changed a diaper – hey, we’re only human – but then incorporated pee and poop into our bedroom activities.

Two other things that we’re pretty sure we’ll never try are breath play and electrostimulation.  Regarding the former, we’ve both experienced near drownings, and are far too conscious of our airways.  The thought of elective electrocution doesn’t appeal either; in both cases, the risks of these activities far outweigh the perceived benefits; in other words, if either of these things were something we just had to try, we might take the risk.  As they’re not, we won’t.

There are other things that we aren’t against the idea of trying but for one reason or another we’ll probably never around to.  Both anal fisting and double penetration (anal and vaginal as opposed to vaginal and oral) seem unlikely due to the logistics and mechanics involved.  Also, things like Jill-to-Jack pegging and Jack having sex with a guy will probably never happen, as they don’t turn Jill on in the least.  This is fortunate as Jack isn’t particularly interested in making either one of these happen anyway.

If you want to ask us anything, drop us a line on Formspring, or use the handy Formspring widget on the right-hand side of our blog.  We like sexy questions!

Flash Fiction Friday: Party Levitation

(Source image: “Offering” by Valery Bareta)

As he took her in his muscular arms, she remembered that silly game she played as a child.

She lay motionless on the floor as her friends tried to lift her.  “Light as a feather, stiff as a board”, they chanted.  These words sounded over and over in her head until, finally, she felt her body rising from the ground.

Light as a feather, stiff as a board.”

She knew it was just mind over matter.  Somehow the chanting made her eight-year-old body seem weightless.

Now, ensconced in her lover’s protective grasp, she truly felt as light as a feather.  As he lay her down on the bed, though, she found it was he who was as stiff as a board. (121)

-Jack

Behind the Scenes:

This was one of the easiest Flash Fiction Friday stories I’ve ever written.  The idea came to me the instant I saw the prompt photo and the required phrase (“light as a feather”), and I knew more or less how I would structure the story right off the bat.  There was very little elaboration or character development, allowing for a smoothly-flowing narrative.

If you are unfamiliar with the party game referred to in the story, it’s known as “Light as a feather, stiff as a board”, though Wikipedia lists “party levitation” as an alternate name.  As I’ve never attended a girls’ slumber party, the entirety of my knowledge of this activity comes from an episode of South Park.  Upon reading the required phrase I decided to do a little research – as any good writer does – and found a few details that fit as well.

Deleted Scenes:

There wasn’t anything that had to be cut in order to fit the 123-word limit.  Again, the story is more or less as I planned it to be from the beginning.  In fact, I was very surprised that I was as close to the limit as I ended up being; I honestly expected to bring this story in at around eighty or ninety words.

The relative sparseness of this story is demonstrated by the presence of the almost-totally superfluous italicized “Light as a feather, stiff as a board” near the end of the story.  Most of my Flash Fiction Friday efforts are so densely-worded that such a line would be the first thing cut  when I’m trying to edit down the story.

Soundtrack:

“In My Girlish Days” by Memphis Minnie seems appropriate for a woman reflecting on her childhood, while still providing a substantial bluesy sound that would play well against a scene of sensuality.

If you’d like to take part in the fun, or see who else participated this week, check out Erotic Flash Fiction Friday.

The Naughty Hangout: Best Friends in Love

This week, the primary theme at The Naughty Hangout was “Love”.  One of the secondary themes was “Best Friend”.  After taking our picture for the primary theme, we were pleased to see that it also fit the secondary theme.  Hence, the title of this post.

Yes, we are just as much in love as this sickeningly-sweet picture suggests.
Head over to The Naughty Hangout and see who else participated this week!
-Jill

Retro HNT: Waiting

If you’re looking for our Wanton Wednesday, it can be found here.
“Waiting”, posted March 11, 2010

In 2010, we posted fifty-two straight weeks of pictures at OHNT.  We’re posting them on our blog, one per week.  They can be found here, along with background information and all the comments they received.

Roaming

It’s midafternoon.  The baby is asleep and the house is quiet.  I lounge on the sofa, my phone held in place between my shoulder and my neck.

“What are you wearing?” I ask as one hand slips into my pants.  That’s how horny I am: I don’t even have time to open my jeans.

“You know,” you say.  “Just a skirt and a top.  Nothing too sexy.”

“I know it looks hot on you, though.”  My hand kneads my growing erection, an erection brought about by thoughts of your soft, shapely legs below your skirt.  I imagine sliding my hand along your thigh, feeling your heat as I caress my way up your flesh.  I imagine finding your panties and moving them aside in order to finger you.  Or perhaps I find that you’re not wearing panties.  Even better.

You give a quiet giggle.  “Yeah, I guess so.”  There’s a pause before you continue.  “How about you?  What are you wearing?”  You seem disappointed to learn that I’m actually wearing pants.

I pull my hand out and begin to unbuckle my belt.  In seconds my pants are down and my cock standing upright and hungry for stimulation.  I stroke it from the base up to the tip, each movement of my hand sending an erotic jolt to my brain.

“Are you…”  You seem to be searching for the right word.

“Jerking off?” I ask.

“I was going to ask if you were playing,” you say.  “But yeah, are you?”

“What do you think?”

“I think you are.”

I sit in silence for a moment, my erection all but devoured by the rapid up-and-down movements of of my hand.  You can hear the sound of my breathing, slow and intense.  Your own breathing sounds similar to mine.

“Are you playing?” I ask.

“Yeah,” you say, and then resume heavy breathing.

“Tell me what you want to do with my cock.”

“I want it inside me.”  That’s exciting, but it isn’t exactly what I wanted to hear.

I press you onward:  “What else?”  My strokes are even faster now.  “What else do you want to do with it?”

“I want to suck it,” you say, almost breathlessly.  This is what I was hoping for.  “I want it all the way down my throat.  I want to take it so deep that you just explode for me.”

“You want my cum?” I ask.

“Oh yeah, baby.  Give it to me.”  I’m not actually close yet, but if you keep it up I will be.  You continue for effect:  “I need your cum.”

I stroke faster, driving myself closer and closer to climax.  Then I hear a key in the door.  “Jill’s here.”

“Tell her hi for me.”  I turn my head to see her stripping naked in the doorway.  I relay the message.  She says hi back, then climbs up on the couch and straddles my waist, taking me deep inside her.

“Do you have to go?” you ask.

“No.  But I think I’d better put you on speaker.”

-Jack