Last December, I wrote an entry in which I took a not-very-close look at a number of holiday-themed porn films. Two months earlier, I’d considered posting a similar entry for Halloween on horror-themed porn. Yes, there is horror themed porn. I’ve never been one to write lengthy, in-depth reviews, especially of porn films, so I thought I’d give a very quick look at a handful of titles Jill and I watched recently.
First up is Camp Cuddly Pines Powertool Massacre (2005).
This title, directed by adult legend Jonathan Morgan, manages to rip off – sorry, parody – a number of notable horror films, including Friday the 13th, Psycho, Jaws, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Scream, and I Know What You Did Last Summer, as well as, inexplicably, American Beauty.
A number of shots appear to be borrowed from various slasher movies, notably the Friday the 13th series,
while others are straight out of Halloween:
Among the other films referenced are The Ring,
The killer, when unmasked, appears to be a cross between Freddy Krueger, Jason Voorhees, and Leatherface.
Camp Cuddly Pines Powertool Massacre is an entertaining film, to be sure. The violence, where present, is not graphic and cannot possibly be taken seriously. It’s got a decent sense of humor, especially for a porn film, and it’s clear that the director is familiar with the staples of the horror genre: nubile college students, ineffective police officers, creepy locals issuing sinister warnings, and masked psychopaths carrying, yes, power tools. And of course there is plenty of sex.
As a fan of both horror and porn, this is a fun combination of both.
Next up is Friday the 13th: A Nude Beginning (1987).
While this movie borrows its title and subtitle from the fifth film in Paramount’s Friday the 13th franchise, it borrows little else. The protagonist of this film may be named Jason, and he may briefly be seen wearing a hockey goalie’s mask, but there is no real resemblance between the two properties. Unlike his horror film counterpart, this Jason has hair, speaks, and is not an axe-wielding maniac. In this film, Jason looks a lot like 1980s adult film star Paul Thomas, seen below.
As near as I can tell, the plot involves Jason in Hell, which utilizes the standard community theater “scary” set design. In Hell, he and a fellow Hellion, played by Amber Lynn, have a competition to see who can corrupt the most pious souls on Earth. The plot itself is a little threadbare, and it’s quite light on horror elements. The whole production seems to exist in order to lampoon televangelist Jimmy Swaggart, as well as parody the Iran-Contra scandal. Nina Hartley appears as an anti-porn crusader. She is seen below, swallowing Jason’s machete:
Despite its title, Friday the 13th: A Nude Beginning may not be the perfect porn film to watch on Halloween night. But at least there’s not much story getting in the way. It may be standard ’80s adult fare, but is that really a bad thing?
The third film we watched is Night of the Giving Head (2008), a film with one of the funniest (if grammatically incorrect) titles we’ve ever heard.
The story is pretty ridiculous, even for porn: Solar radiation has led to the infection of semen, causing women who ingest it orally to become, that’s right, zombies. It’s a flimsy excuse to portray zombies giving blowjobs. And by zombies, I mean adult actresses in dime-store makeup chanting, “More cock! More cum!” See below:
Clearly, special effects legend Tom Savini can rest easy. Hey, call me old fashioned, but I expect my zombies to be a bit more heavily made-up than this. The zombies I thought were cool growing up can be seen below.
Seriously, would it have killed them to apply a little light blue or gray greasepaint? I suppose it’s a moot point, as watching zombies give blowjobs to the living is one of the few things that doesn’t turn me on. Make no mistake, the sex scenes are decent, if you can get past the distracting make-up effects and the laughable nature of it all.
Our final pseudo-scary porn film is This Ain’t the Munsters XXX (2008).
A spoof of beloved 1960s sitcom The Munsters, this title features all the characters fans know and love, most in various states of undress. The plot concerns Herman planning to surprise his wife Lily by having a monstrously large cock transplanted onto his body for their wedding anniversary.
There are a number of sex scenes in This Ain’t the Munsters XXX, most of which would be much hotter if not for heavy amounts of monster make-up and prosthetics, colored light filters and other not-so-special effects. If you’ve got a Butch Patrick fetish, this title may be just what you’re looking for, as Eddie Munster (now a rock star) has a decent scene with a couple groupies.
In addition, there is a fairly vanilla sex scene featuring niece Marilyn and her boyfriend,
and a graveyard sex scene involving Grandpa. There aren’t too many scenes wherein the characters interact with one another, however – I was seriously expecting Marilyn and Lily to give each other a tongue lashing. In fact, the only scene involving more than one character from the original TV series is the final one, in which Herman lets Lily try out his newly-attached cock.
All told, This Ain’t the Munsters XXX is a film that almost must be seen to be believed, and I’m hard-pressed to determine which audience is apt to find it more bizarre a spectacle: Those who grew up watching The Munsters, or those who’ve never heard of it. While I suppose a horror aficionado might find something to get off to, for me it’s in the same pile as Night of the Giving Head. I can only imagine what the respective estates of Fred Gwynne and Yvonne DeCarlo make of it.
-Jack
Thanks for the flick tips. Looks like you’ve done some in depth research on the genre. Happy Halloween.
Great and informative post- i have to say i get a kick out of the “Night of the Giving Head” title!
OMg I too thought Night of the Giving Head was a riot. Some of those pron peeps look a lot like the real actors too. Hope your weekend was not too scary!! xx
I don’t often get to watch much porn (a whole other story), but your reviews reminded me of a pron I saw at a buddies bachelor party…now this is some ten plus years ago, mind you, but it was funnier than, well, you know….anyway, it was called Edward Penis Hands,after the well known Edward Scissor Hands…instead of scissors, his hands had been replaced with functioning penises…it was hilaroius from what I can remember…the ejaculation scenes were funny. Could have been a Johnny Depp twin…very funny, check it out if you ever come (pardon the expression) it.
great post, very informative, happy belated halloween!