I came across this article today.
Some thoughts: While reading this article, Jill and I were, to be honest, surprised by phrases like “the sort [of sex] you engage in because you feel bad for not throwing your partner a bone lately”, and “take one for the team.” Look, I don’t want to sound like I’m bragging, even though it’s probably going to sound that way, but neither Jill nor I can imagine a period in our lives, past or future, wherein we didn’t or won’t want sex on pretty much an equal level. I’m not saying that we’ll always have sex as frequently or as enthusiastically as we’re having it now, especially when our daughter is older and perhaps less able to sleep through noisy lovemaking. I’m not saying we’ll always be on equal footing with regard to our desire for sex. But based on our relationship up to this point, neither of us can imagine it. Sure, we know couples whose sex lives changed for the worse over time, but to be honest we always assumed that these couples weren’t having the kind of sex we have, or weren’t all that into sex to begin with.
I realize that this is a very simplistic view. Even though Jill and I had sex thirty-six times in July, I realize that this may be a career high that we will never again match, let alone exceed. There are many reasons why people are having less sex. In the current economic climate, Americans have to work harder to bring home less money. We raise children. We cook meals. We are tired. We want entertainment after a hard day and all too often this means spending a few hours in front of the television, sometimes falling asleep in front of it. Additionally, we grow complacent in our relationships. We may not try as hard to please our partners. We take them for granted. We assume they’re just as tired, or feeling as unsexy, as we are.
Let’s face it, Breaking Bad is a critically-acclaimed and very highly-rated cable drama series. But if, as the article suggests, you can’t postpone the television watching for a couple nights when the opportunity for sex presents itself, then your priorities weren’t skewed toward sex to begin with. You’re probably happier watching television. However, if you would rather be having sex with your significant other than watching television but find that television regularly wins out, then I implore you: Set the DVR and have at it.
Do tired, overworked and underappreciated wives really grit their teeth, lie back and think of Johnny Depp? We’re sure they do, just as we’re sure that sex-starved blue collar husbands beg, plead, cajole and guilt their disinterested wives into having sex with them on their birthdays. But why is this the hackneyed paradigm that we’ve all come to expect from women’s magazines, talk shows and shallow self-help articles on mainstream news websites? Is the fact that men are traditionally portrayed as virile, physical and proactive the reason why they are always the ones in need of sex? Is the fact that women are traditionally portrayed as emotional, prim and – for lack of a better word – ladylike the reason why they are the ones who are sometimes not in the mood? Despite what the author of this article might like us to believe, there are undoubtedly countless male-female couples for whom the opposite is true. Consider the hard-working female CEO who comes home after a long work day eager for sex with the stay-at-home-Dad who’s just gotten the kids fed, washed, and put to bed, and doesn’t have the energy for sex.
Oh, and one last thing: The author’s distinction between pity sex and charity sex is bullshit; the only distinction exists in his own mind. Somehow I doubt that, based on the label, the recipient of “charity sex” would feel like much more of a person than the sorry soul on the receiving end of “pity sex”.