Yes, you read that right. I, a man who is quite proud of his enormous sexual reserves, who is so orgasmic that he has been known to climax three times in less than an hour, who once claimed that virtually everything he’s done over the course of his life has been in the hopes of having two women at once, sometimes does not have an orgasm during such a threesome.
I know what you’re thinking: This guy’s full of shit. Either he’s overstating his sexual abilities, or he’s lying about the lack of orgasms in the hopes that, if we ever hook up, I’ll try really hard to make sure he gets off. First of all, while I respect your skepticism, I’m not in the habit of lying or even exaggerating. The title of this post is 100% factually accurate. Yes, having two mouths on my cock working in harmony toward a common goal is something I find indescribably exciting. Feeling a clit that is not Jill’s throbbing against my tongue and between my lips while my wife rides me or gives me head is also hot. And yet sometimes these things don’t result in my cumming with such force, such intensity, that both women are swept away in my ejaculation. Shocking, I know.
I’m not saying that I’ve never cum during a threesome. Of course I have. But it isn’t something I necessarily expect, nor is it something that I need to happen in order to guarantee a sexy time for the three of us. I hope it does, of course, but on the occasion that it doesn’t, I’m hardly disappointed. This weekend, while talking about our oh-so-fucking-hot threesome with our friend Sexy Smile, Jill pointed out that during two threesomes with our longtime third M, as well as our most recent romp, I didn’t get off at all.
We got to analyzing the issue – not that it’s an issue, per se – and came up with several reasons why, during a threesome, I sometimes do not have an orgasm despite the insanely high levels of physical pleasure I’m experiencing. I’m not the kind of guy who considers sensory overload a problem. Whereas some men need stimulation to cease altogether as they are climaxing, I prefer it to continue all the way through my orgasm. Not only is the sensation extremely pleasurable, I also find that I am better able to stay erect and continue on to the second round, as it were. So it’s not like the sometimes overwhelming physical sensation that accompanies a threesome is problematic; far from it, in fact.
The most basic reason is the fact that I’m used to climaxing last. It’s just my preferred way of having sex. Generally speaking I like to ensure that my partners cum first because I’m a generous lover who likes to make sure that their needs are met or exceeded. It’s also good manners; I don’t insist on climaxing first for the same reason that I would safely escort my wife and child out of a burning building before exiting myself. Yes, there are some instances, usually late at night, when Jill just wants me to get off because she needs me inside her for a few minutes before she goes to sleep and she’s not the kind of woman who would ask me to just be inside her briefly and get out without cumming. And yes, sometimes she gets so understandably worked up from being fucked that despite the lateness of the hour she decides that she has to get off as well.
But most of the time when we have sex Jill gets off first, and I get off last. As we have a small child to worry about, we’re often in a hurry to finish up; while we sometimes manage two to three hours of non-stop fucking when she is asleep, I’d say that the average length of a sex session is around an hour and a half. When we have a threesome, however, there is no danger of being interrupted by a sleepy and disoriented toddler, because she’s typically having an overnight with her grandparents. That means that while we’ve got no need to rush, it also means that we’ve got no need to rush. In other words, due to the leisurely pace we are at risk of simply running out of time. Last week we drove into Downtown San Francisco to meet with Sexy Smile. We had to park in a lot. The lot closed at midnight. ‘Nuff said.
Beyond my singular focus of making sure that my partners are satisfied, I believe that I have some sort of mental block in place that exists solely to make sure that the threesome lasts as long as possible. It’s easily the most ridiculous reason; obviously the experience doesn’t end when I climax; even if this was somehow the case, I can climax several times in an hour if need be. I’m not likely to be taken out of action by several orgasms, let alone one. No, I think that the mental block I describe has something to do with me conditioning myself to last as long as possible sexually. I’ve never suffered from premature ejaculation – at least, not yet – and I suppose that this conditioning has now come back to bite me in the ass. It isn’t always an impediment to my orgasm, but it can be.
Another reason, possibly the most important one, is that I’m totally preoccupied with Jill’s comfort. I’m not talking about her pleasure, I’m talking about her comfort, i.e. her emotional well-being. Jill is my primary partner, and no matter how many threesomes we have, no matter how close we might find ourselves growing to one of our bedmates, no matter how physically compatible I might be with somebody else, she always will be. As such, her needs are of paramount importance to me. Yes, Jill enjoys having threesomes with other women. She loves the various configurations into which three horny human beings can maneuver themselves. At times I suspect that her love of casual non-monogamy (such as it is) has eclipsed my own. And I appreciate her open-mindedness and willingness to indulge my desires.
However, I’m all too aware that Jill was raised Catholic, and to some extent still considers herself a member of the Catholic church. I know that her upbringing and her traditional views of love and sexuality mean that she probably experienced some manner of internal conflict prior to eating pussy for the first time. Yes, she loved it. Yes, she’s really good at it. But I’m not about to take her for granted or in any way assume that just because she loved it the last time, she’s going to love it the next time. I’m not sure to what extent this concern has impeded me from having an orgasm during a threesome, but I suppose it’s possible, if only on a subconscious level.
The simplest, most obvious reason is that I don’t always cum from oral sex. I frequently do, but it takes concentration, and some positions work better than others, i.e. standing versus lying on my back. The surest way for me to climax with a partner is during vaginal (or anal) sex, and while I certainly love fucking, the boundaries of our relationship limit our interactions with other people to kissing, touching, and oral sex, i.e. everything but actual sexual intercourse (for lack of a better phrase). It’s hardly worth complaining about; generally speaking when there’s someone new on the bed I’m so preoccupied with making out with her, sucking her tits, and feasting on her pussy that I don’t even notice that I haven’t ejaculated.
Which brings me to a major reason why I sometimes don’t have an orgasm during a threesome. It’s a reason that Jill brought to my attention this weekend, a reason so plain and obvious that I’m rather ashamed that it hadn’t occurred to me; and a reason so logical that it took the superior intellect of my wife to realize it. “You want to cum when we have a threesome”, she told me, “but why would you need to? You can take care of that in less than five minutes using your own hand. When we have a threesome you’re thinking on a subconscious level that this could be the last time it happens, or at least the last time with a particular third. So you’re way too busy doing all the things you’ve always wanted to do with her: Kissing her, eating her pussy, getting your cock sucked, watching me eat her pussy. That’s your priority. You can always jerk off later.”
What can I say? My wife knows me well.
-Jack
As I was reading this post, the whole time I kept thinking ‘I wouldn’t be able to cum having a threesome with women’.
I so cannot relate!
At the start of our swinging journey orgasms were something of a nemisis to me. I found them somewhat elusive and sometimes felt very inferior when other women talked about having multiple orgasms regularly. That is not to say that I didn’t enjoy myself. I just didn’t orgasm. Often I would save that pleasure for the after sex when it was just Jake and myself.
These days I have the squirting type of orgasm a lot when playing. I often still save that last really hard cum for when Jake and I are at home together. My clitoris is like a Lotus, really hard to drive, and so I often can’t be bothered using my precious child free adult time instructing someone how to use it.
Besides there is a lot more to sex than orgasms.
I cum easy and am so glad of that. On the rare occasions I can’t cum I get slightly distressed over it.
My love is to get as quickly as possible to that point of almost cumming and try to just stay on the edge.
As for differences in threesomes vs one on one… I have much more control in a threesome with two women than in one on one situations because I am never anxious in threesomes. I feel more comfortable and it seems more natural.
One on one situations seem to ask more of me mentally.
I have been that way my entire remembered sexual life.