Image courtesy of David Sharp, A View from the Top
He said:
After his fourth knock, Eileen opened the door. She spoke through a two-inch gap. “Chase isn’t here.”
“Actually I want to talk to you.” He pushed open the door and stepped into his son’s bedroom. Eileen was wearing Chase’s bathrobe. The room was disheveled, and smelled of sleep and sex.
He’d rehearsed his speech all day. He was going to tell her that she was destroying the high hopes he had for Chase. He would tell her what a bad decision it was to drop out, confront her about her drug use.
Then she dropped the robe, revealing a slight, undernourished body. He retreated into the hallway.
“I want you. I want you to…”
“Don’t even say it,” he warned as she backed him up to the wall. He tried to push her away. She opened his slacks, dropped to her knees and devoured him.
“Dad?” It was Chase. (149/150)
She said:
Loud, insistent knocks interrupted her sleep. She put on Chase’s bathrobe and opened the door slightly. It was Mike.
“Chase isn’t here,” she said through the gap.
“I know,” he said warmly. “I need talk to you. Can I come in?”
Eileen opened the door but blocked his entry. Before she could ask what he wanted, Mike began to pour out his heart.
“I can’t stop thinking about you.” She blushed in spite of herself. “I know you feel it too.”
“You’re Chase’s father,” she protested. “It’s a bad decision.” Without warning, Mike took her in his arms and kissed her passionately. He peeled the robe from her body and led her out into the hallway. He unbuckled his belt and lowered his pants, then pushed her to her knees. As she swallowed him, she heard footsteps on the hardwood floor.
“Dad?” It was Chase. (145/150)
(294/300)
Behind the Scenes
This week’s Flash Fiction Friday challenge was created by regular Flash Fiction Friday participant Advizor54. Along with the prompt photo came the challenge phrase decision. For extra credit, participants were to write the story from the perspective of both individuals depicted in the photo. For extra extra credit, participants were to refrain from using the word fuck. If writing from both perspectives, I was unsure as to whether participants were supposed to include the challenge phrase in both segments, so to play it safe I did. As is typical, in both segments I forgot to include it initially, and had to go back and shoehorn it in.
Overall, I found this week’s challenge more difficult than most. This is due in part to the lower-than-ideal word limit, but also to the fact that I felt compelled to pull out all the stops in completing the extra credit portions of the challenge. It was at times frustrating to write each perspective in 150 words or less. While Advizor54 didn’t say that the two stories had to be 150 words each – just that the total of both perspectives had to be 300 words or less – I felt that it would be conspicuously uneven to give one perspective 75% of the word count and the other a mere 25%.
Eileen’s truncated dialogue near the end of the first segment of the story is supposed to be her telling Mike to fuck her. Mike’s rebuke (“Don’t even say it”) is an acknowledgement of the word’s prohibition within the parameters of the challenge. Regarding Chase’s absence and sudden disappearance, while it’s never mentioned in the story he is out buying heroin. Speaking of which, I hereby confirm that the first perspective, that of Chase’s father, is portrayed accurately, while the second, that of Eileen, is idealized or otherwise influenced by her substance abuse and otherwise deluded mental state.
Admittedly, I took some liberties with the prompt. At no point in either segment of the story do the participants stand in the hallway regarding each other as they do in the photo. Additionally the stance adopted by the man in the photograph is way too relaxed for that of a man who is either being seduced by or planning to seduce his son’s girlfriend. Ultimately I felt justified in ignoring this aspect of the photograph. Call it artistic license.
Deleted Scenes
There were no deleted scenes or omitted details this week, though due to the particularly frustrating word limit I found myself trimming unnecessary (or necessary) words to make my work fit the count. My first pair of perspectives involved a man coming to the rescue of a woman who is being kept more or less as a willing concubine by her pimp/drug dealer. Throughout the first story it is implied that the woman is the wife of her rescuer, though it is made clear in the second that she is his daughter. This idea was ultimately nixed because there was virtually no sex of any kind, and because it simply wouldn’t have fit within the word limit.
Soundtrack
For the first segment, I like I’m Waiting for the Man by Velvet Underground and Nico. The song is about a heroin purchase, and the energetic tempo parallels the chaos that surrounds Eileen and which has infected Chase and his family.
For the second segment, how about Devil Woman, by Cliff Richard? While it wouldn’t necessarily fit Eileen’s deluded view of events, I could certainly see her listening to this song. For something that fits a bit better, consider Young Girl, by Gary Puckett and the Union Gap.
Job well done! Enjoyed both takes!
Wow! I adore all the elements you managed to work into the tight word lmit! Sex, drugs… yum. Great to FFF with you!
I’m supposed to make it a challenge my Friend, I’m glad you handled it so well. I liked both takes and yes, we are supposed to take the picture and run with it, it’s like the bible, not to be taken literally (I hope).
I’m glad you pulled off the extra and extra extra credit. Well done!!
I added your link to my original post as well. We’ll see you next week!!!
Loved both perspectives. I did that, too, but all within one story. I hope it came across as I hoped.
That reads like a plot-line from Dallas!
I like how you did this prompt. The angst along with the urgency when things go south. Very good.