When it comes to non-monogamy, 2012 kicked 2013’s ass up and down the proverbial block.  For us, at least.  While last year included more than a few threesomes, including one on this very date, in 2013 such activity has occurred at a much more sporadic pace than either of us would like.
 
Or maybe it hasn’t occurred with any less frequency than it did last year – not that it really occurred frequently – but 2013 certainly feels lacking in the non-monogamy department.  That may be because, due to a number of developments, neither Jill nor I were quite as able (or indeed as determined) to make sexy connections with others as we were in 2012.

One thing is certain, though:  2013 included a hell of a lot of planned meetings that, for one reason or another, simply didn’t materialize.  And while such missed connections are unavoidable when you seek to play with others, it can obviously be frustrating when all you experience are cancellations and changes of plans.

There was the time we took a trip that happened to land us not five miles from the home of a sexy friend we both fancied.  The three of us looked forward to finally meeting after a couple years of online-only interaction.  Sex wasn’t necessarily on the agenda, though neither of us would have complained if it was, and indeed the steamy conversations this friend often had with Jill made it seem possible if not likely.  As my wife does treasure the experience of intimacy with another woman, she was excited, though I must again state that there was no expectation of sex.

Unfortunately, for whatever reason – it wasn’t made clear at the time, nor since – our friend found herself unable to meet.  There may have been some sort of transportation issue that prevented her from being able to come hang out, or it may have been something else.  It was frustrating for both of us; having the excitement of an long-awaited meeting suddenly snuffed out can cause doubt and anxiety.  This is particularly true of Jill, who felt rejected.  At times like this it is vital to remind oneself that such rejection is not necessarily personal, but that is often easier said than done.

We planned a big family trip last summer.  We informed some of our Twitter and blogging friends who live in the areas we planned to visit in the hopes of adding to our “online friends we’ve actually met in the flesh” list, and hopefully our “online friends with whom we’ve had sex” list as well.  This time we were the ones forced to back out when our trip was completely changed at essentially the last minute.

The change was completely out of our hands, and indeed the trip we ended up taking was far less spectacular than the one we’d planned.  Still, we felt terrible about cancelling.  The people we hoped to meet were very understanding, but it took awhile before either Jill or I were able to interact with them without the sort of awkward remorse you feel months after you’ve stepped on someone’s foot at a crowded party and made them spill their drink all over themselves.

Finally, a couple with whom we’d interacted frequently had asked if we were interested in getting together last month.  They were hoping for general group stuff, though the husband wanted to have a threesome with his wife and Jill.  Needless to say, we were interested, and we blocked off the proposed weekend in our calendars and arranged childcare.  Fortunately the other couple cancelled well before we’d booked a flight or a hotel.

We knew that it wasn’t us; the other couple had a personal situation which caused them to re-prioritize and essentially take a step back from the scene.  Still, it was disappointing to come so close yet again, especially considering that, for a few months, this weekend getaway was an oasis in the middle of the dessert if you will, or a light at the end of the tunnel.  For me, the occasional break in the seemingly endless sea of monogamy is important.  Not having such a break, or perhaps worse missing out on an expected break, takes its toll.

Things are not as bleak as you might think, however.  I’ve been perusing OKCupid more intensively than I have at any point since joining the popular dating site.  I’m not sure whether I’ll do more than just browse at this point; I’ve made a short list of prospects who are relatively close geographically, aren’t looking for a serious commitment or for single men, and who appeal to me physically and mentally, but obviously I’m not going to initiate contact unless I’m certain it’s what Jill wants me to do.

I’ve also struck up a friendship with a pretty young cashier at our local Barnes & Noble.  We’ll call this person “B”, as in “Bookstore”.  She’s poly, in a relationship, and has expressed her attraction to me.  Providing Jill gives her consent, sex with B is pretty much a given.  B is also interested in hooking up with Jill and I together, though I get the impression that threesomes aren’t her primary focus.  Oddly, when we first started talking in August, nervousness got the better of me and I declined to call her when I said I would.  After more than a month I’d written her off, but she recently texted me out of the blue.  Seems like we’re still friends at the very least.  We’ll see.  

Perhaps most promisingly, a friend with whom I went to high school has expressed her interest in both Jill and I.  We’ll call this person “S”, because unless I’m mistaken we haven’t used that initial to represent anyone thusfar.  S is someone I’ve long felt attraction to, and after a few tentative stabs at flirtation on Facebook, she and I had a very frank discussion about non-monogamy and discovered in each other a free-spirited, unrestrained sexuality that neither suspected.  For the last month or so, the three of us have been discussing the possibilities that might arise from a meeting.

Of course, much like everyone we’d like to play with, S isn’t local.  But the thought of having a threesome with her and Jill (her favorite scenario to discuss in IM conversations and the like) is very appealing, and I can see us taking a few days and paying her a visit.  Stay tuned.