“I’m S!” says the woman who has in fact been represented by that initial on this blog in last November’s post The Year of Near Misses. Actually she doesn’t actually say it, as far as I can tell. It’s an instant message. She follows this up with an emoticon, to wit a coy wink that is unnecessary to convey her flirty nature, but appreciated nonetheless. I imagine her thrill upon reading the post in question, upon realizing that she’s been referenced, if only by a single letter, in front of our sizable readership.
Actually, is our readership sizable these days? I doubt it, as our blogging activity is not what it once was. Still, it’s out there. I ask her how she feels about that. When I read that she’s flattered, I’m relieved. After all, I wrote that post with the expectation that she’d never read it. I tell her as much: “It wasn’t necessarily intended for your eyes when I originally wrote it.” She understands.
We had no real intention of sharing our blog with S. If you’ve been following this blog for any appreciable length of time or if you’ve simply read more than a handful of posts, you know that discretion is vital to us, and that we aren’t the kind of people who throw caution to the wind. In a perfect world throwing caution to the wind would be an option, without any real consequences. But this is simply not the case. We tend to be very careful about showing our blog to people who know us in so-called “real life”, i.e. those who have met us in person, because it’s filled with enough evidence of our salacious doings to ruin my wife’s career and have severe repercussions on her social circle as well. Despite the fact that Jill and I are very attracted to S and vice versa, despite the fact that we’ve talked extensively about having sex with her in virtually every conceivable variation, despite the fact that I’ve known her for twenty-five years and that there is a measure of real trust between us that doesn’t even exist between M and I, it wasn’t something we planned to do.
For one thing, we weren’t sure she really wanted to see it. Yes, she asked for the URL pretty much as soon as she knew the blog existed. But we resisted less for our protection as for her own. After all, some things, once seen, cannot be unseen. Pictures of my cock can be found throughout this blog. However, so can pictures of my belly. (Hey, I’m working on it.) Hell, there’s video of me ejaculating here. Of Jill too. This is a venue for us to be almost completely honest. We may not show our faces, and we may spare you some of the more mundane details of our non-sexual life, but this is really who we are. That couple on Facebook who happen to look just like us, but who keep it PG, rarely curse, and tend to downplay the fact that they even have a sex life? That’s not us. That’s a very sanitized, suitable-for-mass-audiences look at who we would be if we were characters on Leave it to Beaver. Some people wouldn’t be able to handle the real us, and undoubtedly prefer us in our censored versions.
Therefore, even with the discretion factor taken off the table, it’s probably prudent to retain some measure of control over who is exposed to what. Additionally, I like to preserve a sense of mystery, especially when I’m flirting with someone I’m unlikely to ever actually fuck. There’s something exciting about withholding information, in a manner of speaking. About keeping someone guessing, and thereby keeping them interested. Which is not to say that giving S our blog URL would have killed the attraction, or rendered flirting with us obsolete. Far from it. It’s just that it’s not in my nature to overshare in this fashion, at least not with someone I know personally, unless I’m really sure they want it. Years of maintaining an adult blog and a naughty Twitter account have conditioned me to be a bit more disciplined about what I share and with which audience. Hell, our sometime bedroom guest star M was made aware of our blog almost two years into the sexual component of our relationship, after much deliberation by Jill and I. The web address was never shared. (Granted, she never asked for it.)
In that case, it’s not an issue of trust. We trust M deeply. But she doesn’t seem the sort who’d care much for reading our TMI Tuesday answers, or getting our thoughts on some random sexual topic. Chances are it’s something we’ve already discussed anyway. At any rate, she undoubtedly lacks the time to dedicate to regular blog-reading. And if she wanted to, she would have asked. Would we have given it to her? Maybe. But I can’t imagine she feels the need to read about the time we had an awesome threesome after a bar meet-up for Valentine’s Day because she was there. She lived it.
So why the reluctance in sharing our blog with S? I’m not sure. Given the trust that exists between us, and the knowledge that she’d be turned on by pretty much all of it, it does admittedly seem a natural thing to do. I like knowing that the attraction we feel for her is mutual. I like knowing that she thinks of us in the middle of the night when she can’t sleep – something she divulged earlier this week. I like knowing that she fantasizes about Jill and I when she and her husband are having sex. I like knowing the specific ins and outs (no pun intended) of her fantasies. I like knowing that she wants to suck my cock, that she’d let me fuck her in a heartbeat, that she’s given as much thought to what that would be like as I have, if not more. I guess on some level I just worried, admittedly without basis, that such an overshare might mitigate her feelings.
In the end, I gave her a standard-sounding warning that the blog is far more explicit than anything she’d seen from us thusfar, and a trio of conditions to which she eagerly agreed. First, I told her, perhaps redundantly, that everything in the blog stays between the three of us. That means that the husband who doesn’t know we exist can’t stumble upon the blog in her browser history. That also means that certain high school classmates who have appeared in our blog must never find out that she’s read of our exploits together. Second, I told her that I wanted to discuss it with her. In the event that she comes across something she really likes or doesn’t like, I asked her to let me know about it, and give me feedback. Third, related to the previous, if she ever finds herself so turned on by something she’s read or seen on our blog that she has to get herself off, I’d like to know that as well. But that’s less due to our need for discretion and more due to the fact that I want to hear all about her masturbating to a sexy picture or piece of writing we’ve posted. Or maybe watch her.
It felt pretty good to share the blog with someone I know well, someone with whom we are close. In the past, friends have had the URL, and would in fact visit frequently. But this was back when the blog consisted mainly of random sexual musings and fantasies, i.e. things that could be easily disavowed if someone tried to use it against us. Photos are more difficult to disavow. I’m guessing that everyone who followed our blog in its early days gave up on it during the thirteen-month hiatus we took between 2010 and 2011. However, since returning from said hiatus, our writing – mine in particular – has improved. I am proud of this blog, because while I have been writing since childhood, few have ever read the bulk of what I’ve written. In fact, I’d go so far as to say that while I really enjoy my non-blog writing, it’s not as good as this because I am not as passionate about it as I am about sex. This blog has been read by hundreds if not thousands of people, but most of those who know me in so-called “real life” will never read any of it.
So it seems we’ve got a new reader, which is fortuitous since I’m guessing our recent silence has killed off a sizable chunk of our readership. Anyway, there’s a good chance that S will read this. If you’ll indulge me, I’d like to address her now.
Hello, beautiful. We want you.
Anyway, we’ll keep you all posted regarding any developments!