1. How many people do you really trust?
Not many. My wife. My mother. A friend or two. I have friends who I trust with my life but who I assumed would judge me when I recently came out as non-monogamous/poly/atheist. I’ve got friends who knew we’re non-monogamous before I came out publicly, but who I’d never trust with the URL of this blog. Over all, there are probably less than five people who I know offline who I trust with everything that makes me me. As for primarily online friends, there are maybe two. Let’s call it five total.
2. What are you excited for?
Sex. I know that’s the expected answer, and I wish I had more to say here. An upcoming professional opportunity. An personal growth project. Some kickass writing I can’t wait to share. Skydiving. My kid’s upcoming birthday. But the truth is, it’s hard for me to feel excitement these days. I’m not sure why this is. Maybe it’s because, as a relatively settled suburban husband and father, I find myself taking fewer risks than I did ten years ago. I’d like to be the more adventurous person I was in my twenties, but at this point I feel like my family deserves consistency. Ergo, sex. I’m excited for sex.
3. Have you had sex today?
I woke up in the middle of the night unable to sleep and got myself off. That and some Tylenol seemed to help. So if masturbation counts, yes. Otherwise, no.
4. When was the last time you talked to someone until you fell asleep? What relation are they to you?
Years ago I had an aunt who’d call me and keep me on the phone until I basically nodded off from boredom. I suspect this isn’t what the question is asking. Sometimes Jill and I will converse in bed late at night, though usually she is the first one to fall asleep, not me. The last time we had one of those late-night phone conversations where you just can’t bear to say good night because you can’t stand the thought of being without the other person until morning was last November, when she was out of town on business.
5. What is your opinion on sex before marriage?
I think it’s essential. Sex is, for most humans, an important part of life. The thought of not knowing what your partner is like sexually until you’re basically contractually obligated to spend your life with him or her seems reckless and short-sighted. Why would anyone want to potentially spend decades in a sexually-incompatible relationship, pressured to stay because “it’s only sex”? It is because of society’s unfortunate lack of honesty with regard to the subject of sex that so many marriages experience cheating and/or ultimately end in divorce. If we could collectively acknowledge that sex is something healthy, to be spoken of seriously and not just used to sell products in TV commercials, we might be in better shape.
Bonus: Does your present lover know any of your past lovers? How well?
I’ve never been one to burn a bridge or otherwise end a relationship acrimoniously. While the ends of some of my relationships did involve some acrimony, it was never my intention, and not typically my fault. Thus, while I didn’t always maintain friendships with my lovers once they were ex-lovers, in a few instances I remained on good terms with them. This is due as much to my caring nature as it is to my tendency to plan ahead: An ex-lover with whom I’m on good terms is much more likely to take my call when I’m having a dry spell than someone with whom I’ve scorched the earth during a bad breakup. Anyway, Jill met a former lover of mine with whom I remained on good terms. They considered each other friends; she came to our wedding, and Jill attended her baby shower and various other social functions. For awhile things were very copasetic, and while I never managed to take both women to bed at the same time, it did come up in conversation, and not necessarily as a “never gonna happen”. Then one day, without any ill intent, I screwed up and did something that drove her away. Someday I’ll blog about it.
How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!