After a long period of discord between Jill and I – primarily with regard to our sex life – we seem to be reconnecting. I can’t say whether we’re out of the woods, so to speak; I acknowledge that there will likely be difficult days ahead, but lately they have been outnumbered by the good ones. She and I have reached a comfortable place wherein we are capable of laughing, holding hands, cuddling on the couch, and being happy. And yes, sex has occurred.
One weekday morning a couple weeks ago, Jill came home from the gym, got naked and joined me in bed, waking me up with oral sex. This in and of itself is significant; while we did have sex sporadically during the Dark Times*, there was no fellatio. The last time Jill went down on me for its own sake** was in June of 2016. I know what you’re thinking: Many – most? – women don’t like to suck cock, and typically stop doing so once they’re married. First off, that’s a fallacy. Maybe many women don’t like to suck cock, but most? I doubt it. At any rate, my wife loves it. Or at least, she used to. And I recognize that people change, but I like having my cock sucked so I was pleasantly surprised by the wake-up call.
*Provided we prove to be out of the proverbial woods, I think this is the descriptor I am going to apply to the year and a half between October 2016 and April 2018 in which Jill and I were almost perpetually out of sync.
**For its own sake, as in for the sheer pleasure of doing it or of provoking a reaction in me. Not, say, to receive my load after fucking.
The oral sex transitioned into penetrative sex, and although we were rushed because Jill needed to leave for work, it was still nice to share some physical intimacy, and it was even more gratifying because Jill was the one who initiated it. My wife exerting her sexual agency is a beautiful, exciting thing, and had been something I’d missed over the past year and a half.
The following night Jill and I had a babysitter, so we enjoyed an awesome night bar-hopping in our city’s Downtown area. When we returned home we had more sex before bed. It was the first time we’d had sex on two consecutive days in longer than I could remember, which is pretty sobering if you’re a longtime reader who remembers our Sunday Scoreboard feature from early 2012.
Anyway, I was optimistic about what the following week might hold, as Jill was on Spring Break and would theoretically have time for sex every day while our daughter was in school. Daily sex seemed logistically doable; other than a few obligations that would take a couple hours at most, we didn’t have any major plans during the week. And while we both wanted to do fun things together outside the house while Jill was out of work, I know sex was the first item on my to-do list.
On Monday I let Jill sleep in and dropped our daughter off at school. While I was out, I got a haircut, and on the way home I texted Jill to let her know. My hope was that she’d take that as her cue to get naked and get in bed if she wasn’t already. Sure enough, when I got home I found her in bed, masturbating. She’d undoubtedly been exchanging messages with some hot guy she’d encountered on Twitter. Hey, whatever puts her in the mood. The sex that followed was less mechanical and perfunctory than the occasional sex we’d had during the Dark Times; there was very welcome passion and connection. And beyond all of that, it was fun. It didn’t seem merely a means to an end, nor a way of killing a couple hours. A shower followed, by necessity.
On Tuesday, Jill handled the school dropoff duties and went to a hair appointment. Likewise, I had a morning obligation that kept me out of the house almost until noon. When I returned home, Jill was watching television, and I coaxed her into the bedroom. Actually it didn’t take much coaxing, but I had been hoping – especially with the relative lack of time once I got in – that she’d be in place when I arrived, legs spread, Eroscillator in hand. Despite the lack of time – about two hours from when we began until when my daughter’s class was dismissed – we had a very satisfying quickie (relatively speaking) before heading out to run an errand and then claim our offspring.
Wednesday is our daughter’s short day. Each week, for reasons unbeknownst to us, her school is dismissed early. I knew we’d be pressed for time, though likely not as much as we were on Tuesday. Jill volunteered to take our daughter to school as she had breakfast plans with a friend and I had no compelling reason to leave the house. When she returned, I initiated sex on the living room floor. It was slow and leisurely, exciting and fire-hot, and it culminated in simultaneous orgasm in doggy position. We managed to leave the house with plenty of time.
The following day, I once again left Jill in bed and made the school run myself. When I returned I found her still asleep, and got into bed and read until she awoke. The sex did not disappoint, although afterwards as we prepared to shower together, I sensed her mood had shifted. She was clearly feeling down; in the shower she cried. I held her, and although she didn’t tell me what was troubling her, I suspected it had to do with being open: A twinge of envy or insecurity over something I’d said on Twitter, or a messenger interaction that had gone poorly. She assured me that wasn’t it and simply said she’d had a difficult morning. I held her tighter, and then we went out to lunch.
On the last day of her break, Jill dropped our daughter off at school. I had a doctor’s appointment, then came home to find my wife waiting for me in bed. I joined her and we lounged around for a bit, then had sex. She was plugged, and very wet and wanting; I assumed she spent the time waiting for me to return home getting herself in the mood. We took our time with each other, and as with Wednesday we finished up with me fucking her furiously from behind as she bucked vigorously up against me. Despite the impersonal nature of the position, the connection between us felt particularly gratifying. Maybe it was the knowledge that this was the last day of her break; we really gave it our all.
This week, Jill is back at work, and I’m out of town for a few days. As of this writing, we haven’t had sex since Friday, and while I was impressed and reassured that we managed five times in five days, I am wary of falling back into old patterns. I knew that our tendency to not have sex – something I’m actively trying to fight off – coupled by the sense of accomplishment that comes with going five for five might lull us into a sense of complacency and then before either of us knows it three weeks have gone by without any sex or other physical connection
The weekend was sexless, unfortunately; it was admittedly a busier weekend than we’ve had of late, though when my daughter is playing team sports all of our weekends are busier than I’d like. We have no privacy, and once our kid has fallen asleep for the night Jill is invariably too exhausted to stay up for sex. It’s certainly understandable. Reliable babysitters who’ll watch our daughter off-site are scarce, and while we could conceivably count on her to keep herself busy for an hour or even two hours in the middle of the day – it’s happened before – there are too many variables, and at any rate the opportunity simply didn’t present itself this weekend.
Our last chance was Monday, as I departed late that night. I’d requested sex as I wanted to leave for my trip feeling renewed connection to Jill. But for a multitude of reasons that are nobody’s fault, it simply didn’t happen. I’ll be back home tomorrow night, likely too late to remedy the situation. But Jill is off work Friday. I’ve got my fingers crossed.
