The prompt for this week’s Sinful Sunday is “shallow depth of field”.  While the camera focuses on the toy in Jill’s hand, Jill focuses on orgasm.

See who else is being sinful at Molly’s Daily Kiss!

1. Tell us your top 3 flaws and shortcomings.
I think my three biggest flaws are empathy, a nearly insatiable sex drive, and an unwillingness to settle for less. I know it sounds like I’m humblebragging or something, but these are as much a curse as they are a blessing.

2. Who do you look up to the most:
– Professionally?
– Sexually?
I don’t think I look up to anyone, really. Certainly not in these two categories. I tend not to measure myself against anyone else; if I’ve learned anything in my adult life it’s that I must be true to myself. I know that sounds trite and unimaginative, but I’m nearly forty and no longer look up to anyone as an ideal. There are many sex-positives I’ve gotten to know over the last few years who I respect and admire (as well as desire), but I don’t know that I look up to them, exactly.

3. How do you like to be comforted when you’re sad or upset?
a. Give me a hug or acknowledge my situation and sit quietly with me.
b. Talk through the situation give me advice or say uplifting things.
c. Leave me alone, let me sulk and wallow in misery.
d. Work out, be active to distract myself and up the endorphin and dopamine.
It probably depends on the nature of what’s making me sad or upset. I generally find that talking helps, but I’m not inclined to go with (b) because uplifting things generally don’t help. I find that most such sentiment involves religion or meaningless platitudes and neither really works for me. I also wouldn’t go with (d); while working out and general physical activity usually helps, the distraction is temporary and eventually the feelings need to be addressed. I’d probably go with (c), although I’m not sure wallowing in misery is actually what’s happening. I need to be alone for awhile in order to process whatever’s going on, but once I’m done with that I need human contact, so at that point I’ll go with (a). You don’t have to sit quietly with me, though. You can straddle my lap and make out with me instead.  I guarantee that’ll help.

4. Which parent do you identify with the most?
Probably my mom. Of my two parents she was always the most emotionally available and empathetic. My father was less so, and while I learned a lot about life from him, I wouldn’t say that he and I are particularly alike.

Bonus: If you had to choose one thing you were most passionate about, what would it be and why?
Food. I know, I know – you were expecting me to say sex. While I am definitely passionate when it comes to sex, I suspect that most friends and family don’t see me and think, “That guy’s a total fucking machine.” No, more likely they look at me and think, “That guy knows where to get a good steak.” My appetite for food is as expansive as my appetite for sex, and I am much more likely to speak at length about the former than the latter, at least not in mixed company.

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

I’d love it if you came aboard.

See who else is being sinful at Molly’s Daily Kiss!

 

1. How many people do you really trust?
Not many. My wife. My mother. A friend or two.  I have friends who I trust with my life but who I assumed would judge me when I recently came out as non-monogamous/poly/atheist. I’ve got friends who knew we’re non-monogamous before I came out publicly, but who I’d never trust with the URL of this blog. Over all, there are probably less than five people who I know offline who I trust with everything that makes me me. As for primarily online friends, there are maybe two. Let’s call it five total.

2. What are you excited for?
Sex. I know that’s the expected answer, and I wish I had more to say here. An upcoming professional opportunity. An personal growth project. Some kickass writing I can’t wait to share. Skydiving. My kid’s upcoming birthday. But the truth is, it’s hard for me to feel excitement these days. I’m not sure why this is. Maybe it’s because, as a relatively settled suburban husband and father, I find myself taking fewer risks than I did ten years ago. I’d like to be the more adventurous person I was in my twenties, but at this point I feel like my family deserves consistency. Ergo, sex. I’m excited for sex.

3. Have you had sex today?
I woke up in the middle of the night unable to sleep and got myself off. That and some Tylenol seemed to help. So if masturbation counts, yes. Otherwise, no.

4. When was the last time you talked to someone until you fell asleep? What relation are they to you?
Years ago I had an aunt who’d call me and keep me on the phone until I basically nodded off from boredom. I suspect this isn’t what the question is asking. Sometimes Jill and I will converse in bed late at night, though usually she is the first one to fall asleep, not me. The last time we had one of those late-night phone conversations where you just can’t bear to say good night because you can’t stand the thought of being without the other person until morning was last November, when she was out of town on business.

5. What is your opinion on sex before marriage?
I think it’s essential. Sex is, for most humans, an important part of life. The thought of not knowing what your partner is like sexually until you’re basically contractually obligated to spend your life with him or her seems reckless and short-sighted. Why would anyone want to potentially spend decades in a sexually-incompatible relationship, pressured to stay because “it’s only sex”? It is because of society’s unfortunate lack of honesty with regard to the subject of sex that so many marriages experience cheating and/or ultimately end in divorce. If we could collectively acknowledge that sex is something healthy, to be spoken of seriously and not just used to sell products in TV commercials, we might be in better shape.

Bonus: Does your present lover know any of your past lovers? How well?
I’ve never been one to burn a bridge or otherwise end a relationship acrimoniously. While the ends of some of my relationships did involve some acrimony, it was never my intention, and not typically my fault. Thus, while I didn’t always maintain friendships with my lovers once they were ex-lovers, in a few instances I remained on good terms with them. This is due as much to my caring nature as it is to my tendency to plan ahead: An ex-lover with whom I’m on good terms is much more likely to take my call when I’m having a dry spell than someone with whom I’ve scorched the earth during a bad breakup. Anyway, Jill met a former lover of mine with whom I remained on good terms. They considered each other friends; she came to our wedding, and Jill attended her baby shower and various other social functions. For awhile things were very copasetic, and while I never managed to take both women to bed at the same time, it did come up in conversation, and not necessarily as a “never gonna happen”. Then one day, without any ill intent, I screwed up and did something that drove her away. Someday I’ll blog about it.

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

On the upstairs landing stands a beautiful vision barely clad in black.  Don’t keep her waiting.

See who else is being sinful at Molly’s Daily Kiss!

 

You’ve seen them before: Social media posts with photographs of people in better physical shape than you. Sometimes the people in the photographs are elderly, physically disabled, or mothers of multiple children. And I understand such posts are intended to be motivational, empowering even. But they rarely come off that way, do they? Even if you don’t recognize her name, I’m sure you’ve seen a picture of Maria Kang, a business owner and mother of three who in 2013 was criticized on Facebook and elsewhere after posting a photo of her three young children and her incredibly toned abs with the caption “What’s your excuse?”

The photo caused a furor because of the accompanying implication: She got in shape and you most likely did not (statistically most American adults who saw the picture are either overweight or obese, or are not but believe they are) and because of this, there is something wrong with you. While it’s great that Ms. Kang has apparently managed to get in shape and stay that way despite overwhelming odds including a self-professed eating disorder, let’s not pretend that her post was meant to motivate others to be like her. It was meant to shame them. The thought of a woman disparaging other women who look differently rather than showing solidarity is disappointing; ultimately it says more about the person doing the shaming than the ones being shamed.

(I use the word “apparently” in the previous paragraph because while she stated in a Facebook post that she is “not naturally skinny“, she apparently included no “before” picture.  After an extensive Google Image Search I was unable to find any photos of Ms. Kang at a heavier previous weight.  While that doesn’t necessarily mean such photos do not exist, I would assume if she actually lost weight rather than maintaining a so-called healthy weight all her life, she would include these photos in her post to prove she’s not naturally skinny.)

Of late, I’ve noticed a number of my male friends on social media posting similar things. Without exception, these friends are all preoccupied with physical fitness. Most of the posts in question are shared or retweeted, though it isn’t uncommon to see a photo of the friend himself, preening after a particularly strenuous HIIT session, and always with the same caption: “What’s your excuse?” And I realize the regular social media posts are meant to hold themselves accountable; you’re less likely to miss a workout if you’re posting regular pictures of your progress.

One can’t fault others for detecting an accusatory tone in those words, though. Even if shaming the non-gym-going populace wasn’t the intention, the insinuation is still there: You aren’t like me, so you must have tried and failed, or worse, you didn’t even bother trying. Tell me why. So I guess I need to answer the question. What is my excuse?

Well, the truth is, I don’t need one. Because despite the assumption that I’m trying and failing to be like you, I’m actually not. I have my standard, and I don’t want or need yours. Don’t misunderstand, I don’t disapprove of your fitness regimen. Why would I? On the contrary, I think it’s fantastic that you’ve set a goal for yourself and reached it. You should be proud of yourself! Keep it up!

I mean, it’s fantastic if you’re doing it out of a desire to be healthy as opposed to a pathological need to reach some societally-prescribed ideal; that doesn’t sound healthy at all. But even if that’s the reason you’re doing it, I’m happy that you’re happy. If you’re happy.

I’m sure you see many people on a daily basis who don’t look like you look. No six-pack. Drinking soda or eating junk food. Getting winded walking up a flight of stairs. They probably don’t even go to a gym! I’m sure that when you see these people you think, “What’s their excuse? If I can do it, they can do it.” But I’m guessing that while a lot of these people try and fail, many of us simply can’t be bothered. We don’t need to be cut. We don’t care about proper deadlift form. We couldn’t tell the difference between parallel grip pull-ups and abdominal leg throw-downs. We like it better that way.

The thing is, everyone has their priorites, and many – most? – people’s priorities differ from your own. For some it’s writing or art. For others it’s raising a family, running a business, or sociopolitical advocacy. And I’m sure they could fit in a grueling workout when they’re done for the day, but for them, these priorities are enough. Hell, some people want to spend what leisure time they have sitting on their ass and playing video games or catching up on their DVR. Of the countless people you encounter every day who have failed to meet your standard, I suspect at least some of them look at you and wonder what your excuse is for not reaching the same goals they have.

So no, people like me don’t have excuses for not running a four-minute mile, or managing a perfect dynamic start. But we don’t need an excuse because these are not the goals we have set for ourselves. Fitness isn’t jury duty; we are not beholden to social media posts by friends who, though well-meaning, misunderstand that everyone in society is free to do their own thing.

Anyway, what excuse would even work? Obviously missing a leg isn’t sufficient; a Google Image Search yields many photos of people with one leg, or no legs, in far better physical shape than I’ll ever attain, many with the “What’s your excuse?” caption. So that’s out. Working two jobs while being a single parent won’t cut it either; anyone on a first-name basis with the staff at their local gym will point out that many professionals who are also parents find hours and hours to get in shape after work without having to leave their children home alone. Crippling depression and social anxiety? Nope. Obesity runs in the family? Hell no, you lazy slacker.

I know these posts are an ego trip for those who post them, so the response these people are looking for may be along the lines of, “I have no excuse. I am weaker/lazier/more pathetic than you are.” If that’s the case, feel free to interpret my words as a validation of your physical superiority and/or godlikeness. Whatever gets you through each day, I suppose.

Me, though? I’m healthy. Healthy enough, anyway. I can keep up with a five-and-a-half-year-old daughter and I’ve got energy to spare. I work out, too. I go to the gym a few times a week, or at least for a run. Still, that’s more out of a need to kill time than any desire to be the perfect physical specimen. Could I be in better shape? Of course I could, but why focus on the negative when there’s so much positive to look at instead? And while I don’t think I look particularly good naked, there are many women who disagree, my wife paramount among them, and I’m smart enough to assume they’re right and I’m wrong. Above all, though, I’m happy.

One last thing: While perusing Google Image Search, I saw a lot of photos of women who, presumably in response to Ms. Kang’s photo, listed all the things they do with their lives that preclude them from being in the exact shape Ms. Kang says they should. Some are active in their church or volunteer elsewhere in the community. Others raise special needs children, or take care of aged parents. Still others are far too busy with post-graduate work, or have a genetic predisposition to heart disease. While these are all valid reasons, I feel like I must compel these women to stop making excuses. Not because excuses get in the way of so-called perfection, but because it’s your life, and you don’t owe your critics anything.

 

1. In winter does your sexual appetite go on a fast?
No! Is this a thing? Do people generally feel less like sex during cold weather? If anything, it’s the opposite for me (although I am just as horny in warmer months). I can’t imagine not wanting a little extra body heat from my wife during the winter.

2. What do you do to kick-start your libido when in a sexual slump?
I don’t often find myself in such a slump, and when I have it’s not due to lack of libido but perhaps lack of opportunity, i.e. during my single days; thus I am having trouble answering this question. I guess if the problem was some sort of disconnect with my partner I’d have to have an honest discussion with her and find out if she felt the same as I did. From there I’d like to think we’d figure out our sexual wants and needs, find out where they coincide, and get to work making them happen. I feel the need to point out that, upon attempting to answer this question I had to do a Google search for “How to overcome a sexual slump”. I checked a few of the results and found that some of the recommended measures were things we already do, so we’re probably in good shape.

3. What is your favorite type of foreplay (to receive)?
Oral sex. I thought about it, and I really can’t think of any other kind I generally receive. I guess a handjob is another variety of receptive foreplay, but I can’t imagine choosing a handjob when a blowjob is on offer.

4. Mutual masturbation–yes or no? What is your technique?
Yes. Middle-of-the-night sex sessions often begin in this fashion. I usually stimulate Jill’s clit, moving my fingers in a circular motion, and after a few minutes of that I enter her with my fingers. Generally speaking G-spot play will occur at this point.

5. Do you give your lover massage? How often? How long?
Yes. Whenever she requests it or seems tense. I usually do it until she indicates that she’s ready to fuck. Though massage doesn’t have to lead to sex, I feel like a failure if my wife isn’t soaking wet and begging me to fuck her just a few minutes in.

6. Do you give or receive more massage?
I give. I can’t honestly remember the last time I had a massage. And that sucks, because I could really use one right about now.

Bonus: If a clone was made of you, would you have sex with it? What would you do first?
I don’t think I would have sex with it myself, but I would definitely enlist it to do things to Jill that I can’t do singlehandedly.

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Yep, she’s definitely waiting for me.  I probably shouldn’t have kept her waiting three weeks.

See who else is being sinful at Molly’s Daily Kiss!

 

Happy TMI Tuesday. Valentine’s Day is this week.

Love is in the Air

1. List 3 benefits of living with your significant other.
Company and emotional support. Regular sex. Occasionally not having to do the grocery shopping.

2. Have you ever reunited with a past lover and begun a relationship? Was the latest relationship as friends or lovers?
Yes. I always liked being on good terms with an ex-lover as much for the familiarity and comfort – I was never one to burn my bridges on the way out of a relationship – as for the possibility of more sex with them. The last time this happened we were strictly platonic.

3. Do you think someone is more sexy if they regularly read books or work out regularly at a gym?
Books, obviously. That’s not to say that I have anything against regular gym attendance or exercise in general, but obviously I’m a lot hotter for someone who is intelligent and doesn’t work out much than someone who knows her latissimus from her trapezius but hasn’t learned much else.

4. How likely do you think it is that your marriage will end in divorce?
I don’t think it’s very likely. But I really wish Jill was participating this week because I kind of want to know how she’d answer this question.

5. Who has more power in your love or romantic relationship–you or your partner?
I think we’re pretty even. Our relationship isn’t a power struggle or a competition. I suppose that if there were a way to measure such a thing we might discover otherwise, but why go looking for a rift where there likely is none?

Bonus: Describe the best Valentine’s Day you’ve ever had.
As someone who doesn’t remotely give a fuck about Valentine’s Day, I expected this to be a more difficult question to answer. But I think the best Valentine’s Day I can remember was the one when Jill and I were living apart and Valentine’s Day fell on a weekday, so she took the following day off of work and drove up to where I was living so we could spend the night together. It was a sweet, much appreciated gesture.

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Let’s get clean together.  Then let’s get dirty again.

See who else is being sinful at Molly’s Daily Kiss!