The Christian Right has much to say about homosexuality. Fred Phelpsl [sic] says God hates them and stages protests at the funerals of American soldiers to bring attention to his hatred. An anti-gay Christian Right wing activist recently said there wasn’t any proof that LBGT people exist. And most recently, a conservative crowd booed a gay soldier during a GOP Debate. Now a “pastor” on the Christian Right is saying that masturbation is a form of homosexuality.“Pastor” Mark Driscoll says that men need to stop masturbating because it’s a kind of homosexuality. In a booklet titled Porn-Again Christian: A Frank Discussion on Pornography & Masturbation for God’s Men, Driscoll of the Seattle-based Mars Hill Church says, “First, masturbation can be a form of homosexuality because it is a sexual act that does not involve a woman. If a man were to masturbate while engaged in other forms of sexual intimacy with his wife then he would not be doing so in a homosexual way. However, any man who does so without his wife in the room is bordering on homosexual activity, particularly if he’s watching himself in a mirror and being turned on by his own male body.”In sermons offered at this website, Driscoll also says that Christians should judge gay people like Jesus. “If you leave this church, you can go to another church and they will tell you if you are living together and not married, that’s okay. They’ll tell you if you’re gay, that’s okay. They’ll tell you if you’re married and you’re into porno and wife-swapping and open marriages, that’s okay. God is displeased with that conduct. …. Christians therefore must be judgmental like Jesus.”Driscoll is a poor excuse of a pastor. This supposed “man of God” should know that Jesus was not judgmental, and he certainly frowned upon Christians judging others. “Judge not lest ye be judged,” Jesus said to a group of men who were judging an adulterer. “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.” The Bible says that the only sexuality we should be concerned with is our own. I’m certain this “pastor” sins on a daily basis and has probably masturbated a couple times in his life. Interestingly enough, he isn’t saying anything about female masturbation. He’s probably okay with that.
Well, duh. Female masturbation is fucking hot.
For the record, there is no connection between masturbation and homosexuality. Sure, gays masturbate, but so do straight people and we can say this with 100% confidence because we’re straight people and we masturbate. In fact, we are thinking of masturbating as soon as we post this. Mark Driscoll would probably claim that the fact that we masturbate means we are gay. Hey, that’s great, Mark. But admit it, you’ve masturbated like one of those red-assed monkeys at the zoo being paid by the fluid ounce. Maybe you don’t anymore; maybe the shame and the self-hatred you feel for having masturbated at one point in your life forced you to kick the habit. If that’s the case, then we feel sorry for you, because masturbation is awesome. It’s the one kind of sex that the most repulsive members of society can be assured of experiencing, and you should know. But if it makes you feel better to say that we’re all gay, then that’s fabulous.