We wish all of you who celebrate holidays this time of year much joy, and health and happiness in 2017.

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Happy TMI Tuesday. You know what to do…

LIFE AND BEING

[Editor’s Note: Jack here. I’m flying solo this week, as Jill is holed up in a love nest of sorts on the opposite side of the country. I couldn’t bring myself to ask her to answer this week’s questions and take her away from her fun. Though, to be fair, the last several weeks when I have sent her the questions she hasn’t given me her answers until Tuesday morning, by which point I usually can’t be bothered. Which explains our absence of late.]

1. Why do you live where you live?
The easy answer is, I was born here. I grew up here. It’s essentially all I’ve ever known. My friends are here. Most of my family as well. And my wife’s family too. Jill isn’t likely to pull up stakes and move far away from her parents and her siblings. However, we’ve discussed doing exactly that; our real estate dollar would go so much farther in almost any other part of the country than it would where we are currently living. For what we are currently paying to live in a small condominium, we could have a castle in another state. However, that would require actually living in another state. I’d love to be able to afford a house with a full basement that I could convert into a home theater complete with attached bar and game room, but if doing so requires me to move to a red state, it’s never going to happen.

2. Do you want to have your sins forgiven?
I don’t really believe in sin. Not in the classic definition as is taught to children on Sunday mornings, anyway. I try to live my life in a way that makes sense to me and I always endeavor to do no harm, but I am not religious at all. With that in mind I find much of what is considered a sin in the eyes of the Catholic church (in which I was raised) completely irrelevant to me as a forty-year-old man. If God exists and is all-powerful, He probably isn’t threatened by someone preferring another deity, taking his name in vain, or the whole “graven images” thing. I understand the gravity of murder, theft, and bearing false witness, so I don’t do those things. But coveting one’s neighbor’s wife, or his house, or his mule? Who gives a shit? How does that piss off the Lord? Why does he care if I want what my neighbor has as long as I don’t kill him to get it? Also, keeping holy the Sabbath? Come on. If I want to wake up at noon on a Sunday and jerk off in bed before waking up and getting plastered, who am I hurting? I take particular exception to the adultery commandment as I happen to enjoy sex that is, per Wikipedia, “objectionable on social, religious, moral, or legal grounds”. Anyway, I don’t care if my sins are forgiven by a hypothetical god or God, or by some out-of-touch religious figurehead. I would, however, like it if my transgressions were forgiven by those whom I actually wronged.

3. Do you believe in heaven and hell?
I could make a joke along the lines of “Hell is Trump’s America”, but instead I’ll just say no.

4. After life, where do you think you will end up?
Don’t know, don’t care. An urn on somebody’s mantel? An unmarked grave in a potter’s field? The belly of a hungry lion? Doesn’t matter. If you were expecting me to get more philosophical than that, you’re barking up the wrong blog.

5. If you have children, would they say you are the favorite parent? Why do you think this?
I have one child. I hope she would not say I am the favorite parent, because (a) I’m sure it would hurt Jill’s feelings and because (b) hello, I’m obviously phoning it in.

6. Has anything ever happened to you that was dramatic, personal or spectacular enough to cause you to believe in a God?
The only thing that ever caused me to believe in God, or in a god, was the intense religious indoctrination I experienced as a child. Everyone in my family was Catholic. I attended catechism after school once a week. There was at least one Bible in my house (though as far as I know nobody ever read it) and a crucifix hanging above my bed (ostensibly to ward off vampires). While my parents and I didn’t go to church every week we did go sometimes. My mother was a firm believer in the power of prayer (and I believe still is). My cousins went to Catholic school. While the majority of my day-to-day existence was secular – I consumed entertainment that was generally not religious in nature – I was still Catholic, and kind of believed in the existence of God by default. It seemed ridiculous to me, but I couldn’t imagine the church existed to swindle its congregation by trading promises and lies for tithing. Surely the government would have stepped in were that the case.

Bonus: What is something you consider to be a great personal success? Why was it so significant?
Completing this week’s TMI Tuesday on minimal sleep.

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

It was very difficult to hold my phone sufficiently steady to capture this moment.  See more of Rye at Chasing Me Chasing You.

See who else is being sinful at Molly’s Daily Kiss!

 

Porn playing on my laptop, pillows forgotten on the floor, and Rye lying wantonly on her back.  It’s been a fun weekend.

See who else is being sinful at Molly’s Daily Kiss!

 

When you’re in the shower, no one can see your tears.

See who else is being sinful at Molly’s Daily Kiss!

 

See who else is being sinful at Molly’s Daily Kiss!

New month, new questions…get to writing that new blog post by playing TMI Tuesday.

Jack’s Answers

1. What makes you cry?
The thought of harm befalling those I care about. Genuine expressions of emotion, or better still, of love. A perfectly-cooked steak.

2. The world is ending (or you are on death row), what would be your last meal?
A Mission-style burrito from any good San Francisco taqueria. Chips and salsa, preferably something with some heat. A couple craft beers, ideally including some sort of stout or porter. Belching Beaver Brewing Company’s Peanut Butter Milk Stout would be ideal. And for dessert, some of my wife’s homemade chocolate. Oh, and my wife. I’d like to eat her one last time.

3. You must join a gang/crew, of the choices below, which gang would you join and why?
a. Rue Bella and the Annie Depressants – a crew of drag queens
b. Aryan Brotherhood of white supremacist
c. Secret Society of The Order of Chaeronea – fostering an understanding and acceptance of gay community and lifestyle
d. Free Hugs club – monthly membership requirement of hugging 10 strangers a month
e. Quidditch Club – Mandatory game every Sunday. (Not a Harry Potter fan, read this for more info ).
I’d probably go with (d). While the thought of hugging ten strangers each month seems daunting given the social anxiety with which I sometimes deal, but the thought of spreading happiness to consenting strangers ten at a time seems more my speed than any others. For example, I am a Harry Potter fan, but I don’t see myself playing Quidditch. I’d probably watch though.

4. Who makes the best leader of a country–your mom or dad? Why?
My mother is far more diplomatic, and in a leadership role would be sensitive to the needs of her constituents. My father is far less so, and without intending to besmirch him, I don’t see him making a suitable world leader. However, perhaps these faults would endear him to a certain segment of the population who don’t want a calm, rational leader who takes seriously the will of the people.

5. If you could abolish one piece of modern technology, what would it be and why?
Self-balancing scooters, the type commonly known as hoverboards. You know the ones I’m talking about; they’re narrow pieces of plastic with two wheels, and people ride them while trying not to fall off. I’d like to see these inexplicably popular things disappear not because they’re dangerous or annoying, or because everyone who rides them looks like a dipshit. No, I’d like to see them gone because we spent almost twenty years anticipating the arrival of actual hoverboards – that’s right, boards that legitimately hover – as seen in Back to the Future Part II, and this is what we got instead. Fuck that. Get these things out of here and give us what we were promised.

Bonus: Will you (or have you) celebrate Halloween this year? What did you do?
Watched horror movies. Took my kid trick-or-treating with her cousins. Got rained on. Took my contractual 20% from my daughter’s haul and ate a few pieces of it.

Jill’s Answers

1. What makes you cry?
Lots of things make me cry. A certain song that affects me emotionally might make me cry. Knowing I’ve hurt someone else or been hurt by someone might do the trick as well. Likewise, losing someone I love makes me cry. And once in awhile I cry for no reason at all.

2. The world is ending (or you are on death row), what would be your last meal?
I’d opt for Red Vines, peanut M&Ms, and cheddar and sour cream potato chips as an appetizer or snack, and then a filet mignon, medium rare, with a loaded baked potato on the side. For dessert, I’d like Rocky Road ice cream and a chocolate chip cookie, please.

3. You must join a gang/crew, of the choices below, which gang would you join and why?
a. Rue Bella and the Annie Depressants – a crew of drag queens
b. Aryan Brotherhood of white supremacist
c. Secret Society of The Order of Chaeronea – fostering an understanding and acceptance of gay community and lifestyle
d. Free Hugs club – monthly membership requirement of hugging 10 strangers a month
e. Quidditch Club – Mandatory game every Sunday. (Not a Harry Potter fan, read this for more info ).
I would probably go with (e). I really love hugs, so I was tempted to go with (d), but hugs with strangers not so much. But I’m a big Harry Potter fan, I love Quidditch, and I’ve always wanted to fly.

4. Who makes the best leader of a country–your mom or dad? Why?
My Dad. He’s honest and trustworthy. He genuinely cares about people and makes a point to remember everyone he’s ever met. He’s also great at negotiations, gives back to his community, and practices what he preaches.

5. If you could abolish one piece of modern technology, what would it be and why?
Nothing! I like technology.

Bonus: Will you (or have you) celebrate Halloween this year? What did you do?
I did celebrate Halloween this year! At work, we did Halloween activities with our students, and there was a parade and a party. After work, Jack and I went trick-or-treating with our daughter. I even dressed up!

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Who wants to help me get clean?

See who else is being sinful at Molly’s Daily Kiss!

 

Get real. Spill. It’s TMI Tuesday!

How’s it going–you know, your relationship?

Jack’s Answers

1. How did you realize an important relationship (romantic, friendship, business) was over? What was the pivotal moment or statement?
When I was a teenager, my first real romantic relationship came to a head the Labor Day Weekend after I graduated high school when my soon-to-be ex-girlfriend confessed that she’d cheated on me. We’d drifted somewhat apart that summer as we left high school behind and prepared for new adventures, but despite the distance I was confident in our relationship. Or at least, I was until she told me she’d had sex with someone else. I broke up with her on the spot. Ironically, I had cheated on her more than a year earlier, and she never found out. I was such a bastard back then.

2. Relationship strategy–do you have one? Share.
My general-purpose strategy for any relationship, regardless of type, is to bring more positivity to the other party than negativity. Doesn’t matter if it’s my wife, an ongoing sexual relationship, a platonic friend I’ve known for decades, or a client. And it should be explicitly stated that I expect reciprocity, and I may bail on the relationship if I don’t get it.

3. Name two things you appreciate about your current relationship. Why are these things significant? (If not currently in a relationship, feel free to refer to your best relationship)
One thing I appreciate about my current relationship with Jill is the fact that she loves me enough to put up with my foibles. I can’t imagine I’m the easiest guy to live with (though I’m undoubtedly an amazing guy to fuck and leave), and yet somehow she finds that the good outweighs the bad. Another thing I appreciate is the freedom I experience being married to her. I’m not just talking about the freedom that comes with being in an open relationship; I’m talking more about the ability to tell her without much notice that a friend has invited me out for drinks, or the fact that she never looks over my shoulder to see who I’m texting. She wouldn’t dream of, say, checking my emails (good luck sifting through all that spam!) or otherwise invading my privacy to see if I’m talking to someone I shouldn’t be. And I’ve dated people who would have! I’m so glad my single days ended before I had a smartphone.

4. In your relationship, do you compromise:
a. a little
b. never – I usually get my way
c. too much, it helps keep the peace
I was disappointed to see that there was no option for “exactly the right amount”. Because I do make compromises, and while I am willing to defer in order to keep the peace, I also enjoy getting my way. But in my marriage it doesn’t seem like it’s one-sided at all. We both make compromises as necessary, and often meet in the middle. I’ll go with (a), a little, even though I never really think of it in terms of quantity.

5. If you went to couple’s therapy, which of these are you most likely to have a need to discuss:
a. My significant other feels more like a roommate.
b. Sex is uncomfortable.
c. My partner doesn’t know what I like in bed.
d. “Forget sex! We barely touch.”
None of these options seem like something either of us would say. We don’t feel like roommates; we regularly experience sex and romance. Sex is comfortable for both of us, and we seem very tuned-in to the other’s needs. After all that, clearly it’s not going to be (d). I’m guessing if we went to couple’s therapy we’d probably just boast about how much better our sex life is than the therapist’s.

Bonus: Below is a list of extreme sports. You must pick one sport to try. Why would you do that sport?
1. skydiving
2. volcano diving
3. zip-lining through a jungle
4. bungee jumping
Skydiving. It’s something I wanted to do when I was younger, but never did. Once I was married with a child and a mortgage and such, I experienced periods of depression when I desperately wanted to feel something. I considered that Skydiving would provide a much-needed jolt, but ironically I felt as though I couldn’t indulge this need as if I died, who’d help Jill raise my daughter?

Jill’s Answers

1. How did you realize an important relationship (romantic, friendship, business) was over? What was the pivotal moment or statement?
I don’t have any specific examples, but typically a romantic relationship is over when I realize that either my feelings or theirs have changed. I don’t get that feeling of excitement or butterflies when I see the other person. Or else they have pulled back and become less available or less caring. With a friendship, it’s usually when what is important in the relationship is gone. We have moved on, grown, or no longer see eye to eye. As with a romantic relationship, it’s a feeling of pulling away. In either case, we no longer see things the same way, or value the same things.

2. Relationship strategy–do you have one? Share.
My relationship strategy is to be the most positive influence I can be in their life. This usually entails being caring, loving, and honest. Essentially, I want to leave the other person better than when I found them.

3. Name two things you appreciate about your current relationship. Why are these things significant? (If not currently in a relationship, feel free to refer to your best relationship)
One thing I value is communication. It’s taken me a very long time to ask for what I need and to feel that I’m entitled to ask. I have always been a giver and not one to ask for help. Jack has been amazingly patient as I’ve worked through this. I also appreciate having a husband who is truly willing to put my needs and happiness ahead of his own. This makes me want to do the same for him, typically by taking risks and moving outside of my comfort zone to give him what he needs. (Yes, I’m talking about non-monogamy.)

4. In your relationship, do you compromise:
a. a little
b. never – I usually get my way
c. too much, it helps keep the peace
I feel that I used to compromise too much, and then I would feel uncomfortable. Now, however, I think my answer is (a), as I have learned to communicate better and vocalize what I want and need.

5. If you went to couple’s therapy, which of these are you most likely to have a need to discuss:
a. My significant other feels more like a roommate.
b. Sex is uncomfortable.
c. My partner doesn’t know what I like in bed.
d. “Forget sex! We barely touch.”
None of these describe my relationship. If I were to talk to a therapist, though, I’d probably ask for more help with communication. While I have gotten much better at communicating than I have been in the past, it’s a constant balance of each partner’s needs. I might also ask for help working on a positive body image.

Bonus: Below is a list of extreme sports. You must pick one sport to try. Why would you do that sport?
1. skydiving
2. volcano diving
3. zip-lining through a jungle
4. bungee jumping
Definitely skydiving! I love the idea of being in freefall.

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

More fun with Rye during her visit earlier this month.

See who else is being sinful at Molly’s Daily Kiss!