Although it isn’t over yet, we thought this would be an appropriate place to reflect on Masturbation Month, as well as masturbation in general.
For those not in the know, Masturbation Month began in San Francisco in 1995 as a response to the dismissal of Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders following controversial comments she made, namely that masturbation should be part of sex education. Seventeen years later, the only thing about Dr. Elders’ statement that seems even remotely controversial is the bit about sex education. Didn’t the religious right kill that off?
Created by renowned San Francisco, California adult retailer Good Vibrations, Masturbation Month is an event promoting masturbation as a healthy part of human development. Masturbation isn’t something about which one should feel ashamed, nor is it merely a consolation prize when partnered sex isn’t an option. Setting aside an entire month to celebrate the most gratifying activity in which one person can engage alone raises awareness and removes the stigma from self-love.
Though we have long been aware of Masturbation Month, this may have been the first year that we made a conscious effort to masturbate at least once every single day. So far we have been successful. Generally our daily masturbation has occurred when we were alone, though we’ve counted solo masturbation that occurs as part of our sex play and leads to orgasm as well. We did not count any instances of Jack fingering or fisting me, nor did we count any handjobs that I gave him. (Actually I didn’t give him any. When my hand is on his cock, my mouth usually follows.)
As I’ve stated elsewhere on this blog, I try to masturbate in the shower every weekday morning before work, as I find that it puts me in a good frame of mind and makes me better able to tackle what is lately a difficult and stressful day. Jack generally masturbates immediately before or immediately following his morning shower, as having a baby constantly underfoot can be a real boner-killer, and when Jack takes a shower the baby is usually in her playpen or otherwise occupied. She’s still noisy, constantly singing or talking, but Jack is very proud of the fact that when he’s in a heightened state of arousal he can almost completely tune her out.
We’re both very open about masturbation. I masturbated for Jack fairly early into our sexual relationship. It wasn’t always so easy for me to be that honest with the men I slept with, certainly not early on, but Jack made it very easy for me to relax and not worry about judgment. As for Jack, he doesn’t masturbate for me as often as I’d like him to, but that’s probably because I’m usually way too occupied with having him inside me to worry about getting a show. But I do love to watch.
When I was young I masturbated primarily using my fingers. I always enjoyed the slow, steady touch, gradually increasing in speed and pressure as my orgasm built. I would usually draw circles around my clit, and just before orgasm hit I would move my fingers to my clit. This became my favorite way to cum, and to this day direct pressure during climax never disappoints me.
I got my first vibrator when I was twenty-three. It was a bullet with a cord attached to a control box. I remember driving into San Francisco to go to Good Vibrations since I was worried about someone I knew seeing me walk into the seedy local porn shop in my neighborhood. I made sure to hit the ATM on the way to Good Vibrations so that I could pay for my purchase without using a credit card. I even bought the expensive batteries they sell so that I could try my toy out on the way home. I stopped at a gas station and slipped the bullet into my panties. I ran the cord out of my shorts and placed the control box into my pocket. I was very glad that the top I was wearing was long enough to hide the cord completely. I placed the control on the lowest setting and was on my way.
It was a very fun ride home, obviously. I managed to keep the toy buzzing inside me for the entire ride without climaxing, which was probably a good idea considering that I was driving a car. My orgasms tend to be very intense, eyes-roll-back-in-my-head kinds of things, and the last thing my parents would have wanted to hear was that their oldest daughter crashed her car because she was masturbating behind the wheel.
By the time I got home my panties were thoroughly soaked. I should point out that “home” was my parents’ house, where I was staying for the weekend. As soon as I got in, I ran upstairs to finish what I had started. I turned the remote up to its highest level, closed my eyes, and lost myself in a fantasy. At some point during my exploration my mom walked in to ask me a question. On its highest setting, the toy was very loud, so I fumbled to turn the toy off and answer her question so she’d get the hell out of my room. I don’t think she ever realized what I was doing. After she left, it took me forever to get back on track and finally cum.
Pictured: About a third of the toys I own, and the ones I use most frequently.
Over the years, I have owned numerous rabbits, bullets, G-spot vibrators, regular vibrators, and even a Fuji massager that you would wear on your finger. My favorite toy out of the many I own is the Eroscillator Jack bought me for Christmas the year before we got married. It includes numerous attachments for a variety of sensations. A close second is my current rabbit, which is a favorite when I want to get off while sucking Jack’s cock. I don’t own a dildo, so it’s the toy that feels most like an actual cock, and when it’s inside me it feels like someone’s actually fucking me. It’s probably the closest I’ll get to my MFM fantasy without actually doing two guys.
Before I owned an actual vibrator, I used an electric toothbrush and a cucumber. Possibly strangest of all, I used a Popsicle while soaking in a tepid bath. It felt good, and my rationale was that if I was going to put something sticky into my pussy, I might as well be in the bathtub in order to help with cleanup. I later found out that introducing sugar into the vagina can lead to a yeast infection, though fortunately I didn’t get one.
Once I discovered Yahoo! Messenger, I quickly learned to type with one hand and pleasure myself with the other. I really loved phone sex as well. Sometimes I would find myself growing so aroused that all I had to do was grind my pelvis against my seat. The circular movements I would make while gyrating against a chair or a couch cushion had the desired effect and I would climax almost instantly. I didn’t even have to use my hand, let alone a toy.
I enjoyed webcamming when I was single. (For the record, I still enjoy it now that I am married.) On rare occasions I have even performed in front of a live audience. One thing I have never done that I would really like to do is watch a woman masturbate while she watches me do the same. That’s actually one of my favorite fantasies lately, and several times this month while masturbating I have imagined another woman on the bed beside me, or maybe sitting in a chair at the foot of the bed, enjoying the sights and sounds of my performance and giving me one of her own. I get wet just thinking about it.
Although my orgasms range from mild shocks to tingling, toe-curling whole body orgasms, the intensity usually depends on how much buildup I experience before climaxing. If I’m in a rush and I just want to get off, the orgasm may be quicker, more shallow, and less intense. But if I have half an hour or more in which to spoil myself, the orgasm, or more frequently the orgasms, will be much more enjoyable, with intense waves of pleasure radiating from my core out to my extremities. Sometimes I can feel it in my fingertips.
I didn’t know how to find my G-spot until I met Jack. I knew about the G-spot, I believed it existed, and I sure hoped that I had one, but I’d never been able to find my own, and none of my previous lovers had bothered to look. The first time Jack and I talked about it, I was so excited to learn that he had found the G-spots of many of the women he’d been with. I hoped he’d find mine! He didn’t make me wait very long. The first time I squirted, with his fingers pressing against my G-spot and his tongue lapping at my clit, I was equally excited and embarrassed. I completely soaked him. My worry was short-lived, as he was just as excited as I was.
Once I knew what a G-spot orgasm felt like, I began to try and achieve them on my own. Riding my rabbit worked very well, and after I’d had a few orgasms my clit would be much more sensitive, I’d be more relaxed, and squirting would come easier. Owning a Liberator Throe also helped relax me. Before we got ours, if I didn’t have a towel under me I would hold back so I wouldn’t leave a wet spot. I get very turned on when I know I won’t have to change the bedsheets.
Yesterday, Center for Sex & Culture held its annual Masturbate-a-Thon. Much like any other event with a similar name (think marathon, walk-a-thon, bike-a-thon, swim-a-thon, or whatever), participants seek financial sponsorship and “come for a cause”. As the Center for Sex & Culture is a mere half hour from our home, Jack and I planned to attend, and even declared our intention to do so in a recent TMI Tuesday post. After all, what better way to simultaneously indulge our voyeuristic and exhibitionistic sides?
While researching the event, we came across photos from past Masturbate-a-Thons. On the one hand, the photos made it clear that the event was a fun, low-key event attracting masturbators of all persuasions, shapes, sizes, races, and ages. That’s definitely something we’d like to be a part of. On the other hand, the fact that photos of the event exist were, to us, quite troubling as discretion is always at the forefront of our minds. Sex is a huge part of our lives, and we enjoy thumbing our noses at the inexplicable taboo that surrounds it. But given my profession, we have to seriously consider the possible consequences when planning something that is outside the boundaries of monogamous vanilla sex.
We inquired without response as to whether we could expect any kind of guarantee of privacy, though given the fact that everyone has a camera on their person at all times we were not optimistic. As the event was divided into areas for males only, females only, and mixed-gender, we considered that perhaps there was an area where photography was specifically allowed and an area where it was prohibited. We would have been okay with that, and would have stayed out of any part of the venue where our privacy might have been compromised. Friends suggested donning masks, wigs, and/or dark glasses, and while this sounded like a feasible solution it also seemed to go against the spirit of the event.
We understand that the purpose of the Masturbate-a-Thon, as well as Masturbation Month, is to remove the shame and the stigma from something that is normal, positive, and even healthy. We are one hundred percent in favor of changing society’s outlook on self-pleasure, of making it something that people can and do talk about candidly, without needing to whisper or giggle. We hope that someday attitudes will be such that we don’t care whether we’re photographed masturbating in a group setting. But until that day, we probably won’t be able to participate in such an event.
However, in the spirit of Masturbation Month, and because I was really looking forward to masturbating for an audience this weekend, I thought I would share a particularly intense orgasm. Unlike many of our fellow bloggers, we’ve never posted an audio clip of me climaxing, as I’m kind of self-conscious about the sounds I make. Yet now we’re posting video. We hope you enjoy it.
(The “running water” sound you hear starting at around the thirty-five-second mark is me ejaculating. This video will not play on iPhone. If it doesn’t show up, you can view it here.)
-Jill
