Jack’s Answers
1. Do you think that acting out a fantasy can sometimes cause damage to a relationship?
This depends on several factors, including the nature of the fantasy, and the mindset of those in the relationship. The first thing that came to my mind when I read this question was non-monogamy, as I would imagine that for most people bringing others into their sexual relationship is something that doesn’t happen lightly. Acting out such a fantasy could inspire feelings of insecurity and jealousy. However, it bears noting that for some couuples, fantasies that don’t involve non-monogamy could pose similar problems. However, a couple that is secure in their relationship may be less likely to see damage done by acting out their fantasies.
2. Some couples role play their fantasies rather than introducing another person into the relationship to live out their fantasies. Do you think that this is an acceptable substitute?
I think it is an acceptable substitute for some, as it allows participants to test the waters with regard to their fantasy without making a commitment to actually take part. Before we ever played around with other people, Jill and I tried role playing, and also talked about various scenarios that involved other people. However, my desire for sexual variety means that simply pretending to be non-monogamous probably wouldn’t have sufficed forever.
3. Is there a particular movie or TV series or character from a movie or TV series that you fantasise about?
No. I was typically not so into a character from a film or television show that I felt the need to fantasize about her; it always felt more natural, i.e. less beholden to an existing storyline, to fantasize about the actress herself. For example, I was far more likely to fantasize about fucking Sherilyn Fenn, Sheryl Lee, or Mädchen Amick than I was the characters they played on Twin Peaks. On the other hand, being a die-hard comic fan, if I was going to fantasize about a fictional character, chances are it was going to be a female superhero, supervillain, or supporting cast member. My favorite? The X-Men’s Rogue, especially when drawn by Jim Lee.
4. Apart from the obvious things like child abuse, are there some things that are ‘off limits’ for a fantasy e.g. incest fantasies, age play, rape fantasies. Why/ why not?
This might be the most fucked-up thing I’ve ever written in the history of this blog, but I don’t think anything should be ‘off limits’ when it comes to fantasy. That includes fantasizing about illegal, morally reprehensible stuff like rape, incest, and dare I say bestiality and pedophilia. If a person wants or needs to fantasize about things that have traditionally been viewed as – for lack of a better word – icky, and the person is absolutely certain he or she will never, ever cross the line from fantasy to reality, who am I to say that this person shouldn’t indulge? To a well-adjusted individual who is in control of his or her impulses, a fantasy – any fantasy – is harmless as long as it remains a fantasy. I have issues with the status quo declaring off limits something that exists only in someone’s mind. That sounds a bit too much like thought control. While most of us are probably able to agree that fantasizing about pedophilia or bestiality is shocking and pretty much unacceptable, once society starts stigmatizing such extreme, arguably distasteful fantasies it’s only a matter of time before more mainstream fantasies are similarly condemned.
5. What is the most taboo thing you have ever fantasised about doing?
I’m going to go with my fantasy about fucking Jill’s sisters and sisters-in-law, as well as most of her female cousins. I am truly privileged to have married into a family that is pretty much clogged with ridiculously hot women. The amount of eye candy to which I am treated at every family gathering is something I wouldn’t trade for the world. To be honest, I don’t really think of my fantasies as taboo, though I certainly wouldn’t want word of this particular fantasy to get out. It would probably make Sunday dinner with my in-laws really awkward. Still, I don’t think it’s all that taboo, and I’m guessing that someone who finds such a fantasy distasteful would probably have a problem with my wife and I fucking on top of the covers with the lights on.
6. Tell us about a fantasy that you have that you don’t ever see yourself actually acting out. Why do you think you will never act it out?
Hard to say. Our relationship is such that the things that we both want to do will probably eventually happen in some fashion. Some of the boundaries that were once in place have been discarded to an extent, and we have reason to believe that more such boundaries will fall over time as we grow more comfortable with our not-strictly-monogamous relationship, and further divest ourselves of the insecurity that has to some extent held us back in the past. Due to geographical distance, conflicting limits, and differing levels of interest, we may never get to play with all of the individuals with whom we’d really like to – and we’ve got a huge list thanks to Twitter and the general blogosphere. But we’re confident that most of the fantasies we harbor will eventually happen.
7. Have you ever pretended the person you were having sex with was someone else without telling them?
Yeah, I’ve done this. There have been several times in my life, particularly during one-night stands, where for no particular reason I found myself sexually uninspired. The person I was with just wasn’t doing it for me, through no fault of her own. In such a situation I might find myself imagining that the person was somebody else – her cute friend, a girl in my English class, a favorite porn star, whoever – in order to speed things along. I usually kept the mental substitution to myself because I never saw the point of saying something that was likely to hurt another person’s feelings, and if it was a one-night stand I knew I’d likely never see her again anyway.
8. Have you ever tried to make a fantasy a reality only to have it fail miserably? What happened?
I considered coming up with a smart-assed answer to this question, something along the lines of wanting to fuck on the hood of a police car, a balcony on the twentieth floor of a luxury hotel, or in the cockpit of a commercial airliner. But I’ve officially got nothing. The smart-ass well has temporarily run dry. So no, I’ve never tried to make a fantasy a reality with disastrous results. Generally speaking, when I’ve attempted to act out a fantasy it’s worked out pretty well, or if it failed it did so in a less-than-miserable fashion. I recall one such success in my early twenties, when a girlfriend and I wanted to try out the “family restrooms” at a local shopping mall. These differed from the regular male and female restrooms in that they consisted of a single room with a toilet and sink, and a locking door. For my girlfriend, this was as close to public sex as she was willing to go. We waited until the hallway where the restrooms were located was devoid of mall patrons – though in retrospect I’m sure there were security cameras – and as soon as the door was locked we were naked. I bent her over the sink and went down on her, then fucked her from behind while fingering her clit. When I got close to orgasm I pulled out and lifted her onto the edge of the sink. I continued licking her clit, and after she came it was my turn. I fucked her right on the sink, and came on her stomach. We cleaned up with wet paper towels, and then as we prepared to make our exit I improvised a limp and put my arm around her shoulder as though trying to steady myself. But there was no one in the vicinity so we canned the act and continued shopping or whatever the hell we were doing at the mall that day.
Bonus: Tell us about your most cherished fantasy. Did you ever live it out? Please give us all the juicy details because that is the kind of people we are.
My most cherished fantasy is probably a threesome with two women. As I’ve said elsewhere on this blog, it’s something that I’ve wanted to do for almost as long as I can remember, and certainly since I’ve been aware of sex as a human behavior. You can read more about my budding childhood interest in having more than woman at a time
here. I have in fact gotten to live out this fantasy. Rather than including the juicy details here, I will instead point you in the direction of previous posts detailing the
first time, as well as the
most recent.
Jill’s Answers
1. Do you think that acting out a fantasy can sometimes cause damage to a relationship?
I personally feel that acting out fantasies can be a fun way to add excitement to my relationship. There are circumstances in which it could be damaging. If there are feelings of insecurity or jealousy within the relationship, acting out a fantasy may feel threatening to one partner, or both. One person may want to fulfill their partner’s fantasy, but may find it too daunting, or find that it makes him or her feel insecure. Additionally, if the fantasy involves non-monogamy, it may cause a strain on the primary relationship.
2. Some couples role play their fantasies rather than introducing another person into the relationship to live out their fantasies. Do you think that this is an acceptable substitute?
Role playing is definitely a safe way to act out a fantasy. You can “live out” the fantasy and see how you feel before you actually involve other people. It may help you determine if the fantasy is one that can come reality, or if it needs to stay a fantasy. Jack and I talked very extensively about our fantasies for years before we made them happen. I was then, still am, and probably always will be a person who needs to analyze all possible scenarios and outcomes before I am comfortable attempting to act them out.
3. Is there a particular movie or TV series or character from a movie or TV series that you fantasise about?
Not really. There are certain actors that I fantasize about, and there are characters from movies I find myself attracted to. But I don’t think there are any fictional characters that I actually fantasize about. I really thought about this question too, and I considered the soap opera characters I thought were hot when I used to watch them, as well as the characters played by the teen idols I grew up liking. But nothing really came to mind. However, while I know that this is not what the question is asking, there is one scene in a porn film that I really like. Although I haven’t seen it in a long time I will replay it in my mind sometimes while I am masturbating. In the scene, a woman gives her boyfriend a threesome for his birthday. The guy is loosely tied up and has to watch his girlfriend on all fours licking her friend’s pussy before he gets to join in. Watching this scene might be what convinced me that I really wanted to have a threesome, and in fact our first threesome was on Jack’s birthday.
4. Apart from the obvious things like child abuse, are there some things that are ‘off limits’ for a fantasy e.g. incest fantasies, age play, rape fantasies. Why/ why not?
I don’t think any fantasy should be off limits if someone enjoys it and gets off to it, as long a no one gets hurt. But for me personally, rape fantasies are off limits. The thought of being scared, threatened, or physically or emotionally harmed isn’t arousing for me. I’ve never entertained a rape fantasy, and I can’t imagine that I ever will. But like I said, I don’t think they should be off limits for people who enjoy them.
5. What is the most taboo thing you have ever fantasised about doing?
Having sex with my brother’s wife. She’s really sexy, and if it wasn’t the sort of thing that would turn my family upside down I’d do her for sure, provided she was interested. I’ve fantasized about her a lot, including having a threesome with her and Jack, and a foursome with her, Jack and my college roommate’s husband. That’s one of my all-time favorite scenarios. I’ve also indulged Jack in the occasional bit of dirty talk involving me and my sisters, all of whom I know he fantasizes about.
6. Tell us about a fantasy that you have that you don’t ever see yourself actually acting out. Why do you think you will never act it out?
The fantasies that I don’t expect to act out are the ones that involve my family members, including my sister-in-law but especially the ones that involve my sisters. The thought of interacting sexually with them doesn’t really turn me on. Those fantasies are mainly for Jack’s benefit. Shhh! Don’t tell him. I’d hate to ruin the thrill.
7. Have you ever pretended the person you were having sex with was someone else without telling them?
No, I have never done this. In my single days, when I would have sex with someone else I was really into them and didn’t need to pretend they were someone else. On the other hand, sometimes I do enjoy fantasizing that I’m being fucked, licked, or played with by another person, but in those cases Jack is well aware of what’s going on in my head, and he seems to enjoy it.
8. Have you ever tried to make a fantasy a reality only to have it fail miserably? What happened?
No! All of our fantasies that became reality have been amazing so far. I really hope our luck holds out!
Bonus: Tell us about your most cherished fantasy. Did you ever live it out? Please give us all the juicy details because that is the kind of people we are.
I have a lot of fantasies that I would say I cherish or have cherished at some point in my life. One of my longest-running fantasies that has yet to come true is having two men at once. But I think that an even more cherished fantasy than this is licking, touching, and completely enjoying another woman’s pussy. I have had the pleasure of experiencing this fantasy on more than one occasion, though the last time was definitely the most enjoyable. My playmate was hot and sexy. She had beautiful features, and her body was just perfect. Best of all, she tasted amazing. I couldn’t get enough of her sweet, delicious pussy, and lately when I’m masturbating I’ve taken to fantasizing about the experience. So in a way, even though it’s become a reality, it is still a very treasured fantasy of mine.
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