A complimentary sticker given to our daughter by the cashier at the grocery store has found its way onto Jill’s bra. I didn’t do it.
– Jack
Market Monday
Sinful Sunday: Friday Night
We hope you had as much fun this weekend as we did!
The Perils of Parenting: The Babysitter
On Friday evening we planned to hang out with M, our frequent bedroom guest star. We always try to get together shortly before Christmas to exchange gifts and hang out. In 2010, after our friendship added a sexual component, we had a fun holiday threesome. This was unfortunately not repeated in 2011 because she was dating someone. Since she’s currently single we figured why not?
As we’ve mentioned elsewhere on the blog, there is a dearth of available, reliable babysitters who are able to watch our daughter overnight, or even until late at night. We’ve got relatives who live locally and who will watch her until, say, midnight, but we can’t count on their availability. At any rate, midnight is hardly sufficient time to have a threesome, though when we’ve had to wrap it up early, we’ve never complained about the looming deadline.
The only person who was available to watch our daughter on Friday night was Jill’s sister. As I went through my way-too-short short list of prospective babysitters, getting some variation of “Sorry, I’ve got plans Friday night” from each one, my heart sank because I knew that I would soon reach the bottom of the list and be forced to call quite literally the most unreliable person we know.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like Jill’s sister is a bad person, or even a bad babysitter. On the rare occasion that she’s babysat at our house as opposed to hers, she’s never raided our liquor cabinet, or invited her rowdy friends over. (Disclaimer: She has no rowdy friends.) She doesn’t get high, rarely drinks, doesn’t subject our daughter to R-rated movies, or do anything else that might make parents dread leaving their child in her custody.
She’s not this bad.
No, our frustration stems from the fact that she is completely unwilling to watch our daughter late at night, especially if our daughter doesn’t sleep. And she rarely does; Jill’s sister can’t or won’t consciously put her to bed, meaning that if our little one is asleep when we arrive to pick her up it’s because she stopped playing and lay down because she was exhausted, not because she was compelled to do so by an adult.
In January, we had plans to meet friends at a local bar. Jill’s sister agreed to babysit, but only at our house, which meant that we had to clean thoroughly, hide all sex toys, and shut down and password-protect our computers lest she stumble upon this blog, or our Twitter accounts or Moby album. She arrived at 8:45 and we planned to get to the bar around 9:00. Our friends would be there between 9:00 and 9:15, and Jill’s sister asked that we come back at midnight. This was hardly ideal for a Saturday night, but we had three hours, and we were going to make the best of that time.
We made sure the baby didn’t nap all day, and by the time Jill’s sister got to our house she was fast asleep. We arrived at the bar close to nine and got drinks. Our friends hadn’t yet arrived when the text messages began coming in asking us if we could come back; apparently our daughter had awakened and the babysitter had no clue what to do. Note that this was not her first time babysitting, or even her first time babysitting our child. Most of Jill’s siblings have children, and her sister has had ample experience. No, we were certain that despite her preference for not babysitting at her own house, she was probably scared to be at our place more or less alone.
As the text messages grew more insistent, we realized we had to leave. Jill offered to leave me there while she ran home in the hopes of getting the baby back to sleep, but I wasn’t going to let her do that. We waited until our friends arrived, said a quick hello and good-bye (with an explanation thrown in right between the two) and headed home. We relieved the help, and Jill got the baby back to sleep in moments. It occurred to me that had the babysitter gone into her room and made an effort, she would have been able to do the same. But between the fact that our daughter was expecting to see her Mommy and Daddy and not her aunt, and the fact that her aunt (a) couldn’t be bothered or (b) just wanted to go home at that point, it simply wasn’t meant to be.
This is why I hate using this particular babysitter. Given her lack of a social life or any real commitments, she is almost always available, even when others are not. However, she is very much a “bare minimum” sort of caretaker. Our daughter has never been grievously injured while in her care, knock on wood. On the other hand, if we don’t prepare dinner for her, she isn’t going to eat while in her care, either. And as stated earlier, she’s not going to make a conscious effort to put our daughter to bed so that she is asleep when we arrive to pick her up.
This was the case in October, when we had M over for dinner and hopeful hanky-panky afterwards. The fun had barely gotten started when her sister texted me – a half hour before the scheduled pickup time – saying that she needed us to come get the baby up so she could go to bed. I left the ladies at home and headed over to pick her up, my fingers crossed the entire way that she was asleep. Of course, she wasn’t. I sang lullabies all the way home, but she made it very clear that she was wide awake and ready to party. We were disappointed by the lack of clothing-optional fun that night, but salvaged the evening as best we could.
Last night, on the other hand, the festivities were already underway when the ten o’clock pickup time rolled around. All three of us were naked, and I smelled, to put it bluntly, like multiple women. But Jill and I both noticed that her sister never called, which seemed to imply that our daughter had somehow fallen asleep. I reluctantly got out of bed, put on some deodorant and Skin Bracer, gargled with mouthwash, and got dressed. As I drove over to my sister-in-law’s, I imagined myself returning home with a sleeping child, putting her in her bed, and returning to my own where four breasts, two vaginas, and two mouths were waiting for me.
I arrived at the house to find my daughter sleepy-eyed and yawning but awake. Jill’s sister confirmed that she had in fact fallen asleep at eight o’clock and just woken up. She’d been napping for two and a half hours. There was no way she was going to sleep anytime soon. What’s more, I was told that she barely touched the dinner we brought her, which meant she’d also be hungry. Right before my eyes, my Christmas threesome flew out the chimney faster than Santa Claus.
I tried not to be upset. Frustrated with my sister-in-law’s half-assed babysitting, definitely. But upset? For all intents and purposes it was in fact a threesome, just not as much of one as I wanted. As I strapped my daughter into her car seat and mentally prayed that she’d somehow fall unconscious for the rest of the night, I called Jill to tell her that I was more than likely returning home with the same rambunctious child we’d dropped off earlier. I took a circuitous route home in the hopes of giving the two ladies a few final orgasms, some cuddle time, or whatever they needed. I ended up taking around half an hour to drive less than three miles, and they used that time to take a shower that I really fucking wish I’d been there for.
As I said, I tried not to be upset. Jill was pretty pissed off though. And yet it was no one’s fault, really. Her sister had done what we’d asked of her, with no further effort put forth than we’ve come to expect. When we ask her to babysit our child essentially what we can expect is that she will not die or sustain the sort of injuries that will have Child Protective Services investigating us. That’s it. She’s not going to put her down for the night. She’s not going to cook dinner for her. I presume she’s not even going to change her unless she can tell without looking in her diaper that she needs it. On Friday night, we needed a babysitter and this is what was available.
This would have been preferable.
We’re not ready to dip into the local talent pool to find a reliable babysitter with whom we’re not personally acquainted. Yes, we realize that we could find someone who will, for pay, feed our child, tend to her diaper rash, ensure that she’s just fallen asleep when we pick her up, and for that matter maybe even keep her overnight. We know that. But we’re not ready. Bear in mind that we just spent our first night away from her in April. Baby steps, as they say.
When we arrived home, I can admit to being disappointed to find Jill and M already out of the shower and dressed, but it was inevitable. Jill had a light snack ready for the baby shortly thereafter, and put her to bed around eleven-thirty. As expected, she didn’t fall asleep quickly or easily. M and I drank a bottle of wine on the couch while watching Frosty the Snowman and Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, and eventually dozed off. All things considered, it wasn’t a terrible night.
Formspring Friday: Retrospective
As we approach the one year anniversary of #FormspringFriday, can you reflect back on the year? What has been your favourite question? What was the hardest to answer? What has #FormspringFriday meant to you and your blog?
(Submitted by Cougar in Training)
Great question! It’s hard to believe that Formspring Friday is almost one year old! The small-scale, homegrown meme that Cougar in Training and I cooked up while trying to figure out what to do with our Formspring questions is still fairly small-scale, but we have greatly appreciated the opportunity to answer questions posed by our readers, and in doing so bare even more of our souls than we otherwise might.
This is the fifty-fourth edition of Formspring Friday. Over the course of fifty-four posts and almost as many weeks, we’ve answered questions that ran the spectrum from light-hearted, fun, and fairly shallow all the way to deeply personal. Some questions have been easy to answer, and others were the sort that we dreaded having to address, usually because of the seriousness of the subject matter and the weight of their answers.
Perhaps that’s an overstatement. Yes, some questions have been difficult to answer, but we’ve never deliberately avoided such a question, or for that matter any question. On the contrary, we sometimes found ourselves hurrying to address a question that we knew would conjure up painful or otherwise unpleasant memories from our respective pasts. For example, The Worst Sex Ever and Sexual Healing both concerned a traumatic incident from Jill’s past. While she was initially nervous, she found it empowering to get her feelings out.
I found our inaugural Formspring Friday post, entitled Addressing the Lack of Jack, similarly daunting, as it was the first time I’d ever gotten naked on the blog. I remember being very relieved upon receiving ten positive comments! On a deeper level, Lean on Me and Regrettable were a bit more emotionally difficult, as they forced me to revisit my past, and remember some of the unsatisfying relationships I was in before I met Jill.
Honorable mention for this category goes to Infidelity, a very candid post in which we talk about cheating, in particular incidents from our past in which we were unfaithful to a significant other. This post was nowhere near as difficult to talk about as the others we mentioned, though it was deeply personal and introspective, and saw us recalling events that had been buried for years.
As for our favorite questions, it would be virtually impossible to whittle our list down to one favorite, or even one favorite each. At best we might be able to come up with one absolute favorite, and a few runners-up. My favorite may be Tying the Knot, wherein we recall in glorious detail our wedding night. This isn’t our most thought-provoking, deeply personal, or sexiest Formspring Friday post. There are others that trump this one on all levels. However, if unpleasant memories made some of the aforementioned posts difficult to write, wonderful memories made this one very easy and enjoyable to write.
Jill cites as her favorite Formspring Friday post Unrealized Desires. In this post we discuss sexual scenarios we have not yet gotten to experience. I have it on good authority that Jill occasionally masturbates while re-reading this post, in particular the paragraph dealing with her two-men-at-once fantasy. I quote:
There’s something about the thought of two mouths and four hands traveling over my body that drives me wild, to say nothing of having two hard cocks to play with. In my fantasy I am usually on my hands and knees, with one guy fucking my pussy while the other one fucks my throat. However, it is increasingly common for this fantasy to feature double penetration. I’m not sure that I’d ever actually attempt that, but it’s really hot to imagine both men moving rhythmically inside me, one in my pussy and one in my asshole, driving me to one orgasm after another.
There are myriad other Formspring Friday posts that stick out in our minds for one reason or another. A Porn and Masturbation Trifecta, wherein we answer a trio of excellent questions posed by Sexy Savvy Geek, is a candid, funny, and sexy account of our porn-watching and masturbating habits. Likewise, Asking Ourselves a Question sees us ranting about the state of the commercial porn industry. (I ask you, what is with all the spitting?)
We had a lot of fun with Personal Relations, which saw us making lists of real-life acquaintances with whom we’d like to have sex. My list consisted of three women, and Jill’s list consisted of three men and three women. Most of the individuals are close friends, and while we don’t go into nearly enough detail about what we’d like to do with them, it was somewhat cathartic to put it on paper, so to speak. Unfortunately, this post got just one comment.
In light of our continuing ventures into relative non-monogamy, last week’s post, entitled Authorized Personnel Only, details our evolving boundaries. It’s been exhilarating seeing Jill go from being fairly nervous at the thought of interacting with a woman during our first threesome to being much more proactive and in fact dominant in some ways during our most recent. Given our ever-widening comfort zone, we are both eager to see what is in store for the future.
I have to also mention So Seductive, in which we were asked if we had ever teamed up, as husband and wife, to seduce a third. When we answered this question in July, we had not yet done so, and said that we hoped to rectify the situation before long. In November we did team up to seduce somebody, and we didn’t wait long at all before editing the post to reflect that fact.
Lastly, one of the coolest things that’s happened to us related to this blog happened because we posted Time For Sex. Our friend Liza Bennet brought the post to the attention of Dr. Ruth Westheimer via Twitter, and Dr. Ruth not only retweeted Liza’s tweet, but also commented on our post. That’s right, Dr. Ruth has read our blog. It was an incredible thrill, a brush with greatness if you will. It’s one of those things I’d love to be able to brag about to friends and relatives alike, but I can’t.
As for what Formspring Friday has meant to our blog, it is yet another avenue with which we can communicate with our readers and fellow bloggers. It’s exciting to find a new question in our Formspring inbox, and in doing so, to realize that someone who we perhaps don’t know, and likely will never meet, cares about our opinion, or wants to hear more about some aspect of our sexual identity. We are flattered by the attention.
We are grateful to everyone who has ever submitted a question for us to answer. Without all of you, this meme would not exist. We would have published fifty-four fewer posts, and our blog would lack much of the excitement, fun, and feeling that we presume you all enjoy. Extra special thanks go out to Cougar in Training for all the support, and for helping to realize Formspring Friday in the first place.
Formspring Friday may not be the sort of powerhouse that TMI Tuesday is, but I think that’s part of what I enjoy about it. Our Formspring posts may not get much attention or feedback, certainly not as much as they did when there were as many as four or five blogs participating. But at the same time, it’s our humble little feature, one that will hopefully continue for a long time to come.
If you’ve asked a question that has yet to be answered, rest assured that it will. We have a small backlog of questions and we have every intention of answering all of them. If you want to ask us a sexy question, drop us a line on Formspring, or use the handy Formspring widget on the right-hand side of our blog. To see who else participated this week, search #FormspringFriday on Twitter! If you have a Formspring account and you aren’t already participating, feel free to join in the Formspring Friday fun!
Flash Fiction Friday: He Said/She Said
Image courtesy of David Sharp, A View from the Top
He said:
After his fourth knock, Eileen opened the door. She spoke through a two-inch gap. “Chase isn’t here.”
“Actually I want to talk to you.” He pushed open the door and stepped into his son’s bedroom. Eileen was wearing Chase’s bathrobe. The room was disheveled, and smelled of sleep and sex.
He’d rehearsed his speech all day. He was going to tell her that she was destroying the high hopes he had for Chase. He would tell her what a bad decision it was to drop out, confront her about her drug use.
Then she dropped the robe, revealing a slight, undernourished body. He retreated into the hallway.
“I want you. I want you to…”
“Don’t even say it,” he warned as she backed him up to the wall. He tried to push her away. She opened his slacks, dropped to her knees and devoured him.
“Dad?” It was Chase. (149/150)
She said:
Loud, insistent knocks interrupted her sleep. She put on Chase’s bathrobe and opened the door slightly. It was Mike.
“Chase isn’t here,” she said through the gap.
“I know,” he said warmly. “I need talk to you. Can I come in?”
Eileen opened the door but blocked his entry. Before she could ask what he wanted, Mike began to pour out his heart.
“I can’t stop thinking about you.” She blushed in spite of herself. “I know you feel it too.”
“You’re Chase’s father,” she protested. “It’s a bad decision.” Without warning, Mike took her in his arms and kissed her passionately. He peeled the robe from her body and led her out into the hallway. He unbuckled his belt and lowered his pants, then pushed her to her knees. As she swallowed him, she heard footsteps on the hardwood floor.
“Dad?” It was Chase. (145/150)
(294/300)
Behind the Scenes
This week’s Flash Fiction Friday challenge was created by regular Flash Fiction Friday participant Advizor54. Along with the prompt photo came the challenge phrase decision. For extra credit, participants were to write the story from the perspective of both individuals depicted in the photo. For extra extra credit, participants were to refrain from using the word fuck. If writing from both perspectives, I was unsure as to whether participants were supposed to include the challenge phrase in both segments, so to play it safe I did. As is typical, in both segments I forgot to include it initially, and had to go back and shoehorn it in.
Overall, I found this week’s challenge more difficult than most. This is due in part to the lower-than-ideal word limit, but also to the fact that I felt compelled to pull out all the stops in completing the extra credit portions of the challenge. It was at times frustrating to write each perspective in 150 words or less. While Advizor54 didn’t say that the two stories had to be 150 words each – just that the total of both perspectives had to be 300 words or less – I felt that it would be conspicuously uneven to give one perspective 75% of the word count and the other a mere 25%.
Eileen’s truncated dialogue near the end of the first segment of the story is supposed to be her telling Mike to fuck her. Mike’s rebuke (“Don’t even say it”) is an acknowledgement of the word’s prohibition within the parameters of the challenge. Regarding Chase’s absence and sudden disappearance, while it’s never mentioned in the story he is out buying heroin. Speaking of which, I hereby confirm that the first perspective, that of Chase’s father, is portrayed accurately, while the second, that of Eileen, is idealized or otherwise influenced by her substance abuse and otherwise deluded mental state.
Admittedly, I took some liberties with the prompt. At no point in either segment of the story do the participants stand in the hallway regarding each other as they do in the photo. Additionally the stance adopted by the man in the photograph is way too relaxed for that of a man who is either being seduced by or planning to seduce his son’s girlfriend. Ultimately I felt justified in ignoring this aspect of the photograph. Call it artistic license.
Deleted Scenes
There were no deleted scenes or omitted details this week, though due to the particularly frustrating word limit I found myself trimming unnecessary (or necessary) words to make my work fit the count. My first pair of perspectives involved a man coming to the rescue of a woman who is being kept more or less as a willing concubine by her pimp/drug dealer. Throughout the first story it is implied that the woman is the wife of her rescuer, though it is made clear in the second that she is his daughter. This idea was ultimately nixed because there was virtually no sex of any kind, and because it simply wouldn’t have fit within the word limit.
Soundtrack
For the first segment, I like I’m Waiting for the Man by Velvet Underground and Nico. The song is about a heroin purchase, and the energetic tempo parallels the chaos that surrounds Eileen and which has infected Chase and his family.
For the second segment, how about Devil Woman, by Cliff Richard? While it wouldn’t necessarily fit Eileen’s deluded view of events, I could certainly see her listening to this song. For something that fits a bit better, consider Young Girl, by Gary Puckett and the Union Gap.
The Naughty Hangout: Lava Lamp
Nothing too naughty, I’m afraid. When I saw that the main theme at The Naughty Hangout this week was “Keepsake”, I knew exactly what I wanted to photograph.
This lava lamp belonged to the father of a young woman I dated when I was in my late teens. The lamp stood atop a bookcase in the living room at her house, and I enjoyed gazing up at the clumps of wax as they floated within the glass. When my girlfriend’s father unexpectedly ran out on her and her mother, she gave me the lamp. It’s a keepsake from a more innocent, though far less stable, period of my life. Coincidentally, one of the alternate themes this week is “Innocence”.
Wicked Wednesday: My Christmas List
I want you to lie me face down on the bed, cuff my wrists together behind my back, spread my legs, and fuck me roughly while pushing my face into the mattress. I want you to grab my long brown hair and pull it like reins as you shove into me harder and harder. I want you to blindfold me, then force me to my knees and tease my lips with your hard, swollen cock. I want you to force it all the way down my throat and fuck my mouth without mercy. When you cum I want you to pull out and paint my face. I want to taste it on my tongue. I want to feel it drip onto my tits.
I want you to fuck me with a dildo that’s bigger than any I’ve ever taken. I want to suck your cock while I bounce up and down on it. Then I want you to lube up your hand and finger my ass. Once it’s open nice and wide, I want you to replace your fingers with your cock. You know I can take it all. I want you to feel how tight I am. I want you to fuck my ass while I ride my toy. I want to be filled. I want you to feel the dildo in my pussy as your cock moves in and out of my ass. And when you can’t take it any longer I want you to fill me with your cum.
Then it’s my turn. I want to lie you down on the bed and kiss and lick that beautiful throbbing cock. Then I want to stand over you and let you watch me play with my pussy before I drop to my knees and take your entire length inside me. I want to feel you stroke my G-spot with each thrust even as your fingers strum my aching, needy clit. I want my orgasm to build until I can’t wait any longer for release, and then I want you to push me over the edge with one last stroke.
-Jill
This week’s prompt
TMI Tuesday: December 4, 2012 – Fantasy Anyone?
Thank you to Swinging Gemma for this week’s TMI Tuesday questions.
Jack’s Answers
1. Do you think that acting out a fantasy can sometimes cause damage to a relationship?
This depends on several factors, including the nature of the fantasy, and the mindset of those in the relationship. The first thing that came to my mind when I read this question was non-monogamy, as I would imagine that for most people bringing others into their sexual relationship is something that doesn’t happen lightly. Acting out such a fantasy could inspire feelings of insecurity and jealousy. However, it bears noting that for some couuples, fantasies that don’t involve non-monogamy could pose similar problems. However, a couple that is secure in their relationship may be less likely to see damage done by acting out their fantasies.
2. Some couples role play their fantasies rather than introducing another person into the relationship to live out their fantasies. Do you think that this is an acceptable substitute?
I think it is an acceptable substitute for some, as it allows participants to test the waters with regard to their fantasy without making a commitment to actually take part. Before we ever played around with other people, Jill and I tried role playing, and also talked about various scenarios that involved other people. However, my desire for sexual variety means that simply pretending to be non-monogamous probably wouldn’t have sufficed forever.
3. Is there a particular movie or TV series or character from a movie or TV series that you fantasise about?
No. I was typically not so into a character from a film or television show that I felt the need to fantasize about her; it always felt more natural, i.e. less beholden to an existing storyline, to fantasize about the actress herself. For example, I was far more likely to fantasize about fucking Sherilyn Fenn, Sheryl Lee, or Mädchen Amick than I was the characters they played on Twin Peaks. On the other hand, being a die-hard comic fan, if I was going to fantasize about a fictional character, chances are it was going to be a female superhero, supervillain, or supporting cast member. My favorite? The X-Men’s Rogue, especially when drawn by Jim Lee.
4. Apart from the obvious things like child abuse, are there some things that are ‘off limits’ for a fantasy e.g. incest fantasies, age play, rape fantasies. Why/ why not?
This might be the most fucked-up thing I’ve ever written in the history of this blog, but I don’t think anything should be ‘off limits’ when it comes to fantasy. That includes fantasizing about illegal, morally reprehensible stuff like rape, incest, and dare I say bestiality and pedophilia. If a person wants or needs to fantasize about things that have traditionally been viewed as – for lack of a better word – icky, and the person is absolutely certain he or she will never, ever cross the line from fantasy to reality, who am I to say that this person shouldn’t indulge? To a well-adjusted individual who is in control of his or her impulses, a fantasy – any fantasy – is harmless as long as it remains a fantasy. I have issues with the status quo declaring off limits something that exists only in someone’s mind. That sounds a bit too much like thought control. While most of us are probably able to agree that fantasizing about pedophilia or bestiality is shocking and pretty much unacceptable, once society starts stigmatizing such extreme, arguably distasteful fantasies it’s only a matter of time before more mainstream fantasies are similarly condemned.
5. What is the most taboo thing you have ever fantasised about doing?
I’m going to go with my fantasy about fucking Jill’s sisters and sisters-in-law, as well as most of her female cousins. I am truly privileged to have married into a family that is pretty much clogged with ridiculously hot women. The amount of eye candy to which I am treated at every family gathering is something I wouldn’t trade for the world. To be honest, I don’t really think of my fantasies as taboo, though I certainly wouldn’t want word of this particular fantasy to get out. It would probably make Sunday dinner with my in-laws really awkward. Still, I don’t think it’s all that taboo, and I’m guessing that someone who finds such a fantasy distasteful would probably have a problem with my wife and I fucking on top of the covers with the lights on.
6. Tell us about a fantasy that you have that you don’t ever see yourself actually acting out. Why do you think you will never act it out?
Hard to say. Our relationship is such that the things that we both want to do will probably eventually happen in some fashion. Some of the boundaries that were once in place have been discarded to an extent, and we have reason to believe that more such boundaries will fall over time as we grow more comfortable with our not-strictly-monogamous relationship, and further divest ourselves of the insecurity that has to some extent held us back in the past. Due to geographical distance, conflicting limits, and differing levels of interest, we may never get to play with all of the individuals with whom we’d really like to – and we’ve got a huge list thanks to Twitter and the general blogosphere. But we’re confident that most of the fantasies we harbor will eventually happen.
7. Have you ever pretended the person you were having sex with was someone else without telling them?
Yeah, I’ve done this. There have been several times in my life, particularly during one-night stands, where for no particular reason I found myself sexually uninspired. The person I was with just wasn’t doing it for me, through no fault of her own. In such a situation I might find myself imagining that the person was somebody else – her cute friend, a girl in my English class, a favorite porn star, whoever – in order to speed things along. I usually kept the mental substitution to myself because I never saw the point of saying something that was likely to hurt another person’s feelings, and if it was a one-night stand I knew I’d likely never see her again anyway.
8. Have you ever tried to make a fantasy a reality only to have it fail miserably? What happened?
I considered coming up with a smart-assed answer to this question, something along the lines of wanting to fuck on the hood of a police car, a balcony on the twentieth floor of a luxury hotel, or in the cockpit of a commercial airliner. But I’ve officially got nothing. The smart-ass well has temporarily run dry. So no, I’ve never tried to make a fantasy a reality with disastrous results. Generally speaking, when I’ve attempted to act out a fantasy it’s worked out pretty well, or if it failed it did so in a less-than-miserable fashion. I recall one such success in my early twenties, when a girlfriend and I wanted to try out the “family restrooms” at a local shopping mall. These differed from the regular male and female restrooms in that they consisted of a single room with a toilet and sink, and a locking door. For my girlfriend, this was as close to public sex as she was willing to go. We waited until the hallway where the restrooms were located was devoid of mall patrons – though in retrospect I’m sure there were security cameras – and as soon as the door was locked we were naked. I bent her over the sink and went down on her, then fucked her from behind while fingering her clit. When I got close to orgasm I pulled out and lifted her onto the edge of the sink. I continued licking her clit, and after she came it was my turn. I fucked her right on the sink, and came on her stomach. We cleaned up with wet paper towels, and then as we prepared to make our exit I improvised a limp and put my arm around her shoulder as though trying to steady myself. But there was no one in the vicinity so we canned the act and continued shopping or whatever the hell we were doing at the mall that day.
Bonus: Tell us about your most cherished fantasy. Did you ever live it out? Please give us all the juicy details because that is the kind of people we are.
My most cherished fantasy is probably a threesome with two women. As I’ve said elsewhere on this blog, it’s something that I’ve wanted to do for almost as long as I can remember, and certainly since I’ve been aware of sex as a human behavior. You can read more about my budding childhood interest in having more than woman at a time here. I have in fact gotten to live out this fantasy. Rather than including the juicy details here, I will instead point you in the direction of previous posts detailing the first time, as well as the most recent.
Jill’s Answers
1. Do you think that acting out a fantasy can sometimes cause damage to a relationship?
I personally feel that acting out fantasies can be a fun way to add excitement to my relationship. There are circumstances in which it could be damaging. If there are feelings of insecurity or jealousy within the relationship, acting out a fantasy may feel threatening to one partner, or both. One person may want to fulfill their partner’s fantasy, but may find it too daunting, or find that it makes him or her feel insecure. Additionally, if the fantasy involves non-monogamy, it may cause a strain on the primary relationship.
2. Some couples role play their fantasies rather than introducing another person into the relationship to live out their fantasies. Do you think that this is an acceptable substitute?
Role playing is definitely a safe way to act out a fantasy. You can “live out” the fantasy and see how you feel before you actually involve other people. It may help you determine if the fantasy is one that can come reality, or if it needs to stay a fantasy. Jack and I talked very extensively about our fantasies for years before we made them happen. I was then, still am, and probably always will be a person who needs to analyze all possible scenarios and outcomes before I am comfortable attempting to act them out.
3. Is there a particular movie or TV series or character from a movie or TV series that you fantasise about?
Not really. There are certain actors that I fantasize about, and there are characters from movies I find myself attracted to. But I don’t think there are any fictional characters that I actually fantasize about. I really thought about this question too, and I considered the soap opera characters I thought were hot when I used to watch them, as well as the characters played by the teen idols I grew up liking. But nothing really came to mind. However, while I know that this is not what the question is asking, there is one scene in a porn film that I really like. Although I haven’t seen it in a long time I will replay it in my mind sometimes while I am masturbating. In the scene, a woman gives her boyfriend a threesome for his birthday. The guy is loosely tied up and has to watch his girlfriend on all fours licking her friend’s pussy before he gets to join in. Watching this scene might be what convinced me that I really wanted to have a threesome, and in fact our first threesome was on Jack’s birthday.
4. Apart from the obvious things like child abuse, are there some things that are ‘off limits’ for a fantasy e.g. incest fantasies, age play, rape fantasies. Why/ why not?
I don’t think any fantasy should be off limits if someone enjoys it and gets off to it, as long a no one gets hurt. But for me personally, rape fantasies are off limits. The thought of being scared, threatened, or physically or emotionally harmed isn’t arousing for me. I’ve never entertained a rape fantasy, and I can’t imagine that I ever will. But like I said, I don’t think they should be off limits for people who enjoy them.
5. What is the most taboo thing you have ever fantasised about doing?
Having sex with my brother’s wife. She’s really sexy, and if it wasn’t the sort of thing that would turn my family upside down I’d do her for sure, provided she was interested. I’ve fantasized about her a lot, including having a threesome with her and Jack, and a foursome with her, Jack and my college roommate’s husband. That’s one of my all-time favorite scenarios. I’ve also indulged Jack in the occasional bit of dirty talk involving me and my sisters, all of whom I know he fantasizes about.
6. Tell us about a fantasy that you have that you don’t ever see yourself actually acting out. Why do you think you will never act it out?
The fantasies that I don’t expect to act out are the ones that involve my family members, including my sister-in-law but especially the ones that involve my sisters. The thought of interacting sexually with them doesn’t really turn me on. Those fantasies are mainly for Jack’s benefit. Shhh! Don’t tell him. I’d hate to ruin the thrill.
7. Have you ever pretended the person you were having sex with was someone else without telling them?
No, I have never done this. In my single days, when I would have sex with someone else I was really into them and didn’t need to pretend they were someone else. On the other hand, sometimes I do enjoy fantasizing that I’m being fucked, licked, or played with by another person, but in those cases Jack is well aware of what’s going on in my head, and he seems to enjoy it.
8. Have you ever tried to make a fantasy a reality only to have it fail miserably? What happened?
No! All of our fantasies that became reality have been amazing so far. I really hope our luck holds out!
Bonus: Tell us about your most cherished fantasy. Did you ever live it out? Please give us all the juicy details because that is the kind of people we are.
I have a lot of fantasies that I would say I cherish or have cherished at some point in my life. One of my longest-running fantasies that has yet to come true is having two men at once. But I think that an even more cherished fantasy than this is licking, touching, and completely enjoying another woman’s pussy. I have had the pleasure of experiencing this fantasy on more than one occasion, though the last time was definitely the most enjoyable. My playmate was hot and sexy. She had beautiful features, and her body was just perfect. Best of all, she tasted amazing. I couldn’t get enough of her sweet, delicious pussy, and lately when I’m masturbating I’ve taken to fantasizing about the experience. So in a way, even though it’s become a reality, it is still a very treasured fantasy of mine.
How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!
The State of Our Blog, Updated
In February, we published a post entitled The State of Our Blog, wherein we examined what we saw at the time as the devolution of our blog from primarily original content to 75% memes or other weekly features. The gradual change was due, as we said at the time, to our fear of running out of things to blog about. Prior to our thirteen-month blogging hiatus from July 2010 until August 2011, it was not unusual for us to go more than a week, or even two, without a single post. Since our return, we’ve been very determined to blog consistently.
“Over the past five and a half months we’ve attracted a decent-sized following”, we said at the time, “and we are determined never to let [an extended hiatus] happen again. Therefore, our participation in memes, while it may not always inspire spontaneous posting of original content, encourages us to get into a frame of mind that facilitates active blogging.”
Last month, we published a mere thirty-four posts. This is the lowest we’ve dipped since December 2011, and a very far cry from the forty-six posts we published in March 2012. We haven’t been declining steadily by any means; this year the typical month saw an average of forty posts published, so thirty-four doesn’t seem particularly low by comparison. Even if it is, there’s no way to deduce from such numbers that our post count will continue to dip.
Still, it is worth examining the reasons for the decline. Flash Fiction Friday, one of our favorite memes, has been sporadic the last couple months. Rather than one post for each of the five Fridays this month, there were only two. Additionally we found ourselves with less time to write original posts to be published on Mondays; November saw only two such posts, Sometimes I Don’t Cum During Threesomes and Everyone Point at the Bitter Geek in the Corner. While both posts were well-written and worth a read, it’s still a shockingly small amount of non-meme content. At the same time, Saturday posts were nonexistent during the month of November – in fact, there have only been a few Saturday posts since before summer – so that’s an additional four posts we could have published in November but didn’t.
Another reason why our post count hasn’t broken forty since August may be because we’ve had a very sexually fulfilling autumn, beginning with a threesome with M in September and culminating – so far, anyway – with a threesome with Sexy Smile in November. While we’ve been sure to boast about our escapades, in some way our sexual adventures perhaps took away some of the pressure to be prolific bloggers or to do anything but phone it in. This reminds me of the aftermath of our first threesome in summer 2010. So life-changing and satisfying was the experience that we had no intention of resuming our blog. As I said in August 2011, virtually everything I’d ever done throughout the course of my sexual history I’d done for the purpose of having two women at once, and once we’d made it happen it occurred to me that we didn’t need to blog anymore.
Obviously this was an error in judgement on my part, as our blog has led us to do things we might not have done otherwise, including the aforementioned threesome with Sexy Smile. Shuttering the blog permanently would have been a mistake; we have no intention of ever giving up this treasured and much-needed outlet. That being said, I don’t honestly think that the last few months of occasional non-monogamy has really had much to do with our lower post count, though I do believe that to an extent the shift from wanting to do it to actually doing it has in fact lessened the pressure.
So no, we aren’t going to stop blogging anytime soon. But there are some major changes in store. For starters, sometime after New Year’s Day we will probably take a short hiatus from blogging. As of yet we have no idea how short this hiatus will in fact be, but I imagine it could last anywhere from a couple days to a couple weeks. We’ve been blogging dilligently since late last year, typically posting something every day of the week but Saturday, and in some cases posting on Saturdays as well. During summer we even scheduled two weeks’ worth of posts in advance so that we could enjoy a family vacation without worrying about finding an open wi-fi network. Needless to say, this pace has been pretty harrowing, and a break is much-needed.
Beyond this hopefully brief hiatus, we will likely change our blogging habits. Don’t worry, we aren’t changing formats or anything of the sort. This will still be a sex blog. However, while it’s difficult to eplain precisely what will be changed, I can say for certain that we will not be blogging daily. We aren’t going to cease participation in any of the community-building memes in which we’ve been participating this year, though we are effectively ruling out participation every single week. Make no mistake, it’s been enjoyable having guaranteed new blog content every day of the week, but it can be a little bit stressful to realize that it’s two o’clock in the morning and we’ve yet to post anything for The Naughty Hangout, or answer the TMI Tuesday questions. Deliberately dialing back our meme participation will help us to avoid this problem.
More importantly, however, it will also enable us to publish a lot more spontaneous, original content: Fantasies, erotica, analysis of news stories, and even our random sexual musings. Don’t get me wrong, we have enjoyed the very breakneck pace at which we’ve blogged this year. We’re excited about seeing it through until the end of December in part because we can then say that we blogged near-daily for an entire calendar year. At the same time, we’ve also enjoyed participating in various memes, and interacting with a segment of the blogosphere that we otherwise might not. So, for the record, we are not ceasing our participation in memes. Limiting it, perhaps. Ceasing, though? No.
That’s about all there is to say. If you’ve read this far, we hope that we can count on you to stick around and see what we have to say in 2013. Perhaps by refocusing our blogging efforts we will find the time to once again be the very prolific blog commenters we once were.
-Jack
Marked Monday
If you’ve been reading our blog for awhile, you probably know that we’re not really into spanking. Well, that’s not entirely true; Jill likes to be spanked sometimes, and I like to spank her, but it’s really only as a part of doggy-style sex, never to its own end. That means that she’s never lay across my lap while I spank her just for the sake of it. She’s never roleplayed as a disobedient child or other wayward character type in need of a little discipline. She’s never gotten on her hands and knees and asked to be spanked because she just wants to feel my hand on her ass. Well, not until last night, that is. Last night we planned to have anal sex, and after retiring to our bedroom for the night she got naked and proffered her beautiful, shapely ass in my face. Though all I could think about was fucking her, she asked me to spank her first. Not spank her while fucking her from behind. Just spank her. It’s such an unusual request that I initially thought I misheard. But she didn’t have to ask me twice.
