Day 11: Reflection. Stress seems to be everyone’s normal these days. What tools or techniques have you found useful in easing your daily tension?
I sometimes joke that if I could have any superpower, it would be the ability to consume whatever food or drink I want without any ill effects on my health. Stress-eating isn’t a good method of dealing with stress, but I’ll be damned if it doesn’t work short-term. Trump said WHAT? An extra-large pizza should offset my anger. Another act of white christian nationalist terrorism? Fuck it, I’ll eat ice cream til the anxiety goes away. Partner just dumped me? I’ll compensate with an assortment of craft beers from my local bottle shop. Granted, I’m prediabetic, so some of my food-related coping mechanisms are now off-limits, or at least strictly limited. I don’t drink much, though when I’ve had a particularly stressful, chaotic, or unpleasant day I do find myself having a glass of something. Over the last year and a half, I’ve become accustomed to meditation, various grounding techniques for anxiety, and other things I might have considered too new-agey or weird a decade ago. I walk and run – I enjoy being outside, but summer was way too hot and thusfar fall isn’t much cooler – and I also have a directory on my phone of positive imagery and media that makes me feel happy, nostalgic, at peace, or otherwise positive.
Day 12: Action. Let’s talk about the stress that sneaks into our lives, media. Today I want you to turn off all news outlets for at least an hour.
This one’s easy. I tend not to consume news from mainstream outlets; I’m very selective. Once in awhile if there’s a news story that I need to know more about I’ll watch something about it, usually on YouTube from a couple trusted channels. To be fair, there is no single outlet I really trust enough. I try to curate my social media feeds to not drop (usually bad) news right into my lap unsolicited, and when it happens I have no problem stepping away from said feeds so as not to feel overwhelmed by the horrors. Usually I get my news directly from late-night comedy shows: Seth Meyers, The Daily Show, Saturday Night Live. But even then, I am skeptical. While the politics of these programs usually align with my own, I know that even they have an agenda.
Day 13: Reflection. There was a time we received a newspaper in the morning, and that was it. How do you feel after a purposeful break from the news?
I feel great. The current twenty-four-hour news cycle most of us are caught up in is toxic, and that’s by design. A populace that is constantly afraid, under attack, or otherwise experiencing trauma is more likely to spend money. I miss the days when news was limited to a daily newspaper, and a couple half-hour or hour-long news television programs a couple times a day. I do not need the constant influx of fearmongering, or for that matter the barrage of what every celebrity or pseudo-celebrity is doing. I am not trying to have a parasocial relationship with any actor, musician, athlete, or influencer/YouTuber; while I have no doubt that these people’s lives are richer and more rewarding than my own (sarcasm possible), I’m happy to limit my interaction with them to consuming their media to the extent that it interests me. But I do not need to know nor do I have even the slightest interest in knowing about their relationships, their health challenges, or their politics. Oh wait, no. I want to know their politics as quickly as possible because I am absolutely not consuming their content if their sociopolitical views don’t align with my own. Right-wing assholes don’t get clicks from me.
Day 14: Reflection. Let’s think about perceptions for a moment. Do you think people see you the same way you see yourself?
In moments of clarity I am aware that I view myself more negatively than others do. This is partially because they don’t know my whole life, and what I share openly probably suggests to them that I am a good person who is valid and worthy of respect. And to be fair, I AM a good person who is valid and worthy of respect. I am my worst critic, I give myself very little credit – far less than I deserve – and when others give me the proper credit I sometimes assume it’s a mistake.
Day 15: Self Love. Take 15 minutes today that makes you smile. Sing, dance, play…maybe even with yourself. You deserve you time!
I would have taken fifteen minutes to do a little writing, since that is something I do enjoy. But as I write this it’s Tuesday and tonight is my weekly writing meetup, so I ended up writing for an hour! And when I got home, yes, I played with myself. I’ve been really horny lately – like, excessively horny even for me – and I’ve had so little solitude this month. It was much needed, and hopefully it’ll last me a few days since it’ll be days before I have any solitude again.
Day 16: Reflection. Do you have a feel good song, movie, book, or something else that you turn to? What about your choice lifts you up?
I’ve actually got a playlist of songs that make me feel happy! I’ve had it for years, since the days before Spotify and other streaming services, because depression sucks and I need all the help I can get. A random song from the playlist is “Say Hey I Love You” by Michael Franti and Spearhead. When I’m feeling down, another good method of uplifting myself is watching an episode of a show that I’ve seen before, one that is familiar and brings me comfort. Some days it’s likely to be Community, Bob’s Burgers, or something lighthearted. Other days it might be a random episode of The Wire. I realize that’s counterintuitive; The Wire is a complex drama that takes an unflinching look at life in the typical American city. It’s not something that should provide anyone comfort. And yet I’ve watched the series from start to finish so many times that I’m familiar with every plot twist, story development, and interpersonal relationship; and much of the time I can recite the dialogue before the characters do. That’s pretty much the definition of a comfort show.
Day 17: Action. Lifting ourselves up is crucial to self love. So too is giving ourselves permission to just be in the present. Today just accept your feelings.
Will do!
Day 18: Reflection. How did accepting your emotions go yesterday? Was it comfortable, difficult, or somewhere in the middle?
Between my anxiety about the future, my depression about the past, and my insistence on always doing something productive to prove that I deserve to draw breath and to have something to show for my existence, being present hasn’t always been easy for me. But among the work I’ve done on myself since the separation from my wife is a renewed interest in mindfulness. I’ve read about it extensively – I don’t think I truly knew what the word meant prior to 2024 – and even attended online classes not only to learn how to be more mindful, but to understand why it’s so important in the first place. Yesterday I made a conscious effort to acknowledge where I am in my life, and what emotions go along with that. I validated my feelings, accepted them as I was instructed to in the prompt, and stayed focus on the present moment without ruminating on the past or dwelling on the future. It’s remarkable how much more enjoyable life is if you can compartmentalize in this way.
Day 19: Action. Today, I want you to take a selfie. That’s it. Take a photo of exactly where and who you are in this moment. No judgement, just acceptance.
In this moment, I am a fifty-year-old man who is doing the best he can to live a fulfilling life and be the sort of parent his daughter needs. I’m pretty good-looking, too.
Day 20: Self Love. Today, we celebrate ourselves! What is your favorite body part? Maybe look at the selfie from yesterday for inspiration.
Face? I’m going to go ahead and say my face. To be fair, that’s the focus of the aforementioned selfie, but even if it weren’t, I think that would still be my answer. I don’t think I’m particularly unusual in the looks department; I suspect I look more or less like a lot of other people. If I passed a dozen people on the street, I’m guessing four would find me moderately attractive to very attractive, four would notice me and then immediately forget what I look like, and four would probably not even notice me at all. It’s the first group of four I’m most interested in.
Thanks again to K-ghislaine for inspiring me to actually post something on this blog, and also for motivating me to love myself a bit more than I otherwise might. Stay tuned for Part 3!