Author: jackandjillcpl

TMI Tuesday: Gone Hollywood

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This week’s TMI Tuesday questions were the idea of blogger Virtual Sin.

Jack’s Answers
1. If a screenwriter turned you into a character in a movie,
a. What stock Hollywood character would it be most like? For example: best friend, ditzy blonde, absent-minded professor, captain of industry, etc.
b. What actor/actress would play you?
a. I’d like to think of my stock character type as a lantern-jawed action movie hero, but if I’m being honest I’d have to go with the scrappy underdog that the audience comes to respect, and perhaps even root for. If I may quote Vince Vaughn in Swingers: “I don’t want you to be the guy in the PG-13 movie everyone’s really hoping makes it happen. I want you to be like the guy in the rated R movie, you know, the guy you’re not sure whether or not you like yet. You’re not sure where he’s coming from. Okay You’re a bad man. You’re a bad man. You’re a bad man, bad man.”
b. Depends on what point in my life we’re talking about. For scenes in which I am a child, I insist that Hollywood return Haley Joel Osment, Benjamin Button-style, to age nine and cast him. When he looked up at Bruce Willis and, almost shamefully, revealed that he could see dead people, it was deja vu. I said the exact same thing with the exact same tone and inflection three different times when I was nine. I suppose that Haley Joel Osment can be re-aged in order to play me as a teenager/young adult, but truthfully I would much rather perform these scenes myself. For that very unusual and awkward phase I went through in my twenties, may I suggest Cameron Diaz? Jack in his thirties will be played by Edward Norton. Middle-aged Jack will be played by George Clooney. (Sorry, but it’s true. The guy’s middle aged.) Elderly Jack will be once again played by Edward Norton using a combination of CGI and prosthetics. However, all dialogue for this period must be recorded by Haley Joel Osment. Ancient Jack will be played by Clint Eastwood, but not until he’s at least ninety.
2. What genre of movie is your life most like? For example: romantic comedy, goofball comedy, spy, coming of age, action/adventure, sci-fi, etc
Again, this has varied through the years. My early childhood was much like a Pixar movie, full of anthropomorphic talking toys, fish, insects, monsters, cars and superheroes. (No floating houses though.) My adolescence was akin to a 1980s movie featuring a bunch of kids going on an adventure to save the world, their crummy poor neighborhood, or their parents’ marriage. (I was the smart-alecky one who, at twelve, thought he was God’s gift to women and a pioneer in cool. Basically, if my life was The Goonies, I was the Corey Feldman character.) My twenties were a screwball comedy with a hint of action and danger. At that point, my life was a movie in which a bunch of guys take a road trip to Las Vegas and various wacky hi-jinks ensue, but by the following morning everything is back to normal. (You immediately thought of The Hangover; I was thinking Doug Liman’s 1999 film Go.) At present my life is a quirky independent feature with a cast of unknowns, and one down-on-his-or-her-luck B-level star to give the whole thing a teaspoonful of credibility. Ironic considering that, at the moment, my life is more stable than it’s ever been. As such you’d think I’d liken it to something more mainstream, with a bigger budget. In fifteen years I will be fifty years old. My life will be one of John Waters’ more outlandish early-’70s works, or something really over-the-top like Jodorowsky’s El Topo.
3. What kind of scene in a movie would you like to play most? Why?
a. Argument
b. Love scene
c. Gun fight
d. High-speed car chase
I’m all for love scenes, so of these four choices I would go with b. However, I don’t want to do a ridiculously bland Hollywood love scene. Yes, I can be on top for part of the scene, but I insist that we change positions at least once, to one or more of the following: (a) doggy style (b) cowgirl. My co-star(s) will take an active role in the sex and will not be disinterested, shy, silent, or inexperienced. If they insist on showing my co-star(s) and I lying in bed after sex is over, we will not be covered, as we just finished having sex and there is no reason for modesty. If we must cover up for some reason, i.e. the sex occurred in the back of a pickup truck, it’s cold out and for some reason our clothing is inaccessible, we will not use those special movie sheets/blankets that only go up to a man’s waist while somehow completely covering a woman’s breasts. If I am able to choose a scene other than the ones on the list, I would choose the scene in which the police suddenly realize that the killer knows where the key witness is being held for his or her protection, and they rush right over only to find that they are too late. I want to play the killer.
4. Have you ever looked around you and thought “this is like a scene from a movie”? What were the circumstances?
There have been occasions when everything goes perfectly for me: I wake up before my alarm clock sounds, completely rested. There’s no frost on my windshield as I leave the house. Traffic on the freeway is nonexistent. The radio is playing music I like and has forgotten to play crap I don’t like, or even many commercials. I get to my destination and don’t have to put up with annoying bureaucratic bullshit: I’m able to complete my business quickly and continue on with my day. At times like this, my extensive movie-viewing leads me to believe that, since everything has gone perfectly, I am going to die in the next half hour.
5. Have you ever looked at a character in a movie and said, “Hey, that could be me”? Who/what was the character?
Humphrey Bogart as Rick Blaine in Casablanca. Frank Sinatra’s Danny Ocean in Ocean’s 11. Jack Butler (Michael Keaton) in Mr. Mom. King Kong. Whoever Peter North plays in any given movie.
Bonus: Have you ever been in pictures–Hollywood film, porno, homemade video, or other type of film? Tell us about it. …and is it on YouTube 🙂
Homemade porn, most definitely. Not much to tell, just various depraved sex acts filmed with a number of video-recording devices from an old-school VHS camcorder to a Mini-DV camera to a point-and-shoot digital camera to any number of cell phones. No, none of it is on YouTube. Sorry, ladies.
Jill’s Answers
1. If a screenwriter turned you into a character in a movie,
a. What stock Hollywood character would it be most like? For example: best friend, ditzy blonde, absent-minded professor, captain of industry, etc.
b. What actor/actress would play you?
a. Despite Jack’s suggestion that my character be the strong, sexy professional type, I think I’m more of the best friend. I’m not always comfortable being the center of attention, and would much rather be a major supporting character.
b. I’ve always liked Lauren Bacall. However, Jack tells me that she’s almost ninety so I guess she’s probably retired. If Kathleen Turner still looked like she did when she made Body Heat, I would choose her. Since she most certainly does not, I’m going with Katherine Heigl.
2. What genre of movie is your life most like? For example: romantic comedy, goofball comedy, spy, coming of age, action/adventure, sci-fi, etc
Romantic comedy, though at times it bears more than a passing resemblance to a porn film with a really good story, dialogue and production values.
3. What kind of scene in a movie would you like to play most? Why?
a. Argument
b. Love scene
c. Gun fight
d. High-speed car chase
I’m going with the car chase. If I could pick two, I’ll pick the love scene next, because I get the feeling that driving really fast would get me hot.
4. Have you ever looked around you and thought “this is like a scene from a movie”? What were the circumstances?
As a new mom, I was once the target of my baby daughter’s projectile vomiting, and I remember feeling like I was in some sort of gross-out comedy.
5. Have you ever looked at a character in a movie and said, “Hey, that could be me”? Who/what was the character?
As a teacher, some days, I feel like Michelle Pfeiffer in Dangerous Minds.
Bonus: Have you ever been in pictures–Hollywood film, porno, homemade video, or other type of film? Tell us about it. …and is it on YouTube 🙂
See Jack’s answer.
How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!
Happy TMI Tuesday!
Editorial Note: With this entry, we break our previous record for most entries in a single month, fourteen, set in October 2008. As you may have guessed, we’re glad to be back.

Sunday Stealing

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Wanting to post something today, we found ourselves looking up various blogging memes. We came across Sunday Stealing, which we’ve seen recently at other blogs we visit, notably Goodwill… We like talking about ourselves, so we thought what the hell. Without further ado:
Jack’s Answers
A. Age: 35
B. Bed size: Queen
C. Chore that you hate: Washing the bathroom floor. I much prefer watching Jill do it.
D. Dogs: None currently. Had a couple when I was a kid.
E. Essential start to your day: Sex, even if by myself.
F. Favorite color: Blue
G. Gold or Silver: Gold
H. Height: Five-something
I. Instruments you play: Acoustic guitar
J. Job title: Self-employed
K. Kids: Just one
L. Live: Yes I do!
M. Mother’s name: Ma
N. Nicknames: Captain
O. Overnight hospital stays: None for myself, though I did stay a couple nights when Jill was giving birth.
P. Pet peeve: Thoughtless people, people who refuse to think for themselves, and pretzel M&Ms. Jill says I should say, “When I meet a woman and we’re not having sex within twenty minutes.” I will state for the record that we technically do not have an open relationship and that she is full of shit. Okay, maybe it still pisses me off, but I no longer expect it.
Q. Quote from a movie: “The dude abides”, from The Big Lebowski, and “Do or do not. There is no try”, from The Empire Strikes Back (as long as George Lucas didn’t change that line for the Blu-Rays).
R. Right or left handed: Correct – I mean, right-handed.
S. Siblings: None by birth, but plenty of siblings-in-law.
T. Time you wake up: Anywhere between five-thirty and eight. In a given week, no two mornings are the same.
U. Underwear: Boxers. I like my boys to hang free.
V. Vegetable you hate: Cauliflower? I’ll eat it, but it’s quite possibly my least favorite.
W. What makes you run late: Masturbation
X. X-Rays you’ve had: Too many to list. My most recent was a chest X-ray.
Y. Yummy food that you make: My signature dish is a pork roast.
Z. Zoo animal: Primates. Any will do, as long as they’re only jerking off, and not hurling shit at me and my family.
Jill’s Answers
A. Age: 40
B. Bed size: Big enough for three, or four if we get creative.
C. Chore that you hate: Vacuuming
D. Dogs: We don’t have any. Nothing against dogs. We love them. When I was younger my family had a dog, but it bit a neighbor kid so we had to get rid of him. Years later, a dog followed my brothers home from school. It stayed with us for about a year then moved on, presumably to win the love of some other family and then stomp on their hearts as it did ours.
E. Essential start to your day: Coffee
F. Favorite color: Green and purple
G. Gold or Silver: Gold, but I prefer white over yellow
H. Height: Five feet, three inches
I. Instruments you play: I’d say the skin flute, but that’s way too easy
J. Job title: Educator and shaper of young minds
K. Kids: One
L. Live: California
M. Mother’s name: Mom
N. Nicknames: Princess Jill
O. Overnight hospital stays: Gall bladder and pregnancy
P. Pet peeve: People who blow spit bubbles. Spit is generally gross, and I do not want to see it in any form
Q. Quote from a movie: A tie between “There’s no crying in baseball”, from A League of Their Own, and “That was a very expensive vase, you bitch,” from The Secret of My Success
R. Right or left handed: Left
S. Siblings: Many
T. Time you wake up: 4:45 AM on most days
U. Underwear: Thong, or none if I’m wearing a skirt or dress
V. Vegetable you hate: Brussels sprouts
W. What makes you run late: Can’t find my keys
X. X-Rays you’ve had: Gall bladder
Y. Yummy food that you make: Chicken cordon bleu
Z. Zoo animal: Giraffe
We enjoyed writing this installment of Sunday Stealing, but there’s a possibility that we won’t do it again, as next week we’re planning to launch our own ongoing Sunday meme. We’ll see.

Wordless Wednesday (But on a Saturday, and Not Even Close to Wordless)

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A friend passed this photo along and we thought it was worth sharing. We’d have waited until Wednesday and not included this preamble, but we already tweeted it yesterday, and waiting another four days to post it meant likely forgetting to post it at all. This photo accurately reflects my feelings on religion.
Though raised Catholic, I don’t have much use for organized religion. My personal belief is that, had the concept of religion never existed, the world would have seen much less war and strife than it has. However, I know many intelligent, respectable people for whom religion provides tremendous comfort. In fact, Jill comes from a traditional Irish Catholic family, and throughout her life she has attended church services regularly. I married her anyway.
Kidding, people. My wife is beautiful, sexy, and very open-minded. She is also an excellent wife and mother. She could have belonged to a cult that worshipped a piece of junk mail and I would have married her. (No offense meant to readers whose religion focuses on junk mail.)
Additionally, like so many other facets of one’s personal life, I would never begrudge someone his or her spiritual life as long as it doesn’t affect me. Just as someone else’s marriage, adoption, or abortion is not my business, neither is someone’s religion – until that religion finds its way into public policy.
Anyway, food for thought.

To Cougar in Training (but you can read it too)

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The dream was brief, offering me only fleeting glimpses: You – what I imagine you look like based on what I’ve seen of you on your blog, or what my subconscious has decided you look like – were lying in bed. Our bed (“our” referring to Jill’s and mine)? I’m not sure. Maybe the bed was in a hotel room somewhere. Maybe it was your bed. I found myself unconcerned with the bed’s origin and unwilling to inquire. There were other things on my mind that took precedence.

My eyes met yours, then focused on your full, inviting lips. A thin sheet clung to you, begging to be removed. Beneath, you were naked, your body every bit as flawless as I imagined and begging for exploration. Sunlight bathed your heaving breasts and soft, warm thighs. Suddenly you were sitting on the edge of the bed, legs wide to invite my exploration. My cock throbbed insistently with anticipation and need, and I hungered to be inside you.
Not yet, though. You told me what you wanted, breathlessly promising to take care of me next. I dropped down between your legs and sated my hunger, my tongue and fingers working in harmony until climax overtook you. I can still hear the sounds you made as you came. And though I remember tasting you, remember feeling you on my hands and mouth, I can’t recall exactly how you tasted and how you felt. (I wish I could, of course.)
As you braced yourself, still shuddering with intense pleasure, I woke with a smile, somehow a little disappointed that I hadn’t managed to sleep just a little bit longer.

To those of you who aren’t Cougar in Training, if you’re not yet familiar with my muse, check out her blog. You’ll be glad you did.

TMI Tuesday: What would you do?

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Jack’s Answers
1. You encounter a good looking lost and frantic tourist looking for the airport. You:
A) Shrug your shoulders, feigning ignorance.
B) Find the shortest route on your smartphone and get him/her a cab.
C) Direct him/her to the nearest bus stop.
D) Get your car, pick up his/her luggage and speed to the airport.
I’d probably go with (A), especially if I had an idea of the tourist’s native language so that I could fake a few sentences in a language the tourist is unlikely to speak or understand. But just so I don’t sound like a total asshole, I’ll say (B). That’s the least amount of effort I can make and not feel guilty about it later. Were the tourist newly-arrived at the airport and looking for her hotel, I would probably drive her there, since there’s a chance that she’ll be so grateful that she’ll invite me in for sex. But if she’s frantically looking for the airport she’s obviously trying to catch a flight, rendering my chances of nookie pitifully slim.
2. You’re taking a vacation alone. Your destination:
A) Beach resort — I just want to relax and de-stress.
B) A group tour — I don’t want to worry about the details.
C) Wherever the dart lands on the map.
D) Every country with a hostel — my backpack is my home.
Again, I’ll go with (A). While the thought of throwing a dart at a map and traveling there is exciting, I am far too dependent on flush toilets to leave such a thing to chance. And while there was a time when I frequented hostels as much for the chance of casual hookups as for the relatively low-cost (and minimal frills), I’d love to think those days are behind me. And while I’ve been on my share of group tours – and have nothing against them in theory – at the moment the most appealing option of the four is most certainly a relaxing resort vacation.
3. Blackout! You can’t watch TV, so you light some candles and:
A) Dig up some batteries and listen to the radio.
B) Invite the neighbors, light a fire and sing camping songs all night.
C) Find a friend and play games that don’t require electricity. . . Like chess.
D) Drive to the next town — oh sweet Wi-Fi, I’ve found you!
This time the ideal course of action is (C). Of course, I’m not much of a chess player so the friend would be Jill, and the games would all be sex-related. I don’t think we have a battery-operated radio in the house, and an old-fashioned hootenany isn’t exactly my scene. And while I like Wi-Fi as much as the next person, I don’t know that I value it enough to venture out in a blackout in the hopes of finding a hot spot. With my luck as soon as I leave the house the power would be back on. Hell, with my luck as soon as I leave the house a mob of looters would turn my car over.
4. The man/woman of your dreams has finally proposed. The relationship is perfect, they are everything you’ve ever dreamed of and ever wanted. They are also a multi-millionaire and want you to sign a prenuptial agreement. Which would you do?
A) Sign it
B) Just not get married
The side of my personality with integrity says I wouldn’t marry this person. The cynical side is already planning a major shopping spree.
5. If you were going to marry an inanimate object, what would you marry?
Note: A woman has married the Eiffel Tower and another has married the golden gate bridge. Read about it HERE
Being a Northern California resident, I would probably try to steal the Golden Gate Bridge away from the bitch who married it. (If not I would just engage in an illicit affair with it behind its spouse’s back.) I’m looking forward to some bloviating right-wing blowhard using my human/bridge marriage as political fodder (“You see? You see what happens when gays are allowed to marry? Next you have people marrying bridges!”)
Bonus: You’ve just inherited a manufacturing plant that specializes in plastics. What are you going to make?
The majority of our output would be some sort of widely-used household product (sorry, I’ve got nothin’), which would then finance the production of safe-to-use (i.e. phthalate-free) sex toys.
Jill’s Answers
1. You encounter a good looking lost and frantic tourist looking for the airport. You:
A) Shrug your shoulders, feigning ignorance.
B) Find the shortest route on your smartphone and get him/her a cab.
C) Direct him/her to the nearest bus stop.
D) Get your car, pick up his/her luggage and speed to the airport.
If he’s cute, I would go with (D). But instead of speeding to the airport, I would take the scenic route, and if he missed his flight I’d suggest he spend the night with me. A lay-over, if you will.
2. You’re taking a vacation alone. Your destination:
A) Beach resort — I just want to relax and de-stress.
B) A group tour — I don’t want to worry about the details.
C) Wherever the dart lands on the map.
D) Every country with a hostel — my backpack is my home.
It’s definitely going to be (A). It won’t be (B), because I don’t want to hang out with old people on my vacation. That’s not sexy at all. It won’t be (C) because I have bad aim. And it won’t be (D) because the last time Jack and I stayed in a hostel a team of rugby hooligans on our floor made so much noise that we couldn’t even hear ourselves have sex.
3. Blackout! You can’t watch TV, so you light some candles and:
A) Dig up some batteries and listen to the radio.
B) Invite the neighbors, light a fire and sing camping songs all night.
C) Find a friend and play games that don’t require electricity. . . Like chess.
D) Drive to the next town — oh sweet Wi-Fi, I’ve found you!
I am tempted to say (B) and go on at length about how much I love singing songs by a fire, mainly because I know that Jack would instantly question our marriage. In reality, though, I would probably say (C). I’d rather not drive in a blackout, and of the remaining choices, (C) is the least weird.
4. The man/woman of your dreams has finally proposed. The relationship is perfect, they are everything you’ve ever dreamed of and ever wanted. They are also a multi-millionaire and want you to sign a prenuptial agreement. Which would you do?
A) Sign it
B) Just not get married
I’d probably sign it. I wasn’t getting married with the intention of leaving, or of bilking someone out of his money. If every aspect of the relationship is as good as described in the question, I would probably sign it.
5. If you were going to marry an inanimate object, what would you marry?
Note: A woman has married the Eiffel Tower and another has married the golden gate bridge. Read about it HERE
I would marry San Francisco’s famed Coit Tower. It kind of looks like a penis!
Bonus: You’ve just inherited a manufacturing plant that specializes in plastics. What are you going to make?
Well, the first thing I thought of was dildos. So I’ll go with that!
How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to TMI Tuesday from your website!

Our Third Blogiversary!

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I’m pretty sure that’s a word. Someone back us up here.

On this day in 2008, we began blogging about our sex life! We’ve probably spent almost as much time dormant as we have actually documenting our adventures, but we’re back, and we hope to be much more productive from now on. In fact, this is the ninth entry we’ve posted this month. We haven’t been so prolific since January, 2009. In fact, we haven’t posted more than five entries in one month in almost as long! Can you tell we’ve enjoyed being back? It’s the interaction with all of you, not only here but on your own blogs (for those of you that have blogs), Twitter, e-mail, etc., that makes it so much fun. The connections that we have made as a result of this blog mean so much to us.

We decided to re-read our First Blogiversary post from 2009 (we weren’t blogging in September 2010), and found the culmination of a four-part series of entries listing the various things that turned us on two summers ago. For your reading enjoyment, we thought we would re-post our lists here.

Jack’s List, Part 1

1. In June, we attended a party at the home of a friend of ours. She’s been taking exotic dancing classes for a couple years, although there’s almost no way you would look at her and immediately think “exotic dancer.” After the party, we got a demonstration of her skills.

2. As detailed in Jill’s previous entry, we went skinny dipping one night while on a family camping trip. We like swimming naked, though it’s been quite some time since we went camping, much less skinny dipping in a semi-public setting. It was just as exhilarating as ever.

3. Jill masturbating in the passenger seat of the car while listening to a very sexy podcast, as I tried desperately to concentrate on the road ahead of us.

4. Earlier this summer I wrote a love scene that’s part of a mainstream novel I’m working on. Though not particularly graphic, I’ve been getting to know the characters and planning the story for so long that, when they finally got together and the clothes came off, it was really hot.

5. Due to the summer heat, Jill and I spent several nights sleeping on an air mattress in the backyard. Feeling my wife’s naked body beside my own in the cool night air is consistently arousing.

Jill’s List, Part 1

1. Violet Blue’s podcast that Jack mentioned in his previous entry. This installment (episode 69, appropriately) features her reading an erotic story called “Central Registry.” If you happen to listen to it, you might understand why I couldn’t wait to get off.

2. I’ve been riding Jack side-saddle a lot lately. If you don’t know what this means, instead of straddling his waist I sit on top of him, facing his right or left. It’s a great position, and for some reason he penetrates me really deep this way.

3. Doing the “Rabbit Trick” in front of a live audience. For the uninitiated, the “Rabbit Trick” refers to riding a rabbit vibrator while giving oral sex. It’s one of my biggest turn ons, and I love coming while sucking Jack’s cock.

4. Going to a work function with Jack, and letting him know about the lack of panties under my skirt right before we walked in.

5. Four words: Rocky Road ice cream.

Jack’s List, Part 2

1. I love to flirt. During a visit to a bar with friends, I caught the eye of a pretty young lady and held her gaze a few seconds longer than I usually do. Nothing else happened, but it was a turn-on to remember my single days.

2. Jill told me about a dream in which she was alone with a female friend of ours, and the opportunity arose for some sexual exploration. As it was happening, all Jill could think about was how she wished she could somehow videotape the encounter so I could watch later. I guess her cell phone wasn’t within reach. Still, very exciting to know that, even in her dreams, she wanted to share the experience with me – or at least provide me with jerkoff material after the fact.

3. Porn star Raylene’s return to the adult industry with “Raylene’s Dirty Work”, her first movie since 2001 or 2002. She’s not the hottest in the business – far from it – but I’ve always kinda liked her.

4. Being invited by a married female acquaintance to participate in an illicit affair was, almost perversely, a huge turn on and a major ego boost; she is someone I’ve been attracted to for more than twenty years. I did, of course, politely decline, out of respect for her marriage as much as for my own. Ironically, Jill told me after the fact that, were she not married, she would make a great third for a threesome. However, this particular person doesn’t seem the sort to engage in anything beyond one-on-one sex.

5. The many new followers we’ve picked up in recent months, as well as the feedback we’ve received, is very flattering, and reading your comments, as well as your blogs, makes excellent foreplay.

Jill’s List, Part 2

1. Coming twelve times over the course of one amazing August night is a record for me. But it’s a record that I hope gets broken soon.

2. One hot afternoon I found myself lying on an inflatable pool chair, drifting across the water and soaking up the rays of the sun. As I listened to the silence, I found myself indulging in a fantasy about Jack, myself, and a male friend of ours. I was glad I was alone in the pool because I had to touch myself a little.

3. We watched a porn film called “Basic Elements.” One scene involved a couple having sex on an airplane while a female flight attendant watched and masturbated. This scene reminded me of a long flight Jack and I took together. We didn’t have sex in our seats, but we did just about everything else. I am really turned on by the idea of sex on a plane, in flight. In fact, I can’t wait to read The Mile High Club: Plane Sex Stories, an anthology edited by Rachel Kramer Bussel, a favorite erotic writer of ours.

4. Speaking of Rachel Kramer Bussel, I re-read Hide and Seek: Erotic Stories over the summer. It was just as hot the second time. We are looking forward to the follow-up, Peep Show: Tales of Voyeurs and Exhibitionists, due out in November.
5. While having sex with Jack recently, we were watching an old homemade porn movie he’d shot some years ago, before we met. (Is that weird? I love watching him fucking an old girlfriend on TV while we fuck in real life, but I get the feeling that, in general, people would find this weird or inappropriate. Who cares, I guess – it’s hot to me!) As Jack worked toward his orgasm, I started urging him onward, whispering, “Come for me…come for me.” At the same time, his ex-girlfriend was doing the same thing on the television. It was almost as though we were competing for his orgasm.

And I’d just like to say again that doing the Rabbit Trick for a live audience was one of the most exciting things I’ve ever done. Having an audience can be so hot!

At the time these lists were originally posted, we were either unaware or newly-aware that we were going to be parents. (We found out in August 2009.) It’s nice to see that, despite having an eighteen-month-old child, we really haven’t slowed down at all. In some ways we’ve become even more adventurous. We hope that we are able to keep up the pace in the future, and of course we will continue to share our escapades with all of you.
To everyone who has ever taken the time to read this blog – especially those who’ve taken the time to give us feedback, or even read something hot that we’ve written and gotten off because of it – we would like to extend our sincerest thanks.

The Mile-High Club: Worst-Case Scenario

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The following article is from Slate.com. Thanks to Max at Thoughts From a Mystic Satyr for bringing it to our attention.
A couple who spent a little too long “making out” in the bathroom of a Frontier Airlines plane set off a security alert on Sunday, the 10th anniversary of the Sept. 11 attacks. When passengers noticed they had been in the bathroom for a suspiciously long time, crew members alerted the captain, and authorities dispatched a pair of fighter jets to accompany the flight into Detroit. On ordinary days, when calling in a military escort would be over the top, what are flight attendants supposed to do when they happen upon an attempt to join the mile-high club?
Knock, inquire politely, and barge in if necessary. Airlines don’t directly address this issue during flight attendant training, but, these days, few flight attendants tolerate sex onboard. They forbid able-bodied adults from entering the lavatory together. If passengers waiting in line suggest that something untoward may be happening in a bathroom, the crew member knocks and asks if everything is OK. If they get no response, flight attendants have the means to unlock and open lavatory doors. (Sunday’s mix-up was unusual, because flight attendants usually enter a lavatory and have a look around before notifying the captain of a security threat.)
Some aroused passengers don’t even bother with the lavatory, which forces flight attendants to tap them on the shoulder and request that they stop having sex in their seats.
There is one glaring exception to this protocol. Richard Branson, head of Virgin Atlantic, has pledged that his employees are not the type to “bang on lavatory doors when a couple slips in there.” The airline even installed double beds with privacy screens in some aircraft, for a “more intimate flight.” Branson’s antics have gotten him in trouble, though. Critics call him sexist, and U.S.-based flight attendant groups say he’s more concerned with brand management than stopping terrorists who might try to assemble bombs in the bathroom.
The Branson way is a throwback to the 1960s and 1970s, when flight crews were not only willing to look the other way, but may even have shared a laugh with post-coital passengers. According to flight attendant legend, crew members occasionally greeted couples returning from the bathroom with a glass of champagne and a cigarette and officially welcomed them to the mile-high club. While this level of acceptance faded, flight attendants remained relatively permissive for decades. Overly frisky passengers might get cut off from alcohol service but rarely faced more serious consequences. In a 1999 account, flight attendant Elliott Neal Hester explained that “most of my colleagues … tolerate and even chuckle at passenger audacity. Just as long as it doesn’t get too out of hand.”
The security panic that followed the Sept. 11 attacks seems to have driven the mile-high club underground. These days, flight attendants will virtually always break up a lavatory tryst or window-aisle romance.
Aspiring in-flight fornicators probably don’t have to worry about prosecution, as long as they cease and desist when ordered to do so. (They should, however, worry about hygiene. Health magazine counts airplane bathrooms among the 12 germiest places you’ll encounter on an average day.) Only a handful of passengers who have been caught in the act midflight have been referred to police. In September 2006, Carl Persing and Dawn Sewell ignored several requests to refrain from oral sex in the main cabin. According to an FBI affidavit, Persing “was observed with his face pressed against Sewell’s vaginal area. Sewell was observed smiling.” The couple acted out after being refused alcohol, and Persing promised a flight attendant he wouldn’t “go quietly.” In 1999, a British couple were charged after getting drunk in business class on an American Airlines flight and ignoring pleas to keep their hands to themselves. Far more often, however, plane sex goes unpunished.
We posted a condensed version of the following as a comment at the above-linked blog. For your enjoyment (and hopefully your arousal), it has been elaborated on prior to posting here:
Despite the mystique surrounding it, we’ve always thought that the Mile-High Club was a bit overrated. Sure, it’s sex at otherwise-impossible altitudes, but other than the whole “I can’t believe we’re doing it on a plane” aspect, the idea of cramming yourself and another person into a space barely larger than a telephone booth – a space designed for the disposal of human waste, no less – and attempting to get off in violation of federal law was somehow not the hottest scenario Jill or I could think of.
With that said, a few years ago Jill and I found ourselves on a Transatlantic flight. We were seated on the right side of a 747 in a two-seat row at the end of a section, i.e. in the last row before a wall. In this instance we were, as the article mentions, two aroused passengers who didn’t even bother with the lavatory. Jill had been reading an anthology of erotic stories for most of the flight, and she wanted to get off. Vaguely aware of possible criminal repercussions of sex in an airplane, we figured that using the lavatory for this purpose was probably a bad idea. And while neither of us wanted to get caught for legal reasons, we were also very conscious of the fact that there were probably other passengers on the plane who most certainly didn’t want to catch us. However, given our semi-secluded row, we waited until late in the flight when the lights were dimmed and most passengers were asleep, and we got to it.
Jill was wearing a short black skirt. She put a blanket over her lap and took off her panties. Nonchalantly, I reached for her pussy and felt how wet she was. Gathering moisture on my fingertips, I moved my hand to her clit and began to tease, then caress her. Before long, Jill was biting her lip to keep from crying out in pleasure as she came. Afterwards, we rearranged the blanket on my lap, and she reached underneath to help me open my pants and take out my cock. Gleefully she returned my favor, giving me a handjob under the blanket. No oral, as that seemed way too conspicuous. I remember, as I enjoyed Jill’s subtle ministrations, wondering where I was going to come – because I was most certainly going to come and it was going to be sooner than later – and hoping that I wouldn’t get any on my clothes. I didn’t, thanks to a few tiny drink napkins that helped with the cleanup.
After we were both satisfied, there was no tap on the shoulder from an irate flight attendant or worse, an air marshal. Still, I remember worrying for about twenty minutes that we’d been observed and that we were going to be the recipients of a very embarrassing dressing-down in front of all the other passengers. I guess that doesn’t make a lot of sense, as I should have guessed that, as the article states, a flight attendant would have broken it up in the middle rather than admonishing us after the fact. Unless he or she really liked to watch.
-Jack

HNT: Fun in the Tub

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With our bathtub series at Half-Nekkid Thursday running out of steam, we’ve decided to post a couple pictures that didn’t make the cut. We’ll probably post one last picture next week, then move onto something else. In the meantime, enjoy these pictures, and if you’d like to see the picture that did make the cut, head over to Half-Nekkid Thursday.


TMI Tuesday: Dating

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Disclaimer: We are married. We don’t do much dating anymore. For the purposes of this TMI Tuesday entry, all of our answers are posted with the understanding that they pertain to our single days.

Jack’s Answers
1. You’re on a speed date. You’ve got 7 minutes with the potential partner. You already know the person’s name. What are the first three questions you would ask?
Are you really a woman? Wait! Please come back… Okay, all kidding aside, I might ask her why she left her previous job, what her long-term career goals are, and whether she prefers working alone, or with other people. I hear that speed dating is a lot like conducting a job interview.
2. Have you ever participated in speed dating? Did you get a regular date/second date out of it?
Never. I would look on the practice with disdain, but my wife has speed-dated so needless to say I think it’s a phenomenal way to meet people. EDIT: Jill has reminded me for the umpteenth time that what I always think was speed dating was actually a party sponsored by match.com before we met. I’m not changing my answer, as I think it’s funny.
3. Do you participate in online dating? How many dates have you had as a result of online dating sites/matches?
Yes I have, though not currently. There’s no way I can guess how many dates I went on while dating in this fashion, but my marriage happens to be the product of an online date that went really, really well.
4. You are attracted to:
a. Who people are?
b. What people have?
c. What they can do?
Of the three, I will say mostly “a”, followed by “c”. “B” is less important, though not 100% unimportant.
5. What “little red flag” will cause you to end a date or immediately decide this person isn’t for you?
Little red flags: Showing up late without explanation (if we’re meeting someplace), talking ad nauseum about her ex. If we’re at a movie, talking during the movie or laughing obnoxiously/at inappropriate points. Medium red flags: Treating waitstaff poorly, kicking puppies. If we’re at a movie, answerinig a cell phone call. Large red flags: Attempted or successful murder. If we’re at a movie, attempting to record the movie for the purposes of piracy.
6. What do you feel you need to sacrifice or have sacrificed to be a part of a relationship?
Casual sex. Not everyone sacrifices this, but for most it is the price of admission into a stable relationship.
7. If you cooked for your date, what would you cook?
I love to cook. Depending on the preferences of my date, I might make fish tacos, steaks, or some variety of elaborate salad or pasta dish. (Jill says I should have answered either “Cook? Fuck that. She cooks for me or we go out”, or “I would feed her hot, spicy sausage.” She is also displeased to hear about my fondess for making steak for dates, as I don’t believe I made her a steak until we were a few months in.)
8. At the end of a first date, how would you kiss your date?
a. Press your lips against theirs
b. Gentle kiss on the cheek
c. Lots o’ tongue, like you’re on a tonsil exploration
d. I don’t kiss on the first date
I’m going to attempt to kiss her on the mouth unless she deflects my attempt with her cheek (or open hand). If I am not deflected, and if her body language suggests that it may be fortuitous, I may try to introduce tongue into the situation.
Bonus: You just put up a profile on a dating site. You must describe yourself in 10 words or less. What are your 10 words?
“Sexy, successful, witty guy will make your dreams come true.” (When I read this to Jill, she asked if I said “witty”, or “woody.” I would have mentioned my woody if I had, say, fifteen words.) Also, though not a description, I’m tempted to go with “Prepare to take your first step into a larger world.”
Jill’s Answers
1. You’re on a speed date. You’ve got 7 minutes with the potential partner. You already know the person’s name. What are the first three questions you would ask?
Are you married? Any kids? What do you do for a living?
2. Have you ever participated in speed dating? Did you get a regular date/second date out of it?
No. Although my husband says I have, I have not. He must be thinking of one of his other wives.
3. Do you participate in online dating? How many dates have you had as a result of online dating sites/matches?
I have participated in online dating. As for how many people I’ve dated in this way, I’d say about five.
4. You are attracted to:
a. Who people are?
b. What people have?
c. What they can do?
Definitely “a”.
5. What “little red flag” will cause you to end a date or immediately decide this person isn’t for you?
Ditching me. That’s actually probably a big red flag. I guess I would say being a lousy kisser, as superficial as that sounds.
6. What do you feel you need to sacrifice or have sacrificed to be a part of a relationship?
I don’t feel as though I have sacrificed anything in order to be in a relationship with Jack. I know that sounds corny, but I really have everything that I want and need.
7. If you cooked for your date, what would you cook?
Probably chicken cordon bleu. It’s one of my favorite recipes to cook, and as they say, the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. I made it for Jack during the early stages of our relationship, and look at us now. However, I see that one of the things he brags about having made for dates is steak. He didn’t make me any fucking steak until we were well into our relationship. That should have been one of my little red flags.
8. At the end of a first date, how would you kiss your date?
a. Press your lips against theirs
b. Gentle kiss on the cheek
c. Lots o’ tongue, like you’re on a tonsil exploration
d. I don’t kiss on the first date
Definitely not “d”, because I think kissing on the first date is important. As I said above, if the kiss doesn’t feel right, I might not go on a second date. I would probably go with “a”, unless I was feeling bold and decided to turn “a” into “c”. I frequently feel bold, thus I have done this.
Bonus: You just put up a profile on a dating site. You must describe yourself in 10 words or less. What are your 10 words?
Sexy baggage-free chick who loves to have fun.