Sorry for the lack of posts of late. We were without internet access during part of June, when we did a little traveling. The prospect of blogging on a smart phone just didn’t seem all that much fun. Additionally, a few major life changes (all positive, we assure you) kept us from sitting down at the computer, except to send in our weekly HNT pictures.

Anyway, here’s our TMI Tuesday entry for this week.

Jack’s Answers

1. Do you leave a tip at a restaurant? If so, how much? Do you double the tax?
It depends on the service I receive. I generally do tip, and it takes some reprehensible treatment by the server to warrant not tipping at all. But whether I double the tax, or leave some pre-determined percentage of the bill, depends on the server’s attitude and performance.

2. What celebrity did you have a crush on growing up?
Julia Roberts. My interest in her was directly influenced by the fact that she had never done a nude scene, in the truest sense of the term. Had she gotten naked in Pretty Woman (and I’m not referring to that half-assed through-the-headboard nipple shot), I might not have followed her career as long as I did.

3. Do you excuse yourself to “fart” or let it rip and blame the guy next to you?
Excuse myself.

4. When entering or exiting a store, do you hold the door open for the person behind you, if they’re relatively close… if they’re more than 10 steps away do you pause and hold the door open?
I generally hold the door open. It’s actually something I’m known for. Doesn’t matter if they’re ten steps away or twenty; if it looks like they’re heading for the door I’m walking through, I’ll hold it open. And yes, on more than one occasion I’ve found myself holding a door open only for the person for whom I was holding it to walk right by me without entering/exiting. Ah well – no one said being a nice guy was easy.

5. Ever had mono?
Nope.

Bonus (as in optional): Ever paid for sex?
We all pay for sex in one way or another. Some of us pay directly for sex with money, while others pay indirectly. Still others pay with their sanity.

Jill’s Answers
1. Do you leave a tip at a restaurant? If so, how much? Do you double the tax?
I do tip at restaurants. I usually double the tax or tip 20%.

2. What celebrity did you have a crush on growing up?
Michael J. Fox.

3. Do you excuse yourself to “fart” or let it rip and blame the guy next to you?
Sometimes I excuse myself, and other times I blame someone else. It’s much easier now that I usually have a baby to blame.

4. When entering or exiting a store, do you hold the door open for the person behind you, if they’re relatively close… if they’re more than 10 steps away do you pause and hold the door open?
I always hold the door.

5. Ever had mono?
No.

Bonus (as in optional): Ever paid for sex?
Are we talking money here?

Again, from the archives:

Jack’s Answers

1. Have you ever bought something to increase your sexual performance or enhance your attributes?
I really thought about this one. I’ve never purchased a cock ring, or some sort of dubious product that promises to add a few inches. I suppose one or more of the sex books we own, many of which I did purchase, could have been marketed as some sort of sex aid, even if that’s not the primary reason for which I bought it. So I’m going to say no.

2. Do you talk to your parents about sex? Can you/will you talk to your children?
Parents: No! Dear God in Heaven, no! Under threat of the torture and dismemberment of those I hold dear, no, no, no! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Can you tell that this is something I’m very uncomfortable with? Children: Yeah, guess I’m going to have to.

3. Sex during pregnancy… great or ick?
As the lucky husband of an until-recently pregnant woman, I can honestly say it was about ten months of the best sex I’ve ever had.

4. What is the longest you’ve ever been celebate [sic] after having lost your virginity?
I think about eight months.

5. What is the best sex game you’ve ever played?
Probably some sort of playing card-based drinking game conducted with a mixed-gender group of twenty-somethings for the purpose of lowering inhibitions and, as a result, getting laid. I did that sort of thing on occasion during my college days.

Bonus: Who was the first person (names unneccessary [sic] ) you were ever naked in front of for sexual reasons?
A strange homeless man in my hometown’s local park. Either that or the girl I lost my virginity to.

Jill’s Answers

1. Have you ever bought something to increase your sexual performance or enhance your attributes?
Yes, I have quite a bit of lingerie, some of which definitely enhances my attributes. Also, I own a how-to-perform-fellatio videotape that I bought before I got really good.

2. Do you talk to your parents about sex? Can you/will you talk to your children?
Parents, not really. A recent off-handed remark my mother made about our sex life is probably the first time the subject of sex ever came up. Children, yes. If done right, I believe it may be amongst the most important conversations we ever have.

3. Sex during pregnancy… great or ick?
Definitely great! I was horny as hell.

4. What is the longest you’ve ever been celebate [sic] after having lost your virginity?
Probably a year.

5. What is the best sex game you’ve ever played?
I can’t think of any. I guess our Porn and Pizza Parties don’t really count, do they?

Bonus: Who was the first person (names unneccessary [sic] ) you were ever naked in front of for sexual reasons?
A guy I fooled around with on the beach in San Diego. He’s the first guy who ever saw me naked, though I need to state for the record that he was not the first guy I had sex with.

By now, you know the drill. Here’s this week’s list of questions, right out of the TMI Tuesday archives:

Jack’s Answers

1. Have you ever had sex at someone else’s house during a party? Details?
Yes. In the mid-nineties I had sex with an ex-girlfriend at a party at the home of a friend of hers. Though we’d gone to the party together we weren’t dating at the time. Dressed very alluringly, she invited me into the bathroom for a quick bang; I hiked up her skirt, pulled down her panties, and bent her over the sink. In that position, I had a nice view of her ass, as well as her face in the mirror as she climaxed. Some of my favorite one-night stands (or one-hour stands) were party hookups that never even left the venue. Like the aforementioned incident, most of these occurred in my early twenties, in questionable states of sobriety. The women involved, and most of the specific details of these encounters, are long forgotten, but I can definitely say that I was a better lover then than I am now. Hey, I’m old.

2. Ever tried to replay the famous scene from From Here to Eternity? How was it?
The making-out-on-the-beach scene? Can’t say that I have.

3. Do you like pain during sex?
Not even a little bit.

4. On a scale from 1-10, how promiscuous were you during your college years (whether you went or not)?
I don’t know. Five, maybe? I was pretty promiscuous, though I wasn’t some lothario type, with a different bed partner every night, but I had more casual sex during my college years than I could have expected.

5. At what age do you think men and women reach their sexual peak? Do you think you have hit yours yet?
Oh yeah, mine came and went. See my answer to #1.

Bonus (as in optional): Do any of your ex’s have naked photos or movies of you still?
Not that I’m aware of; if so, I’ve yet to come across them on the internet.

Jill’s Answers

1. Have you ever had sex at someone else’s house during a party? Details?
Not full-on sex, but I did a lot of fooling around in bathrooms.

2. Ever tried to replay the famous scene from From Here to Eternity? How was it?
I’ve made out on the beach before. It was great. I got my boobies felt up too. That was after we’d snuck away from the bonfire and took a walk on the beach. Fun!

3. Do you like pain during sex?
No. I like intense orgasms, like intense to the point that you can’t stand it, but not real pain.

4. On a scale from 1-10, how promiscuous were you during your college years (whether you went or not)?
I’d say about a five.

5. At what age do you think men and women reach their sexual peak? Do you think you have hit yours yet?
Guys? Probably in their twenties. Women, I’d say their forties, because I don’t think I’ve reached mine yet.

Bonus (as in optional): Do any of your ex’s have naked photos or movies of you still?
Probably not exes, but I’m sure someone does. I was a notorious webcam ho in my twenties.

As in previous weeks, we’re answering a previous set of TMI Tuesday questions, as no new set was posted this week. Here goes:

Jack’s Answers:

1. Which ONE do you wish you had more of in bed… romance, experimentation or foreplay?
Probably experimentation, as we have more than enough foreplay, and as much romance as I can handle.

2. How often do you have “make up sex” after an arguement [sic]?
We don’t argue much, really.

3. Have you ever been “caught” masturbating?
Yes, and as I’ve stated elsewhere in this blog, the less said about that, the better.

4. On a scale from 1-10, how comfy are you being naked?
If ten is most comfy, then I am a ten. However, people that are around me when I’m naked may have a different answer.

5. The three words that best describe your most recent partner in bed are ____, ____, and ____.
Adventurous, open-minded and sexy.

Bonus (as in optional): Have you ever called out the wrong name in bed?
No. I’m pretty good about keeping my mouth shut if I’m unsure.

Jill’s Answers:

1. Which ONE do you wish you had more of in bed… romance, experimentation or foreplay?
Probably foreplay. We have plenty, but there’s always room for more.

2. How often do you have “make up sex” after an arguement [sic]?
I don’t think we’ve ever had an argument. But if we ever do, we should have make up sex. Hey Jack, want to have an argument?

3. Have you ever been “caught” masturbating?
Yes.

4. On a scale from 1-10, how comfy are you being naked?
Probably about an eight.

5. The three words that best describe your most recent partner in bed are ____, ____, and ____.
Confident, kinky and virile.

Bonus (as in optional): Have you ever called out the wrong name in bed?

I don’t think so. I stick to “sweetie” and other I don’t think so. I stick to “sweetie” and other terms of endearment, just in case.

Every once in awhile we come across an embarrassing news story about a woman who packs a sex toy in her luggage with the batteries still inside. Invariably the toy is activated in transit, the suitcase begins vibrating, and the airline baggage handlers call in a bomb squad who then open the suitcase and attempt to disarm a vibrating butt plug, Rabbit, Waterdancer, Bullet or other fun adult novelty, in the process unfolding all of the mortified traveler’s neatly folded clothes. The local media reports on this occurrence with an unlikely straight-face, never once referring to the toy by its brand name.

I saw this story this morning, and from the headline I assumed it would be a similar account of a vibrator found in luggage. I was wrong. Check it out:

Sex Toy Sparks Bomb Scare, Evacuation At CHP

SOUTH LAKE TAHOE, Calif. (CBS13) ―

A California Highway Patrol substation in South Lake Tahoe was evacuated for hours over concerns that a man’s personal sex toy may have actually been an explosive device.

Authorities said CHP officers pulled over 60-year-old Steven Ferrini on Highway 89 for a traffic violation and found methamphetamine and drug paraphernalia in his possession.

While searching Ferrini, authorities found him carrying a device with an on/off switch and a wire disappearing into his pants. When officers asked him about it, Ferrini told them it was a personal sex toy.

Ferrini was brought back to the CHP station with the device still inserted, and when he began telling officers about his knowledge of explosives, authorities began questioning the nature of the device.

The CHP office was evacuated as a precaution while the El Dorado County Sheriff’s explosives team responded to the scene.

Explosives experts extracted the device from Ferrini and confirmed it was a sex toy and not dangerous.

Ferrini was arrested and booked on drug charges — authorities said the sex toy wasn’t illegal.

Well no shit, Sherlock. That’s one of the reasons we live in California and not Alabama. Condolences to all of our readers from Alabama.

-Jack

As stated in yesterday’s entry, we were planning to answer this week’s TMI Tuesday questions, provided a new set was posted today. It was, but neither Jill nor I found ourselves particularly motivated to write about celebrities we’d like to screw around with. Since I felt sort of obligated to write something today, I decided to post the first in what I imagine will be a series of haiku detailing various points in my sexual life. Please bear in mind that I haven’t written poetry in over a decade, and then it was as part of a creative writing class I took in college. Poetry was never the sort of thing I was likely to do of my own free will, until now. I hope this humble three-line poem whets your appetite for more. Here goes!

Jack At Eleven

Found a stash of porn
Jerked off to the memory
Had my first climax

-Jack

For the past couple weeks, it appears that the list of TMI Tuesday questions have been posted on Tuesday, and not Monday as has frequently been the case. Because we were out of town last week and therefore unable to post our answers to the corresponding set of questions, we are going to post last week’s questions this week. Then, if new questions are posted later today, we might end up posting again tomorrow.

Here goes:

Jack’s Answers:

1. Commando: Sexy or disgusting? Do you have a “best” commando story?

When it’s a woman in a skirt going commando? Very sexy. When it’s a guy in tight pants going commando? Kind of disgusting, but I try not to stare. When it’s me in jeans going commando (for whatever reason) it’s pretty painful. My best commando story might be the time Jill “forgot” to wear panties to a work function, and informed me of this fact just as we arrived.

2. Foreplay: Is there such a thing as too much?

Nope.

3. Oral sex: Good if you are getting? Good is [sic] you are giving? Equally ewwwww?

Ewwwww? Who the hell thinks oral sex is “ewwwww?” Are you serious?

4. Orgasm: Is one per night enough or does the first one just get your motor running?

I can probably be satisfied with one if I have to, but I’d much rather have three or four.

5. Morning sex: “Oh hell yes!”, “Well if I have, too. [sic]” or “Just get in the shower and go to work.”

Hard to say, based on those choices. I’m always game for morning sex, even if it’s a work morning and I’ve overslept. However, I’m extremely self-conscious first thing in the morning, and would ideally make a quick sortie to the restroom to wash up and brush my teeth before engaging in any intimate activities.

Bonus (as in optional): Have you ever had anonymous sex? Have you ever had an orgasm without at least knowing your partner’s last name?

Yes and yes.

Jill’s Answers:

1. Commando: Sexy or disgusting? Do you have a “best” commando story?

For a girl, it’s sexy. For a guy it’s kind of disgusting. I guess it’s just an issue of skirt versus pants. Just having your balls rubbing up against your pants, with no underwear, kind of grosses me out for some reason. As for my best commando story, when Jack and I were first dating I decided to go without panties on a dinner date. I think it was the first time I’d ever gone commando, and it was really sexy to be “out in the open” like that. (I was wearing a skirt, obviously.)

2. Foreplay: Is there such a thing as too much?

No, unless you’re on a time constraint.

3. Oral sex: Good if you are getting? Good is [sic] you are giving? Equally ewwwww?

Equally good, whether giving or getting!

4. Orgasm: Is one per night enough or does the first one just get your motor running?

I like to have more than one a night, but I’ll take whatever I can get.

5. Morning sex: “Oh hell yes!”, “Well if I have, too. [sic]” or “Just get in the shower and go to work.”

Oh hell yes!

Bonus (as in optional): Have you ever had anonymous sex? Have you ever had an orgasm without at least knowing your partner’s last name?

I’ve alway known the other person’s first name at the very least.

It looks like there will be no new set of questions at TMI Tuesday for this week. Since we failed to participate last week, we are submitting our answers to last week’s questions now.

Jack’s Answers

1. Name one thing that turns you on with unprecedented success.
Jill’s mouth.

2. Quick! Look around you and name 3 ordinary items that could be used sexually.
A black Sharpie pen, which could be used for penetration; a blank CD, which could conceivably be fucked by someone with an extremely narrow cock; my laptop, which can be (and frequently is) used to view pornography.

3. Do you consider sex good even if you don’t orgasm?
It depends on the sex. If the sex is good, lack of an orgasm won’t necessarily make it bad.

4. If you could be the opposite sex for one day, what sexual position or act would you like to experience from the other side?
I suppose I would give doggy style a try.

5.Describe a sexual fantasy in 10 words or less.
Watching a two-woman show, then I get both women.

Bonus (optional): Pretend you’re a doctor and a patient has come in with an “ache”. What is your course of “treatment”?
Wherever the ache, it’s a sure thing that I’ll be using my “probe”.

Jill’s Answers

1. Name one thing that turns you on with unprecedented success.
Oral sex

2. Quick! Look around you and name 3 ordinary items that could be used sexually.
My hair brush would be good for spankings. My back massager could be used as a vibrator. The belt on Jack’s bathrobe could double as a blindfold.

3. Do you consider sex good even if you don’t orgasm?
Sometimes

4. If you could be the opposite sex for one day, what sexual position or act would you like to experience from the other side?
Having my cock sucked

5.Describe a sexual fantasy in 10 words or less.
Sex in a hot tub while many attractive people watch

Bonus (optional): Pretend you’re a doctor and a patient has come in with an “ache”. What is your course of “treatment”?
Kisses make everything better…

As regular posting of TMI Tuesday questions has resumed, we will cease going back into the archives. Sorry about missing last week’s TMI Tuesday, but we were in the hospital having a baby. All’s well, mother and baby are both healthy, yada yada yada. Anyway, here goes:

Jack’s Answers

1. Have you ever broken something in someone’s home unknown to them and never told them? If yes, explain.
I’m pretty sure I’ve never done this. In addition to being a fairly responsible person who’ll fess up if he breaks something, when I do break something it’s typically pretty spectacular and therefore unlikely to go unnoticed.

2. What’s one sexual guilty pleasure that you wouldn’t openly tell your friends about? Why?
Jerking off to pictures of their wives. I trust no explanation is necessary.

3. Take a peek over any celebrity’s shoulder in the bathroom…who are they and what are they reading?
Kirk Cameron, reading gay porn with one hand. (DISCLAIMER: This is meant in jest. I don’t actually believe that Kirk Cameron masturbates to gay porn; I doubt he masturbates to women who aren’t his wife. During production of his movie Fireproof he reportedly refused to kiss the actress playing his wife, and instead had his actual wife stand in for the actress. Hey, I’m all for good old fashioned values, but someone who wears his moral righteousness like a badge of honor probably should be far the fuck away from Hollywood. Anyway, no, I don’t honestly believe that Kirk Cameron is into gay porn, but he is a fundamentalist Christian who, like a modern-day William Jennings Bryan, steadfastly refuses to consider the Theory of “Evilution”. Therefore I consider it my duty to poke fun at him.)

4. Roses are red, violets are blue…[finish this line with your own rhyme]
I’m a schizophrenic, and so am I. (From Bill Murray’s 1991 film What About Bob)

5. Do you believe in ghosts or other supernatural activity? Why or why not?
Honestly, I don’t. I’m a very rational person and I believe that if science can’t explain it, then it doesn’t exist. However, I know far too many people who claim to have experienced supernatural phenomena such as ghosts and other technically unexplainable goings-on that I cannot discount them.

Bonus (optional): How many times have you thought about sex in the last 24 hours? What triggered it? Who did it involve? Provide as much details as you like.
Just once. But that single thought lasted the entire twenty-four hours.

Jill’s Answers

1. Have you ever broken something in someone’s home unknown to them and never told them? If yes, explain.
Never.

2. What’s one sexual guilty pleasure that you wouldn’t openly tell your friends about? Why?
Probably masturbating to porn. I’m not sure why this is a guilty pleasure, exactly, but I’m sure my more prim-and-proper friends would be surprised if not outright shocked by the specific nature of the porn I like to masturbate to. Then again, who can predict what anyone, male or female, is turned on by? For all I know they like the exact same stuff.

3. Take a peek over any celebrity’s shoulder in the bathroom…who are they and what are they reading?
I have no idea. I’m not even sure what this means. Am I actually inside the bathroom stall with the celebrity?

4. Roses are red, violets are blue…[finish this line with your own rhyme]
“You are amazing, and I am too!” I sometimes say this to Jack.

5. Do you believe in ghosts or other supernatural activity? Why or why not?
Yes, I believe in spirits, and like to think that angels (maybe our loved ones who have gone before us) are watching over us. It gives me comfort at times when I really need it.

Bonus (optional): How many times have you thought about sex in the last 24 hours? What triggered it? Who did it involve? Provide as much details as you like.
Probably about ten. Seeing Jack on Skype when we were apart triggered one sex thought, while others were spontaneous. These thoughts happened to involve Jack, and a couple of female friends who I am really close to. Yesterday, one of these female friends told me about a guy she hooked up with over the weekend, and it really turned me on. The other female friend visited us in the hospital before I gave birth to our baby, and said, in front of Jack, that she’d never seen my vagina before. For some reason both Jack and I found that kind of hot, even though she didn’t seem to mean it in that way. Among the sexual thoughts I’ve had in the last 24 hours are a fantasy of stripping for an audience, and having sex with Jack while people watch, either online or in person.

By now, you know the drill. This week’s batch of questions was originally posted at TMI Tuesday on July 31, 2006.

Jack’s Answers:

1. Is there any type of sexual act you’re embarrassed to ask for? (If so, what? Hee…)
Not currently. I suppose I might have been slow to ask for something outside the quote-unquote norm if I was dating someone casually and/or it was the beginning of our sexual relationship, but with Jill I’m never embarrassed or self-conscious about my desires. In fact, we’re so in-tune that she usually knows what I want before I can ask for it.

2. Have you ever dumped someone purely because of bad sexual performance?
Honestly, I don’t think I have. Most of the women I dated when I was single gave me many other reasons to dump them.

3. Name something you would say no to if asked to do in bed.
Probably something involving direct contact another guy. For all my social liberalism and whatnot, it’s simply not something that turns me on.

4. The three words that best describe you in bed are ____, ____, and ____.
Confident, kinky and virile, according to Jill

5. Have you ever been so emotionally moved by a sexual experience (in a good way), that you cried?
No.

Bonus (as in optional): What could your partner bring to bed that would most turn you on?
A friend

Jill’s Answers:

1. Is there any type of sexual act you’re embarrassed to ask for? (If so, what? Hee…)
I’m very vocal in bed and have never been shy about asking for and getting what I want. I’m lucky to have a great partner who not only accepts this, but insists on it.

2. Have you ever dumped someone purely because of bad sexual performance?
Yes. I have broken off a sexual relationship because the sex was bad.

3. Name something you would say no to if asked to do in bed.
Anything involving pee or poop

4. The three words that best describe you in bed are ____, ____, and ____.
Adventurous, open-minded and sexy, according to Jack

5. Have you ever been so emotionally moved by a sexual experience (in a good way), that you cried?
Yes. Once while making love with Jack – and it was definitely “making love” that time – the emotions and the physical pleasure were so intense that, at the height of my climax I broke down and cried.

Bonus (as in optional): What could your partner bring to bed that would most turn you on?
Definitely another person