As with last week, we’re recycling an old batch of TMI Tuesday questions, this one from July 25, 2006.

Jack’s Answers:

1. Have you ever called in sick to have sex?
I’m sure I have; however, I was much more likely to call in late, as in “I’m running a little late because I am dropping my mid-afternoon fuck off at school or her parents’ house”, mainly when I was in college, worked part-time, and had already blown off school to have sex.

2. Do you feel “entitled” to sex when you are in a relationship?
Yes. I don’t feel entitled to it all the time, but I have always enjoyed the fact that, when in a relationship, I am getting sex on a more or less regular basis.

3. Have you ever dated/married purely for money?
No, and I can say with 100% certainty that no one ever dated me purely for money.

4. Have you ever, of your own free will, had sex with someone you didn’t really want to? Why?
Duh. Of course I have. Why? Because it usually beats going home alone and masturbating.

5. Name three words that:
a) get you excited
“Benefits”. Not a sexy word in and of itself, but I’ll admit to having “friends with” precede it for so many years that I now think of it in a completely different way than the average English speaker.
b) make you squirm
“Vasectomy.” I trust no explanation is needed.
c) make you laugh
“Obeliscolychny.” It’s a fancy word for lighthouse, usually followed by “building”. Hey, why not shave a couple syllables off of that monster and just say “lighthouse”?

Bonus (as in optional): Have you ever had sex with a relative (cousin, inlaw…)?
Does my wife count as a relative?

Jill’s Answers:

1. Have you ever called in sick to have sex?
Yes. I once met a boyfriend for a booty call at a hotel that happened to be a block away from work.

2. Do you feel “entitled” to sex when you are in a relationship?
Hell yeah! What’s the point of being in a relationship if you don’t get all the benefits?

3. Have you ever dated/married purely for money?
No.

4. Have you ever, of your own free will, had sex with someone you didn’t really want to? Why?
Yes, because I was horny.

5. Name three words that:
a) get you excited
“Titties.” I’m such a guy, but you say “titties,” I get excited.
b) make you squirm
“Saliva.” Saliva itself tends to gross me out, and so does the sound of the word.
c) make you laugh
“Penis.” It’s a funny word.

Bonus (as in optional): Have you ever had sex with a relative (cousin, inlaw…)?
No!

As any child of the ’60s, ’70s and ’80s knows, by the year 2000 we were promised a wealth of exciting technology designed to make our lives resemble a science-fiction movie. The Jetsons and Back to the Future Part II, amongst other productions, gave us a vision of the future that included hoverboards, food pills, video phones, casual space travel, flat-panel television sets, robot maids and concubines, and the much-ballyhooed flying car. Though today flatscreen televisions are in most homes, and people engage in videoconferencing (and cybersex) via webcam applications such as Skype, little else of day-to-day life in 2010 America looks anything like the world inhabited by George Jetson. It would seem that the fantastic technological advancements promised to the current generation will be recycled as promises made to the next generation. We live in a world in which cars don’t fly, space travel is reserved for professional astronauts and the obscenely wealthy, and our maids, butlers and other servants are flesh and blood and cannot be owned. At least, not legally.

While robot maids are currently a pipe dream, robot concubines are now a reality, thanks to the good people at True Companion. This is almost certainly old news, but thanks to impending fatherhood my finger is so far from the pulse of sex-related journalism that it took me almost two months to post this. In the off-chance that you are unaware of this technological breakthrough, here’s what you need to know about Roxxxy, the world’s first functional sex robot:

LAS VEGAS–A New Jersey company says it has developed “the world’s first sex robot,” a life-size rubber doll that’s designed to engage the owner with conversation rather than lifelike movement.

At a demonstration at the Adult Entertainment Expo in Las Vegas on Saturday, the dark-haired, negligee-clad robot said “I love holding hands with you” when it sensed that its creator touched its hand.

Another action, this one unprintable, elicited a different vocal response from Roxxxy the robot. The level of sophistication demonstrated was not beyond that of a child’s talking toy, but Roxxxy has a lot more brains than that – there’s a laptop connected to cables coming out of its back. It has touch sensors at strategic locations and can sense when it’s being moved. But it can’t move on its own, not even to turn its head or move its lips. The sound comes out of an internal loudspeaker.

Douglas Hines, founder of Lincoln Park, N.J.-based True Companion LLC, said Roxxxy can carry on simple conversations. The real aim, he said, is to make the doll someone the owner can talk to and relate to.

“Sex only goes so far – then you want to be able to talk to the person,” Hines said.

The phrases that were demonstrated were prerecorded, but the robot will also be able to synthesize phrases out of prerecorded words and sounds, Hines said. The laptop will receive updates over the Internet to expand the robot’s capabilities and vocabulary. Since Hines is a soccer fan, it can already discuss Manchester United, he said. It snores, too.

Owners will also be able to select different personalities for Roxxxy, from “Wild Wendy” to “Frigid Farrah,” Hines said. He’s charging somewhere from $7,000 to $9,000 for the robot, including the laptop, and expects to start shipping in a few months.

A Japanese company, Honey Dolls, makes life-size sex dolls that can play recorded sounds, but Roxxxy’s sensors and speech capabilities appear to be more sophisticated. Hines’ goals are certainly more far-reaching.

An engineer, Hines said he was inspired to create the robot after a friend died in the Sept. 11, 2001, terror attacks. That got him thinking about preserving his friend’s personality, to give his children a chance to interact with him as they’re growing up. Looking around for commercial applications for artificial personalities, he initially thought he might create a home health care aide for the elderly.

“But there was tremendous regulatory and bureaucratic paperwork to get through. We were stuck,” Hines said. “So I looked at other markets.”

The broader goal of the company is still to take artificial personalities into the mainstream, beyond sex toys, Hines said.

“The sex robot thing is marketing – it’s really about making a companion,” he said.

In a 2007 book, “Love and Sex with Robots,” British chess player and artificial intelligence expert David Levy argues that robots will become significant sexual partners for humans, answering needs that other people are unable or unwilling to satisfy.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/01/11/roxxxy-robot-girlfriend-l_n_418797.html

Men have often dreamed it, but it hasn’t become a reality until today: the sex robot. The technology was developed by Douglas Hines of True Companion, an electrical engineer and computer scientist who formerly worked in the artificial intelligence lab at AT&T Bell Laboratories. Roxxxy, the sexy bot, is a completely anatomically correct and customizable companion (from features to hair color) that exhibits different personalities and responds to touch.

Depending on your mood, you can assign the robot different personalities such as Frigid Farrah or Mature Martha, who will respond differently based on the personality you choose. For example, if you hold Mature Martha’s hand, she may say “I love holding hands,” whereas if you touch Frigid Farrah she may say “What are you going to do with that hand?”

The coolest part about the robot is that you can build your own custom personality based on your preference or tweak an existing personality. Once you develop a personality you really like, members can share it with friends on True Companion’s website. The website sync also makes the robot compatible for updates and new features or sexy quirks such as a robot that responds to a S&M safety word. More like a social networking site, True Companion’s site will have a monthly fee.

The 2 1/2 year project was estimated to cost around 1 million dollars and the robot itself will cost from $7,000 to $9,000 depending on the level of customization you choose. New robots are in the works that will build upon this internal computing model and incorporate more movement. The male version, Rocky, available as a gay robot or a heterosexual robot is currently being developed.

True Companion claims that the robot isn’t solely used for sex but is rather a life partner or mate for those who can’t find or don’t want the real thing. According to True Companion’s Web site, she “can carry on a discussion and expresses her love to you and be your loving friend. She can talk to you, listen to you and feel your touch.” Well, Roxxxy certainly won’t make you put the seat down.

http://www.gizmag.com/roxxxy-us7000-sex-robot/14063/

When it comes to technology, the sex industry is no laggard, and as robots become more human-like in their appearance and abilities, US-based company TrueCompany is poised to launch Roxxxy – the world’s first sex robot – that has many more capabilities than your average sex doll. Apart from having better defined physical features than previous dolls, Roxxxy has been programmed with her own personality and her manufacturers say she can listen, talk, carry on a conversation, feel your touch and respond to it, as well as move her private areas inside when she is being “utilized” to deliver an unforgettable erotic experience. There are even plans for a male version – Rocky the Robot.

Roxxxy is the ninth version of TrueCompanion’s sex robot. She began development in 2001.

“Our first sex robot, Trudy, was built in the 1990s and was not designed for resale. Rather, she was a test bed to refine techniques which we would later use in Roxxxy and Rocky TrueCompanion,” says designer and partner Douglas Hines.

While Roxxxy might look like a high-end quality doll, Hines assures us that the similarities end there.

Apart from her ability to move certain sections of her anatomy (her three high quality construction “inputs” as he delicately states) she also has a personality which is matched as much as possible to her owner’s personality.

“So she likes what you like, dislikes what you dislike, etc. She also has moods during the day just like real people! She can be sleepy, conversational or she can ‘be in the mood’,” says Hines.

She even has an orgasm!

Roxxxy has a heartbeat and a circulatory system! The circulatory system helps heat the inside of her body.

Apart from the usual options sex dolls come with, purchasers can specify her hair color, hair style, skin tone, makeup selection, etc, (the company can also accommodate custom requests), Hines says Roxxxy owners may decide to have the sex robot use one of her five other pre-programmed personalities:

* Frigid Farrah – reserved and shy
* Wild Wendy – outgoing and adventurous
* S&M Susan – ready to provide your pain/pleasure fantasies
* Young Yoko – barely 18 and waiting for you to teach her
* Mature Martha – very experienced and would like to teach you!

And/or “you can build your own additional girlfriend personalities,” adds Hines.

“She interacts just like a human interacts,” says Hines. “She hears what you are saying as well as where you are touching her and responds as appropriately as possible.”

For instance, if you have Roxxxy using her “Frigid Farrah” personality and you touched her in a private area, more than likely, she will not be too appreciative of your advance. But if your Roxxxy is using the “Wild Wendy” personality, she will want you to do it again!

Roxxxy is flexible enough to allow owners to add to the five preloaded girlfriend profiles and change the existing five personalities to better suit their preferences.

Hines explains that it is possible to share girlfriends (other Roxxxy robots) with other owners by “swapping” them back and forth online.

“For example, you lend your custom-built girlfriend, ‘Sexy Susan’ to one of your friends online – but he can only ‘use’ her until Sunday morning and then she needs to be returned to you. Until Sunday morning, he can ‘engage’ your girlfriend by using your Sexy Susan personality with his Roxxxy sex robot. You also have the option of sharing your girlfriend with everyone in our forum if you would like. You will also have access to everyone else’s girlfriends, if they allow them to be shared.”

Hines says this is the same as wife or girlfriend-swapping without any of the social issues or sexual disease-related concerns.

“All of these features, which all of our sex robots share, make them truly a unique experience,” he says, proudly.

At present, Roxxxy models can only speak English but the company anticipates releasing Japanese, Spanish and German-speaking versions soon.

Hines says the company is pleased to have had thousands of requests to buy the sex robots and has had many inquiries with additional questions.

“When you decide to have your own Roxxxy, you will also be subscribed to a monthly support plan that will cover any general support questions as well as updates to your Roxxxy,” says Hines.

“Since the subscription service includes updates, she requires a link to the Internet via Wi-Fi. If necessary, you can hook her up to a network cable if you do not have wireless access at your location.”

Who are potential buyers of Roxxxy (and Rocky)?

Hines says the sex robots are helping individuals as well as couples spice up their sex lives as well as giving them a true companion (i.e. TrueCompanion) to share their most erotic fantasies or simply to have someone provide them with companionship and unconditional love.

“We also have many people that have hit a ‘dry spell’ in their love life or do not have many suitable mates living near them. Other couples want to experience a ‘threesome’. We are happy to make our customers’ dreams come true with their own TrueCompanion.”

For those worried about privacy, Hines states that all information is kept confidential. “Also, all billing and shipments reference the generic computer-sounding company name of our partner company: Data Software Solutions, LLC or Data Software Solutions Support. Roxxxy ain’t cheap. This top shelf gal’s base price is US$7,000 but as Hines attests, she’s not a sex doll, she’s a sex robot!

“We have a limited time deep discount program being offered as well as flexible payment plans.”

Details are on the TrueCompanion website.

http://www.gizmag.com/roxxxy-us7000-sex-robot/14063/

I would probably have a similar expression on my face if the gentleman pictured was sitting behind me.

-Jack

Since it appears that TMI Tuesday has ceased posting new sets of questions, we have taken it upon ourselves to delve into the archives (i.e. before we began participating) and answer a previously-issued set. Here now are our answers to the July 17, 2006 edition of TMI Tuesday.

Have you ever…

Jack’s Answers

1. had sex with someone ten years older or younger than you?
Older, yes. Younger, no.

2. drawn from a nude model?
No.

3. had sex at a company Christmas party?
Nope.

4. had a blind date?
In the most traditional sense of the term, being set up by mutual friends, no I have not. However, our first date saw Jill and I meeting in person after communicating online and via telephone. So if that counts as a blind date, then yes.

5. slept with a teacher?
Sleepin’ with one now!

Bonus (as in optional): had sex with someone within an hour of meeting them?
I don’t believe so. That much of a player I am not.

Jill’s Answers

1. had sex with someone ten years older or younger than you?
No.

2. drawn from a nude model?
No.

3. had sex at a company Christmas party?
No.

4. had a blind date?
Yes.

5. slept with a teacher?
No.

Bonus (as in optional): had sex with someone within an hour of meeting them?
No.

Jack’s Answers

1. For self-arousal, if you could reach any part of your body with your mouth, which part would you like to reach and why?
Well, I guess the obvious answer would be my cock, not that I find any sort of real pleasure in the idea of autofellatio. Yes, it’s supposed to be the holy grail of the male experience, and sure, we’ve all watched Ron Jeremy do it and thought it was indeed an accomplishment, if a bizarre one. But I don’t have any desire to suck my own cock. It seems that it would be too much work, sort of like sixty-nine with the risk of death-by-broken-neck. And since I’ve never sucked a cock before, it stands to reason that I’d be really bad at it, and therefore the pleasure factor would be infinitesimal. But other than my cock, I can’t think of a single other part of my body that I’d want to reach with my mouth; while I get pleasure from, say, having my nipples sucked, I don’t get nearly enough to want to do it myself.

Obviously, I can’t discuss the topic of autofellatio without recalling a classic scene from Kevin Smith‘s 1994 film “Clerks.” Have Dramamine ready.

2. If you reached that part of your body, how often and how long would you want to stay there?
Probably not very long or often. I don’t know that I’m sufficiently confident in my heterosexuality to enjoy sucking even my own cock.

3. If the opportunity arose, what would you like to do to someone else that you have never been game to try before?
In one hundred percent seriousness, I haven’t the slightest idea. I can’t think of any sex act or even plausible sexual position involving myself and another person that I’ve yet to try. Locations? Perhaps. Specific people I’d like to do specific things to? No doubt. And I’ve never been a fan of the Donkey Punch/Cleveland Steamer/Hot Carl school of sex acts that nineteen year-old frat boys find uproariously funny. So I think I’m just about content.

4. You have been selected to swap one of your organs with another member of the opposite sex. What would you swap and why? Who would you choose as the organ donor?
I’d switch my penis for my wife’s vagina; we could then have one of those crazy revelatory scenes right out of a 1980s screwball comedy wherein we each wake up and discover that we’ve switched genders, or at least genitalia. As for why Jill specifically, I enjoy having sex with her, and with our junk switched, we wouldn’t have to find new partners.

5. Overnight you have a beauty sleep and inexplicably awaken at dawn having now turned into the most beautiful person on the planet. What would you do differently for the next 24 hours?
What would I do differently as the most beautiful person on the planet? Not much, as I’m already almost there. Seriously, folks, were I the most beautiful person on the planet I imagine I would go apeshit for the first twenty-four hours (at least), having my ass kissed by everybody I came into contact with. Everyone would greet me with a smile! Doors would be held open everywhere I went! McDonald’s would serve me burgers that hadn’t been dropped on the floor! And yes, the law against first-degree murder would no longer apply to me.

Bonus Question: You are noticed by a talent scout and invited to star in your own x-rated movie for world wide distribution. You are asked to write the plot. Describe your movie plot in one sentence of no more than 20 words.
A small town boy fucks his way to the top, only to lose it all when he gets there.

Jill’s Answers

1. For self-arousal, if you could reach any part of your body with your mouth, which part would you like to reach and why?
If I was capable of reaching any part of my body with my mouth, I would have to go with the obvious answer: My clit. Although my nipples, thighs and feet are extremely sensitive to oral stimulation I have always wanted to eat pussy but have never had the opportunity. This would be a convenient way to satisfy my curiosity.

2. If you reached that part of your body, how often and how long would you want to stay there?
Until I came, hopefully! Nothing worse than someone giving you oral pleasure, getting all hot and bothered and having them stop before you’re finished.

3. If the opportunity arose, what would you like to do to someone else that you have never been game to try before?
See my answer to question number one.

4. You have been selected to swap one of your organs with another member of the opposite sex. What would you swap and why? Who would you choose as the organ donor?
I’d probably give my brain to a certain ex-boyfriend whose own brain didn’t work so well. But it would have to be temporary. I wouldn’t want to have his brain forever.

5. Overnight you have a beauty sleep and inexplicably awaken at dawn having now turned into the most beautiful person on the planet. What would you do differently for the next 24 hours?
Whatever I would do, I would do it a lot more confidently.

Bonus Question: You are noticed by a talent scout and invited to star in your own x-rated movie for world wide distribution. You are asked to write the plot. Describe your movie plot in one sentence of no more than 20 words.
Girl meets boy, girl gets boy, girl moves on to the next boy and repeats the process.

Jack’s Answers

1. Have you had sex with another person in 2010? Have you passed on an opportunity to [have] sex with another person in 2010?
Yes, with Jill. I have not yet had the opportunity to have sex with anyone else in 2010; therefore I’ve not passed on such an opportunity, but I was the recipient of one of the most overt pick-up lines imaginable one week ago (see #4, below, for details).

2. What is the funniest thing you have ever said or done during sex? (Orgasmic facial expressions do not count.)
Years ago, I was having sex with a young lady I’d been dating for awhile. She was really into dirty talk, and quite good at it besides. While I was telling her the story of a very tawdry hotel tryst I’d enjoyed in my past, she was asking me leading questions: “Did she suck your cock?” “Did she make you come?” “Did you make her wet?” “Did you fuck her from behind?” Eventually, she asked if I made her moan. I wasn’t in any way annoyed by this line of questioning, nor did I find it comical and/or want it to end. In fact, I was quite into it. So I’m not entirely sure why, upon being asked this last question, I decided to make a joke out of the whole thing, devising a scenario in which I physically forced the one-night stand of my story to, yes, moan – I believe my actual dialogue was, “Moan, damn you, moan!” – as the young lady cowered in a corner of the room. Of course, the woman I was relating the story to found herself laughing uncontrollably, and we had to take a break.

3. What is the first thing you notice about a member of the opposite sex?
I wish I was the typical guy for this one; while I do notice a woman’s body pretty quickly, it’s not the first thing I notice. Typically I notice her face first, and by that I mean the face in its entirety: Fullness of the lips, brightness of the eyes, color of the cheeks, and all the other poetry cliches.

4. What is the best pick-up line you have ever heard? Every [sic] used? Ever been used on you?
Though I like to think of myself as being above tired pick-up lines, there were times during my single years when they were a necessity. I have always considered the ideal pick-up line to be either completely genuine, or else so out-of-left-field that the recipient can’t help but take notice. (The effectiveness depends on the mindset of the intended recipient.) It’s rare that I find myself on the receiving end of a pick-up line, though last week I found myself in the checkout line of a local grocery store purchasing several pounds of pork roast when the woman behind me leaned over and whispered, “I love to eat pork.” Usually I am pretty good at flirting, though this time I confess to being taken so aback that I mumbled a completely inane response that killed whatever aura of mystery that may have led the young lady to engage me. As for my own pick-up lines, I have had moderate success approaching a woman at a bar and informing her that she dropped something. When she asks what she dropped, I would reply, “My jaw,” and offer to buy her a drink. Bear in mind, we’re only talking moderate success.

5. Where is the most unique [place] you have ever had sex?
Since most of the out-of-the-ordinary places I’ve had sex are far from unique, I’m going to go with a child’s treehouse (the child being the little brother of a girl I was dating) on the Fourth of July. The fireworks definitely made it more exciting.

Bonus (as in optional): Do you pee in the shower? If so, has any SO known that you pee in the shower? Has any SO peed in the shower?
Yes I do, but I aim for the drain. I’m not sure if Jill knows (I don’t usually pee when we’re in the shower together), but she will as soon as I post this. I have no clue whether my SOs (past or present) were shower-urinators.

Jill’s Answers

1. Have you had sex with another person in 2010? Have you passed on an opportunity to [have] sex with another person in 2010?
Yes (Jack) and no.

2. What is the funniest thing you have ever said or done during sex? (Orgasmic facial expressions do not count.)
I really can’t think of anything! I’m sure there is something funny that I have done or said during sex, possibly while drunk, but I have no recollection. If I think of anything, I will post it!

3. What is the first thing you notice about a member of the opposite sex?
His eyes.

4. What is the best pick-up line you have ever heard? Every [sic] used? Ever been used on you?
I’m not really the kind of person to use pick-up lines, but I have heard more than my share, and most of those have been used on me. Some even worked. One of the best I have ever heard was, “If I had a dime for every time I saw someone as pretty as you I’d have a dime.” One of the corniest ones was, “Just call me Fred Flintstone, because I can make your bed rock!” An old boyfriend’s roommate once tried to come onto me by saying that he was about to retire to his bedroom to masturbate, and did I mind if he fantasized about me while he did. I didn’t sleep with him, obviously, but I was flattered and I told him he didn’t need my permission to fantasize. Jack told me later that he probably wanted me to explicitly give him permission, and that he was hoping – if I wouldn’t sleep with him – that I would show an interest in his solo activities.

5. Where is the most unique [place] you have ever had sex?
On top of the slide at a local park.

Bonus (as in optional): Do you pee in the shower? If so, has any SO known that you pee in the shower? Has any SO peed in the shower?
Yes I have, he knows now, and probably.

Last week, one of my single friends posted a message on Facebook inviting all of her single friends to a Valentine’s Day party on Friday night. But it wasn’t a mixer for hopeful singles to meet other hopeful singles; no, it was specifically for her female friends who haven’t yet found love to commiserate about what bastards men are and how much they hate their romantic lives, or lack thereof.

I felt sorry for her, for just a moment. She’s a very sweet person, attractive, and with much to offer to the right guy. But I really thought that the stereotypical bitter “men are pigs” attitude was beneath her. Because it apparently is not, on Tuesday afternoon I toyed with the idea of posting a comment on her invitation:

“That reminds me: I need to order flowers to be sent to Jill at work! Thanks!”

(I did have flowers sent to Jill at work, and I hadn’t forgotten; I like that sort of ostentatious display of romance not because I feel I need to compensate for a lack of passion in our relationship, but mostly because that type of sweetness appears to be lacking in society, at least from where I’m sitting. Besides, I love her and I want the whole world to know.)

In the end, I didn’t post the comment on my friend’s Facebook page. Perhaps it would have been rude or mean to rub in the faces of my friend and her friends my utter joy on Valentine’s Day, but I don’t refrain from doing it the rest of the year so she probably would’ve understood, or even appreciated my little dig. Perhaps it would have been noble to show her that there are good men out there, men who won’t cheat or play mind games, and not to give up hope. In the end I decided not to post my comment for the sole reason that Jill is also friends with this person, and would’ve been able to read the comment. And although I’ve not yet missed a Valentine’s Day or birthday since we met, I know my wife is not the sort to become complacent and expect such a thing. Everytime I send her flowers at work I immediately get an appreciative, gushing phone call expressing not only her love for me, but also some of the naughty things she plans to do to me as soon as we see each other; and that’s why the tradition continues.

If you’re fortunate enough to have found someone special, Jill and I wish you the happiest of Valentine’s Days, but warn you not to use this day as an excuse to forget about love and romance the rest of the year. If you are alone today, enjoy Singles Awareness Day (ironically, SAD), and take solace in the fact that you don’t have to spend heaps of money on flowers, dinner, chocolates and whatnot; or take part in crass commercialism of the type formerly reserved for Christmas.

-Jack

Jack’s Answers

1. LUST: Besides your current Significant Other who do you lust for or have you lusted for?
Most women. If I have to be more specific than that, I will say that in the past I have lusted after my high school Spanish teacher, as well as various women I dated or wanted to date. Of late I find myself lusting for numerous platonic female friends, as well as more than a couple of my sisters-in-law, though I’ve taken a lesson from Jimmy Carter and confined my lust to my heart (or at least my mind). While Jill may have no problem with my quiet attraction to other women, there’s no telling how THEY might take it.

2. GLUTTONY: What food brings out your inner glutton?
At the moment I’m going to say pizza. Tomorrow you’d get a different answer.

3. GREED: What are you greedy for?
Happiness. Can I be greedy for happiness? If I can, put me down for that, because if one is truly happy, one needs not be greedy for anything else.

4. SLOTH: What is your plan for an ideal day of sloth?
Sleeping in until about nine or ten, then getting dressed – unlike my wife I can’t be comfortable in pajamas for very long after I’ve woken up – and doing some things around the house, likely while watching movies or television. That’s about as idle as I care to be.

5. WRATH: Describe a time that you let out a can of whoop ass on someone.
I once lost it on a guy in defense of his girlfriend, who was a friend of mine at the time. Wasn’t proud of my actions then, and I’m not particularly proud of my actions fifteen years later. But it needed to happen.

6. ENVY: Who or what do you envy? Why?
I envy those who can be truly happy without accumulation of material things. I’ve never known what that’s like.

7. PRIDE: Have you ever had to swallow your pride? What are you proud of?
Of course I have. I’m not always right, though I frequently am. When I am wrong about something, I’ll quickly admit it, if only to deprive the party that is right the opportunity to gloat. I’m proud of my relationship with Jill, and the fact that, together, we have built the sex life I’ve always dreamed of having.

Jill’s Answers

1. LUST: Besides your current Significant Other who do you lust for or have you lusted for?
I have actively lusted after the husband of a close friend of mine, especially when I was single. I would never have tried to seduce him without her blessing, but had she asked me to have a threesome with them, I would have agreed without any hesitation. Besides him, I have fantasized about many other friends, including some of the friends who regularly (or occasionally) read this blog. You know who you are.

2. GLUTTONY: What food brings out your inner glutton?
Mashed potatoes. Hot sourdough bread and butter.

3. GREED: What are you greedy for?
Sex, love and attention, not necessarily in that order. I can’t get enough of any of them.

4. SLOTH: What is your plan for an ideal day of sloth?
Waking up around noon and hanging out by a warm fire in my PJs. Maybe reading a great book for awhile. Then curling up on the couch to watch a chick flick while drinking some peppermint hot chocolate.

5. WRATH: Describe a time that you let out a can of whoop ass on someone.
I can’t think of any off the top of my head! It’s not that I’m not that kind of person, or that I’ve never let someone have it (verbally more likely than physically). But these things happen so rarely that I can’t recall.

6. ENVY: Who or what do you envy? Why?
I envy people like my great uncle and my grandmother, who were so warm and outgoing that they could make you feel like the most important person in their life everytime they spoke to you, or even everytime they were in your presence.

7. PRIDE: Have you ever had to swallow your pride? What are you proud of?
I’ve had to swallow my pride many times when I was wrong about something. I am proud of the difference I have made in the lives of the people I work with. I’m very proud of the woman I have become, and the mother that I will be.

Jack’s Answers

1. What famous people share your birthday? Any the same year as well as day?
Steve Martin, Mila Kunis, Wim Wenders, David Crosby, Gary Larson. There are a few allegedly famous people who share the year as well as the day, but they weren’t famous enough (to me) to warrant inclusion.

2. Have you ever shared an address (before, during or after) with anyone famous?
I onced shared living space with Ted Kaczynski – that’s right, the Unabomber – when we both attended Harvard University in the late 1950s. Either that, or no I haven’t. Not sure which.

3. Who else has your name? (Google yourself and see who else shows up)
My full name is pretty uncommon, so I figured I’d list some folks who share my first name: Jack Bauer, Captain Jack Sparrow, Captain Jack Harkness, Jack Skellington, Jack Sprat, Jack Nicholson, Jack Kerouac, Jack Kennedy, Jack Black, Jack White, Jack of Jack and the Beanstalk fame, Jack Benny, Jack Lemmon, Jack the Ripper, Jack Squat, Jack Shit, Jackass, Jackalope, Jackanapes, Jack Off, Jackrabbit, Jack-o-Lantern, Jack of All Trades, Jackpot. That’s all I got.

4. Test the Six Degrees theory. Do you know someone who might know someone who might know someone who might know someone who might know someone who knows President Obama? How about, say Dolly Parton?
I literally have no clue whether anyone I know is six degrees (or even twelve) away from President Obama, or Dolly Parton, or anyone else. However…see below.

5. Try the sexual version. Have you had sex with someone who might have . . . anyone famous? (e.g. I slept with a woman who had slept with a Hollywood stuntman, who might have….)
I slept with someone who claimed to have had sex with someone who worked for Bill Clinton in his second term. That person could very well have had sex with with one of the many women Clinton had sex with.

Jill’s Answers

1. What famous people share your birthday? Any the same year as well as day?
Bobby Lee, Elvira, Ken Kesey, David Souter, John Ritter, Doug E. Fresh, Bryan Singer, Dustin Nguyen, Baz Luhrmann, Rita Rudner.

2. Have you ever shared an address (before, during or after) with anyone famous?
If I did, it’s news to me!

3. Who else has your name? (Google yourself and see who else shows up)
I entered my maiden name into Google and found that I share names with a novelist, a photographer, and a musician, and that was just the first three results!

4. Test the Six Degrees theory. Do you know someone who might know someone who might know someone who might know someone who might know someone who knows President Obama? How about, say Dolly Parton?
I know a couple famous people in less than six degrees. Of course, I probably shouldn’t mention them by name.

5. Try the sexual version. Have you had sex with someone who might have . . . anyone famous? (e.g. I slept with a woman who had slept with a Hollywood stuntman, who might have….)
This one is definitely a yes!

Jack’s Answers

1. When you masturbate, how long, typically, is your session and what do you think about (other than having an orgasm)?
Typically not very long. More often than not I’m alone and just want to get off, though when I’ve got some time I’ve been known to take awhile to reach my goal. As for what I’m thinking about, my fantasies are diverse in nature. During any given session I might be fantasizing about women I know and want to have sex with, woman I know and have had sex with, sex in public or with an audience, sex with multiple women, and even – gasp! – sex with my wife.

2. Have you ever been “caught” masturbating?
Yes indeed. And the less said about that, the better.

3. Have you ever masturbated in front of your computer? If ‘yes’ was it for your own purposes or for someone’s viewing pleasure?
Yep. I’m doing it right now, in fact. At the moment it’s for my own purposes, though I’ve done it many a time for the alleged viewing pleasure of someone watching on a webcam.

4. Have you ever attended a group masturbation party? Same-sex or mixed?
I’ve never attended a group masturbation party, but I probably would if invited. In fact, our Porn and Pizza parties were born of a discussion about group masturbation parties.

5. When masturbating, as you reach orgasm, do you continue to stimulate yourself without interruption, or do you stop and apply pressure until your spasms subside? Or?
When I come I usually stimulate myself without interruption. I’m all about the non-stop stimulation, whether it’s during masturbation, oral sex or just about anything else.

6. Have you ever video’ed yourself while masturbating (solo)? Where are they now?
I did this a few times with a camcorder when I was a teenager. I liked the idea of being filmed more than, say, watching myself beat off afterwards. And since I was a minor at the time, these videos have long since been erased.

Bonus (as in optional): How often do you use the word “fuck” (or its derivatives) in casual conversation – frequently, occasionally, rarely, never.
Really fucking frequently.

Jill’s Answers:

1. When you masturbate, how long, typically, is your session and what do you think about (other than having an orgasm)?
It depends on whether I’m alone or with Jack, and how long I have to spend on myself. If I am alone and trying to have an orgasm before I get to sleep I can probably do it in a few minutes. If I’m with Jack and my masturbation is part of our sex play I usually take much longer.

2. Have you ever been “caught” masturbating?
A few times. I know Jack enjoys walking in on me, but he’s not the only one who’s caught me playing with myself.

3. Have you ever masturbated in front of your computer? If ‘yes’ was it for your own purposes or for someone’s viewing pleasure?
I have definitely done this, both for my own purposes (watching porn) and for someone’s viewing pleasure (showing off on a webcam).

4. Have you ever attended a group masturbation party? Same-sex or mixed?
No, but it sounds hot…

5. When masturbating, as you reach orgasm, do you continue to stimulate yourself without interruption, or do you stop and apply pressure until your spasms subside? Or?
I usually stop stimulating myself and ride the waves of pleasure.

6. Have you ever video’ed yourself while masturbating (solo)? Where are they now?
I’ve never filmed myself, but Jack has filmed me.

Bonus (as in optional): How often do you use the word “fuck” (or its derivatives) in casual conversation – frequently, occasionally, rarely, never.
I use it pretty often. I find that I have to censor myself in certain aspects of my life including my professional life so when I’m around friends I tend to let loose with the profanity.

Would you rather…

Jack’s Answers

1. Ideal amount of sex per week?
I’ve always wanted to try daily sex – meaning with Jill. Masturbation is great, but it’s not the sex I’m talking about. I’d like to think I’d be up for the challenge of daily sex for awhile, though I have no doubt that I’d peter out (no pun intended) before long. Considering Jill’s sex drive (especially during the pregnancy), every two to three days sounds manageable.

2. Ever had an online affair?
Sure have, though not in quite a few years.

3. Are you a member of the mile high club?
Yes

4. Are you predjudice against any particular group of people?
Sure am! Users, liars and hypocrites, to name just three of many.

5. What constitutes bad sex?
Hmm…that’s a tough one. I have bad sex so rarely – and indeed I haven’t had it in years – that it’s hard to say, exactly. There was a time when I might have said that sex is bad when it’s with someone I feel nothing for, or actively dislike. In hindsight, while some sort of emotional connection can liven up dull sex, I can honestly say that I’ve had tons of great sex with people I didn’t like. Now? Now I might say that sex is bad when you really don’t want to have it, because from a man’s perspective I can’t think of much of anything that would make me write off sex as bad.

Bonus (as in optional): Can females ejaculate?
We rarely answer the bonus question, as it’s hard for us to regularly find time to answer the actual questions. But we felt we ought to answer this one, if only to quell whatever doubt is still out there. Yes, women can ejaculate! Do some research, put forth a little effort, and make it happen!

Jill’s Answers:

1. Ideal amount of sex per week?
Whatever it takes for my partner and I to be satisfied.

2. Ever had an online affair?
Yes

3. Are you a member of the mile high club?
Yes

4. Are you predjudice against any particular group of people?
Not that I can think of.

5. What constitutes bad sex?
Unsatisfying, uncomfortable or otherwise unpleasant sex. Forced sex. Sex with someone who doesn’t care whether you have an orgasm or even enjoy yourself. Sex that you have out of obligation or when you’re just “going through the motions.”

Bonus (as in optional): Can females ejaculate?
Yes! I’m living proof!