1. When you first skied down the slopes of love with your significant other were you a: a. bunny hill beginner b. a seasoned ski bum c. black diamond risk-taker pulling out all the tricks and inversions
It was probably along the lines of “bunny hill beginner”. While I was very knowledgeable on the subject of sex when I first had it, I had little or no physical experience beyond making out and some light feeling-up. I’d be inclined to go with “a seasoned ski bum” if only because of my extensive knowledge; I read anything that dealt with sex that I could get my hands on, and while I knew of its many variations I wasn’t brave enough to ask my shy sixteen-year-old girlfriend to indulge me. Certainly not the first time, anyway.
2. If you had a sexual encounter in a taxi cab and the meter was running, costing you $1 per minute. How much would that cab ride cost you?
If you’re trying to ask how long it usually takes me to have sex, I’d say about twenty bucks, minimum. If you’re really asking how long I’d have sex in a taxi cab, it depends on a number of factors, including how far we’re traveling, the comfort level of my partner, and for that matter that of our driver. If we’re just taking a five-minute crosstown trip I’d probably save the stripping-off and actual fucking until we had arrived at home (or wherever). It’s not because I’m afraid of being seen – you should know by now that I’m an exhibitionist – but because I can’t imagine the back seat of a taxi being as comfortable at age thirty-nine as it might have been twenty years ago. On the other hand if the driver is into it, and capable of driving while sneaking peaks in the rear-view mirror, we might ask him or her to take the scenic route.
3. Who has the better sense of humor, you or your significant other?
Me. My significant other is hotter, though.
4. What is the weirdest part of your nightly bedtime routine?
Probably the arcane series of rituals and catchphrases in which my daughter and I engage before she goes to bed. Some parents just give their children a quick hug and kiss and say goodnight. My daughter and I have a nightly routine that’s so complicated and bizarre that it makes the “Shimmy Shimmy Coco Pop” scene from Big look like two people exchanging a curt nod.
5. Fill in the blank: I can’t stand to be called ______ .
On the phone. Text me.
6. What household item do you use and never put back where it belongs?
I don’t think there are any. I’d love to have a more interesting answer, and in fact if I could think of anything I’d happily list it here. But I’m very conscious of having an orderly house and therefore I do my best never to leave anything out once I’ve used it. The closest thing I can think of is the frying pan. If I cook something on the stove I will sometimes leave it there while it cools (and I eat), and once in awhile I forget to put it in the dishwasher.
Bonus: The first bed you ever had sex in, was it twin, double, queen, king -sized or some other size?
It was a fairly small bed in my aunt and uncle’s guest room. I’m going to say twin. Read all about the experience here.
Jill’s Answers
1. When you first skied down the slopes of love with your significant other were you a: a. bunny hill beginner b. a seasoned ski bum c. black diamond risk-taker pulling out all the tricks and inversions
I was a bunny hill beginner. I hadn’t had any serious relationships at that point, nor had I ever been in love. My sexual experience, or lack thereof, meant I was far from seasoned.
2. If you had a sexual encounter in a taxi cab and the meter was running, costing you $1 per minute. How much would that cab ride cost you?
I would guess about $60, just to make sure we were both thoroughly satisfied.
3. Who has the better sense of humor, you or your significant other?
Probably Jack. I think I have a great sense of humor, but his is better. At the very least he tends to tell more jokes than I do.
4. What is the weirdest part of your nightly bedtime routine?
I think my nighttime routine is fairly normal. I don’t do anything special or unusual, just the same kinds of things most people do before bed. However, I often fall asleep while lying down with my daughter and putting her to bed. That’s as weird as it gets.
5. Fill in the blank: I can’t stand to be called ______ .
Ma’am. It makes me feel old. And when I’m teaching by the end of the average day I can’t stand beng called by my last name or “teacher” because I’ve heard it almost nonstop all day long.
6. What household item do you use and never put back where it belongs?
Probably my daughter’s hairbrush. Her hair is usually the last thing I do before I leave for work in the morning and I most of the time don’t bother to put it away.
Bonus: The first bed you ever had sex in, was it twin, double, queen, king -sized or some other size?
The first bed I had sex in was queen-sized, although the first time I had sex it was on a couch.
How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!
1. Toilet paper. How do you hang your toilet paper? The end coming over the top or with the end coming from around the back and at the bottom?
I usually hang it with the end coming over the top. Growing up, that was considered the “correct” way to do it, as though only the feeble-minded would do it the other way. And while I eventually realized that it doesn’t matter one way or the other – and in fact my parents might not have really cared because at present they hang it either way without much consistency – and while I still do it that way it’s more out of force of habit than any sense that that’s how toilet paper should be hung.
2. Towels. Do you use a new one each time you bathe or reuse?
I re-use. I couldn’t in good conscience wash that many towels. Bad enough that my showers take longer than they probably should given the drought we’re experiencing in California.
3. Bathing. Do you use a washcloth to clean your body or use the soap directly all over your body with no washcloth?
No washcloth. For some reason I feel like I’d need to have grime caked all over my body to justify using a washcloth. I’m not sure why that is, or if it’s even true. I just feel like I can scrub away the day-to-day filth with just my hands.
4. Bra. Do you remove your bra by taking your arms out of the straps first, then inching it around your body until you can reach the clasp and undo it or do you contort your arms, and reach around and unclasp.
I assume this question is directed at my wife, as of the two of us she is the one who wears the bras. Therefore I shall defer to her.
5. Dishwasher. Rinse/pre-wash all dishes before loading or just load.
Depends. Usually I prefer to just put them in, as our dishwasher can handle average amounts of caked-on food and such. But I monitor the dishes once they’re clean to make sure the dishwasher isn’t slacking. If I notice it is I’ll rinse or even scrub them myself.
6. Breakfast cereal. Cereal in bowl first, then pour on milk or put milk in bowl then add cereal?
Cereal first, then milk. What kind of madperson are you?
7. Toothpaste. Squeeze from bottom working way up tube as it empties or squeeze from middle or wherever you want?
I usually squeeze from wherever I want, usually the bulge in the middle. (Yes, that sounds dirty. Deal with it.) As the tube nears its end and I find myself nearly out of toothpaste I will belatedly begin squeezing it from the bottom, hoping to get every last molecule of toothpaste out before tossing the tube into the trash.
8. Condoms. Do you put it on your lover or does he put it on himself?
Again, this seems to be directed at my wife. I’ve never had a lover who wore a condom or answered to male pronouns, which is not to say that I would necessarily rule it out. It just isn’t the way my sexuality works right now. However, I will say that I am generally the one who puts the condom on when I have cause to wear one. Not always, though.
9. Condom disposal. In the garbage bin or flush down toilet?
Garbage. I’m not the sort of maniac to clog our plumbing by introducing unnecessary objects which it cannot handle. However, when I was sixteen I disposed of a condom by tossing it into a nearby body of water. Yes, I believe I pulled it back like a slingshot and let it fly. Yes, I probably got semen all over the ground. Needless to say, it wasn’t my finest hour.
Bonus: Write your own bonus question and tell us an intimate detail about you or your habits.
Bonus question: In what position do you prefer to masturbate?
Bonus answer: Generally I prefer to masturbate on my back. In my younger days I had almost no experience masturbating in this position; I found it easier to masturbate on my knees ostensibly because as a pre-teen and teenager I often worried that I’d have to leap to my feet upon incursion by my parents. Throughout my teens and twenties I used this position the most, which meant that I orgasmed most easily in missionary and doggy-style positions. Jill likes to ride me, and she likes it when I come inside her. Therefore I think I began masturbating on my back so as to make myself more likely to orgasm while on the bottom. It worked!
Jill’s Answers
1. Toilet paper. How do you hang your toilet paper? The end coming over the top or with the end coming from around the back and at the bottom?
Always over the top. I thought that was the only acceptable way to do it! In fact, I’m such a stickler for end-over-top that if Jack hangs it the other way I’ll change it.
2. Towels. Do you use a new one each time you bathe or reuse?
I re-use my towels twice and then wash them.
3. Bathing. Do you use a washcloth to clean your body or use the soap directly all over your body with no washcloth?
I use a loofah to exfoliate. If I’m staying at a hotel I’ll use a washcloth, and if I’m in a hurry I’ll use soap only.
4. Bra. Do you remove your bra by taking your arms out of the straps first, then inching it around your body until you can reach the clasp and undo it or do you contort your arms, and reach around and unclasp.
I usually contort and unclasp, or else ask Jack to do it for me, because he’s very good at removing bras.
5. Dishwasher. Rinse/pre-wash all dishes before loading or just load.
I always rinse or even pre-wash before loading. The dishwasher doesn’t seem to get all the food off if I don’t.
6. Breakfast cereal. Cereal in bowl first, then pour on milk or put milk in bowl then add cereal?
Cereal, then milk. I always feel like if there’s already milk in the bowl when I pour the cereal it’s going to get soggy faster, and soggy cereal is gross.
7. Toothpaste. Squeeze from bottom working way up tube as it empties or squeeze from middle or wherever you want?
I squeeze from the middle. Actually we just switched to jar toothpaste, so I’ve been scooping from the top.
8. Condoms. Do you put it on your lover or does he put it on himself?
I used to put them on Jack when we used them regularly. Other times he put them on himself. Actually now that I think of it when we have threesomes sometimes the third and myself will do it together, or else alternate because he usually uses more than one.
9. Condom disposal. In the garbage bin or flush down toilet?
Definitely the garbage bin. Our pipes can’t handle latex.
Bonus: Write your own bonus question and tell us an intimate detail about you or your habits.
Bonus question: After a shower, what do you do first?
Bonus answer: I always dry my legs and arms first, then wrap the towel around myself while I blowdry my hair.
It may be none of our business, but it’s TMI Tuesday so tell us anyway.
Jack’s Answers
1. Tell us something you have dreamed of doing for a long time, why have you not done it?
Skydiving. I’ve done a lot of things that I’m guessing would impress other people, but this one has always eluded me. At times I’ve blamed lack of funds, as I imagine it’s probably expensive to jump out of an airplane like a suburban James Bond; however, in reality it was probably nerves. These days, I feel like I’ve probably missed my window. I can’t see myself taking that kind of unnecessary risk now that I’m a husband and father and people actually rely on me for things. Anyway, I don’t know that I need that sort of adrenaline rush anymore. I like it; I just don’t need it.
2. Would you take advice from a porn star? If yes, what type of advice would you like to hear.
Yeah, I would. From Lisa Ann I would like to receive advice on getting my ’67 Chevelle* running again, from Nina Hartley advice on which wine pairs best with shellfish, from Lexington Steele advice on how to raise a secular child in a spiritual world, from Ron Jeremy advice on how to throw a dinner party that has everyone talking a week later, from Jiz Lee advice on what to look for in a mutual fund, and last but not least from Buck Angel advice on how to hide my collection of high-powered rifles* before the government comes to steal it.
*I don’t actually have one of these.
3. What is the sexiest thing about your boss?
I’m self-employed, so I’m going to say everything.
4. Name something you need for a foursome (and I’m not talking about golf).
Tennis rackets. We’re talking about tennis, right?
5. What is the brand of condoms currently in your possession (in your home or on your person)?
Some generic condoms we picked up at a play party or club. I’ve only got one left, and I’ve got plans to play with a friend in a couple weeks. Guess I’d better pick some up soon.
Bonus: Tell us a sex act/behavior that you simply will not do. Why?
I’m not into anything that involves bodily waste, be it urophilia, fecalphilia, or emetophilia. Nothing against anyone who’s into any of that, of course. It just doesn’t turn me on, and I hate cleaning up after messes of that sort.
Jill’s Answers
1. Tell us something you have dreamed of doing for a long time, why have you not done it?
I’ve wanted to go hang gliding for years. It’s the closest I could ever come to flying without an airplane. I like the thought of the view as I soar above the earth, and I imagine it’s very exhilarating. But since I’ve become a mother I am afraid to try.
2. Would you take advice from a porn star? If yes, what type of advice would you like to hear.
Sure! I’m guessing they would have all sorts of fun trick to teach me. I’m always looking for ways to make sex more interesting and fun, so that is the type of advice I’d like to hear. However, I would first need to determine that the porn star actually enjoys sex and has a healthy, positive attitude about it.
3. What is the sexiest thing about your boss?
Absolutely nothing. I’m sorry, but I can’t think of one single thing that is sexy or even attractive about my current boss. That doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s a bad guy, just that I don’t find him appealing on that level. The boss at my last school, however, had sexy arms and shoulders, not to mention a nice ass. He was definitely hotter than my current boss.
4. Name something you need for a foursome (and I’m not talking about golf).
Two more people than we’ve currently got, which is why we haven’t had one in awhile.
5. What is the brand of condoms currently in your possession (in your home or on your person)?
I’m not sure. I’m thinking Trojans, but I can’t say for sure that they weren’t some off-brand freebie condoms we picked up at our last play party.
Bonus: Tell us a sex act/behavior that you simply will not do. Why?
I won’t do golden showers. They don’t turn me on at all. I mean, I love getting on my knees while a hot guy showers me with something that comes out of his cock, I just don’t want it to be pee.
How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!
In honor of this month’s theme (Vintage/Retro), I’m channeling the protagonist in an old work of fiction. I’d like to think that this image conjures up Sam Spade or Stanley Kowalski, but it’s probably more along the lines of Willie Loman or Jim Dixon.
When I was nine or ten years old, many an afternoon saw me hanging out at a friend’s house after school. We’d play G.I. Joe in his rec room while watching Bill Cosby: Himself, a 1983 stand-up comedy film which HBO aired frequently in the 1980s and which most suburban White families I knew had on tape. The film is exemplary of Cosby’s style and covers a broad range of topics including marriage and child-rearing, drugs and alcohol, dentistry, and – my personal favorite – one particular cross-country flight in which the entire plane was tormented by an out-of-control four-year-old named Jeffery. Cosby delivered these routines in an appealing conversational style as though speaking spontaneously about whatever happened to be on his mind. He did so without relying on foul language for a laugh, unlike that awful, awful Richard Pryor and George Carlin. (Remember, this was the Reagan 1980s.) And above all, everything he said was incredibly funny. To mainstream Middle American audiences, it was 105 minutes of wholesome family entertainment that could be played in the middle of the afternoon without worrying that young ears might be listening. Bill Cosby: Himself was my first real exposure to stand-up comedy, and cemented Bill Cosby as a superstar in my eyes. The pedestal on which I placed him, like many of the entertainers who shaped my childhood, was a high one, and that has made his fall so much more catastrophic and traumatic.
Cosby’s aforementioned wholesomeness in part led him to rule the airwaves with his Emmy-winning sitcom The Cosby Show, which debuted in 1984. I was a fan, and enjoyed the dynamic of the Huxtable family as well as the similarities between the subject matter of the show and that of the comedy routines I’d enjoyed in the film. However, at age eight I didn’t see the show as a positive portrayal of an African-American family in contemporary America, though it certainly was. To me, and undoubtedly to many of my upper-middle-class White peers, The Cosby Show was simply an entertaining show with the guy from Picture Pages and Fat Albert.
Over time, my interest in Bill Cosby as an entertainer waned, though that is likely due more to reaching adolescence and my attention drifting elsewhere than to any perceived decline in quality. I didn’t watch the finale of The Cosby Show in 1992; I hadn’t watched the show in a couple seasons, though as I recall I was tuning in regularly to the arguably hipper spinoff A Different World. Still, I do remember listening to some of Cosby’s comedy albums around the same time. I still considered myself a fan, though not as ardent a fan as I had been as a child.
I didn’t watch any of the short-lived shows in which Cosby starred during the 1990s, and when his name popped up in the news it was rarely for good reasons; I recall feeling a measure of sadness in 1997 upon learning of the murder of his son Ennis, who had been referenced prominently in Bill Cosby: Himself. I was surprised, then suddenly not so surprised, to hear later that year that Cosby had an affair with a woman in the mid-1970s and possibly fathered a daughter. In light of the wholesome image he’d worked so hard to cultivate and protect, it was strange to think of Cosby with sexual urges, and moreso to consider that he’d cheated on his wife. But I realized that, like all of us, he was human.
In my late twenties, a well-meaning relative got me a couple tickets to see Bill Cosby live. Years earlier she and I had talked about how much we enjoyed The Cosby Show, but I doubt I’d mentioned his name to her in the better part of twenty years. I didn’t go, nor did I have much interest in seeing him perform. Isn’t he a motivational speaker now? I ended up selling the tickets to a couple friends who went in my stead.
I’d heard much about Cosby lecturing Black parents on how to properly raise their children – notably the “pound cake” speech he delivered in 2004 – and tackling what he saw as serious problems with Black culture. While I didn’t necessarily disagree with what he was saying (though I took – and continue to take – issue with the idea that the theft of a piece of pound cake justifies lethal force by police as Cosby seemed to suggest), it didn’t exactly seem like my place to listen. Perhaps my waning interest in Cosby during the last fifteen years or so, since his transition from comedian to public moralist, can be traced to the fact that, as a young White man, he wasn’t speaking to me. I felt uncomfortable consuminig his messages lest I appear to be standing in judgment of an entire race whose struggles were vastly diferent than my own.
Additionally, the abrupt about-face shook my perception of Cosby as a comedian and entertainer. However, that’s not to say that a man best known for comedy can’t, or even shouldn’t, be serious when the situation warrants it. “Bill Cosby said some real shit and the whole world freaked out on him,” said Dave Chappelle in his 2004 standup film For What It’s Worth. “Just because he was selling Pudding Pops for the last forty years, people forget that he’s…from the projects, and he might say some real shit from time to time.” Fair enough.
And it wasn’t exactly a new stance. I recall reading a 1997 interview in Newsweek in which Cosby raged against, amongst other things, the comedy film Booty Call. He decried it, and similar pop culture as “stuff that shows [young African Americans] only interested in the flesh and no other depth.” I never saw the film; such low-brow comedies were never my cup of tea. Still, at the time I agreed with his assertion that such negative portrayals of African Americans in the media helped to perpetuate racism.
However, despite my lack of interest in Booty Call I likened to censorship his claim that there was no need for such a film to even exist. Booty Call grossed more than $20 million on a $7 million budget. Obviously people wanted to watch movies of this type. At that age, steeped in film culture, hungry to watch as many movies as I possibly could, and with a couple partially-written screenplays under my belt, I couldn’t bear to consider the notion that any film shouldn’t be made. With the greater social impact of negative pop culture far from my mind, I saw Cosby as an alarmist resisting change.
As I’ve gotten older it is my opinion that a great many of the films Hollywood churns out lack any substantial artistic merit. Do I feel like most of Michael Bay’s filmography actively harms our culture? I don’t know whether I’d put it in those exact terms, but I can’t say for certain that the Transformers film series isn’t making Americans stupider. So maybe I’ve softened a bit with regard to Cosby’s condemnation of Booty Call.
One thing to which I cannot possibly soften, however, are the dozens of allegations of rape that have been brought against him. As I played with G.I. Joe figures in my friend’s rec room and listened to Cosby liken the doctor present at the delivery of his first child to Cincinatti Reds catcher Johnny Bench, I couldn’t have imagined that this man, who would be given the Presidential Medal of Freedom in 2002, and who would receive honorary degrees from more than fifteen colleges and universities, could be one of the most prolific serial rapists in American history. This is a man people let into their homes week in and week out for almost a decade. A man we trusted. A man whose albums we played, whose books we eagerly scooped up and read.
In fact, while helping my daughter clean her room last week I found a copy of Cosby’s 1987 tome Fatherhood, which I had apparently acquired somewhere prior to her birth, intended to read, and never did. When I tweeted a photo of the book before tossing it in the donation bag, our friend Curvaceous Dee suggested I might be able to get some blogging mileage out of it. I stumbled upon an article in which several of Cosby’s books are examined, with certain passages highlighted for creepiness in light of all we now know about the man’s proclivities. Fatherhood isn’t included in the article; apparently there’s nothing there that would give a reader pause in 2015. Still, best to play it safe.
“It’s just sad,” Jill said recently when we were discussing Cosby’s misdeeds. “He was such a big part of my childhood. We’d all watch The Cosby Show together as a family. It was something everybody enjoyed. We could all quote his routines, too. My favorite is the bit about labor pains. ‘Take your bottom lip and pull it over your head.’ I actually thought about that when I was in labor. He was so funny, plus it was nothing but wholesome values, the kind of thing you could watch with your parents. Good memories. Now they’re tainted.”
I originally typed “alleged misdeeds” in the above paragraph, but deleted it. While I am sadly convinced of his guilt at this point, it feels strange to state that he actually is guilty, as if part of me still doesn’t want to believe the countless charges that have been levied against him by a host of women. After all, nothing has been proven in a court of law, and given the statute of limitations on rape cases in most jurisdictions, it’s likely that nothing will ever be.
But if it takes more than forty indepdent accusations, all describing very similar assaults – to say nothing of Cosby’s recently-released 2005 testimony that he acquired quaaludes in order to drug women for the purposes of sex – to convince you that these incidents actually occurred, then as I have long feared we are a morally bereft, misogynist society that has no real use for its women other than as objects. To anyone still holding fast to his belief in Cosby’s innocence, what would it take to make you believe that this benevolent television father figure to a generation of children could harbor such a dark side? Does the accuser have to be your mother, your wife, your sister, your daughter? Or would that still not convince you?
Celebrities and public figures who I admire and respect, such as Chuck D. of Public Enemy, have suggested that the backlash against Cosby amounts to character assassination, and liken the tarnishing of Cosby’s legacy to book burning in Nazi Germany. To be fair, I believe that Cosby opened the door for his legacy to be tarnished – or perhaps even tarnished it himself – when he made the conscious choice to abuse women.
I’m sure Cosby blames the media, just as he did years earlier in his criticism of Booty Call. After all, the media has certainly had a field day airing the comedian’s dirty laundry. But what amount of coverage is commensurate with such a hideous story? Should the media instead downplay the allegations? I don’t think so. To let the decades of admittedly entertaining and funny work Cosby produced speak for him while sweeping under the rug the horrible crimes he committed would be a slap in the face to his many victims.
Tarnishing his legacy? Fuck his legacy. If I had to not only see the face of my currently-not-in-prison rapist every time I turned on Nick at Nite but also know that he was receiving royalty payments for every rerun, that would probably put a damper on my sunny disposition. And believe me, if Cosby is somehow exonerated beyond a reasonable doubt in the court of public opinion, I’ll be the first to tack an addendum onto this post and admit that I was wrong.
Still, I pray I never have to as the thought of what such a series of false accusations would do to legitimate claims of rape would be terrifying. It’s a moot point; I’m certain I won’t be proven wrong. The very thought that Cosby’s victims are involved in a massive conspiracy to destroy the aging star is too laughable to be believed. This isn’t 1987, with Bill Cosby sitting at the top of the television heap; he’s nearly eighty years old and far from the height of his power. What is to be gained? Why would these women wait until the man’s autumn years rather than going after someone with more to lose?
Former defenders Jill Scott and Whoopi Goldberg have both made an about-face recently in light of the release of Cosby’s 2005 testimony, and I’m glad. I don’t care what may have been considered acceptable in a less enlightened era, consent is everything. Considering a woman’s consent implied after you’ve plied her with drugs is one of the biggest dick moves in the sexual spectrum. Additionally, Cosby’s handling of the situation shows a profound lack of class, though admittedly not as profound as committing multiple instances of sexual assault over the course of several decades. Whether he’s making jokes at live performances about the dangers of drinking in his presence or attempting to shift the blame onto his victims, Cosby has repeatedly shown a lack of civility unexpected to those who still think of him as Cliff Huxtable.
And let’s not forget the hypocrisy. That someone could so vociferously insist on a certain standard of behavior in others while comporting himself in this manner is despicable. That it was someone once so beloved to such a broad spectrum of humanity is nearly unthinkable. I can’t see much of a difference right now between Bill Cosby lecturing Black America to behave itself while raping dozens of women and Newt Gingrich or any of a number of tired White conservative hacks who similarly fail to practice what they preach. Per an article at Madame Noire:
Cosby has always been a moralist and a conservative who goes on tours blaming Black people for our own oppression in America. He told us to pull our pants up, stop buying our kids Jordan sneakers and quit stealing poundcake. We needed to be dignified and respectable at all times. And maybe, just maybe, folks would respect us and stop being racist to us. And while he was telling us to stop being shiftless and engaging in criminal behavior, he was buying quaaludes with the express purpose of having sex with unconscious women.
I don’t wish to make it sound like I’m trying to liken myself or my generation to Cosby’s victims, or to co-opt their pain, their struggle, or their victimization. But they aren’t the only ones affected by his actions. Everyone who’s ever been entertained by Cosby’s standup comedy albums or his television series, who’s ever bought a ticket for Ghost Dad or Leonard Part 6 (my condolences), who’s ever admired the man for his philanthropy and activism, is potentially hurt by this. At the risk of overstatement, it’s not unlike losing a cherished and very special family member.
There is unlikely to be any criminal penalties in Cosby’s future, and the results of a pair of lawsuits brought against him are likely still in the distant future. What consequences could possibly exist for him at this point? Understand that no consequences for a life spent in this manner is too abhorrent to consider. That all of his pending projects were hurriedly canceled seems fitting, though I’m not necessarily in favor of further tarnishing his legacy vis-à-vis his previous works; perhaps it isn’t fair to those who contributed to his many projects to see his films and television series removed from the public eye like the Confederate Flag. I just can’t see myself ever watching any of it ever again. Not even Bill Cosby Himself.
So is this an instruction manual, then?
Seriously though. Pound cake? Who likes pound cake enough to steal it? Get real.
TMI Tuesday questions from recusen who says: It’s all about today. (Answer based on Monday or Tuesday, or whatever day works out best for you.)
Jack’s Answers (based on Monday)
1. What did you have for breakfast?
Nothing, actually. I don’t always have breakfast; sometimes I like to spend a day off lazing about in bed, then taking a leisurely shower and getting dressed around 10 o’clock. (Don’t be jealous.) By the time I start thinking about eating something it’s nearly eleven and closer to lunchtime, so I wait until noon and have lunch. However, when I do eat breakfast I’m likely to have a bagel and cream cheese with some bacon, or if I’m in a rush some kind of protein or energy bar will do.
2. What clothes did you put on?
Today I put on a pair of shorts and a T-shirt. Underwear too, of course. When it was time to finally leave the house, I put on some socks and tennis shoes as well.
3. What did you have for lunch?
Today’s lunch was a slice of pizza Jill picked up from my favorite local pizzeria. A few years back I would eat there once a week on average, but of late I find that I much prefer cooking at home over going out to eat. Which is not to say that I never go out to eat. It’s just much more rare than it once was.
4. What about dinner? What did you have? Who cooked it? Who did the dishes?
More pizza, this time homemade. Jill cooked. As for the dishes, no one yet as far as I can tell. I should probably go check the sink before I get to bed.
5. Did you, or are you going to, travel today? Where to? Car, bus, train or plane?
Travel? Not in the traditional sense, where one packs a bag and crosses great distances. Any travel I did today was done by car and limited to my immediate geographic area. I took my daughter to school, Jill to the movies, and then she and I hit a couple grocery stores before picking up our offspring and returning home.
6. Did you mail anything? Did you get anything interesting in the mail?
Didn’t mail anything. Haven’t checked the mailbox for today’s mail, but it’s unlikely that I received anything that one might consider interesting.
7. Did you send or get any interesting email?
Send a draft of an upcoming blog post to a friend in the hopes that she’d proofread it and provide feedback, though whether or not that qualifies as interesting is up to you. However, it’s the only email I sent today, so I guess it’s the most interesting by default.
8. Did you text or skype or use messenger, or other internet communications?
I did text, though I didn’t engage in any salacious sexting exchanges. My texts to Jill were standard and not suggestive at all, and the only other texts or instant messages I sent were to family and non-sexy friends. I did not use Skype, and in fact I barely tweeted today.
9. Did you use the internet for sex, e.g. watch porn?
No. While I did watch porn, I did so via locally-saved files, not streaming media.
Bonus: Did you get laid today?
No. I mean, I masturbated, if that counts as sex. But there has been no penetrative intercourse thusfar. Still, the night’s not over…
Jill’s Answers (based on Monday)
1. What did you have for breakfast?
I had a nonfat mocha from Starbucks. I usually prefer to make my own coffee at home, but I was meeting friends there.
2. What clothes did you put on?
I wore jeans and a tank top. I should have put on shorts, because it was really hot.
3. What did you have for lunch?
Lunch was a delicious slice of pizza at a pizza place with the same friends I met at Starbucks. We had coffee, then spent a couple hours at the park with our kids before going to lunch.
4. What about dinner? What did you have? Who cooked it? Who did the dishes?
I also had pizza for dinner, but this time I made it myself, and it was way better than the pizza I had for lunch. I don’t usually have pizza twice in one day, but we were already planning to have homemade pizza for dinner when my friends suggested pizza for lunch. I washed the pans and cutting boards as the pizza cooked. Jack handled the actual plates we used.
5. Did you, or are you going to, travel today? Where to? Car, bus, train or plane?
No traveling today. I wish I was leaving for vacation though, preferably someplace tropical.
6. Did you mail anything? Did you get anything interesting in the mail?
I mailed a form to my doctor. I didn’t check the mail, but I’m sure it was nothing but junk mail. We never receive anything good like money or a free trip.
7. Did you send or get any interesting email?
I received a slew of junk emails and a evite for my daughter to a birthday party for one of her friends. I sent a reply.
8. Did you text or skype or use messenger, or other internet communications?
I used instant messenger to talk to a co-worker about the state of our classrooms and when we’d be able to go in and clean up for the new school year. I also sent and received texts about meeting my friends for coffee and going to the park with our kids. Actually, now that I think of it that was yesterday. My phone has also been sending junk texts lately, right after I miss a call from someone. For example, Jack and I were both out somewhere but not standing together. He called me to see where I was, and when I didn’t answer he got a text from me that said I was driving. That must have been really weird for him because there was one car for both of us, and as far as he knew I’d just left in it.
9. Did you use the internet for sex, e.g. watch porn?
No. It was a busier day than I would have liked.
Bonus: Did you get laid today?
No. I fell asleep with my daughter before Jack and I could fuck. I’m hoping to fix that tomorrow morning. [Editor’s note: We did!]
How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!
We’d originally planned to post this shot for the July “chair” prompt before we realized that the prompt specifically forbade sofas and couches. So here it is three weeks later.
Some TMI questions about TMI brought to you by recusen, for TMI Tuesday.
Jack’s Answers
1. When was the last time someone you were talking to crossed the boundary into TMI? How did you handle it?
You know, it’s been awhile. I mentioned last month that I have an aunt who sees no problem with occasionally telling me things about her health (though fortunately not her sexual health) that I’d rather not hear. When this has happened, I usually bite my lip hard, and focus on the pain rather than her words. Then when she stops speaking I say something sympathetic and hope she never does it again.
2. When was the last time you were talking and realized you had crossed into TMI? How did the other person react? What did you do next?
I’m usually very good about not oversharing, because I assume that most people who know me don’t want to know about my bowel movements, my masturbation schedule*, my favorite sexual position**, that weird scar on my groin, or what the voices in my head tell me. Admittedly there are certain friends – mostly female – with whom I will bring up aspects of our sex life, though I am always 100% certain that it’s not going to be a deal-breaker before I do. However, I have no problem talking politics, and occasionally do on social media and in person. I’m guessing that there are some out there who consider the incredibly progressive views of this dyed-in-the-wool liberal feminist too much information. To them I say tough shit. (Note: I’m not as much of a prick as I probably come off here. However, I have my political opinions, I believe they’re the right ones – not just for me, but for the world as a whole – and while I am open-minded and capable of listening, I don’t apologize for what I believe.)
* Obviously my followers on Twitter are very interested in this topic.
** And this one.
3. Which subject matter is mostly TMI to you, i.e. you don’t want to hear? a. sex b. medical treatment or history c. bodily functions d. icky food e. finances f. political opinions e. other – tell us
If I had to pick just one of these I’d go with C. I don’t need to know how much you threw up after eating undercooked pork, nor do I want to know about the two-day diarrhea jag you experienced following a stop at a disreputable eatery during a cross-country road trip. To be fair, though, I’m not particularly keen on hearing about your medical history unless there’s something really freaky in there. Had your appendix out? Yawn. Boring. Give me something more interesting. Lost the tip of your penis in a bizarre guillotine-related mishap when you were twelve? I can admit to wanting to know more (though I won’t need to see a picture, thanks). Your finances, though? I don’t give the slightest tumbling fuck. Next time I have insomnia I’ll give you a call and you can tell me all about it. As for politics, I doubt I’ll want to hear your opinions if they differ from my own. You’re not going to convince me that any of the GOP candidates currently running – sorry, make that stumbling – for President are what this country needs any more than I’m going to convince you that they’re all a bunch of racist misogynist dickheads on the payroll of the religious right.
4. Do you ever entice people into TMI, such as try to get them to share something that should be private?
I honestly don’t. I wish I believed that I could pull this off and not be branded a creep. I can’t help but think that an attempt to get the women I fancy to tell me their preferred position for G-spot stimulation would be poorly-received. That’s not to say that there aren’t women I know personally with whom I can discuss such topics; however, I imagine it would go over better if I was single if only because, as a married man, the typical woman would assume I’m acting inappropriately behind my wife’s back. (Notice I don’t mention trying this with men, because having such a conversation with most men would be my own personal sexual Kryptonite.) That being said, though it doesn’t happen as much now as it did a couple years ago, I occasionally get hit up for sex advice from friends and while I’m not one to be offended the subject matter does get into the realm of TMI.
5. Do you enjoy swapping TMI tales–“I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours?”
In theory I do, but I’m not particularly gossipy, and most friends and acquaintances tend not to approach me with their salacious stories. (Or if they do there’s no requested quid pro quo.) I have shared certain aspects of our sex life with trusted friends, but generally do not pressure anyone into reciprocating.
Bonus: How do you feel about Pope Francis embracing “climate change” climate science?
I like it a lot better than the last couple Popes embracing pedophile priests.
Jill’s Answers
1. When was the last time someone you were talking to crossed the boundary into TMI? How did you handle it?
A few weeks ago a friend was talking about her gastrointestinal issues. Don’t worry, I’ll spare you the discomfort and mortification I felt. This particular friend has a knack for steering a conversation into frankly disgusting waters. I changed the subject as quickly as I could, and was vigilant about ensuring she didn’t attempt to take things back in that direction for the rest of the conversation.
2. When was the last time you were talking and realized you had crossed into TMI? How did the other person react? What did you do next?
It’s been awhile. I was talking to a friend about sex in a general sense, initially without getting personal about it. Over time, I’m pretty sure I told her way too much about my own sex life than she may have wanted to know. She got red and very quiet, and once again I changed the subject as quickly as I could.
3. Which subject matter is mostly TMI to you, i.e. you don’t want to hear? a. sex b. medical treatment or history c. bodily functions d. icky food e. finances f. political opinions e. other – tell us
Definitely C. I know we all have the same bodily functions and most of the time there’s nothing inherently weird about them. I just don’t want to hear about it.
4. Do you ever entice people into TMI, such as try to get them to share something that should be private?
Yes, though I have to be pretty careful about who I attempt this with. There are certain people in my life whom I can usually prod into telling me more about their sex life. I get a voyeuristic thrill out of learning such intimate tidbits especially if, for example, it’s a friend whose husband I find attractive. Learning certain aspects of their bedroom activities helps me to fantasize about him, or both of them together. I also find it exciting if, in the case of certain of my friends, the person is hesitant to open up at first. Often I find that once the person gets going she (or sometimes he) can’t stop. It’s like a valve of repression has been opened up and she can’t stop talking. In fact, in some cases the person will bring up sex on subsequent occasions without any enticing from me, presumably because I’ve demonstrated myself to be a non-judgmental listener.
5. Do you enjoy swapping TMI tales–“I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours?”
Yes, but pretty much only about sex. I don’t want to trade surgery stories.
Bonus: How do you feel about Pope Francis embracing “climate change” climate science?
I love it! As someone who was raised Catholic and still more or less identifies as Catholic, I’m all for the Pope, or any visible church leader, expressing progressive views. Through the years I have found myself at odds with some of the teachings and official positions of the Catholic Church, so the fact that Pope Francis has come out in favor of science is fantastic. But why stop there? We’ve heard a host (no pun intended) of sensible things from the Pontiff, definitely more than we did from his predecessor.
How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!
