Not Sexy

The Naughty Hangout: A Trip to the Park

jackandjillcpl9 Comments
Posted in baby HNT meme motherhood Not Sexy park photography playful swinging The Naughty Hangout TNH weekly feature written by Jill

Of the three themes at The Naughty Hangout this week, the one that most resonated with us was the primary theme, “Pastimes”.  So many things came to mind, and obviously the first one was sex.  However, we decided to tackle the theme with a different approach, one that you might not expect from us.

We talk about swinging a lot on our blog, but we’ve never meant it literally.

If you were expecting filth, we’re sorry for the tame pictures this week.  You’re welcome to check out the last photo shoot we did at a park.

Go see who else is being naughty this week!

-Jill

Sunday Stealing: The W.T.F. Meme: Promoting A New, Great Meme

jackandjillcplLeave a comment
Posted in Funny Not Sexy Sunday Stealing Written by Both

Today we ripped off a blogger named Jennifer from her meme blog W.T.F. She’s taken on the challenge of hosting a meme three times a week on Wednesdays, Thursdays and Fridays. The questions she asks are unique. She works hard at it and I asked if we might steal 20 random questions (her memes are usually 8 or 9) to both challenges our players and to promote her meme.
So we are asking you to join us starting Wednesday. We know it’s a long way to Hump Day and Jennifer’s next W.T.F. Meme on Wednesday. So if you like these questions, write a note to join us starting on this Wednesday! [NOTE: We may or may not do this.] We have nothing to do with her meme, other than enjoying participating in it. So I was happy when she gave me her permission to promote the blog in search of players. Take the time to comment on other player’s posts. It’s a great way to make new friends! Link back to us at Sunday Stealing!
Cheers to all of us thieves!
Jack’s Answers
1. One of my favorite TV shows recently changed the actors who played two characters. Have you ever been bothered by a TV show or movie series changing actors who play a character you love? While I’m sure I have been bothered, I can’t readily think of any instances in which this has happened and I have been particularly upset by it. Yeah, I know the example everyone points to is the Dick York/Dick Sargent switch on Bewitched, but other than the requisite “switching dicks” joke, it really didn’t effect me in the slightest. Bewitched went off the air four years before I was born, and I only ever knew of it as a syndicated rerun. And while I remember the changes that occurred on Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and Roseanne – the latter eventually changing back to the original actress near the end of the show’s run – neither one particularly bothered me. I suppose that, had a dramatic series I enjoyed been forced to recast, this might have affected me more than a sitcom.
2. A coworker recently shared a link to a blog listing the “five things you should know before dating a journalist.” As a journalist, I can honestly say the writer was spot-on. What are some things people should know before spending time with you?
1. I have a very dry and at-times unpredictable sense of humor.
2. If we have sex, you may never be able to have sex with anyone else ever again. (Needless to say, I never told anyone this during my single days, but they would certainly have been better off knowing.) While I am proud of my sexual abilities, this is not something about which I am particularly happy; I would much prefer it if I was a mediocre lover, and casual conquests didn’t become so clingy.
3. I’m a geek.
4. I watch very little television, and have almost zero interest in the current popular culture. I will do my best to keep up with any discussion thereof, but if our friendship requires that I watch Jersey Shore, it’s doomed to fail.
5. I’m a stickler for correct grammar, punctuation, spelling, etc. I try not to judge anyone else for not adhering to the rules as I do, but it is admittedly difficult.
3. What is something you often do without realizing that you’re doing it? I’m kind of a smart-ass. Some people get this, and can tolerate my smart-assedness. Others don’t, but play along because they like me and want to be friends. As a result there have been occasions where I’ve said something that’s offended someone or that they’ve taken personally. But no offense was meant, and the last thing I would ever do is deliberately piss someone off. Well, most people, anyway.
4. Who has the capacity to make you angrier than anyone else in your life, and what in particular does he or she do to make you so angry? I don’t know. I don’t really get crazy scary fly-off-the-handle angry. I lose my patience, sure, but I don’t think anyone in my life causes me the sort of blood-vessel-blowing fits of anger described in the question. If someone made me that insane with rage, I doubt I’d keep them around very long. Even the people I’ve recently cut out of my life didn’t make me angry so much as they made me feel pity and think, “These people have no place in my life or the lives of my family.”
5. If a fairy waved a magic wand and gave you the house of your dreams, where would it be and what features would it have? As far as location goes, any relatively safe neighborhood in our general area is fine; we wouldn’t need it to be on the edge of a cliff overlooking the ocean (hello mudslides) or anything out of the ordinary. The house would need to sit on a couple acres of land and come with free landscaping for life. It would include at least four or five bedrooms, among them a large master bedroom with attached master bathroom; spacious state-of-the-art kitchen as we both love to cook; some sort of area, ideally a large room with a couch or other comfortable chair where I can surround myself with books and read, or bring my laptop and write; a media room suitable for watching movies alone or entertaining company; a large playroom (i.e. not a bedroom) for our daughter that can be easily reconfigured to suit her as she gets older and presumably brings friends to play; and a yard which would include a hot tub, outdoor kitchen, dining area, and a decent-sized lawn on which Jill and I could have sex under the sun or the stars.
6. What’s a belief that you hold with which many people disagree? Definitely religion.
7. I used to talk in my sleep. In fact, I could carry on a conversation with someone when I was fully asleep, and my mom used this fact when I was a teenager to find out if I did anything wrong and was hiding it from my parents. If you were talking your sleep tonight, what do you think you would say? I usually go to sleep thinking about sex. (I’m usually thinking about it when awake as well.) I have no idea whether I talk in my sleep, but if I did I’m guessing I’d be talking about sex.
8. The fourth installment of the “Twilight” movie series (“Breaking Dawn Part I”) will be released in theaters soon. Movie theaters started selling advance tickets for midnight showings months ago. Have you ever attended a midnight premiere showing of a movie? Yep. I’ve done quite a few midnight premieres in my time. The most recent – and the only one since our daughter was born – was the last Harry Potter movie. Before we were parents, we used to go all the time, especially in summer as Jill’s and my own work schedules allowed the occasional night sitting in a movie theater until two-thirty or three. Now, though, such events are pretty rare, and judging by the crowd of hooligans at the Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2 showing we attended, this may be for the best. I’m not kidding. It felt like a prison riot in there.
9. On Tuesday, tigers, lions and bears were let loose in Zanesville, Ohio, by their owner before he committed suicide, leading to a hunt in which 49 of the animals, including 18 endangered Bengal tigers, were killed. How would you react if you saw “Caution exotic animals. Stay in your vehicle” being displayed on a road sign? I think I would have to obey the sign.
10. If a company opened a theme park aimed at adults, what would you name one of the rides? A Trip Through the Reproductive System. At one of two boarding stations fashioned to look like the testicles, riders board a several-seat car fashioned to look like a sperm cell, and blast off from the epididymis on a twisting, turning trip through the vas deferens and the prostate, and down the length of the penis before rocketing into the vagina, where their car will either take one path and zoom through the “egg” exit, or else find no egg and simply exit. (I’ve taken a note from the rides of the Disney theme parks as it’s been shown that variations minor and major make participants want to ride multiple times.)
11. Imagine you just moved onto Sesame Street. Which puppet would you want as your new roommate? I don’t know which one I would want, but I can think of a few I wouldn’t want. No Oscar the Grouch, for obvious reasons. No Elmo, because he’s an annoying dipshit. No Cookie Monster, because it seems like he’s got deep-rooted psychological issues and also because I doubt I’d ever get to eat a single fucking cookie while living with him. No Count, because he’s a vampire and I don’t want him trying to turn me or any women I bring home. Maybe the Amazing Mumford, because magicians seem to get a lot of action and I would be happy with his cast-offs. Whichever puppet I am saddled with, I would insist that the puppeteer be female, as I imagine our living arrangement will cause some sexual tension, and when this is eventually consummated I’d rather receive a handjob from a female puppeteer than a male one.
12. Have you ever had a weird crush on a famous person that didn’t make sense to you? I’ve never had a weird crush on a famous person that didn’t make sense to me. All of the famous people I’ve had crushes on have been appealing to me on some level, if not physically then for some other reason that is perfectly logical. The closest thing I can think of that would fit the question’s parameters is my desire to hate-fuck Ann Coulter, as long as there was no chance that she would become clingy.
13. If you get ten minutes to interview any celebrity of your choice, who would you like it to be? Some well-regarded and hot actress, singer or other celebrity. (Forgive me, but I haven’t a clue who fits these days. I’m that out of touch.) My reasoning is that ten minutes – or even five – is all I need to seduce this person. I have no desire to interview any random actor or actress for the purpose of asking them about their motivation in whatever role earned them the Oscar. I don’t have any interest in picking their brains. I don’t even care about being in their presence so I can say that I did. But sex? Yes, I’ll gladly have sex with someone for the purposes of making my friends jealous.
14. You’ve just won the complete DVD collection of all the movies starring one actor or actress. Which actor/actress would you pick? I’m going with Asia Carrera.
15. Actor George Clooney recently told People Magazine that he doesn’t use Twitter “because I will drink in the evening and I don’t want anything that I could possibly write at midnight to actually end my career.” What is something you’ve said through social media and then regretted it? I tend to be pretty cautious when social networking. Although, as a sometime writer, I find that a bit of alcohol helps the creative juices flow, I don’t usually Tweet, Facebook or blog while in an altered state of consciousness. When drinking I have occasionally said to Jill, “I hope I Tweeted that and didn’t post it to Facebook,” but I’m always kidding. I sometimes post political stuff which will occasionally get me a contradictory comment from someone who thinks along different lines, but I certainly don’t regret it. Oh wait! There was that time I checked into a nearby creek and stated that I was dumping a body there. I probably shouldn’t have done that. Oh well; water under the bridge, literally.
16. VH1 has re-introduced its hit show “Pop-Up Video,” which gives behind-the-scenes facts for popular music videos. What musician would you be most interested in learning behind-the-scenes facts about? I would like to know more about Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, specifically his favorite pizza toppings. He seems like a Canadian bacon kind of guy. Let me know when they air that one.
17. If you stumbled across someone’s personal written journal that was accidentally left in a public place, would you read any of the content? No. I’m not the sort to invade anyone’s private thoughts. And given that a nosy relative once read my own journal – yes, I kept a journal. So? – I’m doubly against such invasions of privacy.
18. What is the title of a self-help book that you’d never want to see on a store bookshelf? Blackmail Your Way to an ‘A’!
19. Many media outlets have been asking this question a lot this week… Which Halloween costume do you think will be overdone this year? I can think of a few, but while we were out last night we saw a multitude of Jack Sparrows. One of the people in our group was Jack Sparrow. There was an Asian Jack Sparrow at the next table, and one of the bartenders was also dressed like him. At the Power Exchange we saw at least two different Jack Sparrows: A tall and skinny one hung out in the lounge, while another stockier Captain Jack took part in a flogging scene downstairs.
20. Should a marriage license have a renewal date or expiration date, like a driver’s license? No. A marriage license isn’t a license to be or remain married. It’s a license to get married once. I have no idea whether such licenses actually do expire or require renewal if not used, but I would have thought that, upon actually getting married, the license expires, and would need to be renewed anyway. If it did expire over time, it wouldn’t be akin to terminating the marriage. That is what is known as divorce. This question made my head hurt.
Jill’s Answers
1. One of my favorite TV shows recently changed the actors who played two characters. Have you ever been bothered by a TV show or movie series changing actors who play a character you love? When I used to watch soap operas it would irritate me when they would change actors. I don’t remember ever being upset by this happening in a regular show that was not a soap opera, or a movie series.
2. A coworker recently shared a link to a blog listing the “five things you should know before dating a journalist.” As a journalist, I can honestly say the writer was spot-on. What are some things people should know before spending time with you?
1. I am very family-oriented. My family means a lot to me and anyone who spends a lot of time with me should be okay with my family. But they are great people, and they love to party, so I don’t think it will be a problem.
2. Lack of sleep makes me very easily irritated. It also causes me some short-term memory loss.
3. If you find my G-spot, you’d better have towels handy.
4. I am a teacher, which means that there is no other job in the world that I can do that will give me the slightest bit of satisfaction. Although actually earning a decent wage is probably nice too.
5. If you give me a plant, don’t expect it to be alive the next time you come visit.
3. What is something you often do without realizing that you’re doing it? I often play with my hair without realizing that I’m doing it. I run my fingers through it and play with my curls. Jack says it’s sexy.
4. Who has the capacity to make you angrier than anyone else in your life, and what in particular does he or she do to make you so angry? My first response would be to feel hurt by the actions of a callous or toxic person, as opposed to angry. Fortunately I don’t surround myself with this kind of person, so I don’t find myself being hurt or angry too often. Now if someone was to try and hurt my daughter, you would see some anger. But it wouldn’t last long as I would deal with the offense quickly and decisively and be back to my usual happy self.
5. If a fairy waved a magic wand and gave you the house of your dreams, where would it be and what features would it have? My dream house would be in our current area, as I like the weather and it’s close to not only family and friends, but the beach. It would have at least five bedrooms, four baths, and a huge kitchen with stainless steel appliances, marble countertops, and a Wolfe gas stove. The master suite would need to have a gas-powered fireplace as I don’t want to deal with wood. The huge backyard would include a gazebo and a pool, with an attached hot tub and fountain. Best of all, the house would have a four car garage that included four brand-new cars that were guaranteed never to break down. The house would come with free gardening and maid service, as well as a chef who didn’t cook every night, but did all of our grocery shopping and cooked when needed.
6. What’s a belief that you hold with which many people disagree? I believe in treating everybody with respect regardless of their beliefs, politics or external qualities. I initially said treat others as you want to be treated , but I changed it as I think most people believe in this but don’t practice it.
7. I used to talk in my sleep. In fact, I could carry on a conversation with someone when I was fully asleep, and my mom used this fact when I was a teenager to find out if I did anything wrong and was hiding it from my parents. If you were talking your sleep tonight, what do you think you would say? I’d probably be talking about how hot it was to have so many hands caressing my body Saturday night while Jack sucked my breasts and fingered my pussy. In my dreams, however, in addition to the guys there probably would be a lot more women touching me (and being touched by me).
8. The fourth installment of the “Twilight” movie series (“Breaking Dawn Part I”) will be released in theaters soon. Movie theaters started selling advance tickets for midnight showings months ago. Have you ever attended a midnight premiere showing of a movie? I love midnight showings. I never went to any before I met Jack, but it’s something we have done quite a bit. After waking up at 5 AM, sometimes it can be a chore to stay up until a midnight showing ends. It can be even harder to get up at 5 AM the next morning. When we went to see Watchmen at midnight in March 2009, I remember really liking the movie, although I must have dozed off at one point or another because when we got home at about 3:30 AM, I asked Jack why Brad Pitt was in one scene of the movie. “He wasn’t in the movie,” Jack said with an incredulous laugh. “That was the trailer for Inglourious Basterds.” What can I say? I was exhausted. I would also like to explicitly state that there is no chance that I will be seeing Breaking Dawn at four in the afternoon, let alone midnight.
9. On Tuesday, tigers, lions and bears were let loose in Zanesville, Ohio, by their owner before he committed suicide, leading to a hunt in which 49 of the animals, including 18 endangered Bengal tigers, were killed. How would you react if you saw “Caution exotic animals. Stay in your vehicle” being displayed on a road sign? I’d stay in my vehicle, and then probably drive elsewhere for the day.
10. If a company opened a theme park aimed at adults, what would you name one of the rides? The Pleasure Zone. It would be a virtual-reality attraction where you have your deepest, most intense fantasies fulfilled in the course of a twenty-second ride.
11. Imagine you just moved onto Sesame Street. Which puppet would you want as your new roommate? Grover. He’s lovable and furry and he seems like he’d be fun. I would say Big Bird but he lives in a nest and I don’t want to live in a nest.
12. Have you ever had a weird crush on a famous person that didn’t make sense to you? I’ve had crushes on Kirk Cameron and Michael J. Fox, and both seemed valid at the time. It was the 1980s. To be honest I had more of a crush on their TV characters than on the actors themselves. My crush on Kirk Cameron seems weird today given his religious leanings which don’t appeal to me at all.
13. If you get ten minutes to interview any celebrity of your choice, who would you like it to be? I can’t think of any celebrities I find interesting enough to interview. I think I’m kind of over celebrities at this point in my life.
14. You’ve just won the complete DVD collection of all the movies starring one actor or actress. Which actor/actress would you pick? Maybe Tom Hanks? I like a lot of Tom Hanks movies.
15. Actor George Clooney recently told People Magazine that he doesn’t use Twitter “because I will drink in the evening and I don’t want anything that I could possibly write at midnight to actually end my career.” What is something you’ve said through social media and then regretted it? I don’t think I’ve ever done this. However, I’ve had to be very careful not to post anything fun I did after calling in sick to work. For example I’ve had to avoid checking in or Facebooking about fun trips we’ve taken. I wish I had some lurid story about accidentally posting a picture of my hoo-hah on Facebook that I could share with you. Or actually, I’m really glad I don’t have that kind of story. My point is, I’ve never done that.
16. VH1 has re-introduced its hit show “Pop-Up Video,” which gives behind-the-scenes facts for popular music videos. What musician would you be most interested in learning behind-the-scenes facts about? Billy Joel. He’s my favorite musician. I would like to know more about him, and I don’t feel like rooting around in his trash.
17. If you stumbled across someone’s personal written journal that was accidentally left in a public place, would you read any of the content? No. I wouldn’t want this done to me, and I prefer to treat people the way I would like to be treated. Jack has done much journaling and all of his writing is accessible to me, but the last thing I would ever think to do is read any of it unless asked to do so.
18. What is the title of a self-help book that you’d never want to see on a store bookshelf? Perform Your Own Colonoscopy and Save!
19. Many media outlets have been asking this question a lot this week… Which Halloween costume do you think will be overdone this year? For kids, Rapunzel. Thanks to Tangled, we’ve already seen lots of kids dressed up as Rapunzel. For adults, I’m guessing there are many people going as “Occupy Wall Street” protesters, or well-dressed “We are the 1%” people. We saw a few of those last night.
20. Should a marriage license have a renewal date or expiration date, like a driver’s license? Of course not! The whole point of licensing is for the state to get money. Mandatory renewals means we have to pay again. Fuck that.

Dr. Anton Phibes’ Abominably Erudite, Musically Malignant, Cursedly Clever Halloween Horror Movie Quiz

jackandjillcpl1 Comment
Posted in Dark Shadows Halloween Horror Movies Movie Trailers Not Sexy Vincent Price written by Jack


I found this survey at Sergio Leone and the Infield Fly Rule and decided to take part. I’m a die-hard horror fan, and as it’s nearly Halloween I thought why not? With the multitude of memes in which we take part each week, this blog has come a long way from its humble origins as a mere record of our sex life. If you don’t happen to fancy horror as a cinematic genre, I won’t take it personal if you decide to skip this entry. If you do – or if you’re willing to go along for the ride – you might get an idea as to what, beyond sexy naked women, makes me tick.

-Jack

1) Favorite Vincent Price/American International Pictures release.



While AIP is responsible for many of the horror films I love, including the eight Poe-flavored Vincent Price/Roger Corman films, without a doubt, my favorite film from this category is The Abominable Dr. Phibes.  I read about this one in back issues of Famous Monsters of Filmland when I was a budding horror geek (I remember discovering that it was Vincent Price’s 100th film), and upon finally viewing it I was captivated, not only by Price’s performance, but by the character of Phibes himself, a disfigured madman hell-bent on revenge against the doctors he believes responsible for the death of his wife.  Under the direction of Robert Fuest, The Abominable Dr. Phibes is as full of over-the-top action set-pieces as any big-budget summer blockbuster.  The film climaxes with a heart-pounding scene involving an acid trap that seems almost like a precursor to the Saw movies.  Watch the trailer:

2) What horror classic (or non-classic) that has not yet been remade would you like to see upgraded for modern audiences?

I am largely unimpressed by the recent spate of Hollywood horror remakes.  I feel they are crass big-budget spectacles that almost totally lack the frequently small-budget charm of the originals.  But Jack, you may say, your beloved Frankenstein was a remake.  Well, technically not; Universal’s 1931 version of Frankenstein, directed by James Whale, is actually an adaptation of the Mary Shelley novel, and not a remake of the earlier Thomas Edison film, but I see your point.  I don’t dislike all remakes; I simply miss the days when Hollywood may not have had any original ideas, but they did a better job of packaging them with new titles.  Though technically not a horror film, the film that I think could actually stand a big-budget remake is Toho’s 1962 film King Kong vs. Godzilla.  A legendary monster mash, I’ve enjoyed this film – a classic in my book, at least – for decades.  It’s a film that could stand a more dynamic approach, ideally produced and directed by fans of the giant monster genre, but only if the monsters are realized practically.  No CGI whatsoever.  Watch the trailer for the 1962 film:

3) Jonathan Frid or Thayer David?
I’ve never watched Dark Shadows, but I’ll say Jonathan Frid as I am at least familiar with his character of Barnabas Collins.

4) Name the one horror movie you need to see that has so far eluded you.

I can’t think of too many horror essentials that I’ve yet to see, as I spent my formative years reading about so-called must-see horror movies and then tracking them down at local video stores or watching them on cable.  I’m sure there are some newer horror films that sound good and which I’d like to check out, but no absolute musts, no movies that might make a fellow genre lover say, “You haven’t seen that one yet?  Dude – get on that already!”  The only one I can think of is, perhaps, Dan Curtis’ 1975 TV movie Trilogy of Terror, starring Karen Black and a Zuni fetish doll.  I’m not sure why I haven’t seen this one yet; I’m pretty sure I have a copy around here somewhere.

5) Favorite film director most closely associated with the horror genre.

John Carpenter, whose filmography reads like a list of must-see horror films.  Carpenter might still enjoy the “favorite” designation were his sole contribution to the genre 1978’s seminal slasher Halloween.  In my opinion, Halloween is an essential modern horror film.  Perhaps the essential modern horror film.  It reinvented the horror genre, and gave rise to legions of inferior clones, including Friday the 13th.  Without Halloween, the slasher movie cycle of the late ’70s and early ’80s may never have taken place.  (Yes, I’m aware that 1974’s Black Christmas is considered by many to be the true father of the genre, but no less of an authority than Sean Cunningham has stated that it was Halloween that he was trying to rip off with Friday the 13th.)  Additionally, the fact that Carpenter performed a variety of other roles in addition to directing, frequently writing, producing, acting and contributing memorable musical scores, makes him a very versatile jack-of-all-trades.

6) Ingrid Pitt or Barbara Steele?

Ingrid Pitt.  While I am familiar with the work of Barbara Steele, especially her dual roles in Mario Bava’s 1960 film Black Sunday and 1961’s Roger Corman adaptation of The Pit and the Pendulum, I am much more familiar with Ingrid Pitt’s performances in Hammer’s early-’70s offerings The Vampire Lovers and Countess Dracula.

7) Favorite 50’s sci-fi/horror creature.


If I’m being absolutely serious, I’m going with the Gill Man, the title character of Universal’s classic 1954 film Creature From the Black Lagoon.  What’s not to like?  Millicent Patrick’s design is intricate and wildly exotic, the face managing to be both scary and sympathetic.  Equally at home on land as underwater, the Gill Man attacks and kills humans only because they intrude on his territory, making this one akin to an early conservationist parable.  

Watch the trailer:

If I’m being less serious, I’ll choose Ro-Man, the main baddie from the craptacular 1953 cult classic Robot Monster.  

I am a fan of schlocky 1950s sci-fi and horror and I’ve seen many of the best-known and most-ridiculed films of this genre.  However, none of them present a character as ridiculous as Ro-Man, an alien – or is it a robot? – invader portrayed by actor George Barrows wearing a gorilla suit and a diving helmet.  

Watch the trailer:

8) Favorite/best sequel to an established horror classic.


Bride of Frankenstein.  As a fan of the Universal horror films of the ’30s and ’40s, I was exposed to James Whale’s adaptation of Frankenstein at an early age.  Though unquestionably a horror classic and quite fun to watch, this film is sadly very dated.  Not just because it’s in black and white, as are virtually all films of the era; or because the entire cast (as far as I can tell) is dead, including then-seven-year-old Marilyn Harris, who played the young girl inadvertently drowned by Karloff’s childlike Monster.  It’s dated because, at the time of its release in 1931, sound had only been a component of feature films for a few years.  Frankenstein is a quiet movie that in some ways doesn’t quite live up to the potential of the sound era.  Additionally, Whale’s extensive experience as a director of stage plays may have contributed to the film’s staid quality, which included many very straightforward, static camera shots.  (A relative to whom I showed the film compared it to watching security camera footage, though I wouldn’t go quite that far.)  Despite the fact that both Frankenstein and Bride of Frankenstein were directed by the same man, and that a mere four years passed between the films, Bride is the polar opposite of the original.  Infused with jolts (no pun intented) of gallows’ humor, Bride of Frankenstein also makes the most of sound, featuring a memorable score by Franz Waxman; and there is much use made of lighting, camera placement, and overt symbolism and iconography.  Additionally, the film features one of the most intriguing characters from the classic Universal pantheon, Ernest Thesiger’s Dr. Pretorius, not to mention Elsa Lanchester’s iconic turn as the Monster’s Mate.


Watch the trailer:

9) Name a sequel in a horror series which clearly signaled that the once-vital franchise had run out of gas.


The first movie that came to mind when I read this question was Alien Resurrection.  Alien and Aliens are two of my all-time favorite sci-fi films, though I was underwhelmed by David Fincher’s 1992 follow-up Alien 3.  While my enjoyment of Alien 3 has increased with repeat viewings, Alien Resurrection represents the series’ nadir.  I don’t find the designs of the aliens compelling, and the plot contrivance of bringing Sigourney Weaver’s Ripley back as a clone simply doesn’t work for me.  Watch the trailer:

I have similar feelings about Hammer’s 1970 film The Horror of Frankenstein.  



I found Ralph Bates, who played the title role, to be a poor substitute for Peter Cushing, whose Baron Frankenstein had been a staple of Hammer’s Frankenstein films since the series’ inception.  Additionally, I didn’t care for the way this film restarted the films’ continuity, and since the follow-up, 1974’s Frankenstein and the Monster From Hell, reinstates Cushing, it’s easy to overlook this one.  Watch the trailer:

10) John Carradine or Lon Chaney Jr.?




Chaney by a mile.  Although Chaney’s portrayal of Frankenstein’s Monster falls far short of Karloff’s (or even, arguably, Glenn Strange’s), the dual role that he came to regard as “my baby”, the Wolf Man and his alter-ego Lawrence Talbot, was solely his.  He brought much pathos to the character’s five appearances, even in the series’ comedic swan-song Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein.  The one character both actors played to which I feel Carradine was better suited was Dracula, a role he played in Universal’s House of Frankenstein and House of Dracula, as well as William “One-Shot” Beaudine’s bargain-basement 1966 schlock classic Billy the Kid vs. Dracula.  Though he can’t hope to match the authenticity of Bela Lugosi’s performance, Carradine’s Shakespearean background serves him well as the Transylvanian Count.

11) What was the last horror movie you saw in a theater? On DVD or Blu-ray?
Theater?  Got me.  We make it out to the movies pretty rarely these days, owing to our refusal to bring a young child into a movie theater for a kid-friendly movie, much less a horror film; as well as a scarcity of babysitters in our area and the extensive planning that must now go into theater-going.  As parents, we are no longer able to spontaneously go see a movie.  Accordingly we see most of our movies in the relative comfort of our own home, where the penalty for answering a cell phone during a movie is no more popcorn for you.  The last movie we saw was Halloween III:  Season of the Witch, which we watched last night once the baby had gone to bed.  Of course, we’ve seen it many times; the most recent new horror film we saw was Scream 4.
12) Best foreign-language fiend/monster.

Godzilla, hands down.  I’ve long been a fan of the King of the Monsters, and like James Bond, I enjoy watching the character develop and evolve – or at times devolve – through the course of a decades-long film series.  And while I love the tone of the 1954 film Gojira, in which the monster’s attack on Tokyo is an allegory for the nuclear attacks on Hiroshima and Nagasaki, as a child I had a soft spot for some of his more fantastical cinematic adventures from the 1960s and 1970s.  Of particular interest to Little Jack was the abyssmal – and I mean abyssmal, even for me as a young child – 1973 offering Godzilla vs. Megalon, which introduced not only the subterranean cockroach monster Megalon, but also the multi-hued (and strangely mute despite his Jack Nicholson-esque grin) Ultraman ripoff Jet Jaguar.  Watch the trailer:
13) Favorite Mario Bava movie.

I would have to say Black Sunday, though I also appreciate Twitch of the Death Nerve for its influence on the splatter films of the ’80s.
14) Favorite horror actor and actress.
It’s pretty difficult to choose just one from each category, as there are a lot of different factors that would make me choose one actor or actress in particular.  For overall contributions to the genre, I would probably choose Boris Karloff, as he gave horror cinema many iconic performances, not the least of which are Frankenstein’s Monster and the Mummy Im-Ho-Tep in four Universal films in the 1930s; and Jamie Lee Curtis, who demonstrated in Halloween that women in horror films can do more than simply scream and wait for rescue, and set the trend of tough, plucky “final girls” that continues to this day.  Were I choosing recipients for some sort of horror “lifetime achievement award”, I would select Christopher Lee for his extensive body of work; and Daniela Doria for a career of undignified death scenes at the hands of director Lucio Fulci.  I would also like to mention four-time Jason Voorhees actor Kane Hodder, who is remarkably down-to-earth and personable despite his very intimidating signature role; and A Nightmare on Elm Street actress Heather Langenkamp, who may very well have been my first celebrity crush.
15) Name a great horror director’s least effective movie.


John Carpenter’s 1996 film Escape From L.A.  As stated earlier, Carpenter is undoubtedly a great horror director; his career has been distinguished by such beloved genre classics as The Thing, Christine, and my personal favorite, the aforementioned Halloween.  But the follow-up to his 1981 hit Escape From New York suffered from overblown action sequences, and generally feels forced in much the same way that Shock Treatment, the sequel to The Rocky Horror Picture Show is an attempt to catch lightning in a bottle.  Watch the trailer:
16) Grayson Hall or Joan Bennett?
Again, not a big fan of Dark Shadows, so…
17) When did you realize that you were a fan of the horror genre? And if you’re not, when did you realize you weren’t?
I don’t know when I realized that I was a fan, though it must have been during my early childhood.  I knew that I loved monsters, but I was unaware of the overall significance of this love.  I wouldn’t have said that I was a fan of the horror genre; I just liked scary stuff.  I had lots of monster toys, including Remco’s Universal Mini-Monsters action figures; I checked out all the horror-related reading material I could find at my local library, though I was particularly enamored with Crestwood House’s Monster Series books, the orange covers and spines of which were undoubtedly familiar to any child of the late ’70s and early ’80s; I watched as much horror as I could get my hands on, though at a very young age this proved difficult, and my horror-watching (as opposed to horror-admiring-from-afar) really took off in my pre-teen years.
18) Favorite Bert I. Gordon (B.I.G.) movie.

1957’s The Amazing Colossal Man.  Like Phibes, I fondly remember reading about The Amazing Colossal Man and its pseudo-sequel, the following year’s War of the Colossal Beast, in well-thumbed and worn copies of Famous Monsters of Filmland during my youth.  I first watched both films on VHS in the 1990s – not on Mystery Science Theater 3000, as I imagine many of my contemporaries did – when my obsessive horror fandom led me to buy them sight unseen.  I found both to be campy, yet still thrilling and fun.  The original film wins out as I have always preferred Glenn Langan’s take on the tragic title character over that of Dean Parkin; while the sequel’s interpretation of the lead character features extensive cool-looking prosthetics, Parkin’s lack of dialogue makes the character here less human, and thus less relatable.  Watch the trailer:
19) Name an obscure horror favorite that you wish more people knew about.
Jack Sholder’s 1982 slasher film Alone in the Dark, not to be confused with the indentically-titled 2005 Uwe Boll embarrassment.  Overshadowed on its release by more prominent slasher films including genre giant Friday the 13th Part 3-D, the film concerns a quartet of mental patients who escape the psychiatric facility to which they’ve been remanded, and terrorize their new doctor who they believe murdered his predecessor.  The film is an intriguing study of the fine line between sanity and insanity, and features strong performances by Jack Palance, Martin Landau, and Donald Pleasance.  Watch the trailer:  
Also, the 1981 film Dead & Buried, written by genre greats Dan O’Bannon and Ronald Shusett, tells a bizarre story of murder and resurrection.  As the sheriff of a Rhode Island town investigating strange goings-on, James Farentino comes to learn that the people he thinks he knows best – including himself – may not be what they seem.

Watch the trailer:
20) The Human Centipede— yes or no?
Yes, I’ve seen it.  At first, knowing what I did of the film’s premise, it struck me as something I had to see to believe.  After seeing it, I was convinced that it was intended less as an over-the-top gross-out horror film and more a tongue-in-cheek comedy.  I mean, the surgeon who constructs the title creature is played by an actor named Dieter Laser.  You can’t make this shit up.

As God is my witness, the guy’s name is Dieter Laser.


21) And while we’re in the neighborhood, is there a horror film you can think of that you felt “went too far”?
There are certainly films that are difficult for me to watch.  I found A Serbian Film to be deeply disturbing (despite the at-times bargain-basement special effects) and a film I doubt I’ll re-watch.  Likewise the Japanese torture porn opus Gurotesuku (Grotesque), known for its ban in the U.K., is a mean-spirited collection of brutal special effects sequences, though its most egregious offense is the negligible excuse for a story that links said sequences.  But to say that I feel any film goes too far is inaccurate.  I don’t concern myself with violent action taken by a viewer supposedly because of a violent film, and as long as no one was actually harmed on-screen I don’t see a problem with extreme imagery.  Wait.  I take that back.  Perhaps Cannibal Holocaust, which depicts the actual killing and mutilation of animals, went too far.  But then again, I own a copy.

22) Name a film that is technically outside the horror genre that you might still feel comfortable describing as a horror film.
Darren Aronofsky’s Requiem For a Dream.  The film deals with addiction, obsession and insanity, and features some of the most unsettling subject matter and downright horrific imagery I’ve ever seen in a non-horror film.  The prospect of watching Jennifer Connelly – Cliff Secord’s Jenny! – go ass-to-ass with another comely heroin addict may sound alluring, but the film is grueling and leaves the viewer in need of detox afterwards.  

I have no idea whether Jennifer Connelly did her own stunts.
Watch the trailer:

23) Lara Parker or Kathryn Leigh Scott?
Um…hello?  Is this thing on?
24) If you’re a horror fan, at some point in your past your dad, grandmother, teacher or some other disgusted figure of authority probably wagged her/his finger at you and said, “Why do you insist on reading/watching all this morbid monster/horror junk?” How did you reply? And if that reply fell short somehow, how would you have liked to have replied?
I watched Fred Dekker’s 1987 horror comedy The Monster Squad the other night, and this question reminds me of the severe dressing-down given two of the main characters by their school principal.  The only time I remember being lectured about my love of all things horrific, I just stood there and took it.  Rather than providing an intelligent, perfectly-worded counterargument, I looked down at the floor in shame.  Then, in the middle of the night I got a woodcutter’s axe from the toolshed in the backyard, draped myself in plastic bags, and chopped to pieces everyone in the house.  (Ironic considering that the person who had earlier lectured me wasn’t someone who lived in my house.)  Then I threw the bloody remnants into a conveniently-located acid vat.  Actually, I don’t think I was ever chastised for my horror fandom.  It was something that my parents saw as largely harmless; indeed, my mother had grown up watching Hammer’s 1950s and 1960s horror output.  If anyone disapproved, whether grandparents, teachers or clergy, they kept it to themselves.
25) Name the critic or Web site you most enjoy reading on the subject of the horror genre.
I don’t actually read any of these.  I’m familiar with websites like Bloody Disgusting, Dread Central, Shock Till You Drop, and the like.  And I can think of no real reason why, but I’ve never actually gone to one of these sites to browse, only if I’ve followed a link from elsewhere.  And while I’ve been known to peruse the odd horror-related publication in part for reviews, there is no critic whose work I can say I particularly enjoy or look forward to.
26) Most frightening image you’ve ever taken away from a horror movie.

The final shot of The Omen, wherein Damien turns to smile devilishly at the camera while attending the funeral of his parents.  That the film ends with the Antichrist victorious, and the general public unaware of his existence, is suitably scary, as well as bleak, for the end of a horror film.
Additionally, Aunt Harriet, made up to look like the deceased brother Tony in Paranoiac is something that still disturbs me.  I’d seen a still in a book when I was younger, it made me want to see the movie immediately.

27) Your favorite memory associated with watching a horror movie.
There’s no way I can pick just one.  My childhood alone is packed with such memories:  Seeing Frankenstein during an elementary school Halloween party.  Gathering with friends at somebody’s house to watch American Werewolf in London and hearing a chorus of “Rewind it!” during Jenny Agutter’s shower scene.  Being afraid to look out my bedroom window during a late-night viewing of Night of the Living Dead.    
28) What would you say is the most important/significant horror movie of the past 20 years (1992-2012)? Why?

Without a doubt, the answer is Scream.  Prior to its release, the horror genre was dying, or at the very least in decline, with big budget costume dramas like Bram Stoker’s Dracula and Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein seemingly the order of the day, while ’80s horror franchises continued to breed uninspired sequels.  As far as influence over the future of the genre, I don’t believe anything else comes close.  While I am hesitant to say whether this is a negative or a positive, horror as a whole would be nothing like it is today had Scream never been produced.  Much like Halloween eighteen years earlier, Scream gave rise to a legion of lesser films, notably I Know What You Did Last Summer, and the prominence of so-called torture porn in the last decade seems to be an answer to the wave of lightweight PG-13 horror films released in its wake.  Additionally, though Scream wasn’t the first self-aware horror film, it was more successful at exploiting this hook than, for example, Wes Craven’s New Nightmare.  After growing up in the Reagan ’80s and being told that modern horror was the lowest common denominator, lower even than porn, I can admit that I initially resented the fact the same critics who’d savaged the films I enjoyed growing up now loved Scream because it was tongue-in-cheek.  Watch the trailer:
29) Favorite Dr. Phibes curse (from either film).

I’m going to go with the locusts that devour – quite literally picking her flesh from the bones of – Susan Travers’ character.  
30) You are programming an all-night Halloween horror-thon for your favorite old movie palace. What five movies make up your schedule? 
A middle-of-summer horror-thon would feature five camping-themed films:  Friday the 13th (1980), The Burning (1981), Madman (1982), Sleepaway Camp (1983) and The Blair Witch Project (1999).  A horror-thon made up of Amicus’ 1970s horror anthologies – The House That Dripped Blood (1970), Tales From the Crypt (1972), Asylum (1973), Vault of Horror (1973), and From Beyond the Grave (1973) – would also be fun as I enjoy all of these films.  I would also enjoy programming a “Awful or Out-of-Continuity Installments of Popular Horror Franchises”-themed horror-thon.  It would include any five of the following films:  Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982), A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 2:  Freddy’s Revenge (1985), Friday the 13th:  A New Beginning (1985), Friday the 13th Part VIII:  Jason Takes Manhattan (1989), Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation (1994), Wes Craven’s New Nightmare (1994), Hellraiser: Bloodline (1996), Halloween Resurrection (2002), and any installment in the Child’s Play or Leprechaun series.

TMI Tuesday: Not Related

jackandjillcpl11 Comments
Posted in Funny Not Sexy Shitty Kid Social Networking TMI Tuesday Violent Crime Report Written by Both

A fun random image to go along with some fun random questions

Jack’s Answers

1. Name 5 things you did more of before social networking (facebook, myspace, twitter, etc.)?
Note: These are things I did more of before I began taking part in social networking, not necessarily things I did before social networking actually existed.
1. Called people on the phone
2. Sent e-mails
3. Wondered how some nearly-forgotten acquaintance from junior high school is enjoying life.
4. Slept
5. Mocked smartphone owners for being unable to go five minutes without updating their Facebook status

2. Your house is on fire, what do you grab as you run out?
My daughter. (Presumably my wife is aware of the fire given the fact that it’s very difficult to sleep through my patented undignified “the-house-is-on-fire” screams of terror.) I would probably also grab oour wedding album, since I made the damn thing and it was a hell of a lot of work.

3. Are you a morning person or a night owl?
a. What time did you go to bed last night?
b. What time did you wake up today?
I’m a night owl by nature, and I always have been. However, the fact that I have a daughter who is somehow both a night owl and an early riser means that I’ve had to adjust in the last year and a half. My mother says that this is simply history repeating itself, and having not been fond of sleep as a young child I am now blessed with a baby who feels the same way. I can’t tell you how many mornings I’ve had where, after negligible sleep at best, I’ve begged any theoretical deity out there to let her sleep just one more hour so I could also get some precious rest only to hear her calling me from her crib or worse, crying. It is for this reason that I look forward to, and will take unnatural delight in, waking her up for school when she gets older.
a. I went to bed last night at around 12:30 or 12:45.
b. I woke this morning around seven.

4. A kid comes up to you and kicks you in the shin, what do you do?
Probably swear, likely at the kid, right to his or her face. (“You little motherfucker!” comes immediately to mind.) It’s instinct, really. I don’t know that I would swear out of anger but more out of a reaction to the shock and pain of having said child suddenly kick me. I’ve never been the sort to harm or even touch an unruly child, though I think I would be tempted. I realize that you don’t use physical violence in order to teach a child not to be physically violent; rather, I might harrangue the child verbally, especially if the child was older than, say, four and thus should most certainly know better. Additionally if there is a parent nearby, I think I would politely ask him or her to teach the child some manners.

5. What three things do you never leave the house without?
Pants, my left shoe, and my right one. This is the least amount of clothing I am generally wearing when I walk through my front door whether or not I am going for a run, taking out the garbage, getting the mail, or actually getting in a car and going someplace. I generally wear a shirt as well, though the question asked for three things, not four. If clothing does not count and I must come up with three other things, i.e. three accessories or personal effects, I will go with my phone, as I burst into flames if I am not reachable at all times; my wallet as I like being able to pay for things and drive a car, and that is where I usually keep any cash or cards, as well as my driver’s license; and my keys, which are necessary for locking my front door when I leave, and unlocking it when I return. In addition, I frequently carry my mp3 player, and a pair of ear buds if I’m out for a walk or run; spare batteries for my phone, as my phone uses power far too quickly and without them I am sure to burst into flames; a Canon PowerShot point-and-shoot camera for those occasions when I plan to take lots of pictures but don’t want to kill my phone batteries; and a pair of sunglasses, if necessary.

Bonus: Name a place that you visited last week that you’ve never visited before. Briefly tell us about the visit.
On Saturday we took the baby to a pumpkin farm on the coast, where she ran around like a madwoman, grateful to be out of the car after more than an hour’s drive. She attempted to pick up every single pumpkin she could find, and eventually picked out a small sugar pie pumpkin which, yes, Jill will make into a pie. I’m reasonably certain that I’ve never been to this pumpkin patch before, although as I understand it local elementary schools sometimes take October field trips there, and have for decades, which conceivably could mean that I went there when I was a kid. However, I am going to assume that I have in fact never been there, unless a photo surfaces of me standing by the sign at the main entrance.

Jill’s Answers

1. Name 5 things you did more of before social networking (facebook, myspace, twitter, etc.)?
1. Wrote letters
2. Made phone calls
3. Visited people
4. Read books
5. Listened to music

2. Your house is on fire, what do you grab as you run out?
Besides the baby? Our pictures and other things that can’t be replaced.

3. Are you a morning person or a night owl?
a. What time did you go to bed last night?
b. What time did you wake up today?
I’m more of a morning person than a night owl. Because of my schedule, which includes frequent workouts and a forty-five minute commute to and from work (not to mention work itself), by nighttime I have absolutely no energy to spare, and I frequently fall asleep while putting the baby to bed. It’s a miracle that we manage to have as much sex as we do.
a. I went to bed around eleven PM.
b. I woke up this morning around 6:45 AM. I slept way too late, and left the house like – well, like it was on fire.

4. A kid comes up to you and kicks you in the shin, what do you do?
I’d probably ask what the hell he or she thinks he’s doing. Then I’d look for a parent and bring the matter to the parent’s attention. Actually, something like this happened to me once, about eleven years ago. I was teaching a kindergarten class, and one of my students was misbehaving. When I tried to discipline him, he tried to run from the classroom. When I stopped him, he kicked me in the shin, leaving a permanent mark, and tried to run again. When I caught him, I took him to the principal’s office. The principal, having had numerous problems not only with this student but with his elder siblings, decided to call the police in order to get the parents to discipline their shitty kids. A violent crime report was filed, and I still have a copy of it someplace.

5. What three things do you never leave the house without?
My keys, and my purse and my phone. Initially I said “shoes” in place of “phone”, and Jack pointed out that this implies that I sometimes leave the house without pants or a top. I rarely do that anymore.

Bonus: Name a place that you visited last week that you’ve never visited before. Briefly tell us about the visit.
We went to the home of a female friend’s new boyfriend on Saturday night and hung out with them. We’d planned to pick up dinner for them but they’d already eaten, so Jack and I picked up food on the way and when we got there we hung out in the hot tub, drank wine, and had a great time.

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

Sunday Stealing: The Questions Galore Meme, Part 2

jackandjillcpl7 Comments
Posted in Funny Meme Hatred Not Sexy Sunday Stealing Written by Both
Today we ripped off a blogger named Jenni from the blog Juniper’s Jungle. It’s long, so we will do it in parts. She states that she found this meme [at] Budgies blog. But, it was probably stolen there as well. So, of course, that will be as far as we go. Tracing back our theft’s thieves might take some time. Take the time to comment on other player’s posts. It’s a great way to make new friends! Link back to us at Sunday Stealing!
Cheers to all of us thieves!
[Note: When these questions were originally posted Jill and I pasted them into a word processing document in order to answer them. However, since then the wording of a few of the questions has been altered and in some cases questions were changed completely. The original three questions, and our answers thereto, are included as bonus questions.]
Jack’s Answers
21. What was the last song you listened to that wasn’t sung in English? It was either “Llorando”, by Rebekah Del Rio (Spanish), or “Vaka”, by Sigur Rós (Vonlenska/Hopelandic).
22. One of our SS players generally leaves a critical comment on our memes. Which is fine. All’s fair. Do you let meme authors know when you hate their memes? No. I generally don’t find blogging memes to be sufficiently important as to inspire an extreme emotional reaction, especially not hatred. If I don’t like something that much, I don’t participate. I certainly don’t bother to bitch to the person responsible. What’s the point?
23. What TV show would you like to be on? I would like to appear on a revival of Twin Peaks, with Idris Elba in the role of Special Agent Dale Cooper and either Abigail Breslin or Chloë Moretz as Laura Palmer. Rather than concerning the murder of a local homecoming queen in a small town in the Pacific Northwest, it would instead be about either human trafficking in a Texas border town, or the illegal poaching of Chesapeake Bay crabs in a coastal town on the Eastern Seaboard. I would portray the log.
24. What was the last video game you played? I’m pretty sure it was Metroid, the 1987 sci-fi adventure game for the NES. On the rare occasion that I have time to play a video game, I’m probably on my laptop, running an NES emulator and playing something from the mid-to-late-’80s, likely one of a handful of NES games that still hold my interest for replay value as well as nostalgia and overall fun. That said, it’s been awhile since I played.
25. Have you ever been in a musical? If yes, do tell. Sarcastic answer: Why yes! I find myself in a musical quite often. Why, just recently I was walking down the street on an unsually sunny day and I suddenly burst into a song worthy of Rodgers and Hammerstein. As I traveled along my path, the various townspeople I passed joined me not only in my walk, but also in my song, until I found myself in the middle of town, where everyone joined me in the town square as our song reached its culmination. Truthful answer: No. I’ve only been in the audience of a musical.
26. Do you follow your own style or everyone else’s? I think I follow my own style. On the rare occasion that I take a style cue from someone else, it’s certainly not “everyone else”, as I find the latest thing that all the kids today must wear/have/watch/do to be fairly shallow and vapid. Of course, as a thirty-five-year-old man, were I to follow the same trends as “all the kids today”, it would come off as desperate and creepy, so there’s another reason that I avoid it.
27. What’s the last store you bought from? I picked up a magazine from Barnes & Noble a couple days ago. That’s probably the last purchase I made.
28. In retrospect, have you ever let a person use you a lot? For sex? Not as much as I would have liked. In general? Not very much. I am pretty resistant to being used, though I am willing to do a lot for people who aren’t users and who appreciate my efforts.
29. What are you doing two days from now? Masturbating? I’m going to say masturbating. This is something I enjoy, and the likelihood of my doing so on any given day is high.
30. Did you ever believe there were monsters in your closet? There was a period in my early childhood where I didn’t actually believe that there were monsters in my closet, but I worried that at some point there might be. My parents’ bedroom was directly behind my own, and there was a passage between our two closets. I never heard a noise coming from their bedroom that made me think there was something in the closet, but knowing about the passage I did worry that something (a monster, naturally) could come and get me from their room while I was focused on keeping something from coming to get me through my bedroom’s main entrance.
31. When you graduated high school, did you let random people sign your yearbook or just close friends? As in, people I didn’t go to school with? No. The only people I let sign my yearbooks were those whose picture, or at least whose name, appeared in it. As for random people who attended my school, if asked I did exchange a signature with someone who was technically not a friend, i.e. a casual acquaintance or someone I’d seen regularly in the halls and at school events.
32. Would you consider adopting a child that had a mental illness? At the risk of sounding like a completely heartless asshole – something I may be, but I honestly don’t believe that I am – I probably wouldn’t. This is in no way meant as a judgment of mentally disabled children, or children with disabilities in general. This is more of a judgment of myself. I’m the father of a very active child. She’s wonderful and I wouldn’t change anything about her, but she takes so much out of me that it’s a wonder I am able to function at the end of an average day with her. Parenting is difficult though rewarding, and only the strong and committed need apply. The parents of disabled children have my respect, as while I am optimistic that I would be able to properly raise such a child, I consider myself very fortunate that the challenges I face daily as a parent are comparable to those faced by most parents. It’s not that I feel that a mentally disabled child isn’t worthy of my love, my time or my effort. It’s that I know my limitations, and given the extra work raising such a child would require, I would be very wary of letting said child down.
33. Does thinking about death scare you? Mine? Not really. This is not to say that I am in any way ready to die, that I am particularly comfortable or at peace with the thought of dying, or that when the time comes I will face Death bravely and go with him (or her) willingly. For all I know, even if I live a long and dignified life, when my time comes I will lose my shit completely and begin begging, bargaining, or offering anything – or anyone – nearby in trade. At the very least, I would rather not die anytime soon, as there is much that I still want to experience in life. But generally speaking, the thought of my death isn’t particularly scary, and I hope that it is painless. The thought of my loved ones dying, however, chills me to the very bone. Especially since becoming am a parent, the thought of harm coming to those I love is crippling if I give it much thought. Of course, it is for this reason that I do my best to avoid thinking about it.
34. If you died, do you believe that you go to Heaven or Hell and where would your spirit go? I’m going to say neither, as without having any definitive proof I don’t really believe that either place exists. However, I will play Devil’s Advocate here and say that, assuming that the idea of a traditional Hell exists and that this is where sinners spend eternity after they die, Hell is most certainly where I would go, as the Christian church and many other religious denominations seem to have a zero-tolerance policy for heathens such as myself. Through the sin of lust alone I would probably have condemned myself to eternal damnation years ago, as I think about sex pretty often. Maybe not every single waking moment, but I’d say that most waking moments. And quite a few asleep ones as well. Fortunately I don’t believe in Heaven or Hell, so I’m not stressing out over it.
35. Who did you last write a snail mail letter to and why? I haven’t a clue. Keeping consistent with my answer to one of the questions last week, I have no recollection of the ins and outs of my snail mail activities (when I used to have any). I literally cannot recall the last time I affixed a stamp to anything, much less to a letter and to whom this letter was mailed.
36. Do you care what people say or think about you? I care what some people say or think about me, sure. I want the people whose opinions I respect to think positive things about me, but if these people are, for whatever reason, determined to think poorly of me, I am not inclined to alter myself or my behavior in order to influence their opinions.
37. Have you ever been threatened? Depends how you mean it. When I was less mature I dated attractive women and sometimes I felt threatened when guys hit on them even though they were with me. I can be pretty competitive, and I didn’t take kindly to such incursions. Naturally the fact that I attracted women who encouraged other guys’ advances, as well as my own reaction to this behavior, is an indication of my insecurity at the time. Now I’m married and pretty secure not only in myself but in my relationship as well, and when Jill flirts or is flirted with, it simultaneously flatters me and turns me on. As for threats of physical violence, these are limited to the standard childhood and adolescent threats from bullies, though I’m hesitant to include these as they hardly count; and a couple women I dated who threatened to inflict great bodily harm on me when they learned that I have female friends. In general, I’m not particularly violent or confrontational, and I find that serious threats are essentially much non-existent.
38. Which side of your family do you get most of your qualities from? Definitely my Dad’s side more than my Mom’s. I’ve been closer to my Dad’s side than my Mom’s for the majority of my life, and I think my qualities, both positive and negative, come from my paternal grandmother, aunts, uncles, and cousins, and yes, my Dad as well.
39. What was the last thing with alcohol that you drank? I had a couple highball glasses of Irish whisky on Friday, and Jill told all of her followers on Twitter that I was too drunk to fuck her. (I wasn’t.)
40. Have you ever kept a relationship a secret? Not my own, but I have tried to keep a friend’s relationship a secret so as to prevent a vengeful ex from finding out. The vengeful ex found out anyway. It’s hard to keep that sort of thing a secret, especially in the current information age in which we live.
Bonus #1: What did you last draw? I used to draw frequently. From childhood to adolescence drawing was something I greatly enjoyed, and I could kill a sketch pad in a matter of just a few days. In college, I used to save my class notes not for the information contained therein, but for the copious doodles I would draw in the margins. I would draw pastoral landscapes, surreal scenes, still lifes, bad-ass action heroes, monsters, and scenes of violence so graphic that, had a teacher seen them in 2011 rather than 1991, I would have been sent to the counselor’s office where I would have fervently denied that there was anything wrong at home and news reporters would still have shown up on my front lawn to talk to my parents. These days, though, I don’t draw very much. The last thing I drew may well have been a very rough sketch of SpongeBob SquarePants for the purposes of amusing my daughter.
Bonus #2: Do you lick envelopes or tape them shut? Envelopes? Like for mailing a letter? As in a piece of personal correspondence (i.e. not a utility or credit card bill) which is physical in nature (i.e. not an e-mail) but is not a greeting card? Something that begins with “Dear [name]”, includes a few lines of text and closes with “Sincerely, [name]”, “Love, [name]”, “Fondly, [name]” or some similar sentiment? I’m pretty sure I used to lick them, but it’s been awhile since I mailed anything.
Bonus #3: What was the last thing you drank? A glass of water.
Jill’s Answers
21. What was the last song you listened to that wasn’t sung in English? I can’t think of one. Pass.
22. One of our SS players generally leaves a critical comment on our memes. Which is fine. All’s fair. Do you let meme authors know when you hate their memes? No. If I don’t like it, I just don’t do it. I remember skipping a TMI Tuesday once because we didn’t care for the questions. I can be critical when a situation calls for it, but I don’t think that a blogging meme will affect anyone’s life.
23. What TV show would you like to be on? I think I would like to be on a game show, one where I can win lots of money and fabulous prizes. Maybe Wheel of Fortune, but back in the old days when you used to be able to buy those overpriced prizes with the money you won. Unfortunately, you had to spend the whole amount, which meant $15 decks of playing cards. Sometimes they used to put the remainder on a gift certificate to Service Merchandise, but they’ve been out of business almost ten years now. And remember, once you win a prize, it’s yours to keep!
24. What was the last video game you played? I’m not sure. It’s been awhile. Something on the Wii, probably.
25. Have you ever been in a musical? If yes, do tell. I was in a production of Tom Sawyer when I was in the eighth grade. I know it’s not usually performed as a musical, but this time it was.
26. Do you follow your own style or everyone else’s? I follow my own style. I don’t really pay attention to trends, and when I do, by the time I notice something is in style, it’s on the way out.
27. What’s the last store you bought from? I bought a Princess potty for the baby from Toys ‘R’ Us today.
28. In retrospect, have you ever let a person use you a lot? I get asked to do a lot of different things for people, because I am pretty outgoing and generous with myself and my time. So I guess that, yes, people in general sometimes do use me. My own fault for letting them, of course.
29. What are you doing two days from now? Work, followed by a dental appointment. If there’s anything else planned, it must be a surprise because Jack hasn’t told me about it.
30. Did you ever believe there were monsters in your closet? When I was younger I did. I always made my parents check the closet before I went to bed, and the closet door had to remain shut while I slept. I’m not sure what I thought might be in there, but whatever it was, I didn’t want to know about it.
31. When you graduated high school, did you let random people sign your yearbook or just close friends? Mainly friends.
32. Would you consider adopting a child that had a mental illness? I would be open to it, yes. I think I would adopt a child with a mental illness if we had the opportunity and the financial means.
33. Does thinking about death scare you? Yes. It terrifies me, especially since having a baby. The thought of dying scares me, and so does the thought of my friends and family members dying.
34. If you died, do you believe that you go to Heaven or Hell and where would your spirit go? I would probably go to Heaven. I assume that they don’t really care about all the dirty but consensual sex I’ve had in my life. I can only hope that they’ve got more important things to worry about.
35. Who did you last write a snail mail letter to and why? I sent a thank-you letter to a friend in return for a birthday gift.
36. Do you care what people say or think about you? I really wish that I could say no, but I do care. I’m more concerned with how my relatives (and to a lesser extent my friends) perceive me. I guess I’m not as preoccupied by the opinions of random strangers or even casual acquaintances. But growing up, it was essential to me that I not disappoint my parents (who admittedly were not overly restrictive). I have carried this way of thinking into adulthood, and while I think it has helped me to be a better person, to some extent I feel as though I am sometimes inhibited by it.
37. Have you ever been threatened? Honestly, I don’t think so. If someone threatened me, they were so subtle about it that I never noticed.
38. Which side of your family do you get most of your qualities from? My Dad’s. His side of the family is more tight-knit, and he and most of my relatives on his side are warmer and more nurturing. My Dad’s side of the family also really knows how to throw a party and have fun, and I like to think that I have inherited this quality as well.
39. What was the last thing with alcohol that you drank? A Pisco Sour while at a dinner party with friends.
40. Have you ever kept a relationship a secret? No. I’ve always been very open and honest, and I don’t really believe in keeping secrets.
Bonus #1: What did you last draw? I drew a piranha on Friday. I was teaching my class to draw with shapes, and a piranha was the animal that tied into the oval shape.
Bonus #2: Do you lick envelopes or tape them shut? I lick them. It’s a good way to stay in practice.
Bonus #3: What was the last thing you drank? Water with dinner.