This TMI Tuesday is brought to you by Virtual Sin.
Oh. You didn’t mean inverted pole dancing?
In many polls, you are asked if you strongly agree, somewhat agree, neither agree nor disagree, somewhat disagree or strongly disagree with some proposition. Today, we go the other way. We supply the answer, you supply the question.
Jack’s Answers
1. Tell us something with which you strongly agree, or greatly like.
I strongly agree that sex is a normal, natural part of human development, and therefore something that should be embraced. Sex is healthy and positive, and there is no reason for the inexplicable taboo that surrounds it. The right-wing nutbags who are so vehemently against sex while at the same time so pro-Jesus should understand that sex is our God-given right, and that the God they profess to love so much invented the clitoris – and slapped one onto every female He supposedly created – for the sole purpose of sexual pleasure. Seriously – there isn’t a damn thing procreative about the clitoris. What do you have to say about that, Rick Santorum?
“Clitoris? I’m sorry, but I’m unfamiliar with that term.”
2. Tell us something with which you somewhat agree, or somewhat like.
I somewhat like pie. I’m not crazy about it; I doubt it would rank among my top five favorite desserts. But if it’s offered at a dinner party or some manner of social gathering and there doesn’t happen to be any ice cream, I’ll graciously take a slice of pie, and I’ll probably enjoy it, even if it’s not the wisest use of the calories.
My all-time favorite dessert? Vagina cookies.
3. Tell us something to which you are indifferent, or have no opinion.
Manholes. I understand that they serve a purpose in society, but if they affect my life at all, they do so in ways I can’t even perceive.
I know C.H.U.D.s use manholes to come to the surface, but that doesn’t necessarily make me dislike them.
4. Tell us something with which you somewhat dislike or disagree with.
Now, I don’t want to get off on a rant here, but I was a huge fan of Dennis Miller going back to his tenure on Saturday Night Live. I was one of only four viewers who tuned in to his syndicated late-night talk show that aired in 1992. Two years later I followed him to HBO where I was smitten with his sensible libertarian views (he stated in the wake of U.S. Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders’ 1995 dismissal that “a surgeon general who speaks her mind about sex education, teen pregnancy, and preventative health care doesn’t deserve to be surgeon general, she deserves to be the fucking President of the United States”), as well as the same smart-assed demeanor I’d come to enjoy on Saturday Night Live, here aided and abetted by copious usage of the word “motherfucker”. His vulgarity earned him the ire of conservative groups, some of which accused him of being a liberal – something that Dennis certainly was not. Despite the fact that he frequently sided with Gingrich against Clinton, many of Dennis’ opinions and indeed the intelligence of his humor made me even more of a die-hard fan than I already was. In fact, I was such a fan that I found myself defending Dennis to friends and relatives during his ill-advised stint co-hosting Monday Night Football in 2000 and 2001. And then the Towers fell, and Dennis took a hard right turn, shifting from championing a hypothetical female president (just not Hillary) and ranting against “rich, white, entitled, scotch-drinking, secretary-chasing old-school hacks” to swearing fealty to one of the richest, whitest, most entitled hacks ever to befoul the Oval Office. Dennis’ comedy went from literate and thoughtful to reactionary and racist. He regressed from a comedian to a right-wing pundit, a wannabe shock jock who aspired to the clueless bombast of a Don Imus and the hate-rhetoric of a Michael Savage. While I suspect that some of Dennis’ views on social issues still correspond with my own, and while I may rewatch a recording of his HBO show or an old Weekend Update segment on Saturday Night Live, there’s nothing Dennis is likely to do in the future that will be fit for human consumption. Of course, that’s just my opinion. I could be wrong.
What happened to you, Dennis? You used to be cooler than Fonzie and the other side of the pillow combined. Now you’re Ann Coulter’s cabana boy.
5. Tell us something with which you strongly disagree, or greatly dislike.
I disagree that my marriage, divorce, affair, abortion, addiction, faith, or lack of faith is any of your business.
Bonus: What is an opinion held by others that makes you angry?
That sex is only for procreation; that anything sexual enjoyed by two consenting adults of any gender is wrong, immoral, or unlawful (
with the possible exception of cannibalism); that fundamental human rights should not be enjoyed by 100% of the world’s population.
Jill’s Answers
1. Tell us something with which you strongly agree, or greatly like.
I strongly agree with the Golden Rule, and I do my best to live my life by it. I believe that you should treat others the way you wish to be treated. You should set the example that you would like others to follow. But the reverse is also true: If I or someone else treats you kindly, or with respect, you should reciprocate in kind. The Golden Rule extends to the way I raise my daughter. By my actions I demonstrate right or wrong, and hopefully she follows my lead.
Not what I was referring to.
2. Tell us something with which you somewhat agree, or somewhat like.
I agree somewhat with the values I was taught growing up in the Catholic church. That is to say, I selectively retain some of what I was taught, while ignoring the things that don’t suit me, specifically those things I know to be contrary to my own beliefs. I feel that people should respect others. I feel that people should be honest. I believe that family is important, and that one should respect and honor one’s parents (provided that they’re not abusers). I believe in community, and I do my best to give back to the community in which I grew up. However, this is really where the church and I part company. I don’t believe that most of the choices people make with their own lives are the business of anyone but themselves. I don’t believe that LGBT individuals are somehow evil or immoral, or that they should be shunned. I don’t even believe in the “hate the sin, not the sinner” bullshit that seems to be a popular thing for religious people to say these days. I do not feel that women who get abortions are bad people or that they’re going to Hell, if Hell even exists. I don’t believe that a child who dies without having been baptised will go to Hell (again, if Hell exists). The concept of original sin is like manufacturing a computer that’s full of viruses just so the purchaser will have to pay for expensive anti-virus software forever.
In this analogy, the Pope is Bill Gates.
3. Tell us something to which you are indifferent, or have no opinion.
I don’t care at all about reality television and I do my best to avoid it. I don’t partake in conversations about it at work. It makes me weep to hear that people I look up to, people I respect and admire, are hooked on Big Brother, The Bachelor, Celebrity Apprentice, Real Housewives of Wherever the Fuck, Who Wants to Pimp My Mom, Jon and Kate, and The Show With Little People Who Have Normal-Sized Children. I don’t give a shit about the Kardashians, or Snooki’s baby daddy, and in fact I’m a little bit ashamed that I even know that Snooki is pregnant. On the other hand, I kind of like that show Chopped, with four different chefs competing to make a unique dish out of the same ingredients.
4. Tell us something with which you somewhat dislike or disagree with.
I somewhat disagree with the way the parents of my students are raising them. It seems like parents today feel that they can’t discipline their children, even verbally. Because of the threat of C.P.S., they let their kids do whatever they want, including but not limited to misbehaving, acting disrespectful and even violent, and essentially walking all over them. I disagree with the belief that I am supposed to teach my students manners because their parents can’t be bothered or don’t know how. I disagree with the idea that I should have to deal with the psychological and emotional issues that bad parenting caused, and the behavioral problems that bad parenting enabled. I disagree that I am supposed to be a psychiatrist, a nurse, a referee, and a zookeeper in addition to being a teacher. Actually, you know what? I don’t disagree with this somewhat. I disagree with this pretty strongly. Unfortunately question #5 was the first one I answered, so when I got to this question I had to dial down my vehemence.
5. Tell us something with which you strongly disagree, or greatly dislike.
I strongly disagree that marriage is the right of only certain individuals. I also strongly disagree that the government should have any say in the matter, nor should it be able to limit the rights afforded to married couples, including legal protection, insurance benefits and pension, family leave, hospital visitation, medical decision-making, the ability to file joint tax returns, and child custody.
Let’s not forget the right to go on a national talk show and make an ass out of yourself.
Bonus: What is an opinion held by others that makes you angry?
That if you enjoy sex, and if you’re open to exploring different aspects of your sexuality beyond what mainstream society considers “normal”, you deserve to be judged harshly. That we should only fuck for procreation, under the covers, with the lights off, in the missionary position. That sex is harmful or detrimental to a happy life, and those who take sexual initiative and deviate from the norm, whether by swinging, group sex, polyamory, exhibitionism and voyeurism, or simply having sex for the fun and the joy of it, you are a bad person.
How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!
