TMI

TMI Tuesday: March 3, 2015

Jack4 Comments
Posted in Funny TMI TMI Tuesday

This week’s TMI Tuesday questions were adapted from kinkylesbians.tumblr.com.

Downright Sexy!

tmi-mar-3-couple-bubble-bath

 

Jack’s Answers

1. Have you ever had sex in three or more positions in one session? Name the positions.
Three positions in one session is pretty much standard, unless we’re having a quickie while our daughter is distracted for a few minutes. Generally speaking, though, if there’s no imminent threat of interruption we’re likely to begin with doggy style, then transition into either a variation of doggy style where Jill lies flat on her stomach, or a variation of missionary where Jill lies on her side, and from there we might finish up with missionary or return to doggy style. Cowgirl is a regular position of ours as well and will probably be utilized at some point during the festivities as well. We don’t do all of these positions every single time we have sex, but nine times out of ten if we’ve got more than a few minutes we will spend some time with at least three of them, or perhaps one or two that I didn’t mention. While we probably use one or two of the big three – missionary, cowgirl, doggystyle – every time we have sex, we enjoy trotting out other positions.

Shortstop, for example.
Shortstop, for example.

2. Have you ever had sex continuously for more than an hour? Was it all intercourse or other methods of sexual pleasure?
Yes I have. These days, the average length of time for sex between Jill and I is about forty minutes, but back in our carefree days before we had a child, or at least a child who was ambulatory and vocal, capable of processing things like strange noises coming from Mommy and Daddy’s room, we could easily go for several hours. Back then, it wasn’t uncommon for us to spend an entire day, or if not certainly all night, having sex. It wasn’t all intercourse; beyond my inability under most circumstances to refrain from orgasm more than an hour, I don’t know too many women who actually want to be fucked nonstop for that long. I’m not even sure if I know any. When we have sex for an hour or more, at least half of that is usually foreplay.

3. Have you ever planned and devoted an entire day to sex and sexual activity (with breaks for eating, etc)?
See above, or yes I have. In fact, the first time Jill and I had sex, we began at around midnight and finished up at seven or eight PM. We slept for a couple hours, and I’m pretty sure we showered at one point. But if memory serves, we didn’t take a break to eat. Well, we didn’t take a break to eat food, anyway. And while this was our first marathon sex session, it certainly wouldn’t be the last. It isn’t even the longest.

4. Have you ever been so loud having sex that housemates/neighbors commented or complained?
In spring 2012, Jill and I spent the night away from our daughter for the first time. Jill had a week off of work and a couple comped nights at a resort, so we dropped our daughter off at my parents’ house and had some time to ourselves. Most of that time involved sex, though we did take regular breaks for meals, and we did sleep. On the last morning of our stay, we were engaging in some very vocal, very energetic fucking when the occupants of the next room began to pound insistently upon the wall. That’s when we realized just how noisy we were being. In our defense, when we checked in a couple nights before, the desk clerk told us that the rest of the wing was unoccupied.

Though we did keep running into these two little girls.
Though we did keep running into these two little girls.

5. Have you ever had your sexual technique/style/skill openly praised by someone?
Yes. With no false modesty, I’m a fantastic lover. I tend to be very generous in bed, and derive much pleasure out of giving pleasure. Compliments and praise are common, and while I’m sure that once or twice in my more than twenty years of partnered sex I probably received insincere praise from a woman who I was never going to see again, in most cases I believe the compliments were genuine, especially when there was trust or at least some connection between the woman and I. One woman I dated in my mid-twenties said that I ruined her sexually for all other men. And while she never gave me any reason to doubt her words, she’s the one who broke up with me.

6. Have you ever gotten really turned on by saying or hearing dirty talk?
Constantly. It’s one of my favorite sexual activities. The only reason I don’t gag my wife when we’re engaging in occasional BDSM play is because her spontaneous dirty talk ups the hotness factor to eleven.

Bonus: What word or words said during sex totally turn you off or distract you from the task at hand?
Logorrhea. Crowdsourcing. Lumbago. The. Yeezus. Shih tzu. Hashtag. Mulligatawny. Gazorpazorp. Republican.

Jill’s Answers

1. Have you ever had sex in three or more positions in one session? Name the positions.
Yes. Usually Jack and I have sex in three positions in a single session, though even when we’re pressed for time we try to accommodate two.

2. Have you ever had sex continuously for more than an hour? Was it all intercourse or other methods of sexual pleasure?
Oh yeah! An hour should be the bare minimum, I think.

dmv-ca
Also true of DMV wait times.

3. Have you ever planned and devoted an entire day to sex and sexual activity (with breaks for eating, etc)?
I have, with Jack and also before we met. I once blogged about a long weekend I spent in Vegas with a soon-to-be ex-boyfriend that saw us spend almost an entire trip in bed. We fucked in more than a dozen positions in every part of the room including up against the window, which was unbelievably exciting. We only stopped for brief naps, meals (some of which were eaten in our room), and some gambling. We didn’t even stop for showers, because we fucked every time we took one.

4. Have you ever been so loud having sex that housemates/neighbors commented or complained?
Funny you should ask. A couple summers ago my entire family went on vacation to a lakeside resort. We all stayed in beautiful three-story houses overlooking a beautiful sandy beach. The house Jack and I were staying in was also temporary home to my older brother and his wife, one of my sisters and her boyfriend, and another of my sisters, plus three children including my own. We had sex every night, and although we tried to keep fairly quiet, one night we failed in a big way. No one knocked on the door or anything, but the next morning when we came downstairs it quickly became clear that the five other adults (who were spread out on different floors) had been awakened. This is all the more impressive (Jack’s words) considering that the children slept through it.

I think so, anyway.
I think so, anyway.

5. Have you ever had your sexual technique/style/skill openly praised by someone?
An old boyfriend of mine used to love my blowjobs, and why shouldn’t he? They’re great. Anyway, he liked my oral technique so much that he wouldn’t just praise it to me, he’d praise it to his friends too.

6. Have you ever gotten really turned on by saying or hearing dirty talk?
I am very turned on by the act of talking dirty, but not as much as I am by hearing it. Or reading it, for that matter. I love receiving a sexy text or instant message as much as I love having an erotic suggestion whispered in my ear.

Bonus: What word or words said during sex totally turn you off or distract you from the task at hand?
Nothing specific comes to mind. However, Jack has been known to occasionally spout some ridiculous pop culture reference or other inane nonsexual talk as things are heating up. He does it to make me laugh, and it usually works. When that happens, I can admit to being momentarily distracted from the task at hand.

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

 

Formspring Friday: Extremely Sexy

jackandjillcpl4 Comments
Posted in extreme Formspring Formspring Friday kink meme Power Exchange sex club TMI weekly feature Written by Both
what’s the most extreme sexual act/encounter you have both experienced together?
In case you’re reading this blog for the first time, I need to state for the record that we’re not exactly the sort who consider their sex life “extreme”.  Varied?  Certainly.  Frequent?  No doubt.  Satisfying?  Even if you’re new here, you must know the answer to that.  But not exactly extreme in the sense that we require a fifteen-thousand-foot freefall or a depth of a hundred and fifty fathoms below the surface of the ocean in order to get off.  Electric shock, humiliation, amputation – these are all legitimate kinks that add a significant boost to people’s sex lives.  Not ours, though.
Make no mistake, we don’t consider ourselves vanilla by any means.  We’ve always stated that kink is relative.  One person’s wild and crazy new experience is another person’s passé been-there-done-that.  Many of the people to whom we’re closest would undoubtedly consider some of the sex we’ve had together to be far outside their comfort zone, if not flat-out wrong.  Fortunately neither of us lives our lives – sexual or otherwise – with anyone’s approval in mind.  
Our brand of “extreme” really isn’t all that extreme.  For us, stepping out of the realm of normalcy usually involves exhibitionism and voyeurism, and perhaps a little risk.  Webcamming, semi-public sex or masturbation, or on the rare occasion that the opportunity presents itself, having sex in close proximity as other people, whether we are actually interacting with them, or more likely just enjoying the voyeurism and exhibitionism.  It’s not something that we do often enough for our liking.
The most extreme sexual act or encounter that we have experienced together was likely our October 2011 visit to Power Exchange, a sex club in San Francisco, California.  We’d gone there more or less on a lark, hoping to people-watch and then cross “visit a sex club” off of our bucket list before hopefully returning home full of sexual excitement, and fucking until the morning light.  We hadn’t intended to actually have sex in front of a crowd of spectators, but we did.  And despite the fact that it wasn’t our ideal experience at a sex club, it was a very fun evening.  You can read all about the night in question here.
If you want to ask us anything, drop us a line on Formspring, or use the handy Formspring widget on the right-hand side of our blog.  We like sexy questions!  To see who else participated this week, visit Twitter and search for #FormspringFriday!

TMI Tuesday: May 22, 2012 – The Inverted Poll

jackandjillcpl12 Comments
Posted in C.H.U.D. Golden Rule humor manholes meme opinions pie Pope Benedict Reality TV sex-positive TMI TMI Tuesday vagina cookies weekly feature Written by Both

This TMI Tuesday is brought to you by Virtual Sin.

Oh. You didn’t mean inverted pole dancing? 
In many polls, you are asked if you strongly agree, somewhat agree, neither agree nor disagree, somewhat disagree or strongly disagree with some proposition. Today, we go the other way. We supply the answer, you supply the question.
Jack’s Answers
1. Tell us something with which you strongly agree, or greatly like.
I strongly agree that sex is a normal, natural part of human development, and therefore something that should be embraced.  Sex is healthy and positive, and there is no reason for the inexplicable taboo that surrounds it.  The right-wing nutbags who are so vehemently against sex while at the same time so pro-Jesus should understand that sex is our God-given right, and that the God they profess to love so much invented the clitoris – and slapped one onto every female He supposedly created – for the sole purpose of sexual pleasure.  Seriously – there isn’t a damn thing procreative about the clitoris.  What do you have to say about that, Rick Santorum?

“Clitoris?  I’m sorry, but I’m unfamiliar with that term.”

2. Tell us something with which you somewhat agree, or somewhat like.
I somewhat like pie.  I’m not crazy about it; I doubt it would rank among my top five favorite desserts.  But if it’s offered at a dinner party or some manner of social gathering and there doesn’t happen to be any ice cream, I’ll graciously take a slice of pie, and I’ll probably enjoy it, even if it’s not the wisest use of the calories.

My all-time favorite dessert?  Vagina cookies.

3. Tell us something to which you are indifferent, or have no opinion.
Manholes.  I understand that they serve a purpose in society, but if they affect my life at all, they do so in ways I can’t even perceive.

I know C.H.U.D.s use manholes to come to the surface, but that doesn’t necessarily make me dislike them.

4. Tell us something with which you somewhat dislike or disagree with.
Now, I don’t want to get off on a rant here, but I was a huge fan of Dennis Miller going back to his tenure on Saturday Night Live.  I was one of only four viewers who tuned in to his syndicated late-night talk show that aired in 1992.  Two years later I followed him to HBO where I was smitten with his sensible libertarian views (he stated in the wake of U.S. Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders’ 1995 dismissal that “a surgeon general who speaks her mind about sex education, teen pregnancy, and preventative health care doesn’t deserve to be surgeon general, she deserves to be the fucking President of the United States”), as well as the same smart-assed demeanor I’d come to enjoy on Saturday Night Live, here aided and abetted by copious usage of the word “motherfucker”.  His vulgarity earned him the ire of conservative groups, some of which accused him of being a liberal – something that Dennis certainly was not.  Despite the fact that he frequently sided with Gingrich against Clinton, many of Dennis’ opinions and indeed the intelligence of his humor made me even more of a die-hard fan than I already was.  In fact, I was such a fan that I found myself defending Dennis to friends and relatives during his ill-advised stint co-hosting Monday Night Football in 2000 and 2001.  And then the Towers fell, and Dennis took a hard right turn, shifting from championing a hypothetical female president (just not Hillary) and ranting against “rich, white, entitled, scotch-drinking, secretary-chasing old-school hacks” to swearing fealty to one of the richest, whitest, most entitled hacks ever to befoul the Oval Office.  Dennis’ comedy went from literate and thoughtful to reactionary and racist.  He regressed from a comedian to a right-wing pundit, a wannabe shock jock who aspired to the clueless bombast of a Don Imus and the hate-rhetoric of a Michael Savage.  While I suspect that some of Dennis’ views on social issues still correspond with my own, and while I may rewatch a recording of his HBO show or an old Weekend Update segment on Saturday Night Live, there’s nothing Dennis is likely to do in the future that will be fit for human consumption.  Of course, that’s just my opinion.  I could be wrong.

What happened to you, Dennis?  You used to be cooler than Fonzie and the other side of the pillow combined.  Now you’re Ann Coulter’s cabana boy.
5. Tell us something with which you strongly disagree, or greatly dislike.
I disagree that my marriage, divorce, affair, abortion, addiction, faith, or lack of faith is any of your business.
Bonus: What is an opinion held by others that makes you angry?
That sex is only for procreation; that anything sexual enjoyed by two consenting adults of any gender is wrong, immoral, or unlawful (with the possible exception of cannibalism); that fundamental human rights should not be enjoyed by 100% of the world’s population.
Jill’s Answers
1. Tell us something with which you strongly agree, or greatly like.
I strongly agree with the Golden Rule, and I do my best to live my life by it.  I believe that you should treat others the way you wish to be treated.  You should set the example that you would like others to follow.  But the reverse is also true:  If I or someone else treats you kindly, or with respect, you should reciprocate in kind.  The Golden Rule extends to the way I raise my daughter.  By my actions I demonstrate right or wrong, and hopefully she follows my lead.

Not what I was referring to.

2. Tell us something with which you somewhat agree, or somewhat like.

I agree somewhat with the values I was taught growing up in the Catholic church.  That is to say, I selectively retain some of what I was taught, while ignoring the things that don’t suit me, specifically those things I know to be contrary to my own beliefs.  I feel that people should respect others.  I feel that people should be honest.  I believe that family is important, and that one should respect and honor one’s parents (provided that they’re not abusers).  I believe in community, and I do my best to give back to the community in which I grew up.  However, this is really where the church and I part company.  I don’t believe that most of the choices people make with their own lives are the business of anyone but themselves.  I don’t believe that LGBT individuals are somehow evil or immoral, or that they should be shunned.  I don’t even believe in the “hate the sin, not the sinner” bullshit that seems to be a popular thing for religious people to say these days.  I do not feel that women who get abortions are bad people or that they’re going to Hell, if Hell even exists.  I don’t believe that a child who dies without having been baptised will go to Hell (again, if Hell exists).  The concept of original sin is like manufacturing a computer that’s full of viruses just so the purchaser will have to pay for expensive anti-virus software forever.  

In this analogy, the Pope is Bill Gates.

3. Tell us something to which you are indifferent, or have no opinion.
I don’t care at all about reality television and I do my best to avoid it.  I don’t partake in conversations about it at work.  It makes me weep to hear that people I look up to, people I respect and admire, are hooked on Big Brother, The Bachelor, Celebrity Apprentice, Real Housewives of Wherever the Fuck, Who Wants to Pimp My Mom, Jon and Kate, and The Show With Little People Who Have Normal-Sized Children.  I don’t give a shit about the Kardashians, or Snooki’s baby daddy, and in fact I’m a little bit ashamed that I even know that Snooki is pregnant.  On the other hand, I kind of like that show Chopped, with four different chefs competing to make a unique dish out of the same ingredients.

4. Tell us something with which you somewhat dislike or disagree with.
I somewhat disagree with the way the parents of my students are raising them.  It seems like parents today feel that they can’t discipline their children, even verbally.  Because of the threat of C.P.S., they let their kids do whatever they want, including but not limited to misbehaving, acting disrespectful and even violent, and essentially walking all over them.  I disagree with the belief that I am supposed to teach my students manners because their parents can’t be bothered or don’t know how.  I disagree with the idea that I should have to deal with the psychological and emotional issues that bad parenting caused, and the behavioral problems that bad parenting enabled.  I disagree that I am supposed to be a psychiatrist, a nurse, a referee, and a zookeeper in addition to being a teacher.  Actually, you know what?  I don’t disagree with this somewhat.  I disagree with this pretty strongly.  Unfortunately question #5 was the first one I answered, so when I got to this question I had to dial down my vehemence.
5. Tell us something with which you strongly disagree, or greatly dislike.
I strongly disagree that marriage is the right of only certain individuals.  I also strongly disagree that the government should have any say in the matter, nor should it be able to limit the rights afforded to married couples, including legal protection, insurance benefits and pension, family leave, hospital visitation, medical decision-making, the ability to file joint tax returns, and child custody.

Let’s not forget the right to go on a national talk show and make an ass out of yourself. 

Bonus: What is an opinion held by others that makes you angry?
That if you enjoy sex, and if you’re open to exploring different aspects of your sexuality beyond what mainstream society considers “normal”, you deserve to be judged harshly.  That we should only fuck for procreation, under the covers, with the lights off, in the missionary position.  That sex is harmful or detrimental to a happy life, and those who take sexual initiative and deviate from the norm, whether by swinging, group sex, polyamory, exhibitionism and voyeurism, or simply having sex for the fun and the joy of it, you are a bad person.

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Formspring Friday: Weird to Watch

jackandjillcpl3 Comments
Posted in abnormal Formspring Formspring Friday meme non-monogamy normal TMI voyeurism weekly feature weird Written by Both

i would like to watch my husband have sex with his ex is that weird?

Disclaimer:  In my opinion, words like “weird”, and for that matter “normal” and “abnormal”, don’t really fit into the context of sex and sexual desire.  Applying “normal” standards to what turns somebody on is just another way for the mainstream to control human sexuality, stigmatize free sexual expression, and force people into a box, so to speak.  On to your question:

I don’t think it’s weird at all, but then “weird” is a relative term.  There are undoubtedly plenty of people out there who would disagree with me, but I see nothing wrong with your desire to watch your husband have sex with his ex.  You don’t specify why you want to watch, but I know that Jill found the prospect of watching me with one of my exes exciting mainly because she wanted to see how my performance differed between when I had sex with my ex and when I have sex with her.  Additionally, Jill is a voyeur, and likes the idea of watching something private, of watching two people (or more, possibly) let their guard down and become vulnerable.  There’s something powerfully erotic about that scenario.

Is it normal?  Well, that depends on who you ask.  Sex-negatives and die-hard monogamists who disapprove of extracurricular sex would likely find the scenario you describe deviant, and the thought of letting one’s significant other stray outside the boundaries of his or her commitment morally wrong.  Others would say that it’s normal to have such a desire and perhaps even normal to act on that desire, but might caution you against letting your husband have sex with his ex as there may still be feelings below the surface.  Still others would say that your interest in watching your husband have sex with his ex is not only perfectly normal but completely hot, and if all three of you are equally into it, and if there’s absolutely no possibility of still-smoldering emotions on their end or jealousy on yours, why not give it a shot?

Bear in mind that it’s possible you won’t know how you’ll really feel about watching your husband have sex with his ex until you’re actually in the situation, and by then it may be too late.  It might be the greatest turn-on you can imagine right now, when it’s still an abstract concept.  But once he’s inside her, doing things that were previously reserved for you, your feelings could very well change.  Even if you’re certain now that you won’t be jealous, what if you’re mistaken?  Even if you aren’t prone to jealousy, what if watching your husband and his ex simply turns you off, and alienates you from him?  I’m not in any way implying that you don’t know your own feelings, but we’ve heard stories of people who were so focused on their partner’s pleasure that they neglected their own.

I note that while you say you would like to watch your husband have sex with his ex, your question could be interpreted as relating to a fantasy as opposed to something you are interested in pursuing and making a reality.  If that’s the case, no one’s opinion should matter except your own, and possibly your husband’s.  No fantasy that remains completely in one’s mind can be harmful in and of itself.

However, if you are hoping to turn this fantasy into a reality, the first step is discussing it with your husband.  Is he into it?  I know that there are several exes of mine that Jill would probably enjoy watching me fuck, but I’m not getting in touch with them for anything.  Is the ex someone with whom your husband is still in touch, and with whom the topic could be discussed comfortably?  In other words, has she become a born-again Christian?  Is she married to someone who is under the delusion that she was a virgin when they met?  Is she incarcerated or institutionalized?  If your answers to these questions are all “no”, that’s potentially very promising.  Additionally, if you don’t think it’ll be anything more than a fuck – again, no chance of those pesky emotions rearing their heads – I don’t see a problem.

I’m no authority.  If there are any points I’m missing, I’d appreciate a heads-up from anyone more knowledgeable than I.

-Jack
If you want to ask us anything, drop us a line on Formspring, or use the handy Formspring widget on the right-hand side of our blog.  We like sexy questions!  To see who else participated this week, visit Twitter and search for #FormspringFriday!

TMI Tuesday: May 15, 2012 – Fine Dining

jackandjillcpl11 Comments
Posted in dinner drink food Funny humor Mark Ruffalo meme Star Wars TMI TMI Tuesday weekly feature wine Written by Both
You are having dinner at the best restaurant you can imagine. Do not concern yourself with over-eating, or other restrictions. We want to know what you like best. What will you have for:

Jack’s Answers
1. Before dinner wine, aperitif, or cocktail?
We’re pretty typical.  During the standard large family dinner outing, we will make for the bar or lounge and have a round while we wait for our table.  Other times, we are seated immediately and enjoy a drink while chatting and perusing the menu.  More often than not, I’ll order an Irish whiskey, neat.  Jameson and Paddy’s are preferred; I’m not crazy about Bushmill’s.  

Nothing against the whiskey itself; I’m just not crazy about anything that includes the word “Bush”.

2. Appetizer?
I’ve never met an hors d’oeuvre I didn’t like; however, there are some I like much more than others.  As the entree I generally order is beef, I find that seafood makes an excellent complement.  Therefore my first choice will be coconut shrimp with an orange marmalade-based dipping sauce.  A good alternative might be fried calamari or crab cakes.  I should also point out that when I read “appetizer”, the first thing that came to mind was the Aussie cheese fries served at the Outback Steakhouse chain.  Consistently named the worst restaurant dish in America by various consumer advocacy and health publications, a single order of these fries delivers almost 3,000 calories.  Given the “Do not concern yourself with over-eating, or other restrictions” bit, I was almost tempted to choose these.
3. Soup?
Again, I am operating under the condition that this mythical meal will somehow not result in the further clogging of my arteries, and that I will manage to offset the damage the food does to my body with a few hours of strenuous physical activity, likely involving sex with Jill and any other sexy female bloggers who’d like to help prolong my life and optimize my physical health by climbing aboard and going for a ride.  Thus, I will choose New England clam chowder, as I’m a fan of cream-based soups, and of the numerous varieties of clam chowder New England is the only one I enjoy.  As a backup choice I’d order corn chowder, as it’s got all the warm, creamy goodness of clam chowder, though sadly none of the clams.
4. Salad?
Ah yes, salad.  Here’s where we get healthy.  Here’s where we undo all the damage I’ve done to my body with the two previous courses.  Since anything served in a salad bowl is bound to be good for you, I’ll take a garden salad, please.  Easy on the lettuce, though you can pile on whatever seasonal vegetables you like.  Then cover the whole thing in extra-chunky blue cheese dressing.
5. Wine or other beverage with dinner?
My first choice would be a glass of Cabernet Sauvignon.  I’m not a wine snob by any means, though I do enjoy drinking it, and whenever convenient or conducive to a good meal, I try to pair wine with food for maximum effect.  Should Cabernet Sauvignon be unavailable, I’d probably go with Merlot, made from a versatile grape that is wholly undeserving of its bad reputation.

This guy’s got a lot to answer for.
6. Entree?
I’ll have the filet mignon topped with blue cheese crust.  I’d like that medium to medium-rare.  I’ll pair it with a Maine lobster tail.  If beef is unavailable – say, for instance, that we’ve crossed into an alternate reality in which the raising of cattle for food is against the law – I’ll have the calamari steak, grilled or breaded and lightly fried; or perhaps a salmon fillet.  
7. Side Dishes?
I’ll go with a loaded baked potato, the perfect accompaniment to a good steak if there ever was one.  Additionally I’ll go with creamed spinach as, in my old age, I’ve come to appreciate this simple and delicious dish, and associate it with high-end steakhouses.  If we’re in that crazy alternate universe where steakhouses have been replaced by fish markets and I’ve just ordered the calamari steak, then switch my baked potato for garlic mashed potatoes, but keep the creamed spinach.
8. Dessert?
My favorite dessert is ice cream.  I can eat it any day of the week – or better still, every day of the week – whether it’s summertime or the dead of winter.  I like ice cream the way Cookie Monster likes cookies.  I’ll eat it plain or with toppings, in a bowl or on a cone.  In fact, I wish I had some ice cream right now.  However, for all of my insistence that ice cream is where it’s at, I don’t see myself sitting through a several-course meal at “the best restaurant [I] can imagine” and then ordering ice cream.  Not that there’s anything wrong with that, especially if the restaurant features ice cream on the menu.  It’s just that, under the circumstances, I’m likely to order something denser, along the lines of cheesecake or carrot cake.  If I’m looking for something lighter, I might go with some manner of cheese and fruit platter.
9. After dinner drink?
I enjoy a glass of barrel-aged port or brandy after a sumptuous meal.  If I’m having brandy I would prefer Armagnac or Cognac, as those are the brandies with which I’m most familiar.  However, as I write this I find myself craving a nice orange Muscat, a variety of dessert wine popular in California.  I imagine that it would nicely complement the aforementioned cheesecake.

I said “orange Muscat”.
10. Which 3 people would you invite to dinner: (must be famous, well-known, living or dead, not fictional)
– For sex appeal
These questions are difficult.  I tend not to care about famous people sufficiently to go out of my way to have contact with them.  I can’t relate to celebrities, and the truth is, when I think “sex appeal”, I’m either thinking of someone I know personally, or one of the many sexy online friends with whom we’ve come into contact through blogging and tweeting.  The truth is, I can’t think of very many famous people who turn me on enough to name.  Certainly not any contemporary famous people.  But if I had to choose someone sexy to invite to dinner, make eyes at across the table, and hopefully fuck when all is said and done, I’m thinking it’s going to be Cindy Crawford circa 1992.  Hey, if I can bring someone back from the dead for the purposes of this dinner, I should be able to return a living person to the age of my choice.
– For great conversation
Jesus?  Okay, kidding.  There’s no way I could narrow my answer down to just one person.  Upton Sinclair.  W.E.B. Du Bois.  John F. Kennedy.  Bill Clinton.  Judy Blume.  Barack Obama.  John Waters.  Jane Addams.  William Jennings Bryan.  Franklin Delano Roosevelt.  Gary Gygax.  Rachel Kramer Bussel.  Frank Sinatra.  Dean Martin.  Sammy Davis, Jr.  Margaret Sanger.  Dr. Ruth Westheimer.  Dr. Joycelyn Elders.  Kurt Schmoke.  Ernest Hemingway.  Jon Stewart.  Mohandas Gandhi.  Martin Luther King, Jr.  Forrest J. Ackerman.  Andrew Carnegie.  Richard Dawkins.  Jim Morrison.  Dan Savage.  Stan Lee.  Roger Corman.  Bill Hicks.  Asia Carrera.  Jack Kerouac.  Christopher Hitchens.  Raymond Carver.  I could probably compose a blog post listing nothing but the various individuals I admire and with whom I’d enjoy conversing over a meal.
– Because you detest them
Why would I invite to dinner someone I detest?  What sort of purpose would this serve?  Am I supposed to refrain from washing my hands between going to the bathroom and prepping their meal?  Is it so I can feed them before I take them out to my game preserve and give them a head start before donning a pith helmet and hunting them like a common animal?  I’m not certain why this sub-question involves a person I detest as opposed to, say, a person I admire.  While I suppose that a person that I admire could have been a suitable answer to the previous sub-question, just because I admire someone doesn’t necessarily make them great at conversation.  You know what?  I’m going to go with Hitler.  Why?  Because why the fuck not?  Is there anyone more universally despised throughout the course of human history?  I would opine that there is not.  At the moment, Hitler has the perhaps unique distinction of being so widely hated by such an overwhelming margin of humanity that the people who don’t consider him a mass murdering piece of shit are considered crackpots by the rest of society.  A major plus about inviting Hitler to dinner is that rather than actually serving him a meal I could kill him, thereby disastrously affecting the course of human history.   (I imagine that I’d have to go back in time to, say, the 1920s in order to make this happen; I couldn’t somehow bring Hitler into contemporary times, because then it’s too late.)
Bonus: Your lover brings you breakfast in bed. What’s on the tray?
A bagel, lightly toasted, with cream cheese; and bacon that’s not too crispy.  Additionally, I’ll have a glass of orange juice.  Some pulp is okay, but I don’t want the kind with lots of pulp.

And when I’m done I’ll eat her pussy.

Jill’s Answers

1. Before dinner wine, aperitif, or cocktail?
I like a glass of wine before a meal.  Wine tends to make me warm and tingly, and that’s always a good way to start an evening.  I would order a nice Syrah, because lately that’s what gets me to my warm and tingly place.

So does this guy.

2. Appetizer?
I would order either a grilled artichoke with mayo or garlic aioli, or coconut shrimp.  It really depends on the time of year.  During the summer months I am more likely to go for the artichoke as it is a lighter dish, whereas if I am eating at Elway’s in Denver it’s going to be the coconut shrimp every time.  [Editor’s note:  Elway’s menu currently lists this item as $16 for three shrimp.  I hope you’re saving your pennies, my dear.]
3. Soup?
Soup has really never been my thing.  It always makes me too hot, and usually fills me up so much that I can’t enjoy my entree.  in the past, if I was eating soup at a restaurant, it was usually a taste of Jack’s and then back to my salad.  But recently I discovered tomato bisque.  It’s my new favorite soup.  Tomato bisque is creamy and delicious, and if made correctly it tastes like Heaven must taste.  In fact, I enjoy it so much that lately I’ve begun to order it as an entree.
4. Salad?
If the restaurant can prepare the blue cheese pecan chopped salad that I sometimes order when we go to Outback Steakhouse, I’d get that.  It’s such a wonderful combination of flavors and textures and is probably my favorite salad at the moment.  If the restaurant cannot prepare that salad, I think I’ll just have a Caesar.  (But they should be able to prepare it, shouldn’t they?  It’s supposed to be the best restaurant I can imagine.)
5. Wine or other beverage with dinner?
Keep the Syrah coming, please.  I’ve got a nice buzz going, and I would really like to maintain it as long as possible.

Not that kind of buzz.

6. Entree?
I’ll have the filet mignon, served medium rare.  That means it has to be seared on the outside, juicy and delicious on the inside.  It needs to melt in my mouth like butter.
7. Side Dishes?
I always get a baked potato when I order a steak.  It’s got to be loaded, too: butter, sour cream, bacon, chives, and shredded, almost melted cheese.  If I can have two sides, I’ll get creamed spinach.  Lately, we find ourselves ordering creamed spinach at a lot of premium steakhouses.  When prepared correctly, this dish is a perfect complement to a good steak.

Not to be confused with a perfect compliment to a good steak.

8. Dessert?
I’ll have the crème brûlée, but not just any crème brûlée.  The custard has to be mixed with rich, melty chocolate on the bottom, and there has to be crispy caramelized bananas on top.  While out to lunch for Mother’s Day, the restaurant we were at treated us to just such a crème brûlée for dessert.  Now I don’t think I can go back to regular crème brûlée.
9. After dinner drink?
The only thing that could possibly make me give up my Syrah glass is an Irish coffee.  After a delicious meal, I love sitting at the table with my siblings, cousins, parents, aunts, and uncles (and of course Jack), enjoying the tastes of the coffee and the whiskey together, as well as the conversation and the sense of closeness to my family.
10. Which 3 people would you invite to dinner: (must be famous, well-known, living or dead, not fictional)
– For sex appeal
This one’s easy:  Harrison Ford.  Doesn’t matter whether he’s playing Han Solo at age thirty-five or Indiana Jones at age sixty-six, he’ll always be one of my longest-running celebrity crushes.  

– For great conversation
It’s got to be William Shakespeare.  I imagine he’s got many stories to tell over a dinner of barbecued burgers and homemade fries or, if he’s feeling particularly adventurous, carnitas tacos.
– Because you detest them
Ann Coulter.  Few people are more loathsome in my eyes.

Bonus: Your lover brings you breakfast in bed. What’s on the tray?
Coffee, orange juice, and a Ramos fizz to drink, plus sourdough toast, bacon, and a multi-layered parfait made of raspberries, blueberries, strawberries, vanilla yogurt, and granola.  And if he wants to include his sausage I’ll eat that too.

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Thank you to Virtual Sin for this week’s TMI Tuesday.


Formspring Friday: The Dark Side

jackandjillcpl3 Comments
Posted in dark desires Darth Vader Formspring Formspring Friday kink Star Wars taboos TMI weekly feature Written by Both

If you’re looking for our Flash Fiction Friday story, it can be found here.

What is your darkest desire?

It doesn’t get much darker than this.
Jack’s Answer
I hate questions like these.  Let me rephrase that:  I have nothing against questions like these, but I always feel like my answer is going to sound like a cop-out, or like I’m otherwise not being completely honest.  I want to do the question justice and give an in-depth, thoughtful response, or at the very least a response that does a better job answering the question than I suspect I’ll be able to give.
The truth is, I don’t have any especially dark desires.  Most of my fantasies and desires are, for lack of a better word, typical.  They’re the kind of thing that I’ll wager most guys are into:  Multiple women, blowjobs, fucking, orgasms, whatever.  These things are mainstream.  And while I’m certain that there are those who would regard much of what turns me on as out-there and unattainably exotic, these people are beyond vanilla.
The stuff that I enjoy that isn’t typical – voyeurism, exhibitionism, public sex – is still not all that dark.  I don’t really go for the so-called taboo stuff.  I’m not secretly into guys.  Pegging doesn’t turn me on.  I’m not particularly wowed by BDSM, at least not to the extent that many of our fellow bloggers are.  Femdom?  Not my thing.  Rape fantasies?  Meh.  Never really saw the appeal, personally.  Furries?  Seems like a lot of work to me, though I can admit to finding those costumes visually impressive.  
Okay, you’re really going to make me come up with something dark, aren’t you?  Something you wouldn’t necessarily know to look at me?  How about the fact that I love to rim Jill, especially when she’s fresh from the shower?  It’s true.  Her ass tastes sweeter than most vaginas I’ve sampled, and I could do it for hours.  Read about it in this week’s Wanton Wednesday.
The thought of watching Jill have sex with another guy is hot as well.  If it was something I was certain she was really into, I’d indulge her in a heartbeat.  I don’t think what I’m talking about is cuckolding, exactly; I don’t want to be cheated on, and I’m not into the humiliation factor that I understand most cuckolds enjoy.  For me, the appeal of this fantasy is split between the voyeurism aspect and knowing that Jill is enjoying herself.
Jill’s Answer
While I would consider myself kinky, I don’t think my sexual desires are the kind of things that most people would consider dark.  When I hear the word “dark” in relation to sex, it brings to my mind things like humiliation, rape fantasy play, extremely painful types of bondage, bloodplay, coprophilia, necrophilia, and even bestiality.  These are things that do not turn me on.
On the other hand, a lot of the things that do turn me on are the kind of kinks that I believe I would be judged for enjoying.  Most people would probably regard them as kinky at the least, if not flat-out dark.  These turn-ons include group sex (especially two or more men interacting with me at once), mild BDSM (including being blidnfolded and restrained, though never gagged as my mouth needs to be accessible at all times), and equal parts exhibitionism and voyeurism.
My darkest desire, then, would involve being with two or more men.  I would be blindfolded and likely restrained as well, probably handcuffed or tied to a bed.  The men begin touching me:  Kissing my lips, sucking my breasts, slapping their cocks against my face, fingering my dripping pussy.  I have to guess who is kissing me, touching me, fucking me.  I am restrained, so I am not allowed to touch them at first.  Later, maybe the roles can be reversed.  The men are tied up and blindfolded, and I get to experiment with my dominant side.
I mentioned that I’m really into exhibitionism and voyeurism.  With regard to the indulgence of my exhibitionist side, it turns out that the room we’re playing in has a full-length (wall-to-wall) two-way mirror, and there is an audience seated on the other side.  I can’t see them or hear them, but I know they’re there, and the thrill of being ravished by several hot, hung guys (and later having my way with them) is intensified by the knowledge that our every move is being watched.  Maybe it’s being recorded as well.  After it was all over, what better way to indulge my voyeuristic tendencies than by watching the recording over and over again.
Oh, and this isn’t exactly an established fantasy of mine.  I came up with it on the spot.  You’re welcome!
If you want to ask us anything, drop us a line on Formspring, or use the handy Formspring widget on the right-hand side of our blog.  We like sexy questions!  To see who else participated this week, visit Twitter and search for #FormspringFriday!

TMI Tuesday: May 8, 2012 – M is for Masturbation

jackandjillcpl13 Comments
Posted in Funny Han Solo humor masturbation Masturbation Month meme Rob Liefeld sucks Star Wars TMI TMI Tuesday weekly feature Written by Both
Jack’s Answers
1. How often do you masturbate?
I shoot for once daily during the week, but it’s not always possible.  I have an extremely active two-year-old who doesn’t like to be penned up long enough for me to shower, much less have a prolonged encounter with myself.  It’s not as bad as it was when I wrote this; she’s grown much more self-reliant of late than she was even six months ago.  But normally, if I can masturbate three or four times a week, I’m happy with that.  
2. What are you doing to celebrate Masturbation month?
Jill and I are trying to masturbate at least once a day every day.  So far we’ve both been successful – some days we’ve even had more than one – and we’ll do our best to continue at this pace for as long as we can, even into June if possible.  As I said in my answer to #1, it isn’t always easy to sneak off for some self-love, though the reward is always well worth the effort.
3. Do you like to watch your partner masturbate?
a. Yes, it turns me on.
b. Sometimes, because it gets my partner very aroused.
c. Not really, it’s boring.
d. No, it’s a turn off.
e. I’ve never experienced it but I’d like to.
What?  No (f), I’ve never experienced it and I don’t want to?  Whatever…  Okay, seriously:  I’ll definitely go with (a), as watching a woman masturbate is one of the hottest things I can imagine.  Watching a woman masturbate is the kind of thing I used to fantasize about when I was younger and dated women who didn’t masturbate, didn’t know how, weren’t comfortable with their bodies or the idea of being watched, or had been raised to believe that masturbation was somehow wrong or unhealthy.  I feel sorry for these women, and I hope they’ve corrected their sexual attitudes for the sake of whoever they eventually married.
4. Do you let your partner watch you masturbate?
a. Yes, it turns me on to be watched.
b. Sometimes, because it gets my partner very aroused.
c. No, it’s embarrassing.
d. I’ve never experienced it but I’d like to.
Of course I have.  I’m an exhibitionist.  I’ve let people who weren’t my partner watch me masturbate.  I hope they enjoyed it.  

5. Mutual masturbation? Yay or Nay?
Yay.  Very yay.  Other than intercourse, I sometimes eschew sexual activities that see both of us actively working toward the other’s orgasm at the same time; if I’m trying to make Jill cum, I want to enjoy the experience of her orgasm (as well as the buildup leading to it) without feeling like I have to also experience orgasm in order to justify her efforts.  It’s for this reason that we rarely sixty-nine.  That said, if we’re engaging in mutual masturbation it’s generally done as foreplay.  There’s no pressure to climax, and a good time is had by all.

6. If you had an all-expense-paid trip to San Francisco to attend Masturbate-a-thon 2012 would you go and masturbate? Why or Why not?
An all-expense-paid trip to San Francisco?  So, in other words if someone bought us a sixteenth of a tank of gas?

Admittedly, a sixteenth of a tank of gas isn’t as cheap as it was in the early 1990s.

The Center for Sex & Culture
Sunday, May 27, 10am-midnight
Arrive by 9pm
$40 minimum self-sponsorship; or bring sponsorship form with pledges

All genders, all orientations welcome to explore self-pleasure in a supportive group environment. Check the next newsletter for more detail about this year’s Thon, and join us to Come for a Cause!

All donations and pledges support CSC’s operations and programs.
Bonus: Are you addicted to masturbating?
I enjoy masturbation, both alone and with a partner, and I definitely get a lot of emotional and physical pleasure out of a self-induced orgasm.  It’s quite possibly the greatest of life’s simple pleasures.  To say that I’m addicted, though, would be an exaggeration of Rob Liefeldian proportions.

 This is not a healthy spine! This woman is clearly injured!

Jill’s Answers

1. How often do you masturbate?
I try to masturbate between four and six times during the average week.  During my work week, I usually get myself off in the shower, either with a waterproof vibrator or the hand-held showerhead.  I find that this really helps me focus and have a great day at work.  Of course, it’s likely that I will masturbate at other times during the typical day, especially if Jack and I are having sex.  We try to make masturbation a regular part of our sex play.

Not the “sex play” we were referring to.
2. What are you doing to celebrate Masturbation month?
Jack and I are really making a point of masturbating every day in order to celebrate Masturbation Month.  Additionally we are planning to attend Masturbate-a-Thon at the Center for Sex and Culture on May 27th.  
3. Do you like to watch your partner masturbate?
a. Yes, it turns me on.
b. Sometimes, because it gets my partner very aroused.
c. Not really, it’s boring.
d. No, it’s a turn off.
e. I’ve never experienced it but I’d like to.
I’ll go with (a), yes, it turns me on.  I love watching Jack masturbate.  There is something really sexy about a hot man who knows exactly what he likes and how to handle himself.  Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and catch Jack masturbating in bed beside me, especially if he’s stayed up much later than I have.  Sometimes I get to help him along or at least clean him up afterwards.  Other times, though, I know that he just wants a quick orgasm before bed and I don’t interrupt, even though I really want to and in fact the realization that he’s masturbating really gets me hot.

The realization that he’s folding laundry gets me even hotter.

4. Do you let your partner watch you masturbate?
a. Yes, it turns me on to be watched.
b. Sometimes, because it gets my partner very aroused.
c. No, it’s embarrassing.
d. I’ve never experienced it but I’d like to.
Again, I have to go with (a).  It really turns me on to be watched while I masturbate.  I love having an audience, though Jack often joins in to help, or massages my thighs and feet while I pleasure myself.  He usually buries his face right in my pussy once I start to cum, or kisses me passionately.  If I ask, I sometimes get to suck his cock while cumming.  Now this I love!

5. Mutual masturbation? Yay or Nay?
Oh yeah!  Heck yeah!  That’s even more fun than solo masturbation.

Rowr.

6. If you had an all-expense-paid trip to San Francisco to attend Masturbate-a-thon 2012 would you go and masturbate? Why or Why not?
Luckily we are within driving distance and we plan on attending provided that we can find a babysitter for the day-long event.  We can’t wait!  I’m a little nervous, but very excited about a possible new experience.  I’m sure we will blog all about it.

http://masturbate2012.tumblr.com/


The Center for Sex & Culture
Sunday, May 27, 10am-midnight
Arrive by 9pm
$40 minimum self-sponsorship; or bring sponsorship form with pledges


All genders, all orientations welcome to explore self-pleasure in a supportive group environment. Check the next newsletter for more detail about this year’s Thon, and join us to Come for a Cause!


All donations and pledges support CSC’s operations and programs.

Bonus: Are you addicted to masturbating?
I enjoy it, but I wouldn’t say that I’m addicted to it.  I don’t have to touch myself everytime I have two minutes of privacy.  While I love masturbation, I much prefer being touched by someone else, and if I had to choose, I’d give up masturbation long before I’d ever give up sex.

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Formspring Friday: Unusual Turn-Ons

jackandjillcpl8 Comments
Posted in clown porn Formspring Formspring Friday TMI unusual turn-ons weekly feature Written by Both

What is one thing that you think is incredibly sexy that most others wouldn’t?

Jack’s Answer

My turn-ons are pretty broad.  I go for all the typical stuff:  Full, round asses and soft, comfortable breasts where one can lay one’s head and drift off to sleep.  Sexy, pouting lips that hint at exquisite oral pleasure to come.  Long legs.  Pretty, scintillating eyes of any color.  I like personality, intelligence, and sense of humor.  I find all of these things arousing, and I acknowledge that most people probably do as well.  The fact is, most of what turns me on is fairly mainstream.  There is, however, one thing that comes to mind, and while it may not be universally sexy, it’s definitely not the sort of thing that no one finds sexy but me.  That one thing is glasses.

They say that boys don’t make passes at girls who wear glasses.  If that’s true, then I suppose thanks are in order; because the boys refrained from showing their appreciation for the cute bespectacled young lasses, they enjoyed it all the more when I did.  Glasses are often a sign of intelligence – most people don’t screw up their eyes from watching too much reality TV – and frequently symbolize quirkiness or geekiness.  Often the preconception that comes with wearing glasses belie the reality, as most of the women I’ve known who wore glasses were quite wild and unpredictable.

Jill’s Answer

Watching a man interact with a baby or a small child is one of the biggest turn-ons that I can think of that doesn’t directly involve sex.  There is something very exciting about seeing a Dad (or an uncle or in some cases even a grandfather) hold a baby with confidence, kiss her gently on the head, and talk to her in a reassuring voice.  If he makes the baby giggle by tickling her or blowing on her belly, even better.  Watching a man rock a baby in his arms, or even dance while cradling her can provoke not only a physical reaction in me, but a very strong emotional reaction as well.  If the child is a toddler and he’s dancing with her standing on his feet, it brings tears to my eyes.

It really depends on the guy, of course, but watching a strong man be so tender and loving toward a child, without reservation or self-consciousness, is sexy.  A guy who I wouldn’t ordinarily find attractive can completely change my opinion based on how he acts with a baby.  I don’t know why I feel this way, but it’s very real to me.  I can’t be the only woman who is so affected by witnessing a man’s paternal instinct.  I see this a lot with Jack.  He’s hardly the sort of man to adopt a tough, macho exterior.  But when I see him hold our daughter, talk to her, or play with her, it melts my heart, especially if he doesn’t know that I’m watching.

If you want to ask us anything, drop us a line on Formspring, or use the handy Formspring widget on the right-hand side of our blog.  We like sexy questions!  To see who else participated this week, visit Twitter and search for #FormspringFriday!