Here’s a sepia-tinted version of the picture we submitted for this week’s Half-Nekkid Thursday.
Where We’ve Been and What We’ve Done (With a Little HNT on the Wrong Day)
After more than a year missing in action, we thought it only fair to bring up to speed anyone who might still be reading. First off, our blog title is now a misnomer, as we have moved, and are no longer in the 916 area code (though we are most certainly still frisky). While we considered changing the name of our blog – Frisky Near the 916 would have been accurate, though in our opinion, less catchy – ultimately we decided to leave it as-is, with the understanding that we do not intend to maliciously mislead our readership; we just like the title.
Over the course of the last thirteen months, we’ve enjoyed a varied and exciting sex life: We completed a year’s worth of submissions at Half-Nekkid Thursday (HNT). We hosted or attended two Porn and Pizza parties. We had four threesomes, all with the same third (which I suppose should have been first on this list). Jill took the “curious” out of her “bi-curious” descriptor, which made my thirty-fourth birthday an occasion to remember – and which was re-enacted on my thirty-fifth. We webcammed for sexual purposes around ten times (not much, admittedly). Jill gave a live-action masturbation demonstration for the benefit of some friends who have never used a vibrator, or seen one used outside of porn.
For the first time in four years, we didn’t go on a camping trip with Jill’s extended family this summer. Therefore we didn’t go skinny-dipping in some variety of murky lake. It’s something of a summer tradition for Jill and I to sneak away from our campsite, cabin, or rented house, and take an after-hours dip sans swimsuits. It’s not a big secret, really; we even managed to get away for an hour of au naturel fun last summer despite concerns that new parenthood would get in the way. I’m sure it would have happened this summer had such a camping trip been planned, but for various reasons it didn’t happen. Nonetheless, we rediscovered the joys of midafternoon outdoor sex in our very large, mostly private backyard. Apologies to any neighbors who may have overheard our escapades and been traumatized.
We did, however, have sex in a foreign country this summer. Technically speaking we were aboard a cruise ship that was docked in a foreign port of call, but I say it counts. This is our first time having sex on foreign soil since 2007. We were overdue. Was it any better – or worse – than domestic sex? Not really. Was it any different? Probably not. Is there any reason for me to even mention it? Not at all. Is our daughter a very sound sleeper? Yes, and we are thankful for this.
Our Twitter account (@jackandjillcpl) was born this summer as an alternative to blogging and an a means of talking about sex and getting in touch with fellow sex-positives. We weren’t planning on re-launching the blog when we decided to start the account. As it is, our Twitter feed may be short-lived; we’ve been largely unsuccessful at attracting followers. Though, to be fair, in its heyday this blog wasn’t exactly setting the blogosphere on fire. Also, after fifty-two straight weeks of HNT in 2010, we took the first seven months of this year off, though we’re once again submitting pictures for the enjoyment of discriminating pervs everywhere.
Here’s a taste of what we’ve been posting on Half-Nekkid Thursday the last few weeks.
Other than that, life has been consistent: Typical suburban family kind of stuff. How are you?
-Jack
Charity Begins at Home
I came across this article today.
Is charity sex better than no sex?Is pushing yourself when you’re not in the mood an investment in your relationship?
You may be bristling at the phrase “charity sex.” If you’re a woman, perhaps it brings to mind past, award-worthy, faked orgasms. Or maybe it reminds you of that time you bit your tongue and had sex because you were sick of hearing him ask for it. If you’re a guy, you might be thinking, “better than nothing.”
Or possibly, just possibly, you assume I’m referring to guilt-induced sex…… the sort you engage in because you feel bad for not throwing your partner a bone lately… the sort you suffer through, only to feel resentment later on.But don’t equate charity sex with pity sex. Rather, see charity sex as a means of reestablishing a connection with your partner, and of making an important investment in your relationship.
Think of it as a donation, rather than an assessment. As blogger Heidi Raykeil has written, “The other night I was enjoying some “me” time, curled up on the couch watching the latest episode of “Grey’s Anatomy.” Meanwhile, my husband was tossing and turning in bed, stressed out over his latest work project.
Frankly, between McDreamy and McSteamy, I was already pretty satisfied. But if I know one thing about my husband, it’s that sex helps him sleep. So I put down the remote and headed upstairs to take one for the team. That’s right: I had charity sex. And you know what? It was actually pretty hot.”
Pity sex is about checking sex off your to-do list. Charity sex is about checking in with each other. It’s not about meeting someone else’s physical needs—it’s about meeting your relationship’s emotional ones. It’s about opening up, quite literally, to each other.
Why might you engage in charity sex? You might do it because your partner is all wound up from work, and sex relaxes him or her. You might do it because she’s feeling a little down, and sex gives her a boost. Or maybe you do it because —- like some 41 million Americans – you’ve both gone too many days, weeks, or even months without sex.
It’s easy for sex to fall to the bottom of your to-do list when you have so many other things on your mind. The bills? The housework? The kids? The latest episode of “Breaking Bad”? Who has time for sex!? Unfortunately, the less often you have sex, the harder it is to get back into the groove. Testosterone levels drop and, as a result, libido levels drop, too. Before you know it, you’re experiencing the longest dry spell of your life.
Charity? You feel you don’t have enough to give! Fortunately, if you dig deep, you can still do your relationship some good. How?
Fake it ’til you make it. No. I’m not advocating fake orgasms. But there’s definitely something to be said for putting in a little effort. With charity sex, you may not initially feel as if you’re in the mood, but if you start going through the motions, your desire will likely catch up.
As Emily Nagoski has written in the “Good in Bed Guide to Female Orgasms,” “Putting your body through the moves of faking one could actually lead to having one.” So start slowly, with intimate touching. Allow yourself to enjoy some pleasurable sensations. Try not to think about anything —- your to-do list; that meeting tomorrow morning -— but how it feels when the two of you touch. Before you know it, that offering of charity sex will start to feel like a gift to both of you.
Take away the pressure. When you’re not in the mood for sex, an orgasm may seem out of the question. And you may ask yourself: Why even have sex if I’m not getting the big payoff? But there’s a lot to be said about the stuff that happens before the orgasm. So don’t fixate too much on the end result. Rather, enjoy those moan-inducing caresses and toe-curling nibbles as they’re happening. Remain in the moment. You never know. Your body may surprise you.
Remember how good it was. Remember all the reasons you’re together. Remember what things were like when they were still new and undeniably hot. And then think of how much things have changed. How can you give back to that relationship? What are you willing to do to revitalize it?
Is charity sex better than no sex? And can it be a good thing for your relationship? You tell me.
Some thoughts: While reading this article, Jill and I were, to be honest, surprised by phrases like “the sort [of sex] you engage in because you feel bad for not throwing your partner a bone lately”, and “take one for the team.” Look, I don’t want to sound like I’m bragging, even though it’s probably going to sound that way, but neither Jill nor I can imagine a period in our lives, past or future, wherein we didn’t or won’t want sex on pretty much an equal level. I’m not saying that we’ll always have sex as frequently or as enthusiastically as we’re having it now, especially when our daughter is older and perhaps less able to sleep through noisy lovemaking. I’m not saying we’ll always be on equal footing with regard to our desire for sex. But based on our relationship up to this point, neither of us can imagine it. Sure, we know couples whose sex lives changed for the worse over time, but to be honest we always assumed that these couples weren’t having the kind of sex we have, or weren’t all that into sex to begin with.
I realize that this is a very simplistic view. Even though Jill and I had sex thirty-six times in July, I realize that this may be a career high that we will never again match, let alone exceed. There are many reasons why people are having less sex. In the current economic climate, Americans have to work harder to bring home less money. We raise children. We cook meals. We are tired. We want entertainment after a hard day and all too often this means spending a few hours in front of the television, sometimes falling asleep in front of it. Additionally, we grow complacent in our relationships. We may not try as hard to please our partners. We take them for granted. We assume they’re just as tired, or feeling as unsexy, as we are.
Let’s face it, Breaking Bad is a critically-acclaimed and very highly-rated cable drama series. But if, as the article suggests, you can’t postpone the television watching for a couple nights when the opportunity for sex presents itself, then your priorities weren’t skewed toward sex to begin with. You’re probably happier watching television. However, if you would rather be having sex with your significant other than watching television but find that television regularly wins out, then I implore you: Set the DVR and have at it.
Do tired, overworked and underappreciated wives really grit their teeth, lie back and think of Johnny Depp? We’re sure they do, just as we’re sure that sex-starved blue collar husbands beg, plead, cajole and guilt their disinterested wives into having sex with them on their birthdays. But why is this the hackneyed paradigm that we’ve all come to expect from women’s magazines, talk shows and shallow self-help articles on mainstream news websites? Is the fact that men are traditionally portrayed as virile, physical and proactive the reason why they are always the ones in need of sex? Is the fact that women are traditionally portrayed as emotional, prim and – for lack of a better word – ladylike the reason why they are the ones who are sometimes not in the mood? Despite what the author of this article might like us to believe, there are undoubtedly countless male-female couples for whom the opposite is true. Consider the hard-working female CEO who comes home after a long work day eager for sex with the stay-at-home-Dad who’s just gotten the kids fed, washed, and put to bed, and doesn’t have the energy for sex.
Oh, and one last thing: The author’s distinction between pity sex and charity sex is bullshit; the only distinction exists in his own mind. Somehow I doubt that, based on the label, the recipient of “charity sex” would feel like much more of a person than the sorry soul on the receiving end of “pity sex”.
So It’s Been Thirteen Months…
…and I suppose that we owe all of you an apology, or at the very least an explanation.
I know what you’re all thinking: New baby equals less frequent sex. The truth of the matter, however, is that Jill and I are having sex as often as we used to, if not more often. In fact, throughout the month of July we managed to have sex thirty-six times. That’s right, more than once per day on average. This is certainly a record for us. So no, our sex life hasn’t suffered in the least. So what, exactly, has kept us from sharing our exploits with all of you for more than a year?
First off, we completely forgot how to log into our Blogger account to post anything. That may sound ridiculous, but it’s true: With multiple Blogger accounts, e-mail accounts, Facebook accounts, and all the other websites to which we have to log in – and for which internet security experts as well as common sense suggest different passwords – the process for logging into the account associated with this blog quite simply eluded us. Of course, it took us several months to actually forget our login and password, which means that we had already gone an extended period of time without blogging before we forgot. So this was not the primary reason.
You may recall that, before we stopped blogging, we regularly posted our TMI Tuesday answers. Participating in TMI Tuesday each week allowed us to consistently offer new content; even if we weren’t writing in-depth original blog entries and sharing fantasies or actual sexual experiences, participating in TMI Tuesday kept us in the habit of logging into our account (and accordingly not forgetting our login and password), and actually writing something, which of course made it easier to post more substantial original content when we had the opportunity. It was also a lot of fun for Jill and I to read the questions and discuss our answers. In late April 2010, TMI Tuesday stopped posting questions each week, and since then there has been only one set of questions, and nothing since May 2011. Our last bastion of regular content gone, our semi-regular blogging petered out.
Another factor in the cessation was an upswing in my own writing. I consider myself a novelist, though I suppose I’m more interested in considering myself a novelist than I am in actually writing. Because I’m not motivated to write creatively as frequently I would like to be, I have to sieze any opportunity to do so, and make the most of it. Though I can’t cite the source, I once read – likely in a writing magazine or website – that every word a writer writes in his or her blog is a word not written in his or her novel. This resonated with me, and put me off of blogging somewhat. Was the hiatus worth it? Well, I’ve got a couple decent rough drafts finished, and the second draft of one of my works is underway, so yeah, I guess it was.
Also, shortly after our last entry, Jill and I had a threesome with a friend of ours. In a way, this was more the cause for our hiatus than anything else. You see, I’ve wanted to have a threesome for pretty much as long as I can remember. Ever since I’ve been aware that sex existed, I’ve wanted to find out what it was like to have sex with two women. I think this is evidence of my greedy nature; if sex with one woman is fun, sex with two women must be really fun, right? Given my singular focus, it’s accurate to say that virtually everything I’ve done over the past fifteen years-plus has been in the hopes of making my fantasy come true. Studying a particular discipline? Choosing an apartment? Picking out a tie? Yes, every one of these decisions and countless others were made with the thought of pleasing two woman at once, and of course being pleased by them as well. Sadly, however, my absolute and total lack of game is made painfully apparent by the fact that it took nearly two decades – or at the very least a wife as perfect as Jill – for this fantasy to come true. Anyway, once I’d experienced it, it occurred to me that we didn’t need the blog anymore, as the reason we’d begun writing in it had manifested itself. I eventually came to my senses and remembered how much I enjoyed the blog, but by then of course it was too late, and I hadn’t a clue how to access it.
So those are our excuses for disappearing from the blogosphere for more than a year. Needless to say, even though they are good excuses are far as excuses go, we feel very sheepish about our behavior, and we will try to do better. Yes, I know we’ve said that before, but we were serious then and we’re serious now. We’ve started a Twitter feed (after years of swearing we’d never Tweet) dedicated to our sex life, and hopefully between this blog and that feed you’ll be able to stay informed as to what’s going on in Sexy-Jack-and-Jill-Land. We will try and link our Twitter feed to this blog so that you can see our Tweets here, but until we do, we’re @jackandjillcpl. Most of our followers thusfar are bots. (For all I know, all of our followers here are bots too – we’ve been gone awhile.)
– Jack
TMI Tuesday – Classic Edition
Sorry for the lack of posts of late. We were without internet access during part of June, when we did a little traveling. The prospect of blogging on a
Anyway, here’s our TMI Tuesday entry for this week.
Jack’s Answers
1. Do you leave a tip at a restaurant? If so, how much? Do you double the tax?
It depends on the service I receive. I generally do tip, and it takes some reprehensible treatment by the server to warrant not tipping at all. But whether I double the tax, or leave some pre-determined percentage of the bill, depends on the server’s attitude and performance.
2. What celebrity did you have a crush on growing up?
Julia Roberts. My interest in her was directly influenced by the fact that she had never done a nude scene, in the truest sense of the term. Had she gotten naked in Pretty Woman (and I’m not referring to that half-assed through-the-headboard nipple shot), I might not have followed her career as long as I did.
3. Do you excuse yourself to “fart” or let it rip and blame the guy next to you?
Excuse myself.
4. When entering or exiting a store, do you hold the door open for the person behind you, if they’re relatively close… if they’re more than 10 steps away do you pause and hold the door open?
I generally hold the door open. It’s actually something I’m known for. Doesn’t matter if they’re ten steps away or twenty; if it looks like they’re heading for the door I’m walking through, I’ll hold it open. And yes, on more than one occasion I’ve found myself holding a door open only for the person for whom I was holding it to walk right by me without entering/exiting. Ah well – no one said being a nice guy was easy.
5. Ever had mono?
Nope.
Bonus (as in optional): Ever paid for sex?
We all pay for sex in one way or another. Some of us pay directly for sex with money, while others pay indirectly. Still others pay with their sanity.
Jill’s Answers
1. Do you leave a tip at a restaurant? If so, how much? Do you double the tax?
I do tip at restaurants. I usually double the tax or tip 20%.
2. What celebrity did you have a crush on growing up?
Michael J. Fox.
3. Do you excuse yourself to “fart” or let it rip and blame the guy next to you?
Sometimes I excuse myself, and other times I blame someone else. It’s much easier now that I usually have a baby to blame.
4. When entering or exiting a store, do you hold the door open for the person behind you, if they’re relatively close… if they’re more than 10 steps away do you pause and hold the door open?
I always hold the door.
5. Ever had mono?
No.
Bonus (as in optional): Ever paid for sex?
Are we talking money here?
TMI Tuesday – Classic Edition
Again, from the archives:
Jack’s Answers
1. Have you ever bought something to increase your sexual performance or enhance your attributes?
I really thought about this one. I’ve never purchased a cock ring, or some sort of dubious product that promises to add a few inches. I suppose one or more of the sex books we own, many of which I did purchase, could have been marketed as some sort of sex aid, even if that’s not the primary reason for which I bought it. So I’m going to say no.
2. Do you talk to your parents about sex? Can you/will you talk to your children?
Parents: No! Dear God in Heaven, no! Under threat of the torture and dismemberment of those I hold dear, no, no, no! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Can you tell that this is something I’m very uncomfortable with? Children: Yeah, guess I’m going to have to.
3. Sex during pregnancy… great or ick?
As the lucky husband of an until-recently pregnant woman, I can honestly say it was about ten months of the best sex I’ve ever had.
4. What is the longest you’ve ever been celebate [sic] after having lost your virginity?
I think about eight months.
5. What is the best sex game you’ve ever played?
Probably some sort of playing card-based drinking game conducted with a mixed-gender group of twenty-somethings for the purpose of lowering inhibitions and, as a result, getting laid. I did that sort of thing on occasion during my college days.
Bonus: Who was the first person (names unneccessary [sic] ) you were ever naked in front of for sexual reasons?
A strange homeless man in my hometown’s local park. Either that or the girl I lost my virginity to.
Jill’s Answers
1. Have you ever bought something to increase your sexual performance or enhance your attributes?
Yes, I have quite a bit of lingerie, some of which definitely enhances my attributes. Also, I own a how-to-perform-fellatio videotape that I bought before I got really good.
2. Do you talk to your parents about sex? Can you/will you talk to your children?
Parents, not really. A recent off-handed remark my mother made about our sex life is probably the first time the subject of sex ever came up. Children, yes. If done right, I believe it may be amongst the most important conversations we ever have.
3. Sex during pregnancy… great or ick?
Definitely great! I was horny as hell.
4. What is the longest you’ve ever been celebate [sic] after having lost your virginity?
Probably a year.
5. What is the best sex game you’ve ever played?
I can’t think of any. I guess our Porn and Pizza Parties don’t really count, do they?
Bonus: Who was the first person (names unneccessary [sic] ) you were ever naked in front of for sexual reasons?
A guy I fooled around with on the beach in San Diego. He’s the first guy who ever saw me naked, though I need to state for the record that he was not the first guy I had sex with.
TMI Tuesday – Classic Edition
By now, you know the drill. Here’s this week’s list of questions, right out of the TMI Tuesday archives:
Jack’s Answers
1. Have you ever had sex at someone else’s house during a party? Details?
Yes. In the mid-nineties I had sex with an ex-girlfriend at a party at the home of a friend of hers. Though we’d gone to the party together we weren’t dating at the time. Dressed very alluringly, she invited me into the bathroom for a quick bang; I hiked up her skirt, pulled down her panties, and bent her over the sink. In that position, I had a nice view of her ass, as well as her face in the mirror as she climaxed. Some of my favorite one-night stands (or one-hour stands) were party hookups that never even left the venue. Like the aforementioned incident, most of these occurred in my early twenties, in questionable states of sobriety. The women involved, and most of the specific details of these encounters, are long forgotten, but I can definitely say that I was a better lover then than I am now. Hey, I’m old.
2. Ever tried to replay the famous scene from From Here to Eternity? How was it?
The making-out-on-the-beach scene? Can’t say that I have.
3. Do you like pain during sex?
Not even a little bit.
4. On a scale from 1-10, how promiscuous were you during your college years (whether you went or not)?
I don’t know. Five, maybe? I was pretty promiscuous, though I wasn’t some lothario type, with a different bed partner every night, but I had more casual sex during my college years than I could have expected.
5. At what age do you think men and women reach their sexual peak? Do you think you have hit yours yet?
Oh yeah, mine came and went. See my answer to #1.
Bonus (as in optional): Do any of your ex’s have naked photos or movies of you still?
Not that I’m aware of; if so, I’ve yet to come across them on the internet.
Jill’s Answers
1. Have you ever had sex at someone else’s house during a party? Details?
Not full-on sex, but I did a lot of fooling around in bathrooms.
2. Ever tried to replay the famous scene from From Here to Eternity? How was it?
I’ve made out on the beach before. It was great. I got my boobies felt up too. That was after we’d snuck away from the bonfire and took a walk on the beach. Fun!
3. Do you like pain during sex?
No. I like intense orgasms, like intense to the point that you can’t stand it, but not real pain.
4. On a scale from 1-10, how promiscuous were you during your college years (whether you went or not)?
I’d say about a five.
5. At what age do you think men and women reach their sexual peak? Do you think you have hit yours yet?
Guys? Probably in their twenties. Women, I’d say their forties, because I don’t think I’ve reached mine yet.
Bonus (as in optional): Do any of your ex’s have naked photos or movies of you still?
Probably not exes, but I’m sure someone does. I was a notorious webcam ho in my twenties.
TMI Tuesday – Classic Edition
As in previous weeks, we’re answering a previous set of TMI Tuesday questions, as no new set was posted this week. Here goes:
Jack’s Answers:
1. Which ONE do you wish you had more of in bed… romance, experimentation or foreplay?
Probably experimentation, as we have more than enough foreplay, and as much romance as I can handle.
2. How often do you have “make up sex” after an arguement [sic]?
We don’t argue much, really.
3. Have you ever been “caught” masturbating?
Yes, and as I’ve stated elsewhere in this blog, the less said about that, the better.
4. On a scale from 1-10, how comfy are you being naked?
If ten is most comfy, then I am a ten. However, people that are around me when I’m naked may have a different answer.
5. The three words that best describe your most recent partner in bed are ____, ____, and ____.
Adventurous, open-minded and sexy.
Bonus (as in optional): Have you ever called out the wrong name in bed?
No. I’m pretty good about keeping my mouth shut if I’m unsure.
Jill’s Answers:
1. Which ONE do you wish you had more of in bed… romance, experimentation or foreplay?
Probably foreplay. We have plenty, but there’s always room for more.
2. How often do you have “make up sex” after an arguement [sic]?
I don’t think we’ve ever had an argument. But if we ever do, we should have make up sex. Hey Jack, want to have an argument?
3. Have you ever been “caught” masturbating?
Yes.
4. On a scale from 1-10, how comfy are you being naked?
Probably about an eight.
5. The three words that best describe your most recent partner in bed are ____, ____, and ____.
Confident, kinky and virile.
Bonus (as in optional): Have you ever called out the wrong name in bed?
I don’t think so. I stick to “sweetie” and other
“Authorities said the sex toy wasn’t illegal…”
Every once in awhile we come across an embarrassing news story about a woman who packs a sex toy in her luggage with the batteries still inside. Invariably the toy is activated in transit, the suitcase begins vibrating, and the airline baggage handlers call in a bomb squad who then open the suitcase and attempt to disarm a vibrating butt plug, Rabbit, Waterdancer, Bullet or other fun adult novelty, in the process unfolding all of the mortified traveler’s neatly folded clothes. The local media reports on this occurrence with an unlikely straight-face, never once referring to the toy by its brand name.
I saw this story this morning, and from the headline I assumed it would be a similar account of a vibrator found in luggage. I was wrong. Check it out:
Sex Toy Sparks Bomb Scare, Evacuation At CHP
SOUTH LAKE TAHOE, Calif. (CBS13) ―
A California Highway Patrol substation in South Lake Tahoe was evacuated for hours over concerns that a man’s personal sex toy may have actually been an explosive device.
Authorities said CHP officers pulled over 60-year-old Steven Ferrini on Highway 89 for a traffic violation and found methamphetamine and drug paraphernalia in his possession.
While searching Ferrini, authorities found him carrying a device with an on/off switch and a wire disappearing into his pants. When officers asked him about it, Ferrini told them it was a personal sex toy.
Ferrini was brought back to the CHP station with the device still inserted, and when he began telling officers about his knowledge of explosives, authorities began questioning the nature of the device.
The CHP office was evacuated as a precaution while the El Dorado County Sheriff’s explosives team responded to the scene.
Explosives experts extracted the device from Ferrini and confirmed it was a sex toy and not dangerous.
Ferrini was arrested and booked on drug charges — authorities said the sex toy wasn’t illegal.
Well no shit, Sherlock. That’s one of the reasons we live in California and not Alabama. Condolences to all of our readers from Alabama.
-Jack
Dirty Haiku #1
As stated in yesterday’s entry, we were planning to answer this week’s TMI Tuesday questions, provided a new set was posted today. It was, but neither Jill nor I found ourselves particularly motivated to write about celebrities we’d like to screw around with. Since I felt sort of obligated to write something today, I decided to post the first in what I imagine will be a series of haiku detailing various points in my sexual life. Please bear in mind that I haven’t written poetry in over a decade, and then it was as part of a creative writing class I took in college. Poetry was never the sort of thing I was likely to do of my own free will, until now. I hope this humble three-line poem whets your appetite for more. Here goes!
Jack At Eleven
Found a stash of porn
Jerked off to the memory
Had my first climax
-Jack