Forty-Six Women and Counting: On Rape, Race, and Pound Cake

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When I was nine or ten years old, many an afternoon saw me hanging out at a friend’s house after school. We’d play G.I. Joe in his rec room while watching Bill Cosby: Himself, a 1983 stand-up comedy film which HBO aired frequently in the 1980s and which most suburban White families I knew had on tape. The film is exemplary of Cosby’s style and covers a broad range of topics including marriage and child-rearing, drugs and alcohol, dentistry, and – my personal favorite – one particular cross-country flight in which the entire plane was tormented by an out-of-control four-year-old named Jeffery. Cosby delivered these routines in an appealing conversational style as though speaking spontaneously about whatever happened to be on his mind. He did so without relying on foul language for a laugh, unlike that awful, awful Richard Pryor and George Carlin. (Remember, this was the Reagan 1980s.) And above all, everything he said was incredibly funny. To mainstream Middle American audiences, it was 105 minutes of wholesome family entertainment that could be played in the middle of the afternoon without worrying that young ears might be listening. Bill Cosby: Himself was my first real exposure to stand-up comedy, and cemented Bill Cosby as a superstar in my eyes. The pedestal on which I placed him, like many of the entertainers who shaped my childhood, was a high one, and that has made his fall so much more catastrophic and traumatic.

Cosby’s aforementioned wholesomeness in part led him to rule the airwaves with his Emmy-winning sitcom The Cosby Show, which debuted in 1984. I was a fan, and enjoyed the dynamic of the Huxtable family as well as the similarities between the subject matter of the show and that of the comedy routines I’d enjoyed in the film. However, at age eight I didn’t see the show as a positive portrayal of an African-American family in contemporary America, though it certainly was. To me, and undoubtedly to many of my upper-middle-class White peers, The Cosby Show was simply an entertaining show with the guy from Picture Pages and Fat Albert.

Over time, my interest in Bill Cosby as an entertainer waned, though that is likely due more to reaching adolescence and my attention drifting elsewhere than to any perceived decline in quality. I didn’t watch the finale of The Cosby Show in 1992; I hadn’t watched the show in a couple seasons, though as I recall I was tuning in regularly to the arguably hipper spinoff A Different World. Still, I do remember listening to some of Cosby’s comedy albums around the same time. I still considered myself a fan, though not as ardent a fan as I had been as a child.

I didn’t watch any of the short-lived shows in which Cosby starred during the 1990s, and when his name popped up in the news it was rarely for good reasons; I recall feeling a measure of sadness in 1997 upon learning of the murder of his son Ennis, who had been referenced prominently in Bill Cosby: Himself. I was surprised, then suddenly not so surprised, to hear later that year that Cosby had an affair with a woman in the mid-1970s and possibly fathered a daughter. In light of the wholesome image he’d worked so hard to cultivate and protect, it was strange to think of Cosby with sexual urges, and moreso to consider that he’d cheated on his wife. But I realized that, like all of us, he was human.

In my late twenties, a well-meaning relative got me a couple tickets to see Bill Cosby live. Years earlier she and I had talked about how much we enjoyed The Cosby Show, but I doubt I’d mentioned his name to her in the better part of twenty years. I didn’t go, nor did I have much interest in seeing him perform. Isn’t he a motivational speaker now? I ended up selling the tickets to a couple friends who went in my stead.

I’d heard much about Cosby lecturing Black parents on how to properly raise their children – notably the “pound cake” speech he delivered in 2004 – and tackling what he saw as serious problems with Black culture. While I didn’t necessarily disagree with what he was saying (though I took – and continue to take – issue with the idea that the theft of a piece of pound cake justifies lethal force by police as Cosby seemed to suggest), it didn’t exactly seem like my place to listen. Perhaps my waning interest in Cosby during the last fifteen years or so, since his transition from comedian to public moralist, can be traced to the fact that, as a young White man, he wasn’t speaking to me. I felt uncomfortable consuminig his messages lest I appear to be standing in judgment of an entire race whose struggles were vastly diferent than my own.

Additionally, the abrupt about-face shook my perception of Cosby as a comedian and entertainer. However, that’s not to say that a man best known for comedy can’t, or even shouldn’t, be serious when the situation warrants it. “Bill Cosby said some real shit and the whole world freaked out on him,” said Dave Chappelle in his 2004 standup film For What It’s Worth. “Just because he was selling Pudding Pops for the last forty years, people forget that he’s…from the projects, and he might say some real shit from time to time.” Fair enough.

And it wasn’t exactly a new stance. I recall reading a 1997 interview in Newsweek in which Cosby raged against, amongst other things, the comedy film Booty Call. He decried it, and similar pop culture as “stuff that shows [young African Americans] only interested in the flesh and no other depth.” I never saw the film; such low-brow comedies were never my cup of tea. Still, at the time I agreed with his assertion that such negative portrayals of African Americans in the media helped to perpetuate racism.

However, despite my lack of interest in Booty Call I likened to censorship his claim that there was no need for such a film to even exist. Booty Call grossed more than $20 million on a $7 million budget. Obviously people wanted to watch movies of this type. At that age, steeped in film culture, hungry to watch as many movies as I possibly could, and with a couple partially-written screenplays under my belt, I couldn’t bear to consider the notion that any film shouldn’t be made. With the greater social impact of negative pop culture far from my mind, I saw Cosby as an alarmist resisting change.

As I’ve gotten older it is my opinion that a great many of the films Hollywood churns out lack any substantial artistic merit. Do I feel like most of Michael Bay’s filmography actively harms our culture? I don’t know whether I’d put it in those exact terms, but I can’t say for certain that the Transformers film series isn’t making Americans stupider. So maybe I’ve softened a bit with regard to Cosby’s condemnation of Booty Call.

One thing to which I cannot possibly soften, however, are the dozens of allegations of rape that have been brought against him. As I played with G.I. Joe figures in my friend’s rec room and listened to Cosby liken the doctor present at the delivery of his first child to Cincinatti Reds catcher Johnny Bench, I couldn’t have imagined that this man, who would be given the Presidential Medal of Freedom in 2002, and who would receive honorary degrees from more than fifteen colleges and universities, could be one of the most prolific serial rapists in American history. This is a man people let into their homes week in and week out for almost a decade. A man we trusted. A man whose albums we played, whose books we eagerly scooped up and read.

In fact, while helping my daughter clean her room last week I found a copy of Cosby’s 1987 tome Fatherhood, which I had apparently acquired somewhere prior to her birth, intended to read, and never did. When I tweeted a photo of the book before tossing it in the donation bag, our friend Curvaceous Dee suggested I might be able to get some blogging mileage out of it. I stumbled upon an article in which several of Cosby’s books are examined, with certain passages highlighted for creepiness in light of all we now know about the man’s proclivities. Fatherhood isn’t included in the article; apparently there’s nothing there that would give a reader pause in 2015. Still, best to play it safe.

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“It’s just sad,” Jill said recently when we were discussing Cosby’s misdeeds. “He was such a big part of my childhood. We’d all watch The Cosby Show together as a family. It was something everybody enjoyed. We could all quote his routines, too. My favorite is the bit about labor pains. ‘Take your bottom lip and pull it over your head.’ I actually thought about that when I was in labor. He was so funny, plus it was nothing but wholesome values, the kind of thing you could watch with your parents. Good memories. Now they’re tainted.”

I originally typed “alleged misdeeds” in the above paragraph, but deleted it. While I am sadly convinced of his guilt at this point, it feels strange to state that he actually is guilty, as if part of me still doesn’t want to believe the countless charges that have been levied against him by a host of women. After all, nothing has been proven in a court of law, and given the statute of limitations on rape cases in most jurisdictions, it’s likely that nothing will ever be.

But if it takes more than forty indepdent accusations, all describing very similar assaults – to say nothing of Cosby’s recently-released 2005 testimony that he acquired quaaludes in order to drug women for the purposes of sex – to convince you that these incidents actually occurred, then as I have long feared we are a morally bereft, misogynist society that has no real use for its women other than as objects. To anyone still holding fast to his belief in Cosby’s innocence, what would it take to make you believe that this benevolent television father figure to a generation of children could harbor such a dark side? Does the accuser have to be your mother, your wife, your sister, your daughter? Or would that still not convince you?

Celebrities and public figures who I admire and respect, such as Chuck D. of Public Enemy, have suggested that the backlash against Cosby amounts to character assassination, and liken the tarnishing of Cosby’s legacy to book burning in Nazi Germany. To be fair, I believe that Cosby opened the door for his legacy to be tarnished – or perhaps even tarnished it himself – when he made the conscious choice to abuse women.

I’m sure Cosby blames the media, just as he did years earlier in his criticism of Booty Call. After all, the media has certainly had a field day airing the comedian’s dirty laundry. But what amount of coverage is commensurate with such a hideous story? Should the media instead downplay the allegations? I don’t think so. To let the decades of admittedly entertaining and funny work Cosby produced speak for him while sweeping under the rug the horrible crimes he committed would be a slap in the face to his many victims.

Tarnishing his legacy? Fuck his legacy. If I had to not only see the face of my currently-not-in-prison rapist every time I turned on Nick at Nite but also know that he was receiving royalty payments for every rerun, that would probably put a damper on my sunny disposition. And believe me, if Cosby is somehow exonerated beyond a reasonable doubt in the court of public opinion, I’ll be the first to tack an addendum onto this post and admit that I was wrong.

Still, I pray I never have to as the thought of what such a series of false accusations would do to legitimate claims of rape would be terrifying. It’s a moot point; I’m certain I won’t be proven wrong. The very thought that Cosby’s victims are involved in a massive conspiracy to destroy the aging star is too laughable to be believed. This isn’t 1987, with Bill Cosby sitting at the top of the television heap; he’s nearly eighty years old and far from the height of his power. What is to be gained? Why would these women wait until the man’s autumn years rather than going after someone with more to lose?

Former defenders Jill Scott and Whoopi Goldberg have both made an about-face recently in light of the release of Cosby’s 2005 testimony, and I’m glad. I don’t care what may have been considered acceptable in a less enlightened era, consent is everything. Considering a woman’s consent implied after you’ve plied her with drugs is one of the biggest dick moves in the sexual spectrum. Additionally, Cosby’s handling of the situation shows a profound lack of class, though admittedly not as profound as committing multiple instances of sexual assault over the course of several decades. Whether he’s making jokes at live performances about the dangers of drinking in his presence or attempting to shift the blame onto his victims, Cosby has repeatedly shown a lack of civility unexpected to those who still think of him as Cliff Huxtable.

And let’s not forget the hypocrisy. That someone could so vociferously insist on a certain standard of behavior in others while comporting himself in this manner is despicable. That it was someone once so beloved to such a broad spectrum of humanity is nearly unthinkable. I can’t see much of a difference right now between Bill Cosby lecturing Black America to behave itself while raping dozens of women and Newt Gingrich or any of a number of tired White conservative hacks who similarly fail to practice what they preach. Per an article at Madame Noire:

Cosby has always been a moralist and a conservative who goes on tours blaming Black people for our own oppression in America. He told us to pull our pants up, stop buying our kids Jordan sneakers and quit stealing poundcake. We needed to be dignified and respectable at all times. And maybe, just maybe, folks would respect us and stop being racist to us. And while he was telling us to stop being shiftless and engaging in criminal behavior, he was buying quaaludes with the express purpose of having sex with unconscious women.

I don’t wish to make it sound like I’m trying to liken myself or my generation to Cosby’s victims, or to co-opt their pain, their struggle, or their victimization. But they aren’t the only ones affected by his actions. Everyone who’s ever been entertained by Cosby’s standup comedy albums or his television series, who’s ever bought a ticket for Ghost Dad or Leonard Part 6 (my condolences), who’s ever admired the man for his philanthropy and activism, is potentially hurt by this. At the risk of overstatement, it’s not unlike losing a cherished and very special family member.

There is unlikely to be any criminal penalties in Cosby’s future, and the results of a pair of lawsuits brought against him are likely still in the distant future. What consequences could possibly exist for him at this point? Understand that no consequences for a life spent in this manner is too abhorrent to consider. That all of his pending projects were hurriedly canceled seems fitting, though I’m not necessarily in favor of further tarnishing his legacy vis-à-vis his previous works; perhaps it isn’t fair to those who contributed to his many projects to see his films and television series removed from the public eye like the Confederate Flag. I just can’t see myself ever watching any of it ever again. Not even Bill Cosby Himself.

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So is this an instruction manual, then?

Seriously though. Pound cake? Who likes pound cake enough to steal it? Get real.

 

TMI Tuesday: July 28, 2015

TMI Tuesday questions from recusen who says: It’s all about today. (Answer based on Monday or Tuesday, or whatever day works out best for you.)

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Jack’s Answers (based on Monday)

1. What did you have for breakfast?
Nothing, actually. I don’t always have breakfast; sometimes I like to spend a day off lazing about in bed, then taking a leisurely shower and getting dressed around 10 o’clock. (Don’t be jealous.) By the time I start thinking about eating something it’s nearly eleven and closer to lunchtime, so I wait until noon and have lunch. However, when I do eat breakfast I’m likely to have a bagel and cream cheese with some bacon, or if I’m in a rush some kind of protein or energy bar will do.

2. What clothes did you put on?
Today I put on a pair of shorts and a T-shirt. Underwear too, of course. When it was time to finally leave the house, I put on some socks and tennis shoes as well.

3. What did you have for lunch?
Today’s lunch was a slice of pizza Jill picked up from my favorite local pizzeria. A few years back I would eat there once a week on average, but of late I find that I much prefer cooking at home over going out to eat. Which is not to say that I never go out to eat. It’s just much more rare than it once was.

4. What about dinner? What did you have? Who cooked it? Who did the dishes?
More pizza, this time homemade. Jill cooked. As for the dishes, no one yet as far as I can tell. I should probably go check the sink before I get to bed.

5. Did you, or are you going to, travel today? Where to? Car, bus, train or plane?
Travel? Not in the traditional sense, where one packs a bag and crosses great distances. Any travel I did today was done by car and limited to my immediate geographic area. I took my daughter to school, Jill to the movies, and then she and I hit a couple grocery stores before picking up our offspring and returning home.

6. Did you mail anything? Did you get anything interesting in the mail?
Didn’t mail anything. Haven’t checked the mailbox for today’s mail, but it’s unlikely that I received anything that one might consider interesting.

7. Did you send or get any interesting email?
Send a draft of an upcoming blog post to a friend in the hopes that she’d proofread it and provide feedback, though whether or not that qualifies as interesting is up to you. However, it’s the only email I sent today, so I guess it’s the most interesting by default.

8. Did you text or skype or use messenger, or other internet communications?
I did text, though I didn’t engage in any salacious sexting exchanges. My texts to Jill were standard and not suggestive at all, and the only other texts or instant messages I sent were to family and non-sexy friends. I did not use Skype, and in fact I barely tweeted today.

9. Did you use the internet for sex, e.g. watch porn?
No. While I did watch porn, I did so via locally-saved files, not streaming media.

Bonus: Did you get laid today?
No. I mean, I masturbated, if that counts as sex. But there has been no penetrative intercourse thusfar. Still, the night’s not over…

Jill’s Answers (based on Monday)

1. What did you have for breakfast?
I had a nonfat mocha from Starbucks. I usually prefer to make my own coffee at home, but I was meeting friends there.

2. What clothes did you put on?
I wore jeans and a tank top. I should have put on shorts, because it was really hot.

3. What did you have for lunch?
Lunch was a delicious slice of pizza at a pizza place with the same friends I met at Starbucks. We had coffee, then spent a couple hours at the park with our kids before going to lunch.

4. What about dinner? What did you have? Who cooked it? Who did the dishes?
I also had pizza for dinner, but this time I made it myself, and it was way better than the pizza I had for lunch. I don’t usually have pizza twice in one day, but we were already planning to have homemade pizza for dinner when my friends suggested pizza for lunch. I washed the pans and cutting boards as the pizza cooked. Jack handled the actual plates we used.

5. Did you, or are you going to, travel today? Where to? Car, bus, train or plane?
No traveling today. I wish I was leaving for vacation though, preferably someplace tropical.

6. Did you mail anything? Did you get anything interesting in the mail?
I mailed a form to my doctor. I didn’t check the mail, but I’m sure it was nothing but junk mail. We never receive anything good like money or a free trip.

7. Did you send or get any interesting email?
I received a slew of junk emails and a evite for my daughter to a birthday party for one of her friends. I sent a reply.

8. Did you text or skype or use messenger, or other internet communications?
I used instant messenger to talk to a co-worker about the state of our classrooms and when we’d be able to go in and clean up for the new school year. I also sent and received texts about meeting my friends for coffee and going to the park with our kids. Actually, now that I think of it that was yesterday. My phone has also been sending junk texts lately, right after I miss a call from someone. For example, Jack and I were both out somewhere but not standing together. He called me to see where I was, and when I didn’t answer he got a text from me that said I was driving. That must have been really weird for him because there was one car for both of us, and as far as he knew I’d just left in it.

9. Did you use the internet for sex, e.g. watch porn?
No. It was a busier day than I would have liked.

Bonus: Did you get laid today?
No. I fell asleep with my daughter before Jack and I could fuck. I’m hoping to fix that tomorrow morning. [Editor’s note: We did!]

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Sinful Sunday: On the Sofa

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We’d originally planned to post this shot for the July “chair” prompt before we realized that the prompt specifically forbade sofas and couches.  So here it is three weeks later.

See who else is being sinful at Molly’s Daily Kiss!

Sinful Sunday

TMI Tuesday: July 21, 2015

Some TMI questions about TMI brought to you by recusen, for TMI Tuesday.

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Jack’s Answers

1. When was the last time someone you were talking to crossed the boundary into TMI? How did you handle it?
You know, it’s been awhile. I mentioned last month that I have an aunt who sees no problem with occasionally telling me things about her health (though fortunately not her sexual health) that I’d rather not hear. When this has happened, I usually bite my lip hard, and focus on the pain rather than her words. Then when she stops speaking I say something sympathetic and hope she never does it again.

2. When was the last time you were talking and realized you had crossed into TMI? How did the other person react? What did you do next?
I’m usually very good about not oversharing, because I assume that most people who know me don’t want to know about my bowel movements, my masturbation schedule*, my favorite sexual position**, that weird scar on my groin, or what the voices in my head tell me. Admittedly there are certain friends – mostly female – with whom I will bring up aspects of our sex life, though I am always 100% certain that it’s not going to be a deal-breaker before I do.  However, I have no problem talking politics, and occasionally do on social media and in person. I’m guessing that there are some out there who consider the incredibly progressive views of this dyed-in-the-wool liberal feminist too much information. To them I say tough shit.  (Note:  I’m not as much of a prick as I probably come off here.  However, I have my political opinions, I believe they’re the right ones – not just for me, but for the world as a whole – and while I am open-minded and capable of listening, I don’t apologize for what I believe.)
* Obviously my followers on Twitter are very interested in this topic.
** And this one.

3. Which subject matter is mostly TMI to you, i.e. you don’t want to hear?
a. sex
b. medical treatment or history
c. bodily functions
d. icky food
e. finances
f. political opinions
e. other – tell us
If I had to pick just one of these I’d go with C. I don’t need to know how much you threw up after eating undercooked pork, nor do I want to know about the two-day diarrhea jag you experienced following a stop at a disreputable eatery during a cross-country road trip. To be fair, though, I’m not particularly keen on hearing about your medical history unless there’s something really freaky in there. Had your appendix out? Yawn. Boring. Give me something more interesting. Lost the tip of your penis in a bizarre guillotine-related mishap when you were twelve? I can admit to wanting to know more (though I won’t need to see a picture, thanks). Your finances, though? I don’t give the slightest tumbling fuck. Next time I have insomnia I’ll give you a call and you can tell me all about it. As for politics, I doubt I’ll want to hear your opinions if they differ from my own. You’re not going to convince me that any of the GOP candidates currently running – sorry, make that stumbling – for President are what this country needs any more than I’m going to convince you that they’re all a bunch of racist misogynist dickheads on the payroll of the religious right.

4. Do you ever entice people into TMI, such as try to get them to share something that should be private?
I honestly don’t. I wish I believed that I could pull this off and not be branded a creep. I can’t help but think that an attempt to get the women I fancy to tell me their preferred position for G-spot stimulation would be poorly-received. That’s not to say that there aren’t women I know personally with whom I can discuss such topics; however, I imagine it would go over better if I was single if only because, as a married man, the typical woman would assume I’m acting inappropriately behind my wife’s back. (Notice I don’t mention trying this with men, because having such a conversation with most men would be my own personal sexual Kryptonite.) That being said, though it doesn’t happen as much now as it did a couple years ago, I occasionally get hit up for sex advice from friends and while I’m not one to be offended the subject matter does get into the realm of TMI.

5. Do you enjoy swapping TMI tales–“I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours?”
In theory I do, but I’m not particularly gossipy, and most friends and acquaintances tend not to approach me with their salacious stories. (Or if they do there’s no requested quid pro quo.) I have shared certain aspects of our sex life with trusted friends, but generally do not pressure anyone into reciprocating.

Bonus: How do you feel about Pope Francis embracing “climate change” climate science?
I like it a lot better than the last couple Popes embracing pedophile priests.

Jill’s Answers

1. When was the last time someone you were talking to crossed the boundary into TMI? How did you handle it?
A few weeks ago a friend was talking about her gastrointestinal issues. Don’t worry, I’ll spare you the discomfort and mortification I felt. This particular friend has a knack for steering a conversation into frankly disgusting waters. I changed the subject as quickly as I could, and was vigilant about ensuring she didn’t attempt to take things back in that direction for the rest of the conversation.

2. When was the last time you were talking and realized you had crossed into TMI? How did the other person react? What did you do next?
It’s been awhile. I was talking to a friend about sex in a general sense, initially without getting personal about it. Over time, I’m pretty sure I told her way too much about my own sex life than she may have wanted to know. She got red and very quiet, and once again I changed the subject as quickly as I could.

3. Which subject matter is mostly TMI to you, i.e. you don’t want to hear?
a. sex
b. medical treatment or history
c. bodily functions
d. icky food
e. finances
f. political opinions
e. other – tell us
Definitely C. I know we all have the same bodily functions and most of the time there’s nothing inherently weird about them. I just don’t want to hear about it.

4. Do you ever entice people into TMI, such as try to get them to share something that should be private?
Yes, though I have to be pretty careful about who I attempt this with. There are certain people in my life whom I can usually prod into telling me more about their sex life. I get a voyeuristic thrill out of learning such intimate tidbits especially if, for example, it’s a friend whose husband I find attractive. Learning certain aspects of their bedroom activities helps me to fantasize about him, or both of them together. I also find it exciting if, in the case of certain of my friends, the person is hesitant to open up at first. Often I find that once the person gets going she (or sometimes he) can’t stop. It’s like a valve of repression has been opened up and she can’t stop talking. In fact, in some cases the person will bring up sex on subsequent occasions without any enticing from me, presumably because I’ve demonstrated myself to be a non-judgmental listener.

5. Do you enjoy swapping TMI tales–“I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours?”
Yes, but pretty much only about sex. I don’t want to trade surgery stories.

Bonus: How do you feel about Pope Francis embracing “climate change” climate science?
I love it! As someone who was raised Catholic and still more or less identifies as Catholic, I’m all for the Pope, or any visible church leader, expressing progressive views. Through the years I have found myself at odds with some of the teachings and official positions of the Catholic Church, so the fact that Pope Francis has come out in favor of science is fantastic. But why stop there? We’ve heard a host (no pun intended) of sensible things from the Pontiff, definitely more than we did from his predecessor.

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

TMI Tuesday: July 14, 2015

Welcome to another of edition of TMI Tuesday. Questions posted today so you have time to answer them and post tomorrow, on Tuesday 🙂

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Jack’s Answers

1. What places have you visited in the last year that you know you will never visit again?
I can’t think of anything, really. No restaurants that closed or stores that went out of business. I haven’t been driven by an angry, pitchfork-and-torch-wielding mob out of any of the cities I’ve visited, nor are there any local arrest warrants out on me (as far as I know). And I tend not to be the sort of person who impulsively says “never”. Part of me wants to say “my daughter’s preschool”, since she’ll be starting elementary school in fall and won’t ever attend her preschool again; however, I can’t say with absolute certainty that I’ll never bring her back to say hello to her old teachers, for example.  Actually, I am pretty sure – though not 100% certain – I’ll never visit the home of my uncle and aunt again.  First of all, it’s several states away.  Second, they appear to be getting a divorce, initiated by my aunt (who informed my uncle via text message because she likes to keep it classy).  I’m going to go out on a limb and say that he won’t be living in that house in a few months’ time, and at any rate, I cut her out of my life years ago.  Like I said, I rarely say “never”, but never again setting foot in that house seems a pretty sure bet.

2. We often hear, “You can do anything you put your mind to.” If you really, actually could, list 5 things you would do.
I’m not sure how to answer this. Most of the things I’d like to do are things that I can do but haven’t managed to get off of my ass long enough to accomplish. And some of them are things I lack sufficient confidence to try. Of course, if I could convince myself to sieze the day and try something new, I would:
1. Publish a novel.
2. Start a new venture, such as a food truck or catering business. Or maybe open a small dive bar.
3. Pursue polyamory.
4. Direct a movie, likely some indie film I wrote myself.
5. Be more open and honest about who I am, with everybody. Consequences be damned.

3. What physical acts would you attempt if you knew you would not fail?
As alluded to in my answer to #2, one thing I’d like to do is be part of a poly quad, or otherwise pursue polyamory and/or non-monogamy to a greater extent than I’ve been able to do thusfar. Failure, however, means hurting my wife, and I’m not willing to risk that. However, if I was certain I would not fail I would absolutely attempt all of these things. Also, sky-diving is something I’ve long wanted to do, if only so I could say I did. Now that I’m a father I see little reason to take unnecessary risks that could possibly – if unlikely – result in my daughter growing up without a father.

4. What are you doing this month that you have never done before?
Celebrating my last month as a thirty-eight year-old.

5. What is the weirdest or strangest substance you’ve bathed in?

Lukewarm or cold water? Honestly, that’s probably as weird as it gets for me. I wish I could tell you that I took an alfresco bath in a pond that turned out to contain raw sewage or nuclear waste or something – wait. No. I don’t wish that. That would be fucking terrible. Still, my point is that I’ve never bathed in any of that muck.

Bonus: Finish this sentence: Right now I’m ______ .

Horny.

Jill’s Answers

1. What places have you visited in the last year that you know you will never visit again?
I have no idea. Maybe a lousy restaurant, but I can’t think of any lousy restaurants I went to in the last year.

2. We often hear, “You can do anything you put your mind to.” If you really, actually could, list 5 things you would do.
1. Travel the world.
2. Play a musical instrument, likely the piano.
3. Hang glide.
4. Go deep sea diving.
5. Cure cancer.

3. What physical acts would you attempt if you knew you would not fail?
I would love to fly an airplane, climb a mountain, or go sky diving. The idea of these three things excite me, but in each case failure would probably mean death. Therefore I don’t see myself doing any of the three, ever. I’m not sure that I’m okay with taking that kind of a risk.

4. What are you doing this month that you have never done before?
Coaching a girls’ soccer team.

5. What is the weirdest or strangest substance you’ve bathed in?
Mud at a spa. That’s actually not all that weird. I’m guessing millions of people have bathed in mud. But for me it’s a relatively unusual experience.

Bonus: Finish this sentence: Right now I’m ______ .

Playing school with my daughter. Outside.

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

TMI Tuesday: June 30, 2015

Recusen has once again given us some great TMI Tuesday questions. Thanks for that!

GOSSIP!

gossip_tmi

Note: Not asking you to reveal secrets. Give us the who without the what, or the what without the who, or obscure identity in some other way if you like. Would like to be titillated, though.

Jack’s Answers

1. Are you privy to a secret about a famous person? Do you read gossip about famous people in magazines or online?
Not that I’m aware of. In fact, in the late 1990s I briefly dated someone who’d worked on Bill Clinton’s 1996 presidential campaign in some capacity. I occasionally wondered if she had sex with him, but she spilled no beans about his sexual peccadilloes. Which, now that I think of it, weren’t even a secret post-1998. As for celebrity gossip, I’m not into any of it. I haven’t picked up an entertainment magazine in years, nor have I clicked a link to any manner of trashy gossip website. The fact is, I’m barely aware of the current crop of mainstream Hollywood stars; if I hear a name chances are I can’t even match it to a face. To give you a sense of how little I care about celebrities these days, I’m not even particularly excited when I hear that a well-known star is dropping trou in an upcoming film.

2. Do you know if a co-worker, friend or neighbor who is currently having an affair? Are you having an affair?
No and no. I wish I had some lurid tale to share about how our next-door neighbor hooks up with some guy every weekday morning after her husband leaves for work and has extremely loud sex that shakes the wall that separates our unit from hers, but I don’t. Actually, I’m glad I don’t have such a story. I’d hate to spend every weekday afternoon re-hanging framed pictures and sweeping up broken glass and such.

3. Have you ever had a secret that made you the subject of gossip?
I’m inclined to say probably, because I can’t imagine reaching almost forty years of life and not having people gossip about me. If I was, people were doing it pretty far behind my back, because I don’t believe I ever heard said gossip. However, if I was, it was almost certainly sex-related.

4. Do you like hearing gossip? What kind interests you most, e.g. sexual behavior, drug use, lying, betrayal, etc?
Honestly, I’m not really that into gossip. Actually, maybe on some level I am. When I hear about a distant relative of my wife’s who’s been busted selling stolen property to support his drug habit all it makes me feel is sad for him and the shaky upbringing he and his siblings had. However, I cannot say with absolute certainty that there isn’t a part of me that feels gratitude that I did better with my own life. Still, I wouldn’t say I like hearing such gossip, exactly. On the other hand, I fucking love hearing sexual gossip, just because I love sex and I like acknowledging that despite all outward appearances and societally-induced shame, people are having sex. Still, I prefer it when people tell me about their sexual habits of their own volition rather than hearing it second hand, presumably without the subject of the gossip wanting me to know.

5. Do you pass gossip on when you hear it?
It depends. Someone who’s having a rough go of it lately, either professionally or personally? Someone who’s perhaps been taken advantage of and embarrassed by someone who claimed to love him or her? Probably not. Bad things befall everyone once in awhile. Someone who’s just made their five-hundredth bad choice since high school, say gotten someone’s name tattooed on his or her arm after two dates? Lost his or her job after taking money from the safe and losing it gambling? That I might pass along. Actually I am less hesitant to pass along gossip if it can be better classified as “news”, especially if it’s potentially positive. Dating someone new? Got a new job? Bought a new car? I wouldn’t feel too bad about sharing that with a mutual friend or relative.

6. Do you consider telling your spouse or partner to be consistent with a promise not to tell? Is he or she trustworthy with secrets?
Yeah. Jill is a vault. If I tell her not to mention something, she won’t mention it. She understands the importance of discretion, knowing the consequences that could arise from someone talking about our own personal exploits with the wrong people, so I know she takes such matters seriously.

Bonus: What is one private thing that you would like to know about someone?
Which women have gotten off while fantasizing about me, and whether they used fingers or a toy.  Oh, and whether they called out my name when they came, or just moaned.

Jill’s Answers

1. Are you privy to a secret about a famous person? Do you read gossip about famous people in magazines or online?
Without getting too specific, I knew a very well known professional athlete before he was famous, though I wouldn’t say I know any secrets about him. As for celebrity gossip, I occasionally read gossip magazines in the checkout line, but only the blurbs on the front cover and only when I’m really bored while standing in line. Sometimes I’ll look through a magazine at the hairdresser, but those are usually months old. And once in a great while I might click on a news story that interests me, but the celebrities are usually the ones from my childhood. I don’t know much about most modern celebrities. I can’t even identify them. Celebrity culture is simply not my thing.

2. Do you know if a co-worker, friend or neighbor who is currently having an affair? Are you having an affair?
I don’t know anybody who I can say with certainty is having an affair. Even if I suspect, which I don’t, it is none of my business. Even if it seems that somebody is having an affair, appearances can be deceiving. The person in question may have an open relationship. And I myself am not having an affair. Sorry if that answer wasn’t sufficiently exciting.

3. Have you ever had a secret that made you the subject of gossip?
In college I was dating one of our resident advisors and he and I thought we were keeping it a well-guarded secret. But most of the people in our dorm knew, and would gossip about it behind my back. As you may have guessed, they kept their gossiping as secret as I kept my relationship with the resident advisor.

4. Do you like hearing gossip? What kind interests you most, e.g. sexual behavior, drug use, lying, betrayal, etc?
I have to admit, I do enjoy gossp. I can be pretty nosy. All kinds of gossip tends to appeal to me, because I find learning about things others might not be willing to share extremely interesting. Of course, sexual gossip is my favorite, because sex is wonderful and fun, and we all have it and presumably all enjoy it, so why are people so reluctant to talk about their own sex lives?

5. Do you pass gossip on when you hear it?
I usually don’t pass on gossip out of respect for the person to whom it relates, especially though not only when I am told to keep it a secret. I am very trustworthy. However, I will discuss the gossip at length with the person who originally told me.

6. Do you consider telling your spouse or partner to be consistent with a promise not to tell? Is he or she trustworthy with secrets?
Yes, I consider telling Jack a secret to be consistent with not telling anyone. I trust him with my life and the life of our daughter. I know that if I tell him that something must stay between us, he won’t tell.

Bonus: What is one private thing that you would like to know about someone?
I enjoy hearing about the sexual escapades of most people, especially our sexy friends. In fact, we need more sexy friends who’ll share their sexual escapades with us. Actually, we need more sexy friends who enjoy making us part of their sexual escapades!

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

 

Sinful Sunday: Intertwined

ss 6.28

Our preferred sleeping configuration involves lots of skin-on-skin contact, in particular my hand on Jill’s ass.  What can I say?  I enjoy copping a feel.

[I am aware that, after last week’s Sinful Sunday post, many commenters wanted to see a follow-up of sorts.  Though this is probably not what they had in mind, this is what happened immediately after last week’s photo was taken.]

See who else is being sinful at Molly’s Daily Kiss!

 

Sinful Sunday