(Source image: “Battire” by Gernot)
She was pale, gaunt, clad in a dusty burial shroud. The men watched in wide-eyed fascination as she rose from the tenebrous depths of an open grave and approached the crypt. She focused on none of them, but rather stared blankly, staggering ever closer. As she entered the crypt she doffed the shroud. The tattered corset she wore revealed breasts unsuited to a freshly-risen corpse, and the shiny black bat wings extending from her arms were clearly store-bought. The stiletto heels that she wore may have helped her stagger so convincingly.
Music began to play, and she started her dance. Such theatrics! she thought. That’s what I get for working a bachelor party on Halloween. (115)
-Jack
I’m a horror fan, and have been all my life. In fact, I’ve spent the last couple days working on Dr. Anton Phibes’ Abominably Erudite, Musically Malignant, Cursedly Clever Halloween Horror Movie Quiz, and plan to post my answers here on Saturday. This week’s Flash Fiction Friday, which required a maximum word count of 120, and use of the word “tenebrous”, was right up my alley. However, that’s not to say that the prompt didn’t provide a few challenges. Though I had the vampire stripper idea in mind pretty much as soon as I saw the prompt picture , and though this week’s word limit was the highest since October 7, my first draft was much longer than I’d hoped it would be. Given the various details in the prompt picture that begged mention, from the physical qualities and attire of our vampiress (her bare breasts, wings, pale complexion, stockings and heels) to the scenery (the desolate-looking cemetery backdrop and the marble column against which she leans), I knew there wouldn’t be sufficient space to do everything justice and include anything but the most rudimentary story.
In the end, I was able to shave off a few excess descriptive words and in doing so I allowed myself enough room to deliver the twist ending, revealing that our beautiful revenant is actually an exotic dancer working a horror-themed bachelor party. Originally, rather than stating that she was performing on Halloween night, I considered that the bachelor was, much like myself, a fan of horror movies, but that proved too hard to convey given the word limit. “That’s what I get for working a bachelor party on Halloween” fit perfectly, so I went with that instead.
As always, I am unable to post the prompt picture in high-resolution without truncating it. If you’d like to see it in higher quality, take part in the fun, or see who else participated this week, check out Erotic Flash Fiction Friday.
An exotic dancer at a bachelor party – no, I didn’t see that at all! Great take on the picture 🙂
A stripper! I don’t think anyone else thought of that angle, I know I didn’t! Nice job 🙂
A great twist!!
my hand went to my throat when she came out of the crypt…so a truly giant “KUDOS” to you for the uber surprise of the week!
nilla
I think you managed to convey all you needed with an economy of words, so clearly your edits must have been good ones 🙂
Nicely done. I didn’t even think of it that, really nice. I had a good laugh with the ending.
LOL! I love that this is for a bachelor party on Halloween!
ROFLOL! That was unexpected. Yet, I can see it. I can even hear the cheesy music! Great job.