4. Do you express your sexual pleasure with moans, groans, sighs, and other noises (provided that you are actually turned on)?
a. Yes, each time I have sex (90-100% of the time).
b. Yes, on most occasions (70-89% of the time).
c. Yes, on some occasions (40-69% of the time).
d. Yes, on a few occasions (10-39% of the time).
e. Yes, but only on special occasions (1-9% of the time).
f. Never, not even when I am really turned on.
A.  While I am pretty sure that I do make noise everytime that I have sex, I’m completely certain that I don’t make anywhere near as much noise as Jill does.  Our sexual dialogue is practically a one-sided conversation and I can barely get a moan in edgewise.  The big difference between the two of us is that while Jill makes noise almost constantly throughout, I tend to moan primarily during my orgasm(s), at which point I’ll let loose with a flood of “Oh fuck”s and “I’m cumming”s.

5. Do you talk to your partner in a sexually explicit way?
a. Talking dirty is one of our favorite activities.
b. Occasionally, I like to talk dirty with my partner, and I do it with ease.
c. I talk dirty with my partner, but it feels awkward.
d. I would like to talk dirty with my partner, but I don’t dare for fear of being judged or ridiculed.
e. I would like to talk dirty with my partner, but she/he isn’t into it.
f. I don’t talk in such a way because I think it is inappropriate.
g. I don’t talk in such a way because I can’t bring myself to do it.
B.  I think I talk dirty to Jill more than “occasionally”, but I don’t do it every single time.  This isn’t because of any inhibition on my part; on the contrary, I enjoy not only the act of talking dirty but also my wife’s reactions to my dirty talk.  She is the kind of person who best enjoys sex when all of her senses are engaged (as am I), and seeing or feeling the arousal that results from a few judicious dirty words is an immense thrill for me.  There was a time when I wasn’t comfortable talking dirty, not because I was unconfident in myself, but because I didn’t think the recipients would be receptive.  Jill makes it easy.

6. What kind of animal do you most sound like when building to a climax?
a. quiet little mouse
b. low moaning wolf
c. screeching beluga whale
B.  I’m inclined to go with the low moaning wolf if only because nothing else really fits.  I’m definitely not a quiet little mouse when I climax – though I notice that the question specifically references building to a climax, not the climax itself – and I don’t think my noises are screeches, exactly.  No, I would say that my sounds are definitely moans, and while I’ve never thought of them as wolflike, I suppose that’s accurate.

Bonus: Which do you prefer comfort sex or thrill-seeking sex? Why?
Comfort seekers value deep intimacy, quiet engagement and trust over time of familiar relationships. For them sex is best as a safe, loving nurturing space.*
Thrill seekers value wild energy, adventure and novelty; they are willing to try open relationships, testing themselves outside average sexual practices. These folks crave a place to push the boundaries of new experiences.*

Jill’s Answers

1. How do you feel about giving anal sex (penetration with penis, finger or sex toys)?
a. I love it.
b. I enjoy it.
c. I’m ok with it.
d. I don’t really enjoy it.
e. I don’t enjoy it at all.
f. I have never given anal sex.
g. I have never given anal sex, but would like to start.
F.  I have never given anal sex.  I can’t say that I would like to start, as it isn’t a particular turn-on of mine.  I would never rule it out, and if a lover wanted to be pegged I’m sure I would gladly oblige him or her.  And I imagine that wearing a strap-on dildo would be fun and probably very sexy.  But it’s not Jack’s kink, nor is it mine, and so far it hasn’t come up.

2. How do you feel about receiving anal sex (penetration with penis, finger or sex toys)?
a. I love it.
b. I enjoy it.
c. I’m ok with it.
d. I don’t enjoy it at all.
e. I have never received anal sex.
f. I have never received anal sex, but would like to start.
A.  I love it.  When done correctly it can be so intense and gratifying.  If I’m masturbating at the same time my orgasms are sure to be out of this world.  We don’t have anal sex very often, maybe every couple months when we are able to dedicate enough time to it and can ensure that it will be the wonderful experience we know it can be.  Given that my first time having anal sex was such an awful experience that bordered on sexual assault, I think it says a lot about me that I enjoy it so much today.

3. How do you feel about getting undressed in front of a new lover, for the first time, as he/she watches you?
a. It’s a turn on for me.
b. It turns me on a little bit.
c. I like it, but only because it gets him/her going.
d. It does nothing for me.
e. I don’t like doing it because I am shy.
f. I don’t like doing it because I think it’s immoral/improper.
A.  I think it can be really hot, especially if I then get to watch them get undressed as well.  It’s even better if I get to help.  I am a natural exhibitionist, and I get off on showing my body to interested parties.  In fact, it’s been a very long time since I got undressed in front of a new lover for the first time.  I’d like to see about recapturing that feeling.  I might even put a little booty shake into it!

4. Do you express your sexual pleasure with moans, groans, sighs, and other noises (provided that you are actually turned on)?
a. Yes, each time I have sex (90-100% of the time).
b. Yes, on most occasions (70-89% of the time).
c. Yes, on some occasions (40-69% of the time).
d. Yes, on a few occasions (10-39% of the time).
e. Yes, but only on special occasions (1-9% of the time).
f. Never, not even when I am really turned on.
A.  I am naturally very loud during sex, and even when I am trying to be quiet, I am often unsuccessful.  If I have to be quiet due to a sleeping baby, or in-laws in the next room, I can probably stifle about 90% of the noises I normally make.  That other ten percent, though, is really fucking loud.  Good thing my daughter is a sound sleeper, and both of my in-laws are partially hearing-impaired.

5. Do you talk to your partner in a sexually explicit way?
a. Talking dirty is one of our favorite activities.
b. Occasionally, I like to talk dirty with my partner, and I do it with ease.
c. I talk dirty with my partner, but it feels awkward.
d. I would like to talk dirty with my partner, but I don’t dare for fear of being judged or ridiculed.
e. I would like to talk dirty with my partner, but she/he isn’t into it.
f. I don’t talk in such a way because I think it is inappropriate.
g. I don’t talk in such a way because I can’t bring myself to do it.
A.  I don’t know that it’s one of our favorite activities, moreso than, say, oral sex, but it is a regular part of our sex life and something that we really enjoy.  I definitely do it with ease, and I would like to think that I’m really good at it.  It’s very exciting for both of us, and it adds dimensions to the fantasy aspect of our sex play.

6. What kind of animal do you most sound like when building to a climax?
a. quiet little mouse
b. low moaning wolf
c. screeching beluga whale
B. During regular penetrative sex I tend to moan loudly.  While my voice is low, the volume is anything but.  However, if Jack is either fisting me or sucking my toes, I definitely sound like C., the screeching beluga whale.  The sounds that come out of my mouth when these things are happening have probably given our neighbors nightmares.  There are times when I try to sound like A., a quiet little mouse, especially when there is a risk of being overheard by people who wouldn’t want to overhear.  But no matter how much I try to muffle myself with a pillow, I just can’t.

Bonus: Which do you prefer comfort sex or thrill-seeking sex? Why?
Comfort seekers value deep intimacy, quiet engagement and trust over time of familiar relationships. For them sex is best as a safe, loving nurturing space.*
Thrill seekers value wild energy, adventure and novelty; they are willing to try open relationships, testing themselves outside average sexual practices. These folks crave a place to push the boundaries of new experiences.*
This is a really difficult question for me to answer.  I desperately want to say that I prefer thrill-seeking sex, in part because I really do enjoy it, and in part because I know that that’s what Jack will answer.  I enjoy stepping outside my comfort zone, or even being pushed outside of it.  I find that I’ve enjoyed every thrill-seeking sexual experience I’ve ever had, and I’m open to trying just about anything if the circumstances are right.  I love the excitement I get from performing in front of a crowd (or even one other person).  I love sudden, spontaneous sex in risky locations, and masturbating in the passenger seat while Jack drives.  I love the thought of being in the center of an orgy, with hands groping my flesh, tongues licking every inch of my body, and steel-hard cocks probing my openings.  I am a fan of pushing my limits, and I want desperately to contine to do so.  But the reality is that I am more of a comfort seeker.  I love the connection that I have with Jack, and if I had to choose I would gladly take that connection over anything else.  While I value an exciting, new sexual experience, I value the safety and stability that I get from sex above all else.

*Adapted from Susan Mernit’s blog

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